NFL Winners & Losers: Week 14

Games are damn hard to pick at this time of the year because the great equalizer, the elements, is in full effect now. Wish me luck lol.

1) Cowboys (8-4) @ Steelers (9-3)
If you wanna understand my pick here, just read my Dammit, Its December article from Monday. I want to say my Cowboys will come up big, but against the Steelers #1 defense, in Pittsburgh, on their shitty field, in 20, 30 degree weather, and possibly snow, is a daunting task. Add that to the fact that we might be without both DeMarcus Ware and Marion Barber and I think its a perfect storm for the start of another lackluster December. I mean this is a game The Barbarian was born to play in and the fact that he is now a doubtful game time decision just lets me know things might not go so well. Don't get me wrong, I'll still be rooting for my Boys, I just don't like our chances against this team under these conditions.

Welp I guess all there's left to do is pray ESPN's Madden 09 Simulation (they have us winning 35-19 with Romo throwing 5 TDs) and Rob Parker from First Take (he guaranteed Skip Bayless we'd win 35-17) doesn't jinx us lol. Steelers winners, Cowboys losers.

(Encouraging stat: Though we are just 3-5 with Romo as a starter in December, we won the first game of the month both times. I still have hope lol.)

2) Buccaneers (9-3) @ Panthers (9-3)
This game is a head scratcher to pick because I don't know which outcome would benefit the Cowboys' playoff chances more lol. If we ended up with the same record as the Bucs, we'd be in because we beat them head-to-head (which actually means something in real football, SMH @ the BCS). If we tied the Panthers we'd be on the outside looking in because they currently have a better conference record than us at 6-3. All in all, it would probably be best if Tampa lost, BUT I'm still not sold on Carolina just yet. Bucs winners, Panthers losers.

3) Falcons (8-4) @ Saints (6-6)
The Saints are all but done in the playoff race, but they will beat the Falcons this Sunday. Yes, I said WILL because I am guaranteeing victory based on the following stats:

At home this season, the Saints are 5-1 while they are just 1-5 on the road (including a week 11 win at 2-10 Kansas City which isn't saying much). At home, Drew Brees has thrown for 336.3 YPG with 17 TDs to just 4 INTs. Away from the home, Drees averages 306.7 YPG with just 7TDs to 9INTs. That's a +30 yard, +10 TD, -5 INT swing when playing home games (including that foolishness in London) and this one will be played in the Superdome. Falcons fans, beware. Oh, and yes, I did all those numbers myself lol. Saints winners, Falcons losers.

4) Eagles (6-5-1) @ Giants (11-1)
The Eagles were back on their shit Thanksgiving night, but their resurgent effort will be all for not when they go to the Meadowlands at Giants Stadium. "Distractions" are way over blown in the NFL and the Giants are proof of that with the way they've responded to the Plax drama all season, though all the rest of that shit he did pales in comparison. I wouldn't be surprised if the Eagles pulled it off, but I say the G-Men win and go to 12-1 heading into Dallas next week. Giants winners, Eagles losers.

5) Redskins (7-5) @ Ravens (8-4)
The tale of 2 Novembers. In the 11th month of the year, the Redskins managed to win only 1 out of their 4 games (and that 1 win was by only 3 to the 2-10 Seahawks). The Ravens, on the other hand, went 4-1 in the same span with an average margin of victory of 24.5 in their 4 wins. I think the Ravens handle the Redskins easily in Baltimore. We're talking about a team that made Donovan McNabb look like a benchable has-been only four days before he threw 4 touchdowns against the Cards on Thanksgiving. Ravens winners, Redskins losers.

6) Dolphins (7-5) @ Bills (6-6)
After putting up 54 in KC a week earlier, the Bills only managed 3 against Mike Singletary's San Fran defense. That was at home in Buffalo (a game where Marshawn Lynch ran for 134 yards on just 16 carries!), but this week's game will be in an even colder Toronto, Canada. The Bills will look to take care of their warm weather foes in the NFL's 2nd international game of the season, but I just don't see it happening. Dolphins winners, Bills losers.

