Thursday Billboard Update - 12/30/10

Jamie Foxx's Best Night Of My Life is this week's highest debut at #6 and with 144,000 sold. Back into the top 10 in its 28th week in stores is Eminem's Recovery. Marshall's latest album sees a 100% sales increase and jumps 15 spots 22-7 selling 137,000. And last, but not least, Keyshia Cole's Calling All Hearts debuts at #9 with 128,000 sold.

Like I told you all last week, Bruno Mars' Grenade would close out 2010 at #1, and it does. Good job by me. Anyway, in "things I thought I'd never say when I first heard the song" news, Wiz Khalifa scores his first top 10 with Black & Yellow rising 6 spaces 12-6. Let's be honest, this song is mediocre at best, but I'll show the kid some love because I never thought he'd make it this far when illseed first gave him some shine in like 2005 (or whenever that was). Also jumping into the top 10 is Enrique Iglesias' Tonight (I'm Lovin' You) with Ludacris and DJ Frank E at #7.

The Billboard 200 1-10
first week debuts in bold

1. Taylor Swift - Speak Now (1-1)
2. Susan Boyle - The Gift (2-2)
3. Glee Cast - Christmas Album (5-3)
4. Jackie Evancho - O Holy Night (4-4)
5. "Michael Jackson" - Michael (3-5)
6. Jamie Foxx - Best Night Of My Life (6)
7. Eminem - Recovery (22-7)
8. Nicki Minaj - Pink Friday (8-8)
9. Keyshia Cole - Calling All Hearts (9)
10. Rihanna - Loud (11-10)

• Keri Hilson's sophomore effort, No Boys Allowed, debuts at #11 with 102,000 sold.
• Ghostface Killah's Apollo Kids starts off at #114 with 13,000 sold.
• David Banner and 9th Wonder's Death Of A Pop Star debuts in at #184 with just 7,300. Go support this album, it's hot.
  

The Billboard Hot 100 1-10
first time top 10's in bold

1. Bruno Mars - Grenade (2-1)
2. Katy Perry - Firework (1-2)
3. Ke$ha - We R Who We R (5-3)
4. Rihanna - What's My Name (3-4)
5. Pink - Raise Your Glass (4-5)
6. Wiz Khalifa - Black & Yellow (12-6)
7. Enrique Iglesias - Tonight (I'm Lovin' You) (13-7)
8. Trey Songz - Bottoms Up (11-8)
9. Black Eyed Peas - The Time (Dirty Bit) (8-9)
10. Bruno Mars - Just The Way You Are (6-10)

• Andy Samberg and that other dude make a huge statement this week as The Lonely Island's I Just Had Sex featuring Akon debuts at #30.
• Keri Hilson's Pretty Girl Rock hops 11 spots 42-31 this week.
• Jamie Foxx's Fall For Your Type runs 13 spots up the Hot 100 75-62.
• Also jumping 13 spots north (82-69) is Nicki Minaj's Moment 4 Life featuring Drake.
• After debuting last week, Usher's More moves 15 spots 88-73.
• B.o.B's I Am The Champion debuts at #85.
• In a week where Bruno Mars gets another #1 single, he also debuts Marry You at #86.

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L.A.M.E. Awards Postponement

I know all 3 of you who have been waiting on the 2010 L.A.M.E. Awards are getting antsy, but I'm here to spread the sad news that it probably hope come until the top of 2011.

I know, I know, I wanted it to be done before Christmas, but it just didn't work out for me. First off, I offered a chance to hour more hours over the holiday season, and seeing how I just blew through $600 on my car in 3 days, I could use the money. The second issue is that my piece of shit Nikon now only shoots picture and video in a weird pink tint, despite hardly ever being used by anyone. That gave me the bright idea to switch formats from video to audio and doing the award show as podcast. Of course once I go to record it, I can't get my brand new computer to record shit without horrible feedback.

Long story short, I'm fuckin' up, and so is everything around me, and for that, I apologize. If I can't get the L.A.M.E. Awards podcast out by Monday January 3rd, I'll just type it up, and post it that way. I promised the 2011 L.A.M.E. Awards will run MUCH smoother.

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A Reminder...

You can click to enlarge if you want to, but this is just a little reminder for all the Lakers fans saying and thinking, "we loss on Christmas last year and won the championship."

I probably don't need to remind anyone that the Lakers didn't win any championships after these 3 consecutive Christmas Day losses to the Heat.

Now, I'm not saying the Heat are going to win the title, but I am saying that saying, "we loss on Christmas last year and won the championship," is a retarded argument.

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Merry Christmas Friends!

Quick Merry Christmas tangent:

Did I ever mention how much I hate when people write "Xmas" instead of Christmas?? It's like, really, you're so fucking lazy you had to use an X to represent 6 letters of a word?? And I'm not hyper religious or anything, but why are we Xing out Christ?? What's so important about "mas" that it couldn't be eliminated?? I'm trying to think of other holidays we X out words in, and I can't think of one but Christmas. No Xween, Xdence Day, XLuther King Day. Nothing.

Moral of the story is this: stop being a lazy fuck & just write Christmas.

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Somebody's Gonna Get Pregnant: Ms. Meena & The Knicks

Wow, wow, wow. Merry Christmas, and thank God for New York Knicks jerseys.

Related:
Fuck The Giants & All But....

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Renardo Sidney Fights His Teammate

This is my first time hearing of Renardo Sidney, but I can already tell he's a loser and he's not gonna make it. Be clear, this isn't LeGarrette Blount, this is a lame who has no home training who will NEVER make it in the NBA.

NCAA, do what y'all do best and get this nigga outta here.

**UPDATE**
Renardo Sidney and his teammate have been sent home and suspended indefinitely.

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Ciara's 21 Gun Salute

So Ciara sells 37,000 and her career is over, but Soulja Boy sells 13,000 and nary a word is said?? Charlamagne please.

Speaking of C Tha God, shout to him for sonning Cipha Sounds and Peter Rosenburg the other day for slandering Haitian women. I know Hot 97 isn't gonna fire them, but if they do, let them know I'm available :-).

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Denver Nuggets "Christmas in Hollis" Rap

I wonder if they did this as practice for when they have to sing "Carmelo In New York" this summer??

