Cleveland Cavs Win The Draft Lottery

See Cleveland, LeBron bolting for a better situation in Miami wasn't all bad, now you have the 1st and 4th picks in the 2011 NBA Draft. Now you can get not one, but 2 new franchise players you can fail to effectively build a team around. That would've never happened had LeBron stayed. So what if this is one of the weakest drafts of all-time, you won, take to the streets and celebrate like you would if the Heat got swept by the Bulls. You're welcome.

Anyway, if you were wondering who the Malcolm In The Middle-headed little boy is, no, the Cavs did not auction off a chance to represent the team at the draft lottery to the Make A Wish Foundation. That's actually Dan Gilbert's 14 year-old son, Nick Gilbert. And now that he showed up and won, I'm sure next's draft lottery will look like a Catholic priest's dream.

SOURCE

Continue»

«Back

Celebrate Now, Get Re-Depressed When You Realize You're Still In Cleveland

So this is what it feels like to be a Knicks fan? Oh well, at least it only happened once and not 3 times like it did to them.

Now, as odd as this might sound, I'm not mad even mad about this loss. Nope, not at all. This game meant nothing to us and everything to them. Cleveland is probably having a national championship-esque celebration in their dirty streets right now while planning a victory parade for tomorrow.

Of course I would've liked to win, but at the end of the day, we'll be playing in late April and they'll be planning vacations. I mean, this is probably the best night Boobie Gibson has head since he rawed Keyshia Cole for the first time. Dan Gilbert is probably just now leaving the Cavs locker room after taking a dump at LeBron's old locker. I'm just saying.

Anyway, you know who has got to be most pissed about this loss? The Celtics. They've been tirelessly trying to give us the #2 seed and this is how we repay them. Earlier I contemplated writing a new column called "We Don't Believe You" about the Celtics recent "struggles" because I think they're trying to avoid the Knicks in the first round. And even more so than just them trying to avoid them, I think they want us to play them. Not beyond belief.

Look, all I'm saying is don't be shocked if they C's don't show up when we play 2 Sundays from now.

Continue»

«Back

LeBron The Black Swan

Do you remember in "Black Swan" when Nina... Oh, you haven't seen "Black Swan" yet? Oh, you never intend on seeing it? And I'm a pussy because I saw it? And this whole post is a waste of time? And you're tired of this failed attempt at comedy and want me to move on? Yeah, good point on that last one.

Anyway, you know how in "Black Swan" Nina (Natalie Portman) was already great at being the White Swan but still needed to master the Black Swan to be an effective Swan Queen? Then after a lot of crotch grabbing, hallucinations, and a bunch of other insanity, she blacked out and not only performed the Black Swan, but also became the Black Swan? Well I think that's what happened to LeBron James this season (well, besides crotch grabbing and hallucinations...hopefully), and now he's the Black Swan. Allow me to further explain:

LeBron is like Nina, Pat Riley is like Thomas, the Miami Heat are like the ballet company, and the NBA season is like the production of "Swan Lake."

When the season started, LeBron was playing well, but everywhere he went he was being viciously booed. Even in cities he never considered in free agency over the summer, like Philly, Memphis, and New Orleans, the boos rained down every time he touched the ball. Plus, the Heat were losing and weren't playing good basketball.

At this point LeBron was still only the White Swan. He accepted his Decision, but he was visibly uncomfortable trying to "dance" the Black Swan.

Then, at his lowest point (when the Heat fell to 9-8 after a loss in Dallas), things began to change. Miami ran off a couple wins against Washington and Detroit, but it wasn't until the Heat's trip to Cleveland to face the Cavaliers on December 2nd did he start transforming into the Black Swan. Instead of running from the boos (and the were deafening) and trying to block them out, he embraced them and used them against his opponent. That night he scored 38 points in just 30 minutes of play in a 118-90 Heat victory.

