BUS DRIVER UPPERCUT PARODY

These hoes be actin up and I be uppercuttin em!

CANCELLATION FEES

Check out the new video!

THE GAME REVEALS NEW ALBUM COVER

This nigga going to Hell like a muhfucka lol.

BILL SIMMONS AND JALEN ROSE JOIN NBA COUNTDOWN

I'm super excited about this.

DOWNLOAD THE REAL NIGGA SEXTAPE!

It's not to late to download Young Real Nigga's new classic!

August 31, 2011

Odd Future: A Day In Ladera


Yeah these niggas worship the devil, but they're just so darn likable. Not sure how that works, but I loved this shit!

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The Muppets Fire Shots At The Game?

While The Game was trying to start beef with Jay-Z and a whole host of others, was the real group of folks he should've been focusing on the Muppets? See, on August 23rd when The Game released The R.E.D. Album, the Muppets released The Green Album. Coincidence? I think not!

Your move, The Game.

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Take Back The Perv!


Yo, this shit is fucking awesome! For starters it's funny (and that never hurts), and for seconders we get to see La La in lingerie. Now I finally see why Carmelo let himself be manipulated into forcing a trade to New York. Yep, it all makes sense now.

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Don Cheadle Is Captain Planet


Hilarious? No. Nostalgic? Shit yeah!

I guess this is just a small preview of what we can expect when Captain Planet is retardedly made into a live-action movie (thought I doubt any of the people in this skit will be involved lol).

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August 30, 2011

The 50 Worst Rap Album Fails

I'm not here to write anything major, just wanted to give y'all the heads up on this new Complex.com list of the 50 Worst Rap Album Fails. I clicked on it expecting some foolery, but outside of #50 (Jay-Z's Kingdom Come), I thought it was quite accurate.

Personally, I would've liked to see Lil B's I'm Gay higher up on the list because it was being talked about everywhere and it seemed like every interviewer had to ask every rapper their opinion on it, then it came out and sold a pathetic 1,700 copies. Oh, and that's not to mention how many people thought him naming the album I'm Gay was a great marketing strategy. There were more articles written on I'm Gay than albums sold, it should've been in the top 20 at least.

(Side note: Speaking of Complex, it all isn't good over there as they also released a dick softened Top 50 Hottest Black Porn Stars Of All-Time list. I refuse to believe any straight men had anything to do with that random list of fuck shit. What straight man sees Skin Diamond and thinks "Damn, that no titty, no booty having chick with the Cassie hair is hot!"?? What straight man sees Caviar from For The Love Of Ray J fucking on film and thinks she has any porn skills? And on top of all that, names like Evanni Solei, Erika Vuiton, Melrose Foxxx, Kitten, Carmen Hayes, Baby Cakes, Beauty Dior, and (most egregiously) Jazmine Cashmere don't even appear on the list. Despicable!

Now, I understand it's a "hottest" list and not a "best" list, but you can't tell me Misti Stone is looks better than Evanni Solei. You just can't. And you know another thing you can't do? Convince me Complex didn't pick name out of a hat when creating this list.)

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Freeway Headed To CTE??


I don't know, you decide.

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August 29, 2011

Random News Shit: It's Almost Here Edition

1) Eagles Gives Mike Vick 6-Year/$100M Deal
Ain't America something? Where else can you go from being a $100 million man to a broke social pariah in prison back to a $100 million man within 5 years? Oh yeah, no where.

These types of things don't happen often to ex-con, so I really think this is something to be celebrated. It's a shame I'm gonna have to root against him so vigorously this year.

This is good I guess, but he's still not playing in the opener if you ask me. Have you seen Peyton lately? He looks like Joe Decamillis after the Cowboys' indoor practice facility collapse in 2009. And that's not joke, his neck really is protruding like Joe D's. Now I'm obviously no doctor, but that doesn't seem like an ideal state to play football in. I don't expect shit from the Colts this year.

3) Cowboys Cut Andre Gurode
This is tough. I mean real tough (especially since his replacement, Phil Costa, is currently injured), but I guess it had to be done. I'm not sure why we waited until he was healthy and Costa was hurt to make the move (since it was clear Costa was probably gonna end up starting anyway), but you can't question Jerry I suppose.

