February 05, 2012

The Winners & Losers Of Super Bowl XLVI

As I continue to sit here and sulk over the fact the Giants wouldn't have even made the playoffs if my Cowboys could've just held a 12 point lead with 5:41 left to play in the 4th quarter in Week 14, y'all enjoy the winners and losers of Super Bowl XLVI.

Winners: Walter Payton's daughter; the National Anthem; bedazzle microphones; odd first scoring plays; Elton John's platform shoes in that lame Pepsi commercial; Henry Hynoski prop bets; 12 men on the field penalties to negate turnovers; Victor Cruz; Salsa dancing; naked M&Ms; Twinkies; cat murder; cat murder cover ups; overweight dogs; JPP's hands; JPP's father; Steve Weatherford's punting; The Avengers; Adriana Lima from the Teleflora commercial; Braxton P. Hartnabrig; G.I. Joe; The Rock; Jay-Z quotes; Danny Woodhead; the gays; Metta World Peace; Ochocino; Aaron Hernandez; making it rain; momentum shifts; hits by Patrick Chung; mangy mutts doing slave labor; Mario Manningham; Eli Manning; Adam Carolla's betting losing streak; Tiquan Underwood (aka the Fresh Prince); the New York Giants.

Losers: Kelly Clarkson's bangs; Audi's vampire commercial; Tom Brady's first pass; over excitement about being the last men on Earth and living in a world with no women; prohibition; turning board games into movies (Battleship); H&M's David Beckham commercial (Who the fuck thought this was a good idea for a game being watched by mostly men?); my eye sight; Travis Beckum's ACL; Wes Welker's mustache; Swizz Beatz's check from that NFL.com fantasy commercial; the halftime show; M.I.A.'s middle finger (thanks for ensuring us 10 more years of old fogeys performing the halftime show, idiot); any hope for a Nicki Minaj wardrobe malfunction; Cee-Lo's neck; James Harrison (you know he was at home pissed watching all those hard hits go uncalled); Tom Brady throwing deep; anyone who would drink out of a bottle that mangy mutt in the Bug Light commercial had in its mouth; Samsung thinking anybody wants a cell phone you need a pen to operate in 2012; Ahmad Bradshaw's ability to stop; Patriots receivers; Birdman; Bill Belichick; the New England Patriots.