The Heat were now on a tear and won 21 of their next 22 games. In that 21st win again Portland Sunday, LeBron fully became the Black Swan. The crowd at the Rose Garden was raucous, and by the 4th quarter he had totally embraced the villain role he had been cast. He even egged on the crowd at one point, which he's never done before this season. LeBron finished with 44 points, 13 rebounds, and 6 assists as the Heat won in overtime. And that's how LeBron James became the Black Swan.

Fortunately for the Heat, instead of dying at the end like Nina, LBJ only tweaked his ankle at the end of the Clippers game.

*****

Now, let's discuss this infamous tweet during the mist of the Cavaliers being blown out 112-57 by the Lakers Tuesday night. I'm sure you've all seen it, but just in case:

Let me start by saying this: If you thought this was a shot at the Cavs players and not owner Dan Gilbert, you are a moron, and I have no use for your opinions on anything. That was absolutely, 100%, without a doubt aimed at none other than Comic Sans Dan. You shouldn't even be considered a sports fan if you don't remember Gilbert saying, "Until he does 'right' by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma."

LeBron's tweet is CLEARLY a shot at Gilbert's letter, specifically that excerpt, and to think otherwise is simply idiotic.

With that being said, I totally disagree with LeBron's handling of the fallout caused by The Tweet. Instead of owning it, LeBron chose to act like not only did he not write it, but it had nothing to do with the Cavs blowout that was in progress at the time. "It wasn't even a comment from me, it was someone who sent it to me and I sent it out," LeBron said. C'mon son! We already let you slide on the whole "I didn't even know what contraction meant" shit, but stop acting like you're totally oblivious to the world. The Tweet was meant for Comic Sans Dan, own it, and move the fuck on.

Now, as far as the loss last night to the Clippers is concerned, I'm not surprised. Forget that old Clippers stigma, that is a pretty decent team. And it's not like this was a luck thing, they've beaten a whole host of the NBA's best teams including the Spurs, Bulls, Nuggets, Thunder, Hornets, and now Heat. Besides, if LeBron doesn't roll his ankle down the stretch, Miami most likely wins that game. LeBron drained a 3 just seconds after getting hurt and cut the Clips' lead down to 2. After that point, he was ineffective on both ends of the court, and the rest is history. In all honesty, the Heat probably would've been better off if they subbed in James Jones until LeBron was ready because he was a liability on the floor in the last few minutes. He was limping around badly and basically reduced to a spot-up shooter, and if I'm gonna have a spot-up shooter in the game, I'd much rather it be James Jones.

Continue»

«Back

Hulk James Or LeBron Hogan??

Okay, I'm seriously about to stop posting LeBron videos, but I had to put this one up because it was just so gotdamn funny!

Related:
LeBron's Decision: This Or That
Dan LeBatard Rejoices Over The Three Kings

Continue»

«Back

Dan Gilbert's Open Letter To Zydrunas Ilgauskas

Hey guys, I have a FiyahMuZik.com exclusive for you tonight! So I was sitting here enjoying some supper when I received an e-mail from Cleveland Cavs majority owner Dan Gilbert, subject: "Open Letter To Zydrunas Ilgauskas." I opened it up, and here's what it said:

Dear Cleveland, All Of Northeast Ohio and Cleveland Cavaliers Supporters Who Have Not Killed Themselves As Of Yet;

As you now know, our former former hero, who was drafted here with the 20th pick in the 1996 NBA Draft, is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier.

This was announced with a one day, narcissistic-ish, mostly under the radar build-up culminating with a national tweet by Ira Winderman of the Sun-Sentinel reporting his "decision" ...kind of like everything else we've "witnessed" in sports in 2010.

Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us, but hold off on taking that entire bottle of prescription pills. No, seriously, put the bottle down and step away from the medicine cabinet.

The good news is...well I'm still working on that part, but what is left of you simply don't deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal. Again.

You have given so much while we were winning and deserve so much more.

