July 10, 2012

Random News Shit: NBA Free Agency Pre-Today Edition

Finally, my uneducated thoughts on all the wheeling and dealing in the NBA since the free agency period began!

1) Deron Williams Decides To Stay With The Nets
You mean to tell me Deron didn't decide to take $25 million less to play for his hometown team? I'm shocked! Of course a large part of his decision had to do with...

2) Hawks Trade Joe Johnson To The Nets
I never thought I'd see the day the Hawks were able to unload Joe Johnson's atrocious contract, but it really happened. Every Hawks fan in Atlanta should be offering Danny Ferry blowjobs from their wives and/or girlfriends. (Then again knowing Atlanta, I guess should've thrown "boyfriends" in there too.)

Anyway, the trade sends Jordan Farmar, Johan Petro, Anthony Morrow, DeShawn Stevenson, and a 2013 first-round pick (Houston's pick) for Joe Johnson. I hope DeShawn Stevenson's ATM is portable because I'm sure it'll come in handy at the many strip clubs in the ATL.

3) Steve Nash Headed To Lakers In Sign-and-Trade
This move would've been awesome if it was made 5 years ago. The Lakers should be better with Nash, but they still won't be able to beat the Thunder. It'll be interesting seeing Kobe playing with an All-Star point guard for once though.

4) Ray Allen Takes His Talents To South Beach
Honestly, I didn't think this was going to happen, but I'm happy it did, especially if Mike Miller is planning on retiring. I don't know how Pat Riley does it, but I'm glad he does.

And as for everyone saying Ray Allen is a traitor for leaving Boston, SHUT THE FUCK UP! Ray was already in his 30's when he arrived in Boston, Danny Ainge tried to trade him several times, Doc Rivers gave his starting spot to Avery Bradley, the Celtics signed Jason Terry before he made his decision, and he apparently doesn't get along with Rajon Rondo. Loyalty my ass!

5) Jeremy Lin Signs 4-Year Offer Sheet With Rockets
The offer sheet is worth $28.8 million, so whether the Knicks match it (which they will) or not, if millions were games, Lin would be making $2.8 million more than games he's started.

(Yeah, I know that was a long way to go for that.)

6) Lamar Odom Traded To Clippers
Lamar says he only wants to play on the beach and now he's back in L.A., good for him. Sucks for Mo Williams though, he goes from living in L.A. to living in Utah. Oh well, at least he's getting paid.

7) Eric Gordon Signs $58 Million Offer Sheet With Suns
Sadly for Eric, looks like New Orleans is gonna make it and he's gonna be forced to play with Anthony Davis and Austin Rivers instead of Jared Dudley and Hakim Warrick. Wait, what?

Speaking of the Suns...

8) Goran Dragic Returns To Phoenix For $34 Million
I'm not sure why they let him go in the first play, but he was the logical choice to run the show post-Nash.


9) Suns Sign Michael Beasley For $18 Million
Imagine how different the complexion of the league would be if the Bulls had taken Michael Beasley #1 instead of Derrick Rose? Dwyane Wade and Derrick Rose are tearing it up in South Beach, LeBron James and Chris Bosh are playing elsewhere, and Michael Beasley... well, he's still a bust.

10) Nets Re-sign Gerald Wallace
They better had because it would be completely tragic if they traded away the 6th pick in the draft for a guy who bolted after half a season.

11) The Wolves Sign Brandon Roy
Brandon Roy finally gets to play for the team that originally drafted him (and stupidly traded his rights to Portland for Randy Foye on draft day). Hope it works out.

12) Jason Terry Signs With The Celtics
Too bad Celtics fans hate traitors so much and all.

Speaking of former Mavericks...

13) Jason Kidd Signs With Knicks
Damn, does anybody besides Dirk Nowitzki still play for the Mavs? Giving up on the 2011 season to try to get Deron Williams and Dwight Howard this summer is going terribly. Maybe Mark Cuban should quit Shark Tank for a bit and tend to his team.

14) 76ers Release Elton Brand
Damn, I didn't see this coming. If Brand was willing to take the veteran minimum, he's just undersized enough to get signed by the Heat. I'm sure one of the smart teams like the Spurs or Thunder will land him though.

15) Hawks Trade Marvin Williams To Jazz For Devin Harris
How is Danny Ferry doing this?! He just got rid of garbage ass Marvin Williams in exchange of Devin Harris (who had a sneaky good season last year)?? Ferry is well on his way to winning Executive of the Year in my books.

16) Jameer Nelson Re-signs With Magic
Good for him, maybe he can be the new Darrell Armstrong and lead the Magic to just missing the playoffs after they lose their franchise center again.

17) Magic Trade Ryan Anderson To Hornets
I'm not sure what the hell the Magic are doing, but good trade by the Hornets.

18) Marcus Camby Signs With Knicks
I wanted Camby to come down to Miami, but when he signed with the Knicks, I remembered he already played with the Knicks so grew up hating him. Now I hate him again. I mean, we could've used his rebounding, but fuck him.

19) Kirk Hinrich Rejoins Bulls
A lot of players returning back to former teams this year. Weird.

20) Clippers Sign Jamal Crawford
Wait, didn't Crawford just sign a 2-year deal with the Trail Blazers just last year? Yes, yes, I believe he did.

21) Pacers Re-Sign George Hill
Good move by the Pacers, as long as the money is reasonable.

22) Rockets Sign Omer Asik
An $8 million per year deal for a back-up center in a league who hasn't had a dominate center lead a year to a title in 5 years? I guess.

23) Raptors Sign Landry Fields
Hold up, maybe I'm reading this wrong, the Raptors gave Landry Fields $20 million dollars?? And they wonder why Steve Nash didn't want to sign there.