BUS DRIVER UPPERCUT PARODY

These hoes be actin up and I be uppercuttin em!

September 30, 2011

NFL Winners & Losers: Week 4

1) Lions (3-0) @ Cowboys (2-1)
I know the Lions are 3-0, but can somebody please explain to me why coming back to beat the Bucs and Vikings and destroying the Chiefs means Dallas is automatically going to lose this game? Call me crazy, but the more people keep picking Detriot to win, the more I think they're going to lose. Cowboys winners, Lions losers.

(Side note: I know Calvin Johnson is a beast, but keep in mind he only has 2 more catches and 8 less yards than Miles Austin despite playing in 3 games to Austin's 2.)

Continue»

September 29, 2011

Thursday Billboard Update - 9/29/11

Last week Tony Bennett became the oldest artist to have a single debut on the Hot 100, this week he becomes the oldest living artist to hit #1 on the Billboard 200. His new collaborative album Duets II sold 179,000 in its first week.

Maroon 5's Moves Like Jagger featuring Christina Aguilera remains at #1 for a 4th non-consecutive week, and LMFAO's Sexy And I Know It skies 25-10.

Continue»

September 27, 2011

This Week In Flops 9/27/11

This Week In Flops took a little break (okay, a 6 month break), but with that virus forcing me into a dry spell, I figured there was no better time than now to bring it back. It also didn't hurt that I'm now pretty sure J. Cole's album is going to flop.

Look, I'm a major J. Cole supporter, but Cole World is about to flop as hard as that wall the Situation ran into in Italy. Tonight a friend and I spent about 2 hours searching Best Buy and Target for his debut album only to come up empty. On the surface that's a great thing, because it means the album is selling. Then I realized there just wasn't many copies on display to begin with (the exact opposite of Lil Wayne albums because sadly there were rows and rows of Tha Carter IV and I Am Not A Human Being). That's not a good thing because fans can want to buy your album all they want, but they can't make the purchase if the albums isn't there.

Now, I'm not sure exactly how many copies Sony shipped, but I can see the "It's the label's fault, the album was undershipped" headlines in the distance. I'm going to continue to try to find a physical copy of the album, but I'm expecting low numbers next week when the SoundScan drops. I'm going with 25-50k for Cole.

**UPDATE**
First, I finally found a copy of Cole World. Thank goodness! And second, apparently Broward County stores were the only ones understocked because "industry prognosticators" say J. Cole's debut is headed for sales of 240,000-250,000 and the #1 spot. Man, it would be insane if that comes to fruition because Cole definitely never found his Slow Jamz.

September 23, 2011

NFL Winners & Losers: Week 3


1) Packers (2-0) @ Bears (1-1)
The last time the Packers visited Soldier Field, Aaron Rodgers threw 0 touchdowns, 2 interceptions, and the Packers nearly loss to Caleb Hanie. Hell, with the way the Bears protect Jay Cutler, we might be seeing Hanie again in this game. Either way, I'm taking the champs to win a close one for no apparent reason besides the fact I hate the Bears. Packers winners, Bears losers.

Continue»

September 22, 2011

Thursday Billboard Update - 9/22/11

Lady Antebellum's Own The Night is the new #1 with 116,500 sold. And that's about it.

Maroon 5's Moves Like Jagger featuring Christina Aguilera remains at #1 for a 3rd non-consecutive week.

Continue»

September 21, 2011

Yelawolf - Hard White (Up In The Club) (feat. Lil Jon) Video


This is going to sound like a cruel joke, but I swore it's a compliment: this song would've been the SHIT in 2003-04! Lil Jon's crunk music got the Ying Yang Twinz, the Youngbloodz, Lil Scrappy and a bunch of other hits back in the day, you telling me this wouldn't have been one of them? Not saying it's not hot now, but you would've been hearing it constantly back then.

Personally, I like the song regardless of the year. The shit is bumpin' and it shows me Yelawolf is capable of making mainstream hits in the future without forcing it (See: Papoose). That's obviously the key to new artist success these days.

If It Ain't One Thing It's Another....