In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you tonight:

"I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL FILL OUT A 15 MAN ROSTER BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED 'BIG Z,' LEBITCH JAMES, AND PAP RILEY'S NEW TEAM DOES!"

You can take that to the bank, baby!

(Side note: I know I promised an NBA championship on my last open letter, but now that I'm sober, I figured some more attainable goals were in order.)

It's obvious some people think they can go to South Beach without feeling the scornful wrath of Dan Gilbert.

No sir, that's simply not how it works.

Staying with one team for 14 years then fleeing the sinking ship because our franchise player abandoned us and we're probably going to win less than 20 games in 2011 is the exact opposite lesson we want our children to learn. You're suppose to go down playing with the ship like the band on the Titanic.

I mean, who does this Lithuanian piece **** think he is? First LeBroad, and now our longest tenured player?! Fourteen years! And you missed nearly three of them! We knew you when you had hair and didn't look like the guy from the movie "Powder" mother****er! I know where you live!

Now, by the powers vested in Dan Gilbert, the so-called "curse" on Cleveland has been "sent" down south with the self-declared former "King." That's done. I have "something" even better for this "Big Z" guy, season tickets to the Cavaliers after his "mysterious" season-ending knee injury when he returns to Cleveland to collect his belonging, that I will have "nothing" to do "with." I will "also" have "nothing" to do "with" the "dead horse's head" "stuffed with chopped up horse wang" found in his "bed."

Oh, and Dan LeBaLard-ass, don't think I forgot about you. If I see you streets I'm slapping the **** out of you! Put some epic music behind that, *****!

Sleep well, what is left of Cleveland.

Put the knife down, tomorrow will be a new and much brighter day....

I PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only:

KEEPING YOU from committing the suicide that is long overdue....

Dan Gilbert
Majority Owner
Cleveland Cavaliers

Continue»

«Back

STFU Award: Dan Gilbert

If for some reason you haven't heard what Dan Gilbert had to say about LeBron James' departure from Cleveland, go ahead and read it now. And after you finish that, check out what he had to say to the Associated Press. Then, once you've digested all that anger, proceed below.

Daniel (or should I say "Danielle"?) Gilbert, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!

Wow, that felt good!

I had to break the glass on an old FiyahMuZik.com classic because this fuck Danielle truly deserved it. If he felt like LeBron was such a shitty guy, shouldn't he have been glad to get him away from his team?? Think about it, if you were a team owner, why would you want a guy you felt was "selfish" and a "coward" and had quit on your team in the playoffs?? If Danielle really felt that way, LeBron's decision should've been no sweat off his back.

But we ALL know he doesn't feel this way. There's no way. In fact, I'm willing to bet you any kind of money that if LeBron changed his mind once he arrived in Miami today, Gilbert would've welcomed him back with opened arms and apologized his ass off. This scorn bitch Danielle knows LeBron was his whole team and his inability to supply him with the tools to succeed is what lead to his departure. Oops, your bad.

You know what I think?? I think the guy who wrote that hateful open letter to LeBron James is the real Danielle Gilbert. I don't think he got pissed off and just lost it for a few, I think that's just who he is. If that is true, then you must ask yourself one question: why would LeBron want to stay and help that scumbag win anything?? I know I wouldn't. And that's even beyond the fact that the Cavaliers simply ain't shit.

The real reason Danielle is this mad isn't even basketball related, it's bottomline related. Do you seriously think Danielle give a fuck about bringing a championship to Cleveland?? Hell no! Everything he's done over the past few years weren't done to make his team better, they were done to make LeBron happy. LeBron was the cash cow, he made Danielle millions and millions of dollars, many more millions than Danielle has paid out to LeBron. That's over, and now Danielle is moist. Again, your bad.

