September 23, 2012

NFL Winners & Losers: Week 3

1) Patriots (1-1) @ Ravens (1-1)
The Patriots are headed to Baltimore to play the Ravens and that means one thing, and one thing only: Bernard Pollard will hurt one of their key players. Has anyone ever injured more players on one team than Pollard against the Pats? I doubt it.

So who will it be? Tom Brady again? Gronk again? Stevan Ridley? Wes Welker? ...No wait, I forgot he's no longer a key player because New England refuses to award people for their contributions.

Anyway, I've got Ridley going down at the hands of Pollard this year, and the Pats having their first losing record since 2003. Ravens winners, Patriots losers.

2) Texans (2-0) @ Broncos (1-1)
Has the Monday Night Football game ended yet? I would hate for Denver to miss out on this big game because Roger Goodell refuses to pay the real refs the equivalent of a meal off the Dollar Menu at McDonald's. Texans winners, Broncos losers.

3) Packers (1-1) @ Seahawks (1-1)
Seattle is a tough place to play, no doubt, but after 2 struggles in the first 2 weeks, Green Bay is due for a big game offensively. Packers winners, Seahawks losers.

4) Giants (1-1) @ Panthers (1-1)
If you follow me on Twitter, you probably already know I picked the Panthers to win Thursday, and boy was I wrong. To be fair to myself, once I saw how many others also picked Carolina (especially Bill Simmons, who is now 0-season in Wednesday/Thursday games), I knew I should switch my pick, but I got caught up at work (okay, okay, I got caught up with a cute girl at work) and didn't have time to do it before the game started. Panthers winners. Giants losers.

5) Falcons (2-0) @ Chargers (2-0)
Generally, I would be hesitant picking an east coast team flying all the way to the west coast on a short week, but I just don't believe in the Chargers. Yeah, they're 2-0 right now, but they may be a tad fraudulent. Falcons winners, Chargers losers.

6) Buccaneers (1-1) @ Cowboys (1-1)
Could my Cowboys really fall to 1-2 after such a great win in Week 1? Yes, yes we could. I'm not saying it's gonna happen, just that it could. Cowboys winners, Buccaneers losers.

7) Bengals (1-1) @ Redskins (1-1)
What happened to the Bengals' defense, I thought they were good? I'll give them a pass for Week 1 in Baltimore, but allowing Brandon Weeden to pass for 322 yards and 2 touchdowns is just unacceptable. Good luck with RGIII though. Redskins winners, Bengals losers.

8) Rams (1-1) @ Bears (1-1)
Two thoughts: 1) The Bears aren't the team we saw in Green Bay 2 Thursdays ago and 2) Cortland Finnegan won't pull the shit he pulled on Josh Morgan on Brandon Marshall unless is wants to possibly be murdered. Bears winners, Rams losers.

9) Eagles (2-0) @ Cardinals (2-0)
Originally I was gonna go with the Arizona upset, but after what took place in Carolina on Thursday, I'm weary of average teams who all of a sudden have expectations to live up to.

On the other hand, isn't it possible the Cardinals (especially Larry Fitzgerald) could be seeking revenge after the Eagles duped them in the Kevin Kolb trade? (Side Note: As impressive as Arizona's defense has been in these first 2 weeks, just think of how much better they could've been if they still had Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie.) Then again, maybe they got their revenge when they beat Vick and the gang in Week 10 of 2011 and are over it now? I don't know, I'll just take Philly to somehow pull another win out of their ass. Eagles winners, Cardinals losers.

10) Jets (1-1) @ Dolphins (1-1)
Last week may or may not have proved that the Jets aren't as good as we thought after Week 1 and the Dolphins aren't as bad. Either way, Revis is back and Brian Hartline will return to obscurity. Jets winners, Dolphins losers.

(Side note: My only pause in taking the Jets is the fact that the Dolphins' defense should be quite familiar with Tony Sparano's offense, considering he was the team's head coach last season.)

11) 49ers (2-0) @ Vikings (1-1)
The 49ers have yet to throw a deep bomb to Randy Moss, but if there were ever a week where that would be appropriate, it would be this one. Niners winners, Vikings losers.

12) Steelers (1-1) @ Raiders (0-2)
I'm gonna chalk Oakland's loss to Miami up to a west coast team traveling to the east coast on a short week and having to wear your black jerseys. This week I'll just chalk it up to them playing a superior team. Steelers winners, Raiders losers.

13) Chiefs (0-2) @ Saints (0-2)
As it turns out, having an interim interim head coach isn't the best way to win in the NFL. Unfortunately for Kansas City, neither is having Romeo Crennel. Saints winners, Chiefs losers.

14) Lions (1-1) @ Titans (0-2)
Has Chris Johnson's funeral been scheduled yet? Someone get back to me on that. Lions winners, Titans losers.

15) Bills (1-1) @ Browns (0-2)
Here's a little trivia question for you: When was the last time the Bills won a road game.

Give up? It was when they beat the Week 1 of last season! Browns winners, Bills losers.

16) Jaguars (0-2) @ Colts (1-1)
I have the Colts winning this game, but no real reason to support that thought. Oh well. Colts winners, Jags losers.

This Week: 6-10 (.375)*
Last Week: 8-8 (.500)
Season: 23-25 (.479)*

*Due to the Inaccurate Reception, these win/lose totals are fucked for the season.