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Bill Simmons & Dax Shepard Advance To Kimmel Bowl I

First and foremost: no homo, Cousin Sal.

Matter of fact, that's all, just no homo Cousin Sal.

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Double Dream Hands!

LMAO! I've never been so positive a video was gonna be featured on Tosh.0 since the show started. Wow.

Good news though, I think I have an early favorite for the name of my 2011 fantasy football team.

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Redmania

I almost cut this off when I saw the Four Loko can, but you gotta love Redman.

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The Lonely Island - I Just Had Sex (feat. Akon)

I know everyone and their baby momma has seen this a bazillion times by now, but I just wanted to go on record and say I posted it too.

....And also to say gotdamn Jessica Alba is so fuckin' fine!

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Antoine Dodson's Chimney Intruder

This shit couldn't be any less funny. Antoine Dodson is well on his way to replacing Flavor Flav as the new face of black embarrassment in America.

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Grand Theft Mario

There are no words to describe the awesomeness of this.

...No words!

...Let's just move on.

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INN: Don't Cum In Me

I've had this video saved in my Firefox tabs for a few weeks now, searching for the right words to say about it. Is it possible that this song is so unconscionably ignorant that it rendered me speechless?? Why, yes it quite possibly is.

What kind of low-life, skeezy, slut bucket of a bitch would even agree to participate in this foolishness?? I mean, anonymously (terribly) singing the hook to a song is one thing, but then you have your face shown in the video?? That's just dumb.

Somebody should inform her that she can't sing, and she ain't gonna make it, so she's probably gonna have to get a job one day. And something tells me singing about this alternative form of contraception isn't something most potential employers are looking for.

I think that pretty much wraps things up. Now all that's left is to wait to pay for these ignorant fucks to reproduce, if they haven't started already (and I'm sure they have).

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NFL Winners & Losers: Week 16

I'm sick and I'm reading Adam Carolla's book, so this is going to be short and sweet for Week 16.

1) Saints (10-4) @ Falcons (12-2)
The Falcons went into the Superdome and stole one back in September, so I like the Saints to go into the Georgia Dome and do the same. Saints winners, Falcons losers.

2) Jets (10-4) @ Bears (10-4)
The prayers of the NFL will be granted and the NFC North will be decided in Week 17. Jets winners, Bears losers.

3) Giants (9-5) @ Packers (8-6)
The Giants are done. Packers winners, Giants losers.

4) Colts (8-6) @ Raiders (7-7)
Yeah, Oakland is a tough place to play, and this Raiders team isn't a pushover, but I just can't see the Colts not in the playoffs while Peyton Manning is at the helm. Colts winners, Raiders losers.

5) Patriots (12-2) @ Bills (4-10)
I'm sure the Bills will be competitive, like Packers were last Sunday, but I still expect the Pats to win. Patriots winners, Bills losers.

6) Ravens (10-4) @ Browns (5-9)
The Browns are fuckin' up. Ravens winners, Browns losers.

7) Titans (6-8) @ Chiefs (9-5)
The Titans finally showed up last week, but I do NOT like their chances of winning a game in Arrowhead, where the Chiefs are undefeated this season. Chiefs winners, Titans losers.

8) Chargers (8-6) @ Bengals (3-11)
Though it's becoming increasingly obvious the Bengals are better when Terrell Owens isn't on the active roster, there Chargers can't afford to leave Cincy with a loss. Chargers winners, Bengals losers.

9) 49ers (5-9) @ Rams (6-8)
I want to see the Niners, Rams, and Seahawks all 6-9 going into Week 17. It'll be like watching 3 retarded kids fighting for a chance to put the Special Olympics behind them and get beat in the regular Olympics instead. 49ers winners, Rams losers.

10) Redskins (5-9) @ Jaguars (8-6)
I guess you can say Rex Grossman and the Skins were frisky last week in Dallas, but that's just because our secondary sucks. Jacksonville's doesn't. Jaguars winners, Redskins losers.

11) Vikings (5-9) @ Eagles (10-4)
Joe Webb?? Negro please. Eagles winners, Vikings losers.

12) Lions (4-10) @ Dolphins (7-7)
To be on the safe side, I'm just gonna go ahead and pick against the Dolphins at home. Lions winners, Dolphins losers.

13) Seahawks (6-8) @ Buccaneers (8-6)
The Seahawks are terrible. Buccaneers winners, Seahawks losers.

14) Cowboys (5-9) @ Cardinals (4-10)
For some reason the Cowboys generally struggle against the Cardinals, but this team sucks so bad right now, I don't think history will play a factor. Cowboys winners, Cards losers.

15) Panthers (2-12) @ Steelers (10-4)
No one would be dumb enough to think I picked Carolina to go into Pittsburgh and win, right? Good. Steelers won, Panthers loss.

16) Texans (5-9) @ Broncos (3-11)
Tim Tebow >>>>>>>> Kyle Orton. The only problem, the Broncos defense can't stop anybody. Texans winners, Broncos losers.

This Week: 9-7 (.563)
Overall Record: 144-96 (.600)
Last Week: 9-7 (.563)

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Thursday Billboard Update - 12/23/10

Taylor Swift's Speak Now overtakes Susan Boyle's The Gift for #1, but blah blah blah. "Michael Jackson's" Michael debuts at #3 with 228,200 sold. R. Kelly's Love Letter debuts at #6 with 154,300. What can you say, the man has a real fan base. Dirty Money's Last Train To Paris exceeded expectations of 65,000 and sold 100,900. (Let the records show I was WAY closer with my prediction for the album. I guess that's why I'm the Industry Prognosticator and they aren't.)

Katy Perry's Firework is still #1, but it's becoming increasingly obvious that Bruno Mars' Grenade will finish the year out at #1, as it inches into the #2 spot this week. The biggest news on the Hot 100 this week is Lil Wayne bursting into the top 10 at #9 with his first post-prison single 6 Foot 7 Foot with Cory Gunz. It'll be interesting to see where it goes from here.