Dammit man! Soon as I finally get my internet situation stablized, what happens? I get a punk ass fucking virus on my computer. Ain't that some shit? I mean, I wasn't even looking for porn when it happened it. (Yeah, I know, disappointing.) I was actually Googling that Amy Schumer joke about Ryan Dunn from the Charlie Sheen Roast and then BAM! My computer shuts down. It's been on that fuck shit ever since.

Well, I'm going to try to do everything in my power to not have to wipe my computer clean, so expect things to be slow around here for the next few days. Thanks for barring with me through this bullshit.

September 19, 2011

Fabolous Responds To Ray J


Maybe it's just me, but Fab's story sounds A LOT more plausible than Ray J's. Oh well, we can only hope another one of these is in store with Fab's name on it.

Related:
Ray J Claims He Punched Fabolous In Vegas

Ray J Claims He Punched Fabolous In Vegas


First and foremost, I gotta say this was hands down the funniest shit I've heard on the radio since The LOX were trying to get their publishing back from Diddy on Angie Martinez's show a few years ago. This nigga Ray J is pure comedy! My nigga Ray said he's gonna get a gay thug to rape Fab's bootyhole (no word on if Ray J plans to be in the room). LMAO! And did y'all hear him starting to get emotional around the 2:50 mark when he was talking about getting detained? Voice all cracking and shit. No disrespect to Kevin Hart, but Ray J is that nigga in this comedy right now. He's got the crown for at least today.

Okay, now back to the situation at hand. So all of this foolishness started when Fab tweeted about HBO showing Ray J singing One Wish at Floyd Mayweather's crib Friday night. Evidently Ray J felt some type of way about it and hit Fabolous in his face. When exactly did the alleged assault take place? Who knows.

Ray J talked about getting kicked out of the Palms (which is where Fabolous was performing last night) and getting "arrested," so that would lead me to believe it took place last night. BUT then Diddy's dinner party was Saturday night (okay, Sunday morning, whatever) after the Mayweather fight and both Fabolous and Kevin Hart tweeted about being with Ray J and him explaining what was up with him singing One Wish to Floyd.

I don't know, I'm completely lost in all of this. All I know is that Ray J speaking on the situation on the Breakfast Club was fucking hilarious. Of course all of this still doesn't get Ray J any respect or street cred (nigga you still Brandy's brother AND you almost cried during this interview lol) but who cares, I'm just in it for the laughs. 

Question: If Ray J really did swing on Fab, I wonder if he sucker punched him like his boy Mayweather did Victor Ortiz? I mean, I fuck with Floyd, and he was going to win the fight anyway, but y'all know damn well that knockout was some bullshit lol.

**UPDATE**
Fabolous has responded to Ray J on DJ Clue's show! Check it out!


Related:
Fabolous Responds To Ray J

Somebody's Gonna Get Pregnant: Rihanna In Brazil

This ain't a nip slip (a cheek slip maybe?), but gotdamn it's still glorious. Damn I love me some Rihanna!

Shout out to ThisIs50 for the pics.

Continue»

September 16, 2011

J. Cole - Can't Get Enough (feat. Trey Songz)


Nice chill lil song and video. He's still looking for his Slow Jamz, but he's getting warmer.

Frank Ocean - Swim Good Video


Interesting. Not sure what this had to do with the song, but interesting.

NFL Winners & Losers: Week 2


Finally, Michael Vick gets to return to the city that adores him to play the team that abandoned him. This should be a good fucking time (well, unless the Falcons come out and lay an egg like they did in Week 1).

Question: What are the chances that Atlanta cheers louder for Vick when he enters the field than they do Falcons, plus get their asses kicked and love every minute of it despite their team now being 0-2? The mere fact that this has even the slightest possibility of happening gives the Heagles the ultimate advantage. Eagles winners, Falcons losers.

Continue»

New Amber Rose Nude Pics Leak...Again

What happens more often, DMX going to jail, Gucci Mane going to jail, or Amber Rose having nude pics leak? I mean, shit, I'm damn near getting tired of seeing Amber's pussy... okay, no I'm not, but I do feel like I've seen Amber's pussy at least half as many times as Wiz Khalifa by now.

