Surprise! Johnny Manziel Wins Heisman

Guess what? Johnny Manziel won Heisman! I know, I know, I can't believe it either! I'm just as shocked as you.

...What's that? You can believe it, you say? You're not at all shocked... at all? You say you knew he was gonna win ever since college sports couldn't be reported on without someone mentioning his name? Well then, fine.

Seriously though, I meant to talk about this on the podcast yesterday and forgot, but what are the chances Johnny Football is as well known as he is because people just like saying Johnny Football? Not to say the kid can't ball, but I'd say at least some of his success has to be contributed to his awesome nickname that everyone loves saying. You know, the expect opposite of what it's gonna be like for New Orleans' NBA team once they officially change their name to the Pelicans.

Anyway, congrats to Johnny for becoming the first freshman to ever be a Heisman trophy winner.

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Surprise! Havoc Finally Admits To Sending Those Infamous Tweets

So I guess they're done going with the "Havoc lost his phone" story, huh? Good, acting like we didn't know the tweets were sent from a computer and not a cell phone was getting weird.

These niggas are sad.

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Ugandan Prime Minister Responds To KONY 2012

Sad to say it, but it looks like the most viral video of all-time, KONY 2012, was just a money grab and an overall big ol' sham. Good thing majority of Americans (including myself) didn't actually give a shit outside of bombarding a few YouTube videos with "KONY 2012" comments.

Looks like the face of the Invisible Children organization Jason Russell will be running naked again, but this time it won't be because he's high on acid! Nope, this time we'll be chasing him down the street with pitchforks and torches!

...Who am I kidding? We don't a shit and this will all be a distant memory after a couple more weeks pass. Poor Gavin.

(Side note: Dear Uganda, a 240p video isn't exactly the best visual to send out to the world if you really want people to visit your country. I mean, even Haiti stepped it up to 1080p. Just trying to help.)

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Randy Moss Unretires

Well I'm sure no one saw this coming.

Hopefully Randy can find a team to take him in next season because I'll be pissed if 3 formerly great WRs are playing in the IFL. (Yes, I've already put Ochocinco on an IFL roster, it's only a matter of time before he makes it official.)

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Jay-Z Tops Forbes List Again

Surprise! Jay-Z made more money than anyone else in Hip-Hop over the last year. Hov topped the list with $37 million earned, followed by Diddy with $35 million earned, and a steep drop off to Kanye West at #3 with $16 million earned.

Check out the top 20 earners in Hip-Hop after the jump.

1) Jay-Z ($37 million)
2) Diddy ($35 million)
3) Kanye West ($16 million)
4) Lil Wayne ($15 million)
4) Birdman ($15 million)
6) Eminem ($14 million)
6) Snoop Dogg ($14 million)
6) Dr. Dre ($14 million)
9) Akon ($13 million)
10) Ludacris ($12 million)
11) Wiz Khalifa ($11 million)
11) Drake ($11 million)
13) Pharrell Williams ($10 million)
14) Timbaland ($7 million)
15) Swizz Beatz ($6.5 million)
15) Nicki Minaj ($6.5 million)
17) Rick Ross ($6 million)
17) 50 Cent ($6 million)
17) Pitbull ($6 million)
20) T-Pain ($5 million)
20) B.o.B ($5 million)

No Lil B? Damn, I thought I'm Gay was gonna change the game.

Besides Lil B's absence, another interesting thing about this list is how much records sales don't matter at all anymore. Eminem sold waaaaaaay more albums in the past year than anyone else on the list, but is only the 6th biggest earner, tied with Snoop Dogg (whose album flopped) and Dr. Dre (whose album is an ancient myth). Also, Nicki Minaj has sold nearly a million more albums than Wiz Khalifa in the past 12 months, but he made $11 million and she only made $6.5 million, just $500,000 more than Pitbull whose album was just recently released.

The lesson this list has taught us: Fuck album sales, tour, tour, and tour some more... or makes some crazy popular headphones (Dr. Dre)... or have Lady Gaga under contract (Akon).

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Surprise! Tha Carter IV Pushed Back To August 29th

So after being pushed back to June 21st, Tha Carter IV has now been pushed back to August 29th (Michael Jackson's birthday...as well as John McCain's and most importantly, my grandma's). I know, I know, you can't believe it either, but hey shit happens.

You know what I else I can't believe? That not one of the albums on the Cash Money/Young Money's "A Hot Summer" release date list is currently on proper schedule. Well, unless Bow Wow's album is ready to go for next Tuesday lol.

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Surprise! Mister Cee Pleads Guilty

What?! You mean to tell me all the piles and piles of evidence proving that he committed a boy on boy crime were true? I'm stunned. I guess Funkmaster Flex should spend less time knowing everything that goes on in "that building" and more on what's going on in his own.

Speaking of Flex, who comes out (no pun intended...okay, kinda) looking more foolish in this situation, Mister Cee for being down for the sword fight or Flex for sticking up for him so aggressively?