The Billboard 200 1-10
first week debuts in bold

1. Taylor Swift - Speak Now (2-1)
2. Susan Boyle - The Gift (1-2)
3. "Michael Jackson" - Michael (3)
4. Jackie Evancho - O Holy Night (5-4)
5. Glee Cast - Christmas Album (3-5)
6. R. Kelly - Love Letter (6)
7. Dirty Money - Last Train To Paris (7)
8. Nicki Minaj - Pink Friday (6-8)
9. Kid Rock - Born Free (15-9)
10. Glee Cast - Glee, The Music Vol. 4 (8-10)

• Tank's Now Or Never starts off at #35 with 43,700 sold.
• Ciara's Basic Instinct debuts at #44 with 36,700 sold.
  

The Billboard Hot 100 1-10
first time top 10's in bold

1. Katy Perry - Firework (1-1)
2. Bruno Mars - Grenade (3-2)
3. Rihanna - What's My Name (2-3)
4. Pink - Raise Your Glass (4-4)
5. Ke$ha - We R Who We R (5-5)
6. Bruno Mars - Just The Way You Are (7-6)
7. Rihanna - Only Girl (In the World) (6-7)
8. Black Eyed Peas - The Time (Dirty Bit) (8-8)
9. Lil Wayne - 6 Foot 7 Foot (9)
10. Nelly - Just A Dream (9-10)

• "Michael Jackson's" Hold My Hand with Akon jumps 16 spots 65-39.
• Jeremih's Down On Me featuring 50 Cent hops 9 spots 62-53.
• Twista's Make A Movie rises 9 spots 80-71.
• In its 2nd week, Jamie Foxx's Fall For Your Type with Drake flies 20 spots 95-75.
• Nicki Minaj's Moment 4 Life featuring Drake debuts at #82.
• Usher's More debuts at #88.
• R. Kelly's When A Woman Loves debuts at #93.
• Fabolous' You Be Killin' Em finally debuts at #94. Who knows what took so long, this song is dope.

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Random News Shit: NBA Doom & Gloom Edition

1) Orlando Adds Gilbert Arenas, Re-swaps Vince Carter For Hedo Turkoglu
Wow, wow, wow!

Now, before I give my opinion, let's go through all the trades: In the first trade, Orlando got Hedo Turkoglu, Jason Richardson, and Earl Clark, and Phoenix got Vince Carter, Marcin Gortat, Mikael Pietrus, a 2011 first-round pick, and cash consideration. The next trade with the Wizards was a straight up swap of Rashard Lewis for Gilbert Arenas.

The biggest winner from all these transactions: the Miami Heat (no Wall or Arenas for the Wizards tonight, plus the new-look Suns Thursday). The biggest losers: Steve Nash (obvious reasons).

Who is Orlando's GM? I don't think he's getting enough flack for trading for Vince, letting Hedo go, and then trading Vince for Hedo a year later. Hedo is due $10,215,850 for this season, Vince is due $17,522,375, so why didn't they just pay Hedo to begin with?? That was essentially a waste of the entire 09-10 season.

And then there's Gilbert Arenas. Can someone please explain to me which of Orlando's problems does he solve? Why not wait and see if Hedo coming back could revive Rashard's career? It's not like teams were beating down Washington's door to take on Gilbert's huge contract and 39% shooting. That trade would've been there in January or February.

I will give Orlando credit for bringing in Jason Richardson though. Can you believe he's only 29?? Seems like he's been around for like 12 years. Regardless, he's shooting 42% from 3 this season, so he's definitely an upgrade over Vince.

2) Yao Ming Done For The Season Again
When I heard this news, I felt horrible for Yao...then I read his comments on the subject:

"I haven't died. Right now I'm drinking a beer and eating fried chicken. What were you expecting, a funeral?"

LMAO! The niggas have finally corrupted Yao! He's still in Houston too, so let's just hope he doesn't get a grill and start sippin' sizzurp.

...On second thought, let's hope he does.

3) Blazers Give Brandon Roy 3 Games Off
They could give Roy 3 years off, and I'm not sure it'd make much of a difference. His knees are gone, and it's just a matter of time before his career is over. Very sad. Somebody get this man a beer and some fried chicken.

4) Joakim Noah Out 8-10 Weeks After Thumb Surgery
Tough break for the Bulls. They have more than enough pieces to get this through this though, so they'll be fine.

5) Rajon Rondo Sidelined 1-2 Weeks With Ankle Injury
Ultimately he's only gonna end up missing about 4 or 5 more games. Boston's next 5 games: Indiana, Philly, @Orlando, @Indiana, and @Detroit. Something tells me they're gonna be fine.

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NFL Winners & Losers: Week 15

1) Eagles (9-4) @ Giants (9-4)
The Giants nearly won the last game in Philly, so they should definitely win this one in New York, right? Wrong! Outside of the 2007 Super Bowl run, I just don't like Eli Manning playing in the cold. Eagles winners, Giants losers.

2) Jets (9-4) @ Steelers (10-3)
I was gonna pick the Jets...then I heard the they were 0-7 lifetime playing in Pittsburgh. Rex Ryan and the boys better hope their remaining opponents rest their starters like the Colts and Bengals did last year because all of a sudden their playoff hopes are in doubt. Steelers winners, Jets losers.

(Side note: Why does Santino Holmes expect a standing ovation Sunday?? I know he didn't ask to be traded, but uhhh, that's just not gonna happen buddy.)

3) Saints (10-3) @ Ravens (9-4)
It feels like I should be more intrigued for this game than I am. I don't know, there's something about a team nearly blowing a 21 point 2nd half lead that loses my interest. Saints winners, Ravens losers.

4) Packers (8-5) @ Patriots (11-2)
Is Aaron Rodgers going to play?? Then again, does it even matter with the way the Pats are playing?? Patriots winners, Packers losers.

5) Jaguars (8-5) @ Colts (7-6)
I just can't see a world where the Jaguars sweep the Colts and win the AFC South. Colts winners, Jaguars losers.

6) Chiefs (8-5) @ Rams (6-7)
Raise your hand if you had "meaningful game in December between the Chiefs and Rams" in your preseason predictions. I'll wait.

I don't know if Matt Cassel is gonna play, but if he doesn't, you can go ahead and give this one to the Rams now. And it's not even that Matt Cassel is all that good, it's that his back up Brodie Croyle is really all that bad. Rams winners, Chiefs losers.

