November 03, 2012

NFL Winners & Losers: Week 9

Hey, I just realized something: it's no longer October so no more accessories during games! Yes!

1) Steelers (4-3) @ Giants (6-2)
I originally intended on picking the Steelers here because of how good they looked last week, but this whole "We can't find a hotel to accommodate us so we're flying in the day of the game" shit is worrying me. Sure, they're only flying from Pittsburgh to New Jersey (that flight can't be much longer than an hour, if that), and sure, the Giants players have probably been inconvenienced themselves all week, but it still seems odd. Fuck it, I'm gonna stick with my pick this week (last week I switched my Steelers pick because of their uniforms and they won convincingly). Steelers winners, Giants losers.

2) Cowboys (3-4) @ Falcons (7-0)
Dallas is 0-7 in its last 7 Sunday night games. Yes, Tony Romo is essentially the anti-Manning when it comes to night games. All isn't bad though, Dallas is actually 3-0 in its last 3 games against opponents that were 7-0 or better when they played, with the last one coming in 2009, the same year they last won a Sunday night game. Cowboys winners, Falcons losers.

(Side note: Falcons fans shouldn't feel too bad about potentially losing this game because all 3 of those 7-0 or better teams the Cowboys beat went on to win the Super Bowl.)

3) Panther (1-6) @ Redskins (3-5)
Cam Newton vs. Robert Griffin III, now this should be fun! Am I crazy for thinking the Panthers could win totally win this game? I mean, they nearly beat the Bears last week, and there's a chance the Redskins are still blinded after lining up across from those hideous Steelers uniforms for 3 straight hours from last week (that's my excuse for Ft. Lauderdale's own Leonard Hankerson dropping balls and I'm sticking to it). I don't know if you can really upset a team that's also under .500, but this is my upset special. Panthers winners, Redskins losers.

4) Eagles (3-4) @ Saints (2-5)
New Orleans is giving up 30.9 points per game and an NFL-worst 474.7 yards per game, if Michael Vick doesn't light them up, maybe it is time for the Eagles to make a change at QB and go with the rookie Nick Foles. And no, I'm not hoping Vick gets yanked because the Cowboys play the Eagles next week...okay, I'm lying, I totally am. I hate the Eagles. Saints winners, Eagles losers.

5) Broncos (4-3) @ Bengals (3-4)
The Broncos are rolling (won 3 of their last 4) and the Bengals are reeling (loss 3 straight). Broncos winners, Bengals losers.

6) Dolphins (4-3) @ Colts (4-3)
Here's this week's "Way Harder To Pick Than It Should Be" game. Two rookie QBs, 2 teams that started off rough and have come on as of late, 2 teams they burned me last week, 2 teams who could improbably make the playoffs. I'm confused and I'm truly considering just flipping a coin to decide a winner.

Fuck it, I'm going with Miami because they beat the Jets and the Jets beat Indy. Dolphins winners, Colts losers.

7) Ravens (5-2) @ Browns (2-6)
The Browns are coming off their first 2 wins, and the Ravens are coming off of their bye. Can Cleveland keep it up? I say no, though Trent Richardson may rush for 200 yards. Ravens winners, Browns losers.

8) Vikings (5-3) @ Seahawks (4-4)
I'm not picking against Seattle at home, I'm just not. Seahawks winners, Vikings losers.

9) Bears (6-1) @ Titans (3-5)
Why o why do I have such a strong urge to pick the Titans in an upset here? I mean, I'm not gonna do it, but it's weird that I seriously thought about it, right? Bears winners, Titans losers.

10) Cardinals (4-4) @ Packers (5-3)
Poor Cardinals. Packers winners, Cardinals losers.

11) Bills (3-4) @ Texans (6-1)
The Bills' defense loves nothing more than to give up monster games and here comes another. Texans winners, Bills losers.

12) Buccaneers (3-4) @ Raiders (3-4)
The Bucs lost Carl Nicks and that's gonna hurt their running game tremendously. Unfortunately for Oakland, Tampa won't give up on their running game after their best back totals 5 carries like Kansas City. Buccaneers winners, Raiders losers.

13) Lions (3-4) @ Jaguars (1-6)
Are the Lions officially back? I'm not sure yet, but I definitely don't see a lose to Jacksonville in their future. Lions winners, Jaguars losers.

14) Chiefs (1-6) @ Chargers (3-4)
It's unfortunate the Knicks-Nets game got postponed due to the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy because I have no interest in watching this game, and I'm sure you don't either. Both of these teams are pathetic and there's about a 0.0000009% chance this game will be at all interesting if their performances last week were any indicator. Anyway, I'm still pissed at the Chiefs for only giving Jamal Charles 5 carries last week for what seems like no reason, so fuck them. Chargers winners, Chiefs losers.

This Week: 12-2 (.857)
Last Week: 9-5 (.643)
Season: 83-49 (.629)*

*Due to the Inaccurate Reception, these win/lose totals are fucked for the season.