Call me crazy, but I'm leaning towards Funk Flex (something I'm sure Mister Cee has wanted to do for years). Cee did what any uncloseted gay guy that got caught in a similar situation would do: deny, deny, deny. Flex, on the other hand, did what any guy on the D.L. would do if gay shit came up: get angry. That's actually worse because the allegations weren't even against him. It was almost like he was telling us he might have something in common with Mister Cee besides being a DJ for Hot 97. Just putting it out there.

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Surprise! Derrick Rose Wins MVP

No one is surprised by D. Rose winning the MVP award the media awarded him as early as January, but I'm sure a lot are surprised that the Bulls just dropped game 1 of the 2nd round to the Hawks. Hell, I know I am. I stopped watching the game at the end of the 3rd quarter expecting the game to go the way of the Bulls' first round games, but nope. The Hawks hung in their tough and won by 8. I'm still stunned.

And to add insult to injury (or I guess in this case, injury to insult), Rose turned his ankle again at the end of the game. I guess the basketball gods weren't feeling him being anointed MVP.

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Surprise: Favre Signs With Vikings

Well who didn't see this coming?? Hell, even if you didn't you still weren't surprised. That's why I title all my Brett Favre retire posts with "...For Now" because you never know with this guy. All this back and forth with him is just sickening to be honest with you. And for what?? To play 2 damn games against the Packers?? Don't get it twisted, that is still what its all about at the end of the day with Favre, getting back at the Packers for not wanting him last year. How childish is that??

Now, does Brett make the Vikings a better team?? Not neccessarily. I mean in essence he's better than Tavaris and Sage BUT he is 40 and how many successful 40 year-old QBs do you know of?? Exxxxxactly!

Either way, the more attention this gets, the less attention my Cowboys get and that's fine with me because I hope we're able to sneak up on some people this season and have a strong year. I doubt it, but who knows, right?? I got my fingers crossed.

Lastly, I'll leave you with this video of Cris Carter on First Take this morning ripping his old club for the way they handled this ummm situation:



That's just a lot of real talk right there. Reports came out earlier that Favre has a tear in his rotators cuff too so the chance he's gonna be able to play 16 games plus the playoffs is unlikely and you're gonna need 1 of those 2 guys you've been shitting on the past few months.

And speaking of people getting shitted on, how bad do you feel for John David Booty right now?? I mean not only is he gonna get cut, but he's gonna have to hand Brett his #4 jersey as he exits AND see it all over TV for the next 5-6 months. Tough break Booty.

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Related:
Favre Decides To Remain Retired... For Now
Favre Stays Retired... For Now
Guess Who's Contemplating A Comeback??
Brett Favre Retires...Again

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Jay-Z Makes "Surprise" Appearance At Summer Jam

Summer Jam was last night and guess who showed up to perform his new record that had the internet and radio going crazy Friday night?? That's right, Jay-Z. Hov came out during Young Jeezy's set to do his verse on the Put On Remix, and then went into his new street single D.O.A. Then T-Pain comes out and embraces Jay and does a B-boy stance. Jay-Z is king!

I wish I had a video to put up, but none has surfaces as of yet. And obviously this would've never happened if WorldStar was still alive (man, how hard have they fallen off?? I mean damn lol).

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Related:
Jay-Z - D.O.A. (Death Of Auto-Tune) (Dirty)
Jay-Z Exclusive Interview With Flex & Cee Friday Night
Blueprint 3 Due Sept. 11th; New Track Due Tonight
Kanye Promises Jay-Z's BP3 Will Be 'Anti-Auto-Tune Album'

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Guess Who's Contemplating A Comeback??

I'm not gonna say his name, but it rhymes with "Smrett Smavre." Now, I don't wanna spend too much time talking but Smrett, but he's planning on meeting with Minnesota Vikings coach Brad Childress later this week about possibly coming out of retirement to play in 2009. That doesn't mean he is, but who would be surprised if he did?? Hell, who is even surprised he's thinking about it now??

On another note, how little confidence do the Vikes have in Sage Rosenfels that they're talking to the main catalyst for the Jets collapse last season to replace him only 2-3 months after acquiring him?? lol.

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Related:
Brett Favre Retires...Again
Surprise! Favre Is Considering A Comeback!

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LeBron Wins MVP

Surprise, surprise! LeBron James is your 2009 NBA Most Valuable Player. LeBron wins this award in just his 6th season and is the 2nd youngest player to win it (Wes Unseld was the youngest). Sucks for the Hawks lol.

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Surprise! It Was Rihanna!

Okay, so we know Chris Brown turned himself in yesterday and posted the $50,000 bail, but finally its coming out that the "alleged victim" is indeed Rihanna. I'm shocked! lol. I mean seriously, what are the chances Chris Brown is wanted for assaulting a woman on the same day Rihanna is injured in a "car accident" and is fucked up so bad that she couldn't perform at the Grammy's and those 2 incidents having nothing to do with each other?? Get real.

Anyway, it looks like Chris really fucked her up bad because its said that RiRi had two "huge contusions" that swelled up on both sides of her forehead and a bloody lip and nose.