7) Redskins (5-8) @ Cowboys (4-9)
Screw what I previously wrote for this game, Rex Grossman is gonna start at QB for the Redskins?!?!!? I already thought my Cowboys were gonna win, but this just seems unfair.

Wait a minute, are the Redskins trying to out suck us and jump ahead of us in the 2011 Draft order?? By golly, I think they are! Mike Shanahan, you bitch! Cowboys winners, Redskins losers.

8) Bears (9-4) @ Vikings (5-8)
My how things change in the NFL. Just a couple weeks ago the "Who should start at QB, Favre or Tarvaris?" battle raged on, and now somebody named Joe Webb has the keys to the car. Insanity. Bears winners, Vikings losers.

9) 49ers (5-8) @ Chargers (7-6)
This game already happened, but there was no way I wasn't taking the Chargers in this game. Chargers won, 49ers loss.

10) Bills (3-10) @ Dolphins (7-6)
I'd feel much more secure about this game if the Dolphins were on the road. Who knows, maybe the Bills will give up? I mean, what incentive do they have to try anymore?? They've proof they're point, and pushed a lot of good teams to the brink, but now it's time to worry about the 2011 draft. Dolphins winners, Bills winners.

11) Falcons (11-2) @ Seahawks (6-7)
Do I even need to make an argument for why the Falcons are gonna win this game?? I don't know, just seems pointless. Falcons winners, Seahawks losers.

12) Texans (5-8) @ Titans (5-8)
Time for the Texans to get back to .500 and save Gary Kubiak's job again. Texans winners, Titans losers.

13) Lions (3-10) @ Buccaneers (8-5)
Jaaaaaash Freeman wins football games! Buccaneers winners, Lions losers.

14) Browns (5-8) @ Bengals (2-11)
Yay, Colt McCoy is back, now I can feel comfortable picking the Browns again. Browns winners, Bengals losers.

15) Broncos (3-10) @ Raiders (6-7)
I thought teams were supposed to get better after they fire their coach?? Judging by Denver's performance last week, I guess not. Really, I say the way Denver played against Arizona is as good a reason as any that Jason Garrett and Leslie Frazier should be allowed to keep their newfound head coaching jobs.

Anyway, looks like Tim Tebow is going to get his first NFL start, and as much as I'm afraid to pick against him (in fear of being struck by lightning), these Broncos have quit. Raiders winners, Broncos losers.

16) Cardinals (4-9) @ Panthers (1-12)
What a dreadful, dreadful game this is going to be. I'm gonna say last week was an anomaly and the Cards go back to be terrible, making way for the Panthers to get win #2 on the season. Panthers winners, Cardinals losers.

This Week: 9-7 (.563)
Overall Record: 135-89 (.603)
Last Week: 12-4 (.750)

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Thursday Billboard Update - 12/16/10

While Susan Boyle's The Gift continues its steady stream of domination at #1, T.I.'s No Mercy checks in at #4. The oft-imprisoned rapper moved 159,700 first week.

Same 10 songs, just in a different order.

The Billboard 200 1-10
first week debuts in bold

1. Susan Boyle - The Gift (1-1)
2. Taylor Swift - Speak Now (2-2)
3. Glee Cast - Christmas Album (4-3)
4. T.I. - No Mercy (4)
5. Jackie Evancho - O Holy Night (3-5)
6. Nicki Minaj - Pink Friday (8-6)
7. Josh Groban - Illuminations (9-7)
8. Glee Cast - Glee, The Music Vol. 4 (5-8)
9. Rihanna - Loud (10-9)
10. Daft Punk - TRON: Legacy sdtk (10)

• Charlie Wilson's Just Charlie debuts at #19 with 57,400 sold.
• Redman's Reggie starts off at #118 with 10,600 sold. Oh well, at least this is his last album for Def Jam.
  

The Billboard Hot 100 1-10
first time top 10's in bold

1. Katy Perry - Firework (1-1)
2. Rihanna - What's My Name (3-2)
3. Bruno Mars - Grenade (5-3)
4. Pink - Raise Your Glass (2-4)
5. Ke$ha - We R Who We R (8-5)
6. Rihanna - Only Girl (In the World) (6-6)
7. Bruno Mars - Just The Way You Are (7-7)
8. Black Eyed Peas - The Time (Dirty Bit) (4-8)
9. Nelly - Just A Dream (9-9)
10. Trey Songz - Bottoms Up (10-10)

• T.I.'s That's All She Wrote featuring Eminem debuts at #18. Damn Em murdered this shit.
• Chris Brown's Yeah 3X hops 11 spots 33-22.
• Keri Hilson's Pretty Girl Rock jumps 17 spaces 62-45.
• Twista's Make A Movie rises 11 spots 91-80.
• Chris Brown's No BS debuts at #89.
• Jamie Foxx's Fall For Your Type with Drake checks in at #95.

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Diddy's Parties Are Always On FIRE!

This shit is too fuckin' funny! I'm just at a loss for words because I can't stop laughing. I'll let y'all make the jokes this times.

Anyway, homegirl's name is Miyoki and shockingly enough, she's both a model and a singer. Try to fight back your shock because that combination hardly ever happens. If you want to holla at her on Twitter and give condolences to the back of her head, you can hit her up @Miyoki.

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Diddy Calls Charlamagne

Yesterday Charlamagne Tha God made Diddy the "Donkey of the Day" for making "Shake Weight music" with his new album Last Train To Paris. Well today Diddy calls in and he and C Tha God put it all behind them. Get on the train Charlamagne! ....Pause.

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This Week In Flops 12/14/10

Before I start, I want to remind everyone that a Michael Jackson album called Michael also dropped this week. I would've included it in today's proceedings, but I felt uncomfortable with putting the King Of Pop under the title "flop."

Aight, we have a lot of albums to get through again, so I'm gonna make these short and sweet.

First up, the Last Train To Paris. If you're one of Diddy's 3,121,625 followers on Twitter, you're well aware this album is now in stores. Hopefully it's not all for nothing like Soulja Boy and his 2 million-plus followers last week. For Last Train To Paris, I'll say 115-140k.

