Thank you, I'll be here all week folks.
1) Patriots (1-0) @ Jets (0-1)
Man, has any team ever been condemned more for a 1 point loss to a good team than the Jets?? The last time I checked, everybody and their momma's momma had the Ravens representing the AFC in the Super Bowl, but somehow it was a surprise they were able to beat the Jets. I don't get it.
Now with that said, the Jets offense obviously has to play better this week. Mark Sanchez can't throw for 74 yards, and LaDainian Tomlinson can't be their lead back. Shonn Greene was putrid Monday and is already making me look brilliant for saying the Jets would regret letting Thomas Jones go. Of course Shonn could go crazy for the next 15 games, but for at least one week I'm right.
The Patriots, on the other hand, are clearly set on offense. They demolished the Bengals' very good defense last week, and with Darrelle Revis and his bad hammy shit talking Randy Moss, I think they'll do the same to the Jets. I want to pick the Jets here, but you just can't go tugging on Superman's cape all willy nilly. I am concerned with Rex Ryan's D being all up in Tom Brady's face, but I still think he and Randy will make Revis eat his words. Patriots winners, Jets losers.
2) Ravens (1-0) @ Bengals (0-1)
If Carson Palmer is gonna continue to play in the NFL, he can't show up to the stadium at halftime! I mean, what kind of professionalism is that?? He's supposed to be the leader of this team....
What, he played in the first half?? Did the Pats defense know that?? Oh, my bad.
Well the Bengals have another poor secondary coming in this week who didn't get tested at all in Week 1. Carson is at least going to try to test them. For some reason I have a good feeling about this game. Bengals winners, Ravens losers.
3) Bears (1-0) @ Cowboys (0-1)
Before I get started with Bears-Cowboys, allow me a second to place blame for Sunday's "loss" to the Redskins.
There's plenty candidate for this dishonor. You've got Alex Barron, Jason Garrett, Wade Phillips, Tashard Choice, etc., but no one is more to blame than kicker David Buehler. That's right, if he hits that 34-yard field goal, the entire outlook of that game changes. The game is 3-3 going into the half and that Romo shuffle pass to Choice never happens and Washington never get 7 extra points.
Now I'm not saying we should get rid of Buehler after one kick, but if we're gonna blame anybody for that "loss" let's blame him.
Okay, now onto this week's game against the Bears:
I'm not worried about the Bears, they needed a super lame rule to beat the Lions while quarterbacked by Shaun Hill. Jay Cutler put up a lot of yards, but I'm definitely not worried about him either.
What I am worried about is Marc Columbo. I'm just praying that if he comes back that he's actually ready and not just rushing back like he did for the playoffs last year. But then again, if we can't beat the Bears at home to avoid 0-2, then we deserve to suck this year. Cowboys winners, Bears losers.
4) Texans (1-0) @ Redskins (1-0)
Why do the Redskins even get a win for Week 1?? The Cowboys beat the Cowboys, the Redskins were just the nearest witnesses. In fact, we gave them more points (7) than they scored for themselves (6). The most they should get is a tie. Either that, or we need to separate wins into "earned wins" and "given wins." It's an idea.
Texans fans are very excited after beating the Colts in Week 1, and why shouldn't they be?? I mean, forget the fact that Matt Schaub was awful, throwing for 107 yards with a 52.9 completion percentage, that dude Arian Foster is a beast! Which brings me to this:
Now that he's everybody's new favorite running back, I think we should call all his fans "The Arian Nation." Their logo can be a swastika with 4 F's. Don't act like that shit wouldn't be ill either. So there, it's set. I want to see t-shirts, hats, sweaters, banners, foam fingers, baby onesies, adult onesies, lamps, bed sheets, and the whole nine with Arian Nation logos. Hell, I like this idea so much that I'm just gonna call him that too, Arian "Nation" Foster. He should look into getting that on his driver's license.
Texans winners, Redskins losers.
5) Giants (1-0) @ Colts (0-1)
It's the Manning Bowl!
Heady move by Eli locking Peyton in the closet because that's the only advantage the Giants will have Sunday. The worse thing that could've happened to the Giants is the Colts losing last week because out of all the 0-1 teams, I'm absolutely 1000% positive Indy won't go 0-2. That just won't/can't happen.
Then when you factor in that it's a night game (Peyton Manning has a ridiculous record in night games), in Indianapolis, and just the fact that the Colts are a better team than the Giants, you should be able to guess where I'm going with this one. Colts winners, Giants losers.