Man, Chris Brown is a ho! I knew I never liked that nigga for a reason...well besides him not being able to sing and stealing all those Michael Jackson moves. Bitch ass nigga, I hope he gets all 9 years he's facing. And I also hope some homo nigga in jail makes him sing Take You Down while he's taking him down. I in no way shape or form condone his actions and he is no man in my book.

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Senate to Blagojevich: Peace Out Blago

Ding dong the witch is dead. After a 59-0 vote, Rob Blagojevich has been ousted from his seat as the governor of Illinois. Surprise! I'm not sure why these people are acting like what he did isn't normal practice in the world of politics but whatever.

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Surprise! Herm Edwards Fired

No surprise here, we all knew this was coming. The thing that has me kinda pissed is that apparently the Chiefs are working on a deal with Mike Shanahan! No fair, it was gonna be our fuckin' coach next year and that can't happen if he's coaching the Chiefs. Fuck! Not only that, but KC was probably our last shot at getting rid of Jason Garrett. Bad day for the Cowboys if Shanahan accepts the job.

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Suprise! Obama Had No Contact With Blagojevich

I mean seriously, of course he didn't. When would he have time to plot with that nigga?? Did we forget that he's really been the president since Nov. 5th?? lol. Oh well, at least now we can finally put this all to rest.

Barack Obama and his aides did not try to cut any deals with Illinois' embattled governor, who is accused of trying to sell the president-elect's vacant Senate seat, according to an internal review.

Obama and two of his top aides met last week with federal investigators building a corruption case against Gov. Rod Blagojevich, according to the report by White House attorney Greg Craig released Tuesday. The report's release was delayed from last week at the request of U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald.

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Surprise! We're In A Recession!

The economy fell into recession late last year, according to a panel of economists that is responsible for determining the dates of business cycles.

Monday's declaration by the panel of the National Bureau of Economic Research confirms what many private economists, lawmakers and members of the general public already have assumed and puts an official date on it: A U.S. recession began in December 2007.

I'm so glad we have all these geniuses to let us know these sort of things...a year later...after we already knew! Thank goodness! Oh yeah, the Dow fell 680 points today. I caught that on CNN when I was walking out of work today. Hell, thank goodness I have a job to walk out of these days.

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Surprise! Greg Oden Hurt...Again!

Damn, maybe it just wasn't meant to be. After leading Ohio State to the national championship game with a hurt wrist, getting drafted with the #1 pick then missing the entire season last year with a non-playing knee injury, and spraining his ankle in the preseason, Mr. Oden is hurt...once again. He played 13 minutes in his debut verses the Lakers before leaving with, what is being called, a sprained mid-foot. Sad, very sad.

You know the craziest part of his injury-plagued young career?? These are totally different injuries! Its not like he keeps hurting the same foot or same wrist, no, these shits are all over. I'm not sure how much of a career he's gonna have now, but he's starting to look a little Sam Bowie-ish right now. Well, depending on how Kevin Durant turns out. How ironic is it that he was picked by the Blazers too?? Maybe they have one of those curses that keep the Cubs from winning lol.

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**UPDATE**

This foot injury will keep Greg Oden out for 2-4 weeks. We'll revisit this convo then...if he can stay on the court lol.

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Surprise! O.J. Found Guilty

If you're shocked by this news you're truly a moron of the worst kind lol. We all know them white folks been wanting O.J.'s wide ass head on a platter since 1995. I mean them niggas didn't even wait until Monday, they made a point to get this shit done and out their late Friday night, early Saturday morning lol.

This nigga O.J. is gone for life now because he was found guilty on all 12 counts! And you know what?? I don't give a fuck! Honestly I really don't because that is the dumbest nigga in the history of dumb niggas and for him even thinking about getting in trouble again tells me that he wanted to go to jail. Welp, I hope his dumbass is happy lol.

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Surprise! Clay Aiken Is Gay

Wow! Surprise, sur-muthafuckin'-prise! In a cover story for People magazine, Clay Aiken is confirming that he is indeed gay....right. No disrespect, but what kinda headline story is this?? Seriously, who didn't know that nigga was gay since he first popped on the scene on the 2nd season of American Idol?? If you didn't there's something wrong with you lol.

You know, I knew something bad happened with him because last night when I check Google Trends (lets you know the most Googled things of the day) I saw his name at like #3 which was odd because I didn't hear about him having anything new coming out (besides himself of course lol).

Speaking of Google Trends, did you guys see the From G's To Gents reunion special last night?? Another popular search last night was Kesan because if you missed it Kesan straight rocked E6's world with a clean ass sucka punch (if my internet was on I'd YouTube for y'all but I'm sure its on WorldStar). I'm not too sure why Kesan's lil ho ass hit that man, but dude was just standing there spittin' and outta nowhere comes this lil bitch nigga. Shit kinda reminded me of that Joey Jihad hit when that nigga stole his car lol. Anyway, Kesan came off like a straight ho, but whatever it takes to feel like you're the man I guess.

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