Personally, I think as long as Romo, Miles, Dez, Witten, D-Ware, Ratliff, and the secondary stay healthy we should be fine regardless. Of course you can't tell that to fuck niggas like Jean-Jacques Taylor, who thinks we don't have a shot at the playoffs and will win 8 games tops, but oh well, I like being under the radar. It worked in '09.

4) Cedric Benson Sentenced To 20 Days In Jail
Yeah, the sentence will start when the Bengals go on their bye week, but it won't really matter because the Bengals will suck heavily this season.

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Jim Jones Sending Shots At Lil Wayne?

Shots fired? I say yes.

I thought Wayne was cool with those Dipset niggas and had some sort of understanding after he came and stole their image in 2005? I guess the peace treaty is over.

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Beyonce Is Pregnant!

Hey guys, I don't know if you heard, but Beyonce is pregnant! Yes, I too am surprised by the little media coverage it's received... lol.

Seriously though, I've never been more simultaneously envious of a man and a unborn baby as I am right now. Why must Jay-Z be so lucky? It's one thing to be fucking Beyonce and it's another to wife her, but it's other worldly shit to be able to say "I got Beyonce pregnant." The sentence "I got Beyonce pregnant" are 4 of the illest words you can assemble in the English language! And that fetus? That shit is already richer than I'll ever be in life. The Carters are fucking winning!

(Side note: It'll be interesting to see how this news effects her albums sales. I don't think anybody else popping up pregnant could effect their sales but Beyonce, so we'll see.)

(Side side note: Let's see Lil Wayne kidnap Beyonce now lol.)

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August 28, 2011

NBA 2K12 NBA's Greatest Trailer


This year I'm finally gonna give up on NBA Live NBA Elite and try out NBA 2K. It's cool they're bringing the legends back (even though EA already did that on NBA Live years ago), but is it just me or do these graphic suck? Aren't we supposed to be impressed with the trailer? I couldn't stop thinking about how much it looked like a PS2 game.

Oh well, we'll see how it goes once it comes out. Sigh.

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Why???: Whichael Vick

I wanted to talk about this shit the other day, but couldn't think of anything to say. Two days later... well, still nothing, but I didn't want to go without posting this ridiculous picture by ESPN.

I'm not outraged or offended by it (and I'm not quite sure why everyone else is), if anything, he looks like an albino dude more than a white person (or Dave Chappelle). I just don't get why ESPN didn't just Photoshop Colt Brennan's head onto Mike's shoulders since that appears to be who they modeled him after. It would've saved time and looked more natural than this bullshit.

Anyway, if you want to read Toure's piece on ESPN.com, click here.

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Voldemort & Bane Cook


That Todd dude cracks me the hell up! Anyway, enjoy the rest of these videos as I get my mind right for the VMA's tonight.




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Real World San Diego: No Black People

Maybe I should go ahead and re-post my Top 5 Real World-less Cities of America list because obviously MTV isn't paying attention as they're set to recycle a city for the third straight time.

But you know what? I'm not even mad at them for opting to go back to San Diego again before trying out Phoenix or Atlanta. Nope, not at all. I'm mad at them for not having ONE black roommate, especially when they know you need at least 2 to guarantee an awesome season. I mean, really? They couldn't find one damn black person that wanted to be on The Real World? They have 5 white people (Sam, Zach, Ashley, Frank, and Nate), 1 Mexican (Priscilla), 1 Zimbabwean/French/Native American (Alexandra), and 0 black people. This is that bullshit!

I need a few Mississippis to cool down, check out this wack ass trailer in the meantime:


This is how they're gonna follow up The Challenge: Rivals and Real World Las Vegas 2 (the best "1 black person" RW of all-time...which I'm extremely sorry for dissing on my podcast after the first episode)?? This shit looks dryer than the Mojave Desert. I know they spend a lot of money producing these things (okay, no they don't), but if they would've scrapped it, do you think anyone would've cared? If MTV can scrap a sure-fire hit like Bridge & Tunnel, I don't see why they can't make this undoubtedly lame looking shit disappear as well.

I'm out of words to express my disappointment. I'm out.

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The Outlawz Smoked 2Pac's Ashes


Wow. I kn... wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

*Walks away from keyboard to regain composure*

I knew there was a reason I used to hit skip every time these niggas started rapping after Pac.