6) Dolphins (1-0) @ Vikings (0-1)
It's the Greg Camarillo Bowl!
Both of these teams scare me offensively, and not in a good way. The Saints proved last Thursday that if you take Visanthe Shiancoe away from Brett Favre, he's all but hopeless. You'd think they'd try to get Greg Camarillo involved against his former team, but then again, I thought they'd try to get him involved at some point before 3rd quarter against N.O., and they didn't.
Last week the Dolphins struggled to put points up on the board...against the Bills. That's unacceptable (though the Bills do have a pretty respectable secondary). I shutter to think how they'll look against a real defense like the Vikings'. If they're actual to keep it low scoring and thrash the Vikes D-line with Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams they should be fine. Unfortunately for Miami, I don't think it will.
I don't love Minny's chances of making the playoffs, but I also don't think they'll drop their first 2 games. Vikings winners, Dolphins losers.
7) Eagles (0-1) @ Lions (0-1)
Michael Vick will get the start for the Eagles Sunday and most likely pour a few gallons of gasoline on the flaming quarterback controversy in Philly. There shouldn't be any controversy though, the Eagles should stick with Vick until the fans start begging for Kevin Kolb.
Oh, and speaking of the fans, I love how they want Mike Vick starting now, after they didn't even wanting him on the team just last year. Sports fans are great, aren't they? Oh well, they deserve this mess for always wanting to get rid of Donovan McNabb. Now he's gone and they're loss without him. Well at least they will be after this win on Sunday. Eagles winners, Lions losers.
8) Steelers (1-0) @ Titans (1-0)
It's a shame the Steelers don't have Ben Roethlisberger for this game because this could really be a goodie. All the Steelers have now is a great defense, but I don't think that's gonna be enough to stop the Titans. Dammit, Roethlisberger's wang strikes again. Titans winners, Steelers losers.
9) Saints (1-0) @ 49ers (0-1)
I'm pissed off the 49ers tricked me again! I thought they were supposed to be good this year?? And it's not like the Seahawks were this unstoppable force on offense, their 247 total yards ranked 28th out of the 32 teams in Week 1, but still, they hung 31 on the Niners. That's pathetic.
Frank Gore was on First Take this morning saying coach Mike Singletary thanked Pete Carroll and the Seahawks for whipping them like that. Well I hope he has his thank you cards in order and filled out with a New Orleans address because this game won't be close. Saints winners, 49ers losers.
10) Cardinals (1-0) @ Falcons (0-1)
The Cardinals struggled to put away the Rams in Sam Bradford's first game while he threw 55 passes and 3 interceptions.I say Matt Ryan and the Dirty Birds bounce back at home in Week 2. Falcons winners, Cardinals losers.
11) Jaguars (1-0) @ Chargers (0-1)
The Chargers got caught in the perfect storm Monday night in Kansas City (literally and figuratively), but despite their September troubles, I say win #1 comes now. Chargers winners, Jaguars losers.
12) Buccaneers (1-0) @ Panthers (0-1)
Matt Moore certainly didn't pick up where he left off in 2009 against the Giants, he completed less than half of his passes and threw 3 to the wrong team last week. For the Panthers sake, they better hope he gets his mojo back this week or the Jimmy Clausen era will be gettin started sooner than anyone thought. Panthers winners, Buccaneers losers.
13) Bills (0-1) @ Packers (1-0)
Blowout! Lock it in. Packers winners, Bills losers.
14) Seahawks (1-0) @ Broncos (0-1)
I'm just gonna assume last week's performance was a fluke and the Seahawks will be who we think they are. Broncos winners, Seahawks losers.
15) Chiefs (1-0) @ Browns (0-1)
At first I was concerned that Jake Delhomme might miss this game and Seneca Wallace would have to fill in. Then I remembered Jake Delhomme was just Jake Delhomme. The Browns will be fine (if not better) with Seneca at the helm. Besides, the Chiefs got one over on the Chargers, but don't expect that to be a recurring thing, they aren't that good. Browns winners, Chiefs losers.
16) Rams (0-1) @ Raiders (0-1)
I think the Raiders will win about 7 or 8 games this season, this will be one of them. Raiders winners, Rams losers.
This Week: 10-6 (.625)
Overall Record: 18-14 (.563)
Last Week: 8-8 (.500)