Oh well, ultimately this is an awesome problem to have, especially only a day after Scarlett Johansson's nudes leaked the other day. Personally, I'm just happy we're over that weird 2010 male nude pic phase.

In other nude pic news, how much do you think Jive paid this chick to take nude pics with Miguel and pretend like they were fucking? More or less than they paid Papoose to leave and never come back again?

September 15, 2011

David Banner - Swag Video


You probably won't see this on 106 & Park, or BET at all for that matter, but this shit is NICE! The beat, the lyrics, the hook, THE MESSAGE, all incredible. It's insane that this is a radio record that stands no chance to get played on the radio. Where are we people? Where are we? Swag!

(Side note: How long before some idiot blogger posts this with "Lil B & Kreayshawn Diss" in the title?)

Thursday Billboard Update - 9/15/11

Despite a 77% sales decrease, Lil Wayne's Tha Carter IV easily remains #1 with another 218,761 albums sold. Re-entering the top 10 for the first time since last October is Maroon 5's Hands All Over, which jumps 23-7 with 28,564 albums sold.

Staying on Maroon 5, on top of re-entering the top 10, their Moves Like Jagger featuring Christina Aguilera lands back at #1 this week after being bumped by Adele's Someone Like You last week. Cracking the top 10 for the first time is Rihanna's Cheers (Drink to That) (11-10).

Continue»

September 14, 2011

J. Cole - Mr. Nice Watch (feat. Jay-Z)

Despite Young Jeezy, Big K.R.I.T., and Yelawolf all getting their albums pushed back from this month J. Cole's Cole World: The Sideline Story is still on scheduled to be released September 27th. Here's the latest offering from the highly anticipated debut.


I like it. I like it a lot. I'm not in love with the concept of the song, but outside of that, the shit is pretty dope. Plus, it isn't all boring like Work Out. Cole still needs to find his Slow Jamz (and with less than 2 weeks to spare, he better hurry it the hell up), but at least this is a step in the right direction.

Behind The Scenes Of Rhymefest & Kanye's Failed Puppet Show


How in the FUCK did Comedy Central pick up The Jeff Dunham Show, but not Alligator Boots? I mean, it's not like Alligator Boots was before his time in 2001 and The Jeff Dunham Show perfected puppeteering, no, they were both made around 2009 and Comedy Central picked up one and not the other.

Wait a minute, wasn't 2009 the same year Kanye jumped on stage and interrupted Taylor Swift's bullshit acceptance speech? I wonder if that had anything to do with their decision not to pick up the show? Or if their decision not to pick up the show had anything to do with him getting drunk on the red carpet and running on stage? Either way, Alligator Boots is a distant memory and The Jeff Dunham Show is still going on strong. Oh, wait...

(Side note: Alligator Boots should've been picked up for Kim Kardasian saying "penis in my vagina" alone!)

September 13, 2011

Big K.R.I.T. Speaks On His Album Being Pushed Back

Brotherly Love


This shit right here, nigga? This shit right here, nigga? Classic!

September 12, 2011

Kevin Hart's Movie Does Numbers!

No, Kevin Hart's "Laugh At My Pain" didn't break any box office records in its opening weekend, but the flick did very well considering it was a limited release. Despite being shown in less than 100 theaters, Kev still grossed $2 million over the weekend with a robust $20,200 per theater average. To give you an idea of how large that is here's "Laugh At My Pain's" stats in comparison to the #1 movie in the country, "Contagion":

"Contagion"got 3,222 screens and made $7,200 per theater, that's not even half of what "Laugh At My Pain" did.

Now of course Kev's per theater stats are a bit skewed due to people having to flock to the theaters that were actually showing his movie, but that's still quite impressive with so little backing.

September 11, 2011

Living Gonzo With Lil B


I was watching this the other day, and I must say, Lil B is truly one of the weirdest niggas in Hip-Hop history. I know I'm not breaking any news by saying that, but hell, it needed to be said again... and again... and again.