7) Texans (5-7) @ Packers (5-7)
What happened to the Packers?? Just a couple of weeks ago they were at the top of the NFC North, and now they are all but eliminated from playoff contention. You can't blame that lost to Carolina on Sunday on Aaron Rodgers though because he wasn't on the field when Jake Delhomme and Steve Smith connected on a deep bomb late in the 4th to set up DeAngelo Williams' go-ahead, 1-yard touchdown. Either way they'll have to put it all behind them as the leader in receiving yards, Andre Johnson, comes to town. I might be wrong, but something tells me GB's secondary doesn't get caught slipping for a 3rd straight week. Packers winners, Texans losers.

8) Jets (8-4) @ 49ers (4-8)
Now that all the Super Bowl talk has ended and everyone has effectively jumped off the Jets one week bandwagon, I think the Bretts will show up big time in San Fran Sunday. After a both puzzling and disappointing loss to the Broncos last week, I doubt we'll see a repeat performance despite the 49ers' decent play of late. Jets winners, 49ers losers.

9) Jaguars (4-8) @ Bears (6-6)
Unlike the Jags, the Bears actually have something to play for this Sunday at Soldier Field. JAX has been a broken team since the 2nd half of their loss to the Titans started, while the Bears have a chance to get back at the top of their division with news that the NFC North leading Vikings might be without both Kevin and Pat Williams for the rest of the season. I don't think this one will even be close...even in the December cold of Chicago. Bears winners, Jags losers.

10) Chiefs (2-10) @ Broncos (7-5)
The Broncos blasted the Jets at home Sunday so this is a given, right?? Wrong! The week before that they got tossed up by the lowly Raiders so you never know what you're gonna get out this Denver squad. In fact, the Broncos have already loss to the Chiefs once this season back in week 4. For all those Mile High fans I pray they don't have a repeat performance of that game. Broncos winners, Chiefs losers.

11) Browns (4-8) @ Titans (11-1)
So much for the Browns' quarterback controversy now that both Brady Quinn and Derek Anderson are out for the season. Unfortunately for new starter Ken Dorsey, the Titans defense will probably have a flashback of last Thursday's Thanksgiving feast in Detroit with him playing the role of the turkey. Quinn already jinxed him and said he'd have a big day so you know this is gonna get ugly. ts sad because I actually like Ken Dorsey, he used to ball out for UM back in the day. Titans winners, Browns losers.

12) Bengals (1-10-1) @ Colts (8-4)
This will probably be another ugly win for the Colts, but a win, is a win, is a win. Then again, who am I fooling?? Peyton Manning and the Colts indoors vs. the Bengals secondary is a recipe for disaster. Colts winners, Bengals losers.

13) Rams (2-10) @ Cardinals (7-5)
Will somebody just give the Cards the NFC West title already?? They had chances to clinch the division each of the past couple weeks and flopped both times. Thank goodness for those tough Jim Haslett Rams lol. Cardinals winners, Rams losers.

14) Patriots (7-5) @ Seahawks (2-10)
I don't know if the Seahawks are that bad or if the Cowboys are that good, but either way the Pats are gonna need to do what Dallas did to keep pace in the AFC playoff picture. I think Cassel and the boys get back on track and improve to 8-5. Pats winners, Seahawks losers.

15) Vikings (7-5) @ Lions (0-12)
This is it for the Lions. If they can't pull out a win Sunday they will undoubtedly make NFL history and be the first team to go 0-16. I think it would be appropriate for this franchise to be the first to go 0-16, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and take this game as my upset special. The last time these two faced off in Minnesota, the Vikes only managed to escape with a 2-point win 12-10. The Lions know this is the last team on their schedule they actually have a chance against so I think Daunte Culpepper gets his roll on and the Lions escape with their first and only W. Lions winners, Vikings losers.

16) Raiders (3-9) @ Chargers (4-8)
All this season I wondered how the Chargers could possibly be underachieving this much, but after watching them play the Falcons this past Sunday it all makes sense. San Diego is a terrible team. Watching them was brutal and if not for a few lucky turnovers, that game wouldn't have even been close. Plus, LT hasn't just lost a step, he's lost like 2 or 3. These factors added to them playing Oakland makes this the game I'd least want to watch Week 14. I guess somebody has to win though so I'll take the Chargers by a very slim margin. Chargers winners, Raiders losers.

Last Week Record: 10-6 (.625)
Overall Record: 87-43 (.669)
So Far This Week: 1-0 (1.000)