Now before we fully delve into the smoking 2Pac's ashes thing, I want to speak on the beach memorial.

Outlaws, please explain to me how polluting the ocean with weed, fried chicken, and orange soda is an appropriate tribute to your fallen comrade? I'll wait.

Back to the smoking of the ashes: I've heard of being down for your niggas, but that shit just took a turn for the homoerotic. (Oh, you don't agree? You must have a few dudes "flowing through your system" as we speak then.) I'm afraid to think of what these weirdos would've done with Pac's body had he not been cremated.

And why these niggas sitting there talking about the shit like it's normal? You'd think they were talking about going Christmas shopping as nonchalantly as they were speaking on it. There are just some things you keep to yourself forever (even if asked), and I'd say this was one of them. I mean, y'all are rappers, it's not like lying is beneath you, just lie to us. Please lie to us. But definitely don't sit around and openly discuss smoking a man's ashes like it's equivalent to brushing your teeth.

Well I know one thing for sure, the campaign to legalize marijuana just took a helluva blow. How can you argue to legalize a drug folks thought it'd be a good idea to smoke a guy's ashes while under the influence of? You can't. You just can't.

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August 27, 2011

The Heart Attack

From the creator of the Walmart song, comes the Heart Attack dance! Oh, you're gonna LOVE this one!

(And of course by "love" I mean hate with a passion.)


Remember when Atlanta was the shithole of the South? Well right now New Orleans is making a strong push for the "whatever the exact opposite of crown is." The aforementioned Walmart song, Hunny Bun, Lil Wayne spitting possibly the weakest bars ever directed at Jay-Z (or any other legend for that matter), and now this shit. These niggas are making me regret my sympathy over Katrina.

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Prison Logic With Tijuana Jackson: Push Yourself To The Edge

You gotta love that prison logic my nigga!


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Big K.R.I.T. - The Vent Video


When T.I. gets out of prison on Monday, he better focus on making a classic and staying free because his replacement has arrived and is one hit away. Big K.R.I.T. is one of the most remarkable new artists to come out of the South in awhile, and if he finds his Slow Jamz, it could be a wrap for aging South greats like T.I. and Ludacris.

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August 26, 2011

A Pointless Dissection Of Lil Wayne's How To Love Video


When I heard the How To Love video dropped the other day, I had no intentions on posting it... then I watched. It was touching, but shockingly hilarious to me at parts. (Oh, so I'm the only person who busted out laughing at this part? Word?)

Ultimately, it left me with more questions than answers, so let us discuss a few since I don't have shit else to do right now.

1) Why does Ray from The Secret World of Alex Mack always get cast as a thug now?
He was a thug in Ordinary People, he was a thug in Janky Promoters, and now he's a thug in How To Love. What's with that? I've heard of being typecast, but dude's signature role was being Alex Mack's best friend, not being a gang member. Somebody fix this by casting him a "Spencer from iCarly-esque" role in the next Nickelodeon sitcom. Thank you.

2) Is there any real reason for this half-second clip of Birdman rubbing his head being inserted in the video?
Not only did it not have anything to do with anything, I'm not even positive he was at the strip club in it (or at least not at the one in the video). For the spotlight to be directly in his face after she walked on stage, he would've had to be sitting with his back to the reflective wall near the entrance curtain. The only problem with that is there's a bouncer standing there and nobody sitting when we get to see more of the club (well, less Birdman decided to leave by the time she made it to the other end of the stage). So again, why was that clip inserted? I mean, we all know Wayne and Birdman may or may not have a physical relationship outside of the music industry, but I just don't see the purpose.

Besides, if he was actually inside the Jet Strip, he would've had a dark pink-ish, purple-ish tent on him like homeless Keanu Reeves did.

3) How did she make all that money without taking off one article of clothing?
Now, I can see how I was the only one to notice Birdman wasn't actually at the Jet Strip, but there's no way I was the only one who noticed homegirl returning back stage with wades of cash while fully dressed. Yeah, she's fine, but fine enough to not strip while stripping? I doubt it. Maybe if she would've got naked on stage she would've made enough money to not have to fuck homeless Keanu and get infected with HIV after her shift. It's a thought.

