March 05, 2012

Maia Campbell Is Fine Again!

Remember back in the 90's when Maia Campbell was fine ass Tiffany Warren on In The House? Then, sadly, she got on drugs and turned into this? Well Maia is now sober and back looking beautiful. What a glorious day!

And you know what's really cool about this? Given the right opportunity, I could probably bag her right now. Back in '97 when she was hot (...and I was 13) I didn't stand a chance, but now we're at about the same level of fame (She has songs no one wants to hear, I have songs no one wants to hear, she has a book no one wants to read, I have a website no one wants to read, etc.), so I've definitely got a shot. This thought brings me joy.

Now something that does not bring me joy is Maia's attempt at a singing career. If you skip to the last 30 seconds of the video, you can hear a snippet of her new single Make Em Say Oh. Matter of fact, go ahead and do that now, I'll wait.

...Done? Good. Terrible, right?

See, this is another good reason Maia should get with me, because I would've told her that song was an awful idea before it even left the studio. I'd also tell her that it isn't her fault it sucks, seeing as how she was high all throughout the auto-tune-era and likely didn't know it had ended (in the video she said she's been sober for 2 years, which means she got clean in 2010, one year after Jay-Z dropped D.O.A. and artists begin to drop auto-tune). We would then share a loving stare, go home, and get naked.

That's the life I'd like to lead, so Maia, if you own and/or know how to use a computer, hit me up boo.