You wanna know how I know Lil B is a crazy person? Because if I told you I had a time machine and went 5 years in the future and said "Lil B formed a cult and they all killed themselves after letting him fuck their bitches" you would totally believe me. Don't lie, you would. That nig cray.

Ying Yang Twins: We're Still Alive

Yeah, I know what you're thinking right now "These niggas still living?" Well apparently, yes they are. Check out their video for their new song Big Butts.


 It's so sad when rappers fall off and try to get it back. Hey Ying, hey Yang, it's over guys. QUIT!

Cowboys Reward Jason Witten With Extension

Friday Jay Ratliff got his extension, and now Jerry locked up Jason Witten for another 5 years. The extension is worth $37 million with $19 million in guarantees. Yada, yada, I'm ready for some football!

SOURCE

Jimmy Kimmel's Tribute To Uncle Frank


I'm not even gonna lie, I sat here and teared up watching this like Jimmy was talking about someone I knew personally. There was just something about Uncle Frank that made you feel that way. R.I.P. Uncle Frank.

TM103 Gets Pushed Back Again

I guess the Real isn't back after all. I thought it was kinda odd he released a mixtape that close to his "release date"... well among other things like the album not even having a cover or tracklisting yet.

As of right now, there is no new release date scheduled, but seeing how Big K.R.I.T.'s album got pushed back to early 2012, I'm guessing the new date for TM103 will be in December. Hopefully Jeezy can build some actual buzz by then because while Jeezy fans are anticipating this album, I'm not sure how many others are. And if Def Jam can't even give solid release dates, I doubt there will be any massive marketing plan. Shit isn't looking great for Jeezy right now.

Oh well, guess we'll just have to wait and see what's up. The Real Is Back 2 will have to do for now.

SOURCE

September 10, 2011

Adrian Peterson & Troy Polamalu Get Paid

And just in time for the official kickoff to the 2011 NFL season!

Adrian's deal is worth $100 million over 7 years with $36 million guaranteed, and Troy's deal is worth $36.5 million over 4 years with a $10.5 million signing bonus.

I'm not gonna lie, I don't give a shit and really have no opinion on these deals, I'm just ready for some fucking football. Let's get it!

Why???: Dance Fu Trailer


Damn.

September 08, 2011

NFL Winners & Losers: Week 1

Ahhhhhhhhh YEAH! It's that time again and I couldn't be any more excited! Man, it seems like only weeks ago the lockout was going strong and the season was in jeopardy... Oh yeah, probably because it was only weeks ago. Either way, I'm ready for some football, so let's get started with these Week 1 predictions.

The Ryan Bowl

I always get on the NFL for their stupidity (and I may or may not later), so let me give them their props for totally nailing this Sunday nighter. So many story lines! Rex vs. Rob, Miles-Dez vs. Revis-Cromartie, Broadway vs. Big D, America's Team vs. America's Most Talkative Team.

Oh, and then there's the small matter of it being the 10th anniversary of 9/11. America's Team in New York (okay, New Jersey) for 9/11? Again, the NFL nailed the fuck out of this match-up and made it its bitch.

Continue»

Thursday Billboard Update - 9/8/11

We have another new #1 this week, and no surprise that it's Lil Wayne's Tha Carter IV with a staggering 963,970 copies sold. With an 88% sales increase, Adele's 21 remains at #3 with 154,182 sold. Also posting huge post-VMA gains is Beyonce's 4 which jumps back into the top 10 (12-7) with 39,265 copies sold. That's good for an 87% increase from last week.

After one week at the top of the Hot 100, Maroon 5's Moves Like Jagger featuring Christina Aguilera is bumped to #2 to make way for Adele's Someone Like You, which skyrockets 19-1 after her performance at the VMAs. And after "her" performance at the VMAs, Lady Gaga's You & I scoots 10 spots 16-6.

Continue»

September 06, 2011

Mos Def Says He's Changing His Stage Name To Yasiin Bey

Let me get this straight, Mos doesn't want a moniker or a separation between who he knows himself as and what people call him, so he made up a new name to call himself for 2012? Riiiiiiight.

Really, Mos? Yasiin Bey? Your name is Dante Terrell Smith, where do you get Yasiin Bey out of that?