(Side note: Not only did she not strip, but apparently she didn't plan to either because she went out with tape over her nipples. TAPE OVER HER NIPPLES! Oh, so you can fuck for money but you can't have your nipples seen while stripping? Bitch, you're a stripper, not an actress getting photographed on the red carpet. Remove the tape!

Dammit man, these hoes out here hoin' backwards.)

4) Why does Wayne randomly appear behind her in the motel room after homeless Keanu walks out like the black Grim Reaper dude in the Crossroads video?
Of course homegirl is, once again, fully clothed (despite just having sex), but that's besides the point: Why is Wayne there? He wasn't there at any other point in the video, so why now? The only explanation I can come up with is that he is to giving hoes HIV what black Grim Reaper buddy is to death. That's all I got.

5) Why is her mom with her at the doctor's office?
Now, I've never had HIV before, but is it commonplace for an adult to be accompanied by a parent to find out if they're HIV positive? I just feel like I'd be far too ashamed to want to share that experience with my mom. But then again, I've never been a stripper/prostitute before, so it's possible that I'm just out of the loop.

On the flip side, when the chick's life reverses for the better, I don't get why her mom is there for her pregnancy results either. Though it makes more sense for a mom to be apart of that, opposed to HIV testing, if her reverse-life was so good, why wasn't her man there instead? (And you've got to assume she has a man seeing how not-devastated she was about the pregnancy). We know he's most likely not there for her bad-life babies, so shouldn't this be the opposite?

And on top of all that, doesn't "right after you find out you're pregnant for the first time" seem like an odd time to thank your mom for teaching you how to love? It almost feels like she's thanking her mom for teaching her how to get pregnant.

...Then again, now that I think about it, that would make this doctor scene make more sense because if you're thanking your mom for teaching you how to trap a nigga, he must be a baller. If that's the case, it makes perfect sense that he's not at the appointment, especially if he's an athlete or entertainer.

Yeah, fuck it, let's just assume the alternate to her shitty, HIV-riddled life would be her trapping a rich dude with a baby and being paid. Sounds good to me. Done and done.

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Kanye Drake Lobster Snake!


Just letting you know now, I'm catching up with the videos in my YouTube subscriptions, so I may or may not be posting a bunch of videos in the next few minutes depending on how they are. Consider yourself warned.

Anyway, I love Mark and Todd from BarelyPolitical and Russell Simmons is the best impression Affion Crockett does, so this video is a win to me.

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August 25, 2011

A Few Thoughts On Lil Wayne's It's Good Jay-Z Diss

Did he diss Jay-Z? Did he not diss Jay-Z? Awww here it goes! *Kel voice*


If your slow ass still didn't catch it, here's what Wayne said:

"Talking about that Baby money, I got your baby money. Kidnap yo' bitch, get that 'how much you love your lady' money."

Okay, let's stop with the "did he or didn't he" crap, he's obviously dissing Jay-Z in those weak ass bars. Fuck the diss though, how about the fact Wayne's way to prove Jay-Z he has money is to kidnap Beyonce and hold her for ransom money. Smart. Maybe next he can scrap a bomb to her torso with Danny McBride and Nick Swardson and get her to rob a bank for him? Again, because what better to prove that you got your paper together than to commit a crime for money? It's just logic people.

Anyway, I know those are the bars everyone is singling out as the Jay-Z diss, but what about the bars that followed?

I know you fake nigga, press yo' brakes nigga. I'll take you out... that's a date nigga. I'm a grown ass Blood, stop playin' with me. Play asshole and get an ass whippin'. I think you pussy cat, ha... Hello Kitty. I just throw the alley-oop to Drake Griffin.

How can we say for sure those were meant for Hov as well? Of course they're equally weak, if not weaker, but he's clearly talking about somebody, how do we know it's not Jay-Z as well? It's not like there was any space between them and the clear-cut diss.

Whatever, fuck all this diss shit, let's talk about the pure wackness of those bars for a second before we go. "I'll take you out... that's a date nigga"? "I think you pussy cat, ha... Hello Kitty?" Drake Griffin? This nigga can't be serious. At least when Beanie Sigel and The Game moronically stepped out against Hov they spit some hot shit, that fuck shit quoted above is just slightly above Lil B territory. I've heard better bars than that from Anne Hathaway.

And on top of that, how's Wayne gonna say he knows "you" fake and follow that with "I'm a grown ass Blood?" How is it okay to call someone fake while STILL claiming you're apart of a gang you're not apart of? I don't get it.