(Side note: I'm not saying LeBron shouldn't have been the cash cow, or that Danielle shouldn't be out to make as much as he can. No. But it's clear he wasn't investing in LeBron to make his team happy, he was investing in LeBron to make LeBron happy, and you can't put the cart before the horse. I mean, why else would he be this mad?? Because Cleveland isn't going to win a NBA championship?? Fuck no! More like because the money tree chomped itself down and replanted itself in Miami.)

In closing, Danielle Gilbert, shut the fuck up! You're a shitty owner and a classless son of a bitch. Oh, and great way to advertise your team to all the future free agent, I know everybody will be lining up at your doorsteps to play for your Cavs now that they know this is the treatment they'll get if they decide to leave town. Awesome. And good luck winning that championship before LeBron.

Continue»

«Back

LeBron James Chooses The Heat

First off, I wanna thank LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, and the rest of the 2010 NBA free agent class for helping bridge the gap between the NBA Finals and the start of NFL training camp. I truly appreciate it, that week or so with only the World Cup and baseball was truly brutal.

Second, I wanna send a shout out to all the new Miami Heat fans. I saw a lot of people who rooted for the Celtics after they put out the Heat in the playoffs become Heat fans last night. Welcome... but just know you ain't shit lol.

Third, I wanna send another shout out, but this time to all the rapper who plan on using lines like "I'm staying with the Heat... D-Wade" and "I bring in the new Heat like Pat Riley." We all know you're out there.

Now, how about the Miami Heat?? I cannot believe they landed all 3 of the big free agents of the 2011 class. Wade and Bosh was huge, but LeBron just takes this whole thing to a different level. I'm still in shock, I can't believe he's coming to the Heat. I know I said the Heat would be better off if he didn't come, but I'd be lying if I said that wasn't a little bit of a reserve jinx. It wasn't 100% reserve jinx though, and it will be interesting to see how Pat Riley fills out the rest of this roster.

They've already traded Michael Beasley and his $5 million a year salary to Minnesota (wish they would've got more than a 2nd round pick, but I'll take it), so we'll see who we can use that on. We know the salary cap is going to be higher, and that Wade, LeBron, and Bosh all are gonna take less money to make this happen, so hopefully some good ol' vets will do the same.

(Side note: Now that Minnesota has added 2 former 2nd overall pick draft busts this offseason in Beasley and Darko Milicic, I think David Kahn should just finish the job and bring in the rest of the 2nd overall pick draft busts from the '00s. Stromile Swift, Tyson Chandler, Jay Williams, Emeka Okafor, Marvin Williams, and Hasheem Thabeet would be lovely additions. AND on top of that, they could change their names to the "Minnesota Busts" or the "Minnesota Underachievers." I like it!)

In actuality, all the Heat need at this point is big men and spot up shooters. Brendan Haywood has already re-signed with Dallas, but here are some other free agents I have my eye on if they're willing to play for less (in no particular order):

Brad Miller (7-footer, 34 years old, can hit open shots, plays big)
Shaquille O'Neal (wants to match Kobe in rings, not sure he'd take the huge pay cut though)
Mike Miller (still only 30 years old, great shooter from 3)
J.J. Redick (young guy, excellent spot up shooter, could make a lot more elsewhere)
Allen Iverson (looking for redemption and a pay check, not sure where/how he'd fit)
Kyle Korver (29, incredible shooter, may be willing to take less to win)
Derek Fisher (tons of heart, if he takes less it'll probably be to stay in L.A.)
Zydrunas Ilgauskas (veteran 7-shooter who can play with LeBron)
Anthony Morrow (only 24, great shooter, not sure he'd take the small contract)
Roger Mason Jr. (29, nice spot up shooter, gets no PT on current team)

And then there's the guys from last season's team who I'd love to have back like Udonis Haslem, Joel Anthony, and Quentin Richardson.