All I've been hearing is good things about this R. Kelly album. I guess he's done making foolish tracks like Real Talk, and got back to the real shit that made him who he is. Is all the acclaim coming too late to sway his first week numbers?? Possibly, but he's the R, so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and say 80-110k.

Ciara is still the sexiest chick with no body in the world, and I'd still pick her #1 overall in the Sex Draft, but I'm not sure anybody is checking for this album. I hope they are because I like her, but I just don't feel it or see it. I'm gonna say it falls in the 30-60.

Good ol' Tank is back at them again, and I think he's good for 30-60k.

I don't know much about this project, but a lot of people watch that show she's on, so I'll say 20-45.

Donnie! Def Jam let's another one go under the radar, I'll say 10-25k.

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Random News Shit: SportsCenter Edition

1) And Cliff Lee Chooses....the Phillies!
A free agent spurns New York, and all other suitors, who offered more money, so he could do what he wanted to do. Hmm, where have I heard this story before??

All I have to say about this Cliff Lee signing is that Roger Clemens wouldn't have wanted to play with Roy Halladay, Roy Oswalt, and Cole Hamels, he would've wanted to beat them.

...Wait!

2) Favre's Consecutive Games Streak Ends At 297
I still can't believe the NFL didn't have the Detroit Lions' stadium roof collapsed so Brett could've had a shot to keep his consecutive games streak alive. That really makes me, and a bunch of others, wonder if Brett is actually secretly suspended by the NFL on some "Michael Jordan decides to go play baseball" shit. The Jenn Sterger investigation has ended, and Jenny's people have said they wanted him suspended, so maybe this is the NFL way of protecting one of their legends??

I don't know, he could just be really hurt, but it's always more fun to speculate. It'll be telling if Brett sits out the last 3 games as well (though he doesn't really have any reason to play on now).

3) The Dallas Mavs' Win Streak Ends At 12
The Milwaukee Bucks put in work last night, and came from 20 points down to end the Mavs' streak. Brandon Jennings had 23 and 11, while Andrew Bogut put up 21 and 14 on 10-12 shooting from the field.

Damn, I was hoping the Heat got a chance to end it in Miami on December 20th.

4) Jets Coach Suspended For Tripping Dolphins Player
Rightfully so. It was wrong what he did, but at the end of the day, the Dolphins player was fine, so let the guy keep his job. Its not like he ran onto the field and tripped the guy.

5) Tashard Choice Gets Mike Vick's Autograph After Game
Why was this even a story?? He got one of his idol's autograph, so the fuck what! Tashard should be more concerned with the loss?? Why?? It's not like the game meant anything. The sports media might not realize this because of how good the Cowboys are playing, but we've been out of the playoff race for weeks now. Let the guy get his autograph, and leave him alone. It's not that serious.

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Ja Rule Gets 2 Years, Thanks Again NY Gun Laws

You gotta love these New York gun laws, another hardened criminal is headed to prison. Awesome job guys, awesome.

Aight, let's get down to business: who's gonna start the "Free Ja Rule" campaign?? Is he even signed to anybody's label?? Those are the guys who usually get it cracking with these type of things, with their shirts and recording talking about how it's gonna be over for everyone once [insert rapper] comes home.

Oh well, no matter who starts it, one thing is for sure: both Lil Wayne and Ja Rule getting prison time still isn't the worst thing to come out of that day in New York in 2007, that song Uh Oh they recorded was. That shit is dreadful.

SOURCE

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Somebody's Gonna Get Pregnant: Erika MayShawn Pt. 1

I did a post on this lovely lady well over a year ago, and I figured it was about time to bring her back into the fold. Part 2 is on the way!

**UPDATE**
Part 2 is going to have to come later on today due to technical difficulties (aka every time I post it, it makes the rest of my site disappear).



Related:
Somebody's Gonna Get Pregnant: Erika With Clothes
Somebody's Gonna Get Pregnant: Erika Without Clothes!

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Young Jack Thriller Presents So Disrespectful Ep. 16

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Cam Newton Wins Heisman

Cam Newton won the Heisman trophy, as we all knew he would, but unfortunately the real story is if/when he has to return it. I hope the slave master NCAA and Heisman Trust doesn't do Cilla Cam like they did Reggie Bush, but who knows, you know you can't trust ol' massa.

(Side note: I love Tony Romo, but if Kellen Moore starts to slip in the draft, I wouldn't mind if Jerry Jones went and saved him. Just putting it out there.)

SOURCE

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Catching Up With The Twerk

Mizz Twerksum's titties steal the show once again!



Dammit, I hate when they pull their shorts down when they're riding up their asses! Just let that meat fall when the coochie start getting cut lol.

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NFL Winners & Losers: Week 14

1) Patriots (10-2) @ Bears (9-3)
Brian Urlacher trashed talked the Pats and there's not much evidence of that ever helping anyone's cause against them. Patriots winners, Bears losers.

2) Eagles (8-4) @ Cowboys (4-8)
What the fuck is wrong with my Cowboys?? I know they want to play hard for Jason Garrett and all, but why are we winning games and taking our name out of the hat for a top 5 pick in the 2011 Draft?? I mean, it's not like we can make the playoffs. I say lie down, play dead, and get ready to kill them next year. Eagles winners, Cowboys losers.

3) Dolphins (6-6) @ Jets (9-3)
The Jets got their asses kicked on Monday by the Patriots, and I'm sure they have been getting their asses kicked the rest of the week by Rex Ryans. I know the Dolphins are good on the road, but their offensive line is in shambles. Jets winners, Dolphins losers.

4) Chiefs (8-4) @ Chargers (6-6)
Matt Cassel isn't playing in this game, right? The guy had an emergency appendectomy Wednesday, he's gonna play in an NFL game Sunday? I doubt it. Chargers winners, Chiefs losers.

5) Rams (6-6) @ Saints (9-3)
The Rams could totally win this game. They won't, but they totally could. Saints winners, Rams losers.

6) Raiders (6-6) @ Jaguars (7-5)
West Coast team going East for a 1pm game. I thought the NFL outlawed these game a couple years back?? Oh well. Jaguars winners, Raiders losers.

