September 14, 2012

NFL Winners & Losers: Week 2

Wouldn't it be cool if Jim Harbaugh slapped the shit out of Jim Schwartz after this game for running up on him last year? Wouldn't it also be cool if that started a huge brawl between the players? What about if the real refs ran out and started assaulting the replacement refs? Oh, oh, and how about if someone in the crowd threw a beer and it hit Ron Artest, who ran out onto the field after mistaking Brandon Pettigrew for James Harden when he took off his helmet, and ran into the crowd again? Wouldn't all that be awesome?

Sadly, none of that will happen, and the post-game handshake will go off without a glitch this time. Bummer. 49ers winners, Lions losers.

Last week, Peyton Manning proved he's still the Man in night games, but Atlanta always seems to play great in the Georigiadome. I rode with Manning's night game talents over the Curse of Tebow last week, so I might as well keep it going. Broncos winners, Falcons losers.

So the Jets were playing possum all preseason, huh? Well we'll see how the Sanchize fairs against a real defense, who will have James Harrison and Ryan Clark back. Steelers winners, Jets losers.

Yeah, I'm writing this after the fact, but it still doesn't change the fact that I really did pick the Packers to win this game. It was a pretty easy call too considering all the "sky is falling!" overreaction to their Week 1 loss to the 49ers (as if they're a shitty team). Packers winners, Bears losers.

Jeremy Maclin and DeSean Jackson both missed practice the other day and possibly won't be able to go Sunday. If I'm the Eagles, I'm resting them both because if they could barely beat the Browns, they don't stand a chance again the Ravens. Ravens winners, Eagles losers.

Man, has it really been 5 years since Tony Romo bobbled that snap in Seattle? It seems like yesterday. No, not because the memory of it haunts me and I can't get it out of my head, because people won't let Romo live it down and still consider him a choker because of it. There's no telling them that Romo has the highest 4th quarter passer rating amongst active quarterbacks (yes, higher than Aaron Rodgers, Tom Brady, Drew Brees, and even Timothy Tebow), they don't want to hear it. Oh well, whatcha gonna do?

Anyway, even though they lost to the Cardinals last week, as a Cowboys fan, I'm not taking the Seahawks lightly. Seattle as a notorious home field advantage and we have a starting center who joined the team 2 weeks ago and is starting at the position for just the second time in his career. Sounds like a recipe for disaster to me, but fuck it, we avenged our loss to the Giants last week and now we're gonna avenge our playoff loss in 2007. Cue up "The Avengers" for the team flight again! Cowboys winners, Seahawks losers.

Can you believe with all the money the Panthers have invested in running back that they ran for 10 yards last week against Tampa? Yes, 10, 1-0. I know Jonathan Stewart sat out, but damn.

Speaking of disappointments, holy shit, maybe this interim interim head coach thing is a bigger deal than we previously thought? I guess we'll see Sunday. Panthers winners, Saints losers.

The Bucs looked kinda tough last week, could they be a poor man's version of last year's 49ers? Possibly, but I like the Giants to bounce back Sunday. Giants winners, Bucs losers.

Welp, I think the RGIII bandwagon is officially over capacity now. I wonder if Sam Bradford remembers how it felt to be the hot rookie QB of the time? Either way... Redskins winners, Rams losers.

Kevin Kolb is starting. Patriots winners, Cardinals losers.

The Chargers didn't look awesome Monday, but I'd like the Titans a whole lot more if I knew Jake Locker was playing (and if Chris Johnson was still alive). Chargers winners, Titans losers.

This is a divisional game, so in theory it should be a close, but sadly it won't. Texans winners, Jaguars losers.

Are either of these teams really as bad their competition made them look last week? Probably, so fuck it, I'm going with the home team... to continue being a disappointment. Chiefs winners, Bills losers.

Can you believe this is Alex Smith's 7th season in the NFL? Well can you believe he's still a year younger than Brandon Weeden? It's true. It's sad, but it is true. Either way, I can't see myself picking a team led by a guy who can't get off the field quick enough for the flag ceremony. Bengals winners, Browns losers.

Things should be a little easier for Andrew Luck in his second start, but if Adrian Peterson is gonna be Adrian Peterson, I've gotta take Minnesota. Vikings winners, Colts losers.

(Side note: What are the chances the Curse of Tebow bypassed Peyton Manning and hit Andrew Luck since he's the reason Peyton was out of a job and needed to take Tebow's? You never know.)

The Dolphins looked as pathetic as we all expected last week in Houston, and that will continue this week...unless the Raiders still haven't found themselves a long snapper. Put in a call to Adam Carolla, whoever runs the Raiders now that Al Davis is actually dead! Raiders winners, Dolphins losers.

This Week: 8-8 (.500)
Last Week: 9-7 (.563)
Season: 17-15 (.531)