December 16, 2012

NFL Winners & Losers: Week 15

1) 49ers (9-3-1) @ Patriots (10-3)
The Patriots average the most points per game in the NFL (36.3) and the 49ers allow the least (14.2), so something has got to give Sunday night. Initially, I was going to pick San Fran, then I found out New England hasn't loss a home game in December since Week 17 of the 2005 season (Tom Brady only threw 8 passes in that game as Bill Belichick decided to rest his starters for the playoffs), and the last time they loss one before that was in Week 16 of the 2002 season.

Oh, and have you realized the Pats haven't loss a game since Richard Sherman got in Tom Brady's face after the game in Seattle? "Thanks, dick. Sincerely, rest of the NFL." Patriots winners, 49ers losers.

(Side note: Poor Donte' Stallworth, it took him 13 weeks to find work and now he's on the IR after one game. Somehow I feel like bad karma and Josh Brent's DUI manslaughter just days before Stallworth's return led to this.)

2) Colts (9-4) @ Texans (11-2)
Man, did I call that Texans game on Monday or what? They'll make up for it this week though. Well, unless the Colts have some ChuckStrong thing planned that I'm not aware of. Texans winners, Colts losers.

3) Giants (8-5) @ Falcons (11-2)
Hopefully New York won't make Atlanta hold its pocket and follow it around again, that's always embarrassing. Giants winners, Falcons losers.

4) Broncos (10-3) @ Ravens (9-4)
I know Jim Caldwell will be calling the offensive plays for the Ravens and you know Jim Caldwell will be calling the offensive plays for the Ravens, but does Jim Caldwell? I wanted to pick Baltimore, but how can I put my trust in a dead guy's game plan? Broncos winners, Ravens losers.

5) Packers (9-4) @ Bears (8-5)
If Russell Wilson could come into Chicago and get a win, I don't see why Aaron Rodgers can't. Make sense, right? Right. Packers winners, Bears losers.

6) Steelers (7-6) @ Cowboys (7-6)
As I was celebrating a rare victory in a game Dallas had to win, it slowly began to sink in that it would make far more sense if they also won their next 2 games, set up a win-and-you're-in playoff scenario for Week 17, only to crap the bed and watch RGIII and company celebrate a playoff berth in Washington. A yet fitting ending to a Cowboys season these days. Cowboys winners, Steelers losers.

7) Redskins (7-6) @ Browns (5-8)
RGIII allegedly won't be starting this game, despite practicing all week, but doesn't this feel like a trap? Cleveland is playing pretty well and this will be Kirk Cousins first career start, the smell of trap is getting stronger. You can't fool me though, Washington. Redskins winners, Browns losers.

8) Vikings (7-6) @ Rams (6-6-1)
The Rams have a good run defense and the Vikings' only strength is running, so in theory the Rams should win, right? Wrong! This is Adrian Peterson we're talking about here. Vikings winners, Rams losers.

9) Buccaneers (6-7) @ Saints (5-8)
New Orleans' playoff hopes crashed and burned last week in New York, and Tampa Bay's is heading the same way after blowing a game to Philly. The reason I said all of this? Beats me. Saints winners, Buccaneers losers.

10) Seahawks (8-5) @ Bills (5-8)
No Fred Jackson, no Eric Wood, are we sure this isn't 2011? Seahawks winners, Bills losers.

11) Panthers (4-9) @ Chargers (5-8)
Wait, the Chargers won another game this season? So teams don't just have to be pathetic because they've lost a few games straight? Someone should inform the Cardinals. But yeah, I'm going for 2 in a row for Norv because while it seems like Ron Rivera should have the advantage facing his old defensive unit, but he doesn't because he's Ron Rivera. Chargers winners, Panthers losers.

12) Bengals (7-6) @ Eagles (4-9)
Wait, the Eagles won too? Madness! Well unfortunately for them, I don't see back-to-back wins in their future like I do for the Chargers; the Bengals are still very much in the playoff hunt and they usually beat down shitty teams. Bengals winners, Eagles losers.

13) Jets (6-7) @ Titans (4-9)
Steelers-Cowboys, Niners-Pats, Packers-Bears, Colts-Texans, Giants-Falcons, all these awesome match-ups and ESPN picked this one? Yikes! Of course they had no way of knowing how the season would shake out, but I would've picked any of those other match-ups over this one even before last season began. Oh well, I guess MNF had to come back to Earth after nailing Giants-Redskins and Texans-Pats the past 2 weeks, even though the latter was a blowout.

In other news, the Jets signed Braylon Edwards this week after unsuccessfully trying to trade for him earlier this season when he was still with the Seahawks. Good thing he wasn't just on their team a couple years ago and they willingly decided to not re-sign him. Hey, wait a minute... Titans winners, Jets losers.

14) Jaguars (2-11) @ Dolphins (5-8)
Welcome to the Chad Henne Bowl! I know Chad will want to get back at the team that let him go, but I don't think he will. Dolphins winners, Jaguars losers.

15) Lions (4-9) @ Cardinals (4-9)
Has any other team in NFL history ever start 4-0 and ended 0-12? If not, Arizona is about to make some history. Cardinals winners, Lions losers.

16) Chiefs (2-11) @ Raiders (3-10)
Both of these teams are so bad I don't even know who to pick, so I'm just gonna take Oakland since they're at home. Raiders winners, Chiefs losers.

This Week: 12-4 (.750)
Last Week: 9-7 (.563)
Season: 143-80-1 (.641)*

*Due to the Inaccurate Reception, these win/lose totals are fucked for the season.