October 14, 2012

NFL Winners & Losers: Week 6

1) Giants (3-2) @ 49ers (4-1)
How are the Giants trying to play the "Nobody Believes In Us" card heading into the 6th week of the season after they won the Super Bowl? Fuck outta here with that bullshit Tom Coughlin!

With that being said, the 49ers should be the reigning Super Bowl champs, I'm still not sure how they managed to lose that NFC Championship game (or how Kyle Williams remained employed after single-handedly losing it for them), but they are better than the Giants. Besides that, they have not one, but two former G-Men (Mario Manningham and Brandon Jacobs' corpse) to tell their already dominate defense everything they need to know about New York's offense. Niners winners, Giants losers.

2) Cowboys (2-2) @ Ravens (4-1)
Can Dallas win this game? Of course. Will Dallas win this game? Now that's a different story. Besides, Baltimore is undefeated against Dallas all-time (yes, its only been 2 games, but still...) and haven't lost a home game since December of 2010 (13 straight wins, longest streak in the NFL). Ravens winners, Cowboys losers.

3) Packers (2-3)* @ Texans (5-0)
This is where  the undefeated fairy tale comes to an end for the Texans...but if it doesn't, I'll officially be ready to rule Green Bay out of playoff contention, the NFC is too deep. It's a shame they don't have just one more win. Oh well, right Roger Goodell? Packers winners, Texans losers.

4) Patriots (3-2) @ Seahawks (3-2)*
You can never underestimate Seattle playing in games at home because of their 12th man, but as long as the Pats can put up 20+ points, there's no way they can lose this week (especially since their 13th man, the replacement refs, are gone). Of course that Seahawks D will make it tough, but again, if they can get at least 20, they'll be fine because Seattle's offense is trash. I guess that's what happens when you let the guy who sings Chocolate Rain start at quarterback for your team. Patriots winners, Seahawks losers.

5) Broncos (2-3) @ Chargers (3-2)
All I have to say about this game is Peyon Manning at night. Yeah, he was pretty much terrible in his last night game, but c'mon, Peyton Manning at night! How can you go against it? Broncos winners, Chargers losers.

6) Vikings (4-1) @ Redskins (2-3)
Is RG3 playing in this game? If so, he shouldn't be. With either Kirk Cousins or RG3-and-out (Rex Grossman) starting, I definitely have Minnesota winners. Vikings winners, Redskins losers.

7) Rams (3-2) @ Dolphins (2-3)
This game was tougher to pick than I had originally expected, but instead of boring you to death talking about 2 uninteresting teams, I'm just gonna tell you I went with the home team. Dolphins winners, Rams losers.

8) Colts (2-2) @ Jets (2-3)
Yes, the Colts were impressive coming back from a double-digit deficit against the Packers, but they were still down by double-digits, riding an emotional wave, and playing at home. The good news for them is that as long as they can score at least 14, the Jets can't win. Colts winners, Packers losers.

9) Lions (1-3) @ Eagles (3-2)
Both of these teams are frauds, but at least the Eagles have found ways to win this year, unlike the Lions. Eagles winners, Lions losers.

10) Bills (2-3) @ Cardinals (4-1)
Arizona has an awful offensive line, back ups starting at running back to replace their 2 garbage injured running backs, and Kevin Kolb at quarterback. Then again, Buffalo is Buffalo. Cardinals winners, Bills losers.

11) Raiders (1-3) @ Falcons (5-0)
Please! Falcons winners, Raiders losers.

12) Steelers (2-2) @ Titans (1-4)
Just like everybody else in America, I picked the Steelers to win Thursday before getting the word that 40% of their team wouldn't finish the game. Bad times. Steelers winners, Titans losers.

13) Bengals (3-2) @ Browns (0-5)
Believe it or not, but the Browns actually hung with the Bengals when they played in Cincinnati in Week 2. With that being said, I'm sure they will disappoint yet again. Bengals winners, Browns losers.

14) Chiefs (1-4) @ Buccaneers (1-3)
If the fans in KC thought they hated Matt Cassel, just wait until they get a Sunday full of Brady Quinn under their belts. Besides, how could I pick against Greg Schiano's patented "Try To Take Out An Offensive Lineman's Knees By Attempting To Cause A Fumble (That Will Never Happen) On A Kneel Down" strategy? Buccaneers winners, Chiefs losers

This Week: 6-8 (.429)
Last Week: 9-5 (.643)
Season: 51-40 (.560)*

*Due to the Inaccurate Reception, these win/lose totals are fucked for the season.