December 23, 2012

NFL Winners & Losers: Week 16

1) 49ers (10-3-1) @ Seahawks (9-5)
It doesn't look like Justin Smith is gonna be able to play in this game, and that definitely hurts San Francisco, but I like them to handle business in Seattle. I'm still not a believer in their team, I'm sorry. 49ers winners, Seahawks losers.

2) Giants (8-6) @ Ravens (9-5)
I know the Giants got blanked last week in Atlanta, but the Ravens are just too injured and too fraudulent to win again this season. Giants winners, Ravens losers.

3) Bengals (8-6) @ Steelers (7-7)
Am I the only one who thinks everyone is panicking over the Steelers a tad bit early? Are they really gonna lose these last 2 home games and miss the playoffs? I don't know, I just don't see it happening. Steelers winners, Bengals losers.

4) Vikings (8-6) @ Texans (12-2)
If Christian Ponder can't throw for 200 yards against Houston he should be benched for Joe Webb. Hell, he should be benched for Joe Webb any-damn-way, that nigga is terrible. With what Adrian Peterson has done this year, it makes no sense for Minnesota to be struggling for a playoff spot. Texans winners, Vikings losers.

5) Saints (6-8) @ Cowboys (8-6)
I said last week that Dallas will make sure this season ends in the most excruciating way possible for me and the only way for that to be true would be for them to win this game. Besides that, I've read more than once today that New Orleans would purposely try to lose this game to help the Cowboys make the playoffs because if they don't Jason Garrett might get canned and Jerry Jones might try to steal Sean Payton. While I know all the folks I read bring it up were joking, it actually wouldn't be a bad strategy, to be honest. Cowboys winners, Saints losers.

6) Redskins (8-6) @ Eagles (4-10)
RG3 is going to start this game, but it really wouldn't matter if Mike Shanahan started at QB, Washington has this shit sown up. It'd be nice if Philly played like they were getting paid in what will likely be Andy Reid's last home game as head coach, but I wouldn't count on it. Redskins winners, Eagles winners.

7) Browns (5-9) @ Broncos (11-3)
The Browns have played tough for most of the season, but if they couldn't beat Kirk Cousins, they aren't beating Peyton Manning. Broncos winners, Browns losers.

8) Falcons (12-2) @ Lions (4-10)
Calvin Johnson broke Jerry Rice's record, so at least Detroit had something to root for. Falcons winners, Lions losers.

9) Titans (5-9) @ Packers (10-4)
Surprisingly, Green Bay hasn't blown too many team out this season, so I don't see that on the horizon (though Tennessee is very "blow-out-able"). I just see a nice, fairly comfortable win. Packers winners, Titans losers.

10) Bears (8-6) @ Cardinals (5-9)
I thought the Cardinals were done winning games in the 2012 season, but they proved me wrong last week. Oh well, let's not get carried away and think they're gonna win 2 straight. Bears winners, Cardinals losers.

11) Rams (6-7-1) @ Buccaneers (6-8)
What happened to Tampa? They started cold, got really hot in the middle of the season, and now they're cold again. They're hot streak lasted about as long as Hurrican Chris. Rams winners, Buccaneers losers.

12 Bills (5-9) @ Dolphins (6-8)
The Bills just allowed the Seahawks to hang 50 on them, I feel pretty comfortable saying the Phins will win this one. Dolphins winners, Bills losers.

13) Patriots (10-4) @ Jaguars (2-12)
Uhhh, yeah. Patriots winners, Jaguars losers.

14) Colts (9-5) @ Chiefs (2-12)
Not that they needed it to take down the Chiefs, but Chuck Pagano has been medically cleared to return to the team. A date has yet to be announced, but hopefully he makes his return in the playoffs, so people can make some more of that ChuckStrong paper. Colts winners, Chiefs losers.

15) Raiders (4-10) @ Panthers (5-9)
Terrelle Pryor is supposed to get some snaps in this game, so good thing the Oakland didn't trade first and second round draft picks for another quarterback last year. Panthers winners, Raiders losers.

16) Chargers (5-9) @ Jets (6-8)
The Jets are afraid that if they start Tim Tebow for the benched Mark Sanchez, he'll win and they'll be stuck with him next year, so they're starting Greg McIlroy instead. Again I ask, why did the Jets trade for Tim Tebow? Good thing they're only playing the Chargers. Jets winners, Chargers losers.

This Week: 10-6 (.625)
Last Week: 12-4 (.750)
Season: 153-86-1 (.640)*

*Due to the Inaccurate Reception, these win/lose totals are fucked for the season.