In closing, don't expect a Jay-Z rebuttal to come from this. Weezy is gonna have to step his bars WAAAAAAAAAAAAY up if he wants to get a rise out of Hov.

Oh, and leave Jadakiss out of this.

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Thursday Billboard Update - 8/25/11

Jay-Z and Kanye West's Watch The Throne remains at #1 for a 2nd week by selling 176,832 more albums. Hopping back up to #2 is Adele's 21, which finally crosses the 3 million sold mark this week with 80,018 more copies sold. Thus far, 21 has sold a total of 3,061,539 albums.

Over on the Hot 100, Katy Perry's Last Friday Night is still #1, LMFAO's Party Rock Anthem is still #2, but debuting at #3 is Lil Wayne's She Will featuring Drake. Could it make a run at #1 next week when Tha Carter IV (officially) drops? We'll see.

The Billboard 200 1-10
first week debuts in bold

1. Jay-Z & Kanye West - Watch The Throne (1-1)
2. Adele - 21 (4-2)
3. Various Artists - Now 39 (3-3)
4. Luke Bryan - Tailgates & Tanlines (2-4)
5. Jason Aldean - My Kinda Party (6-5)
6. Eli Young Band - Life At Best (6)
7. Eric Church - Chief (5-7)
8. Blue October - Any Man In America (8)
9. Beyonce - 4 (7-9)
10. Kidz Bop Kids - Kidz Bop 20 (10-10)

The Billboard Hot 100 1-10
first time top 10's in bold

1. Katy Perry - Last Friday Night (1-1)
2. LMFAO - Party Rock Anthem (2-2)
3. Lil Wayne - She Will (3)
4. Maroon 5 - Moves Like Jagger (3-4)
5. Nicki Minaj - Super Bass (4-5)
6. Bad Meets Evil - Lighters (5-6)
7. Foster The People - Pumped Up Kicks (8-7)
8. Lil Wayne - How To Love (6-8)
9. OneRepublic - Good Life (10-9)
10. Britney Spears - Go (9-10)
  • Rihanna's Cheers (Drink To That) continues to rise, this week 25-17.
  • Adele's Someone Like You jumps 17 spots 51-34.
  • Lady Gaga's You & I soars 61 spots 96-35.
  • Mac Miller's Frick Park Market debuts at #60.
  • Nicole Scherzinger's Don't Hold Your Breath debuts at #86.

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August 24, 2011

10 Booty Video Commandments BLOOPERS


Sorry for the delay and the lack of posting but whatever the bloopers are finally done. Enjoy!

(Side note: The deleted scenes are coming up next!)

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August 21, 2011

10 Booty Video Commandments


Here's the latest offering from me Moses and Andy. We've been wanting to do this video for awhile now and we finally got it done, so I hope y'all like it.

Matter of fact, y'all better like it because it took me forever to edit this shit. We shot well over 150 videos for it so I had to watch them and takes note before I ever opened up my editing software (PowerDirector 9 if you were wonder). It's all good though, I think it came out great. A lot of funny shit got left out, so be on the look out for the bloopers coming either tonight or tomorrow.

(Side note: Damn, that shit chick at #8 had some nice ass titties!)

Related:
10 Booty Video Commandments BLOOPERS

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Anne Hathaway Raps On Conan


Do I even need to say it? Y.O.W.P.R.

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August 20, 2011

Cards Give Larry Fitzgerald 8-Yr/ $120M Extension

Damn, that's a whole lot of faith in Kevin Kolb, ain't it?

I'm definitely not mad at Larry for getting paid, but over/under years before he regrets this deal being 8 years? I'm gonna say 2.5 years and go slightly under.

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Why Aren't The Cowboys Trying To Sign T.J. Houshmandzadeh?

Earlier tonight I was checking out the box scores for all the NFL preseason games (yeah, I was bored) and when I got to the Chiefs-Ravens' receiving stats, I noticed a (fairly long) name was missing: T.J. Houshmandzadeh. Then I remembered, when T.J. signed with the Ravens last year, it was an one-year deal and they have yet to re-sign him (and most likely won't after they traded for Lee Evans last week), so he's a free agent. That's right, the most sought after free agent WR just 2 years ago is a free agent roughly 3 weeks away from the beginning of the season. How insane is that? I mean, it's not like he has suffered any major injuries since (oddly) choosing Seattle in 2009 and he doesn't have any "off the field issues." What's the problem?