7) Giants (8-4) @ Vikings (5-7)
I guess Brett Favre is gonna start this game, but really it will have no effect on the outcome. Giants winners, Vikings losers.

8) Ravens (8-4) @ Texans (5-7)
The Texans will NOT beat the Ravens. No explanation needed. Ravens winners, Texans losers.

9) Colts (6-6) @ Titans (5-7)
I know I said there was no way the Colts could lose 3 games in a row last week, but there's definitely no way they can lose 4 straight, right? There's 2 big factors why that shouldn't happen: 1) this is a night game, that isn't against the Chargers, and 2) the Titans gave up on Jeff Fisher weeks ago. Colts winners, Titans losers.

10) Bengals (2-10) @ Steelers (9-3)
If Ben Roethlisberger and the Steelers can beat the Ravens with Ben playing in a specialize boot and with a broken nose, then I'm sure they can beat the Bengals. This game may be closer than we all think, but I'm pretty positive about the outcome. Steelers winners, Bengals losers.

11) Packers (8-4) @ Lions (2-10)
In Aaron Rodgers career as a starters, he's never lost to the Detroit Lions. I don't think that changes this week with a possible tie for the division lead on the line. Packers winners, Lions losers.

12) Buccaneers (7-5) @ Redskins (5-7)
Why do the Redskins keeping fucking around with Albert Haynesworth?? Mike Shanahan will do anything convincable to not grant Haynesworth's wish and release him. Why?? You're not getting any production out of him to help your team, and you're gonna end up paying him regardless. Just release him and move the fuck on with your lives. Buccaneers winners, Redskins losers.

13) Browns (5-7) @ Bills (2-10)
What happened to the Bills?? Yes, they always lose, but at least they fight hard on their way down. Have they finally given up?? I hope so because I'm picking against them again. Browns winners, Bills losers.

(Side note: Let's collective pray this game will be even a tenth better than when these 2 played last year. Remember, the Browns won 6-3 despite Derek Anderson having one of the worst games in NFL history, completing just 2 of his 17 passes for 23 yards and a interception.

Oh, and this just in, Derek said this isn't funny to him.)

14) Falcons (10-2) @ Panthers (1-11)
The Panthers have been showing a lot of fight lately, but their still not winning this game. Falcons winners, Panthers losers.

15) Seahawks (5-7) @ 49ers (4-8)
The 49ers and Cowboys have the same record, but while the Cowboys have been out of the playoff race for weeks, the 49ers are right in the thick of things. Isn't the NFC West awesome?? Niners winners, Seahawks losers.

16) Broncos (3-9) @ Cardinals (3-9)
I know Cam Cameron went 1-15 and got canned after one season with the Dolphins, but has a coach ever, ever, ever crashed, burned, and left a team in worse shape than Josh McDaniels in the year and ¾ he was the head coach of the Broncos?? He ran off/traded away their young QB (Jay Cutler), their young WR (Brandon Marshall), their young RB (Peyton Hillis), and brought in Kyle Orton, Brady Quinn, and Tim Tebow. Oh yeah, and then there's this little Spy Gate 2 thing. Wow, just wow.

Regardless of the carnage McDaniels left in his wake, I'll take the Broncos this week because: 1) interim coaches are 5-1 this season, and 2) the Cardinals are terrible. Broncos winners, Cardinals losers.

This Week: 12-4 (.750)
Overall Record: 126-82 (.606)
Last Week: 10-6 (.625)

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Howard Stern Re-ups With Sirus/XM For 5 More Years

The 5 year contract was said to be worth $500 million, but now everyone is saying it's really worth $400 million. Really who gives a fuck, Howard Stern is one rich bastard. He deserves every penny though because he is Sirius/XM. It's no military secret that Stern's presence alone keeps the entire company going (and yes, that includes the Foxxhole, Shade 45, and Playboy Radio).

You know what would be awesome?? If Stern blocked that cunt Dr. Laura from bringing her show to Sirius/XM. He already doesn't like her ass, and you know he could do it if he wanted to. I doubt he will, but it'd be cool if he did.

SOURCE

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Thursday Billboard Update - 12/9/10

Susan Boyle's The Gift returns to the top of the charts pushing out another 271,600 records. Last week's #1, Kanye West's My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, falls fast to #7 with 108,400 sold in its 2nd week. Last week's #2, Nicki Minaj's Pink Friday, follows Kanye's lead again and falls to #8 with 103,100 sold.

Another week, another new #1. This week it's Katy Perry's Fireworks inching 1 spot up to the top.

The Billboard 200 1-10
first week debuts in bold

1. Susan Boyle - The Gift (3-1)
2. Taylor Swift - Speak Now (4-2)
3. Jackie Evancho - O Holy Night (5-3)
4. Glee Cast - Christmas Album (10-4)
5. Glee Cast - Glee, The Music Vol. 4 (5)
6. Black Eyed Peas - The Beginning (6)
7. Kanye West - My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy (1-7)
8. Nicki Minaj - Pink Friday (2-8)
9. Josh Groban - Illuminations (12-9)
10. Rihanna - Loud (6-10)

• Jazmine Sullivan's sophomore album Love Me Back begins at #17 with 55,700.
• Chrisette Michele's third effort Let Freedom Reign launches at #25 with 42,100.
• Eric Benet's Lost In Time (which I had no idea was out) debuted at #33 with 32,200 sold.
• Ron Isley's Mr. I starts off at #50 with 22,400 sold.
• Another album I didn't know dropped, Slim Thug's Tha Thug Show, debuts at #89 with 13,800 sold.
• And flopping again is Soulja Boy's new piece of shit The DeAndre Way checking in at #90 with just 13,200 sold in its first week. No need for jokes, those sales figures are embarrassment enough.
  