Aight, so that handle the roster options, now let's talk about LeBron's decision some more. Some people will say he took the "easy way out" but that is some bullshit. So him staying in Cleveland with scraps would have been more honorable?? I hate that all these "analysts" and "experts" are acting like if he stayed in Cleveland and continued to not win rings he'd somehow be more respectable. Stop with the bullshit! They'd be the first ones ripping him for not living up to his potential and winning rings. Loyalty in sports is a bitch, ask Kevin Garnett. Do you seriously think if KG could do it all over, he wouldn't have left the T'Wolves in his prime when he had the chance?? I mean, thank goodness he was able to finally get a ring, but so many others aren't so lucky (Patrick Ewing, Karl Malone, Charles Barkley, etc.). As far as I'm concerned, LeBron did what Kevin Garnett should have done.

Now let's talk about Cleveland. Why are these people so mad?? Yeah they lost the greatest basketball player to wear a Cavs jersey, but aren't they use to these kinds of gut punches by now?? The Drive, The Fumble, The Shot, I mean the list goes on and on. And why are they so shocked and surprised?? I mean, I always thought he was going to stay, but I never said it'd be a good idea. They HAVE to realize it would have been stupid for him to stay, and that's whether he ended up in Miami, New York, Chicago, or New Jersey. Cavs fans knew that, hell, the whole state of Ohio knew that, but still they burned his jersey and are acting like babies.

Oh, and did you get a load of Cavs majority owner Dan Gilbert?? His reaction to LeBron leaving was that of a scorn woman, not of a professional businessman (the Comic Sans MS font didn't help either). I'll talk about Danny more later, but after reading his classless response to LeBron's decision, could you really blame him for no longer wanting to play for such a bitch?? I'm sure that helped LBJ regret his decision even less.

You know what?? Fuck it, this is what Cleveland's ass gets for tanking the '02 season to land LeBron in the '03 draft. Man up, the guy took your franchise to heights it has never seen before, and will never see again. Be grateful he wasted 7 years of his career on y'all. Stop worshiping humans and trying to hold them up to these God-like standards. He had to make a decision and any way you slice it (Miami, New York, Chicago, New Jersey), the best option was NOT in Cleveland. So be sad, feel betrayed, fine. But I'm gonna need this to not linger on for forever.

And with that being said, I can't think of any city who deserved this less than Miami lol. Seriously, you know I love South Florida, but we are the fairweather fans of all fairweather fans. We are only around when things are going good. Did you see any Heat home games last year?? That arena was less than half filled on a nightly basis. And lets not even start on the Marlins, they're lucky if they get 1,000 heads for a home game. So no Miami and South Florida didn't deserve this, but I'm sure happy it happened.

The last big question to be answered is can Wade, LeBron, and Bosh play together?? My answer: fuck yeah! It's not like they've never played together before. They were all apart of the 2006 FIBA World Championship squad and 2008 Olympic gold medal team. And that's not to mention the 5 All-Star Games they've all played in together (including 2007 when all 3 started). Wade and LeBron have played on 6 together and started together all but once (2005). In particular, I remember watching the All-Star Game this year and tweeting about how great D-Wade and LeBron looked playing together. I know there isn't much defense played in All-Star Games, but their on-court chemistry was undeniable. So yeah, I definitely think they can play together.

So there you have it, Dwyane Wade, LeBron James, and Chris Bosh are teammates again, but for real this time, and as members of Miami Heat. Now all we need are nicknames. I've heard the "3 Live Crew," "Miami Thrice," and some acronym with all 3 of their initials, but the 1 I like best is "Miami-Wade County, LeBroward County, and Palm Bosh County." It's a bit long-winded, but I love it because this isn't only big for Miami, it's big for South Florida.

(Side note: I like how all the proceeds from the "LeBron's Decision" special going to charity is being completely overlooked.)

(Side side note: How long before Erik Spoelstra "wants to spend more time with his family" and Pat Riley takeover as Heat head coach again??)

(Side side side note: Why was Kanye West there??)

Continue»

«Back