Now, while I think this decision is quite lame, it's obviously not my decision to make, so he can call himself whatever the hell he wants to next year, but on FiyahMuZik.com he will remain Mos Def.

Jaguars Cut David Garrard

Man, what goes around comes around like a muthafucka, don't it? You might remember back in 2007, the Jaguars released Byron Leftwich and named Garrard the starter, well today Garrard did his best Leftwich impression to make way for either Luke McCown or Blaine Gabbert.

Not sure why they didn't just do this Saturday when NFL teams had to trim rosters down to 53, but whatever, that's the Jags for you. It's a shame the Jags still haven't thought to cut Jack Del Rio.

Introducing Dizzle Dizz


Generally, I like it when anybody flows over Run-D.M.C.'s Peter Piper, so I'm definitely fucking with this chick Dizzle Dizz doing it. Yeah, her rap name is wack as fuck, but she's not. And on top of that, she has a nice ass rack on her. (I just found out this chick is only 15! I take back my last sentence, please don't send Chris Hanson for me.) I'm officially a fan.

Continue»

50 Cent Street King PSA


Though some moves 50 makes may be questionable (*cough* signing Shawty Lo *cough*), this definitely isn't one of them. Support Street King at StreetKing.com.

(Side note: Why isn't there a drinking game surrounded around 50 Cent's constant use of the words "actual" and "actually" in his public appearances?)

Chris Bosh To Debate Skip Bayless Next Week


That's right, on September 14th, Miami Heat forward Chris Bosh will be on First Take to debate the man who dubbed him Bosh Spice, Skip Bayless. Hopefully Bosh brings his A game and not that super generic BS that most athlete come with when they debate Skip. Can't wait on some Bart Scott shit!

September 03, 2011

The Bank Heist

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

T.I. Sent Back To Prison On Some Bullshit

As you all know, T.I. was released from federal penitentiary the other day, and yesterday was sent back for arriving to the halfway house in a luxury bus. That's right, not for smoking weed, not for selling drugs, not for shooting at anybody, but for arriving in a luxury bus. HOW IS THAT A CRIME?!?

Hands fucking down, this is biggest load of BULLSHIT I've ever heard anybody sent to prison for since Plax Burress was sentenced for shooting himself. And I'm not saying that because he's T.I. the famous rapper, I'm saying it because it doesn't make one ounce of sense.

Besides, this is lazy as FUCK! Remember back in the day when the Man at least had the decency to frame you before locking you up? No more. Now they're just saying "Fuck it, we want your ass in prison, so you're going to prison." All the way fucked up.

September 01, 2011

Jim Gaffigan Stops By Jimmy Fallon


This muthafucka Jim Gaffigan is so fucking funny! If you haven't seen King Baby, you're sleep.

(Side note: I'm eating a Snickers right now.)

Skip Bayless In Madden 12


Did you see the highlights from that Lions-Pats game? Ocho isn't beating anyone right now, even Skip Bayless.

Continue»

Chris Johnson Gets Paid!

With a ton of fantasy football drafts taking place this weekend, Chris Johnson finally ends his holdout and signs a 4-year extension worth $53 million with $30 million in guarantees. Yes! Now he can officially afford to put way too much money into Flashy Lifestyle Entertainment albums that nobody is looking for.

No word on whether the Titans waived all the fines he accrued by holding out.

Thursday Billboard Update - 9/1/11

The Game's R.E.D. Album takes over the #1 spot on the Billboard 200 by narrowly beating out Jay-Z and Kanye West's Watch The Throne with 97,528 albums sold. Watch The Throne sold 94,227 albums and slipped to #2. Also, debuting at #8, and bringing the beef to The Game is Muppets: The Green Album. (Damn I wish they spelled it G.R.E.E.N.!)

We have a new #1 on the Hot 100 as well this week as Maroon 5's Moves Like Jagger featuring Christina Aguilera leaps 3 spaces from #4. Last week's #1, Katy Perry's Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.), slides to #5. Entering the top 10 at #10 is the Gym Class Heroes' Stereo Hearts featuring Adam Levine.

Continue»