The Billboard Hot 100 1-10
first time top 10's in bold

1. Katy Perry - Firework (2-1)
2. Pink - Raise Your Glass (1-2)
3. Rihanna - What's My Name (5-3)
4. Black Eyed Peas - The Time (Dirty Bit) (9-4)
5. Bruno Mars - Grenade (10-5)
6. Rihanna - Only Girl (In the World) (3-6)
7. Bruno Mars - Just The Way You Are (4-7)
8. Ke$ha - We R Who We R (6-8)
9. Nelly - Just A Dream (8-9)
10. Trey Songz - Bottoms Up (11-10)

• After debuting at #61 last week, Dirty Money's Coming Home jumps 10 spots to #51.
• Flo Rida's Who Dat Girl featuring Akon debuts at #55.
• Akon's Angel re-enters the Hot 100 this week and lands at #57.
• Keri Hilson's Pretty Girl Rock hops 10 spaces 72-62.
• Birdman's new single Fire Flame featuring Lil Wayne, and his first post-prison verse, checks in at #84.

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This Week In Flops 12/7/10

T.I. is fuckin' up. Some people might be surprised that I nominated him for "Lamest Rapper" in the L.A.M.E. Awards, but it's well deserved. You get out of jail, just to go right back in within the same year IN THE PRIME OF YOUR CAREER. Oh well, Tip doesn't need a lecture from me to know that he fucked up, so let's get this pick down.

I'll say King Uncaged King Re-caged No Mercy moves somewhere in the 100-150k range.

Charlie Wilson is having a quietly good year, and I say it continues with a big week (for a Charlie Wilson album) and lands in the 50-90k range.

Def Jam isn't even trying anymore are they?? Sad, sad, sad. 10-30k.

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The L.A.M.E. Awards Nominees

And here are your nominees for the 2010 L.A.M.E. Awards!

Lamest Sports Story
-The Reggie Bush Heisman scandal.
-The Cam Newton pay for play scandal.
-Everything involving LeBron James post-Decision.
-Any and everything involving Brett Favre.
-The Tiger Woods scandal aftermath.

Lamest Movie
-Vampires Suck (Trailer)
-Saw 3D (Trailer)
-The Switch (Trailer)
-Furry Vengeance (Trailer)
-Piranha 3D (Trailer)

Lamest Trend
-Fox tails
-Lace front wigs
-Four Lokos
-Wooden Jesus pieces
-The Shake Weight

Lamest Celebrity Tweeter
-Lil Wayne (@liltunechi)
-Diddy (@iamdiddy)
-Rev. Run (@RevRunWisdom)
-Kim Kardashian (@KimKardashian)
-Terrell Owens (@TerrellOwens)

Lamest Miscellaneous Tweeter
-"Put 'team' in front of everything" person
-"TeamFollowBack" person
-"Retweet to reply" person
-"Announce who you're following/unfollowing" person
-"Tweet celebrities and though they never reply" person

Lamest Miscellaneous Person
-"Put # signs in front everything whether it's on Twitter or not" person.
-"Free [insert jailed rapper]" person.
-Internet gangsta
-Local rapper spammer
-Ugly chick with an attitude

Lamest Hair (Female)
-Rihanna
-Chrisette Michele
-Amber Rose
-Cassie
-Kalenna of Dirty Money

Lamest Hair (Male)
-Bishop Eddie Long
-Andrei Kirilenko
-Justin Bieber
-Nokio
-Anybody with a mohawk still

Lamest New Artist
-Roscoe Dash
-Cali Swag District
-Waka Flocka
-Lil B
-YG

Lamest Title for an Album or Mixtape
-"Flockaveli" by Waka Flocka
-"The Laxative" by Mack Maine
-"Cocaine Waitress" by Diamond
-"Indrupence Day" by Dru Hill
-"Burrrprint 2" by Gucci Mane

Lamest Artwork for an Album or Mixtape
-Sheek - Donnie G
-Kanye West - My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy
-Young Jeezy - Trap Or Die II
-Plies - You Need People Like Me 2
-Waka Flocka - Flockaveli

Lamest Beef
-Brian Pumper vs. Fabolous
-Soulja Boy vs. Fabolous
-MC Hammer vs. Jay-Z
-Lil Kim vs. Nicki Minaj
-Raz B vs. Chris Brown

Lamest Song
-"Pretty Boy Swag" by Soulja Boy
-"Teach Me How To Dougie" by Cali Swag District
-"Rob Myself" by Plies
-"Hope She Cheats On You With A Basketball Player" by Marsha Ambrosius
-"Everything he's dropped since getting out of prison" by Shyne

Lamest Rapper
-Soulja Boy
-Waka Flocka
-T.I.
-The Game
-Shyne

Lame Of The Year
-Soulja Boy
-Kat Stacks
-Montana Fishburne
-Brian Pumper
-Raz B
-Fantasia
-Bishop Eddie Long

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Conan Rocks The Jeggings

Hilarious! This is the only appropriate situation where any man should ever be wearing some fucking jeggings. In fact, I propose we get together a small army and force any seller of jeggings to put a warning label on them that reads: "Jeggings are for women ONLY, unless used for comedic purposes." It's only right. (Side note: I was gonna put "...for women and gay men ONLY..." but then I realized guys would have to prove they're gay to get them, so scratch that.)

Speaking of jeggings, I was on Twitter last night (no shit, right?) and my homegirl tweeted out a picture of her "trying on some jeggings." That was all fine and dandy until I thought to myself: "Self, those pants are tight as Asian eyelids, how could stores allow people to try them on and still have the option to not buy them??" Seriously, isn't that unsanitary?? The way those things hug the fuck out of assholes and vaginas, it's basically equivalent to a chick trying on some pantyhose and then putting them back on the self. Gross. And then think about if dudes try them on with their stinky, hairy man ass. That's just disgusting.

Matter of fact, let's just add something about not being allowed to try them on without buying them first to that warning label I mentioned above. Oh, and I'm definitely not oppose to having jeggings only sold in those L'eggs egg pantyhose containers your mom and/or grandma used to have back in the day.

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Let It Be

What the...

How the...

Uhh...

asiukygfdanKBLEYeiuyzbbmnzuya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(I've never been more lost for words than I am right now. I'm more confused right now that Young Buck on the phone with 50 Cent. I guess I'll just let it be, let it be.)

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NFL Winners & Losers: Week 13

I get on the NFL a lot for all the dumb shit it does, but before we start today, I'd like to commend them on an awesome job scheduling game for this week. There's must-sees all over the place! This should be fun.

1) Jets (9-2) @ Patriots (9-2)
The "Male Model/Don't Leave Ya Girl 'Round Me" Bowl

I have no idea who is gonna win this game. I mean none whatsoever. I guess common logic would say the Pats will win because the Jets struggled to put away a few sub-.500 teams, but the last time I tried to pull that kinda logic on them they rode it all the way to the AFC Championship. Screw it, I'll take the Gang Green. Jets winners, Pats losers.

2) Steelers (8-3) @ Ravens (8-3)
The "Game Most Likely To End Early Due To A Fatally" Bowl

Much like Jets-Pats, I have no idea who's gonna win this match-up either. Honestly, I don't feel too strongly either way. Since I just took the Jets on the road, I'll take the Ravens at home.

Fuck what I originally wrote, Ben Roethlisberger has a broken bone in his foot, I'm taking the Ravens all the way. Ravens winners, Steelers losers.

3) Falcons (9-2) @ Buccaneers (7-4)
The "I Know You're Heavy On The Gays, But Stop Fucking Me Atlanta!" Bowl

I keep betting against the Falcons and losing, but here's the deal this week: the Bucs could find themselves on the outside looking in in the playoff picture unless they can get a win. I think they will. Buccaneers winners, Falcons losers.

4) Cowboys (3-8) @ Colts (6-5)
The "Damn, This Game Seemed Like It'd Be So Much More Awesome Before The Season" Bowl

Operation "Get A Top Draft Pick" continues this week in Indianapolis. The Colts are NOT gonna lose 3 games straight. Colts winners, Cowboys losers.

(Side note: I know I said I wanted to lose last week, but man, fuckin' Roy Williams. Sigh.)

5) Redskins (5-6) @ Giants (7-4)
The "Redskins Ain't Shit" Bowl

The Giants are banged up, but the Redskins suck. Giants winners, Redskins losers.

(Side note: Hey Coughlin, put Bradshaw back in the starting lineup! My fantasy team just lost Frank Gore and I need that fumbling fucker. Make it happen!)

6) Raiders (5-6) @ Chargers (6-5)
The "San Diego Has A Better Change Of Having A Snow Storm Than Losing This Game" Bowl

I'm not sure when the Chargers will lose again, but I'm positive it won't be in Week 13. Chargers winners, Raiders losers.

7) Texans (5-6) @ Eagles (7-4)
The "Back To Life, Back To Reality" Bowl

Back to earth for the Texans this week. Eagles winners, Texans losers.

8) Jaguars (6-5) @ Titans (5-6)
The "I'm Totally Changing My Pick If Kerry Collins Plays, I'm Just Letting You Know Now" Bowl

FAU legend and Pride of Boca Raton Rusty Smith had a tough first NFL start. I'm not sure if he'll ever start again in the NFL, but we're both Owls and by golly we're gonna stick together! Jaguars winners, Titans losers.

9) Browns (4-7) @ Dolphins (6-5)
The "Heat-Cavaliers Under Card" Bowl

How ironic is it the Browns and Dolphins play each other the same week the Heat and Cavaliers do. No real point to this statement, just thought it was interesting.

Anyway, the Dolphins and Browns were two of the teams that fucked me the most last week with me making my picks Tuesday instead of Thursday or Friday. I had no idea Chad Henne was going to play, and as we saw against the Bears, it makes a big difference when Tyler Thigpen is out there and Henne is not. I also had no idea Colt McCoy was injured and would be replaced by Jake Delhomme so he could throw INTs to his former team for a change.

It also messed me up in fantasy football because I benched Fantasy Stud Dan Carpenter assuming he wouldn't get any attempts with Thigpen's inability to gain positive yardage. Oh well, at least I had Fantasy Stud Peyton Hillis. Dolphins winners, Browns losers.

10) 49ers (4-7) @ Packers (7-4)
The "Too Bad This Isn't 1998" Bowl

Tough break for the Niners losing Frank Gore again. I know Brian Westbrook had a great game Monday, but what happens when he suffers his inevitable injury?? What are their options, call up Glen Coffee?? Packers winners, 49ers losers.

11) Bills (2-9) @ Vikings (4-7)
The "Thank Goodness Brett Favre Is Finally Not In The News" Bowl

Yo, what in the fuck is wrong with this nigga Stevie Johnson?? He was already a weird son of a bitch, but then he blames God for not letting him catch the game winning touchdown?? I'm not gonna lie, that shit was funny as hell (especially when read by white commentator and hosts), but it just further backed up my point about how black dudes with mohawks are the devil. Vikings winners, Bills losers.

12) Saints (8-3) @ Bengals (2-9)
The "How Aren't The Saints 7-4 Coming Into This Game? Damn You Roy Williams!" Bowl

I was going to try to make a case for the Bengals to make this competitive, but I can't. Saints winners, Bengals losers.

13) Bears (8-3) @ Lions (2-9)
The "NFL Should Just Award This Game To Detroit For Fucking Them In Week 1" Bowl

When the Bears win this game I guess you can say they swept the season series, only they didn't actually win the first game in Week 1. Bears winners, Lions losers.

14) Broncos (3-8) @ Chiefs (7-4)
The "I'm More Interesting In Seeing What Happens With Todd Haley And Josh McDaniels After The Game Than I Am In The Game Itself" Bowl

To shake or not to shake, that is the question we all can't wait to be answered at this contest's conclusion. If I was Josh McDaniels, I'd point angrily at Todd Haley the entire game, especially if my team was winning. Fortunately for Haley the Broncos suck, and this game in Arrowhead, where the Chiefs look like a legit team. Chiefs winners, Broncos losers.

15) Rams (5-6) @ Cardinals (3-8)
The "I Don't Think Anything Is Funny!" Bowl

Normally I don't like the Rams on the road, but I'm almost positive the Cardinals are done winning games this year. Rams winners, Cards losers.

16) Panthers (1-10) @ Seahawks (5-6)
The "I Guess Someone Has to Win" Bowl

I thought Seattle was supposed to be an unbeatable home team?? What the fuck?? They can't lose at home in back-to-back weeks, right?? Seahawks winners, Panthers losers.

This Week: 10-6 (.625)
Overall Record: 114-78 (.594)
Last Week: 10-6 (.625)

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