I don't know, but here's where my Cowboys come in: Miles Austin has missed the last few days of practice, and possibly won't play in Sunday's preseason game against the Chargers because of a tight hamstring. By all accounts, the injury is minor, but it does raise concerns about what we'll do this season if either Miles or Dez Bryant get hurt.

Behind Miles and Dez right now we have Kevin Olgetree (10 career receptions and 130 career yards), Dwayne Harris (2011 6th round pick), and Raymond Radway (undrafted free agent rookie). That's it. Last year we traded Patrick Crayton (I told you we'd regret it), and obviously we cut Roy Williams, so clearly we're thin as hell at receiver.

That brings me to the title of this post: Why (in the FUCK) aren't the Cowboys trying to sign T.J. Houshmanzadeh?

Again, he's not injured, he's not a "head case," and evidently he's not that sought after (may mean we can get him at a reasonable price), so what would be the down side to this? Best case scenario: Miles and Dez stay healthy and we upgrade our #3 WR spot; worse case scenario: we have a more than capable #2 WR if either Miles or Dez goes down with an injury. (Feel free to interrupt me when I hit a bad part.)

Jerry, if you're listening (and I know you're not), it's time to make up for the Roy and Crayton trades and make a smart move at WR. Go. Get. Housh!

(Side note: Let the records show that if Miles or Dez don't get hurt, the #3 receiver spot won't even matter because we have Jason Witten. When we went 13-3 in 2007, our third wide-out was Sam Hurd and he finished the season with 19 catches for 314 yards and 1 touchdown. That's it. I'm fairly confident Olgetree, Radway, and Harris could handle that, but I'm even more confident Jason Witten will put up another 90 catch, near 1,000 yard season.)

(Side side note: I'm gonna be so pissed if the Patriots steal him too!)

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August 19, 2011

The King Has Left The Building

How do you fire your own mascot? Ask Burger King because they've decided to let go of The Burger King and go in a different direction with their ads. You know, because whenever you have a super popular mascot it only makes sense to get rid of it.

R.I.P. The Burger King.

SOURCE

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Kim Kardashian & Kris Humphries Wedding Vows

Damn, I didn't even know Kim's wedding was tomorrow, where have I been? I mean, of course I don't care, but it seems like I would've at least known it was taking place tomorrow before I heard Angela Yee say it in this clip. Oh well.

Anyway, The Breakfast Club came up with some exclusive audio of Kim K and male Kris K's wedding vows. Enjoy!


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Jemele Hill Dissed By Michael Smith For Madden

This shit really doesn't have anything to do with anything, but I found it funny. Apparently, when Michael Smith and Jemele Hill were young journalists they were set up and... well just listen to Jemele tell the story.


(Side note: If I knew Jemele Hill and Michael Smith were gonna be debating in place of Skip Bayless this week, I wouldn't have decided to skip an entire week of First Take when I heard he was going on vacation. I'm not mad at Skip for taking a break before the NFL season, I just didn't want to be subjected to hearing lame ass Erik Kuselias, when as it turns out, it was Jemele and Mike the past 3 days. My bad)

(Side side note: ESPN2 has got to work on getting some line-up schedules printed out and sent to me the night before every show when Skip goes on vacation.)

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PinkyXXX - Backbone Mini-Movie/Music Video


Bravo! Bravo!

Fuck "Bridesmaids," this is hands down the funniest movie of 2011 thus far. The 15 MPH chase/shoot out scene that start things off, the outfit changes while healing his bullet wounds at home with rubbing alcohol and a rag (I especially liked her having a whole nurse outfit but no scissors to cut the thread and having to resort to biting the string after she finished applying the stitches), the mistimed door slam on the way to his "last job," the fact they she'll be his "backbone" but won't introduce him to her family (Really, he didn't know that was your sister he just killed?), the fact that he thought it'd be a good idea to do another job after his "last job" that she set up not even 24 hours after being pissed at him for deciding go through with said "last job" despite bringing home a bag full of money, and of course the lone police officer who presumably taped off the crime scene and is now on crowd control by himself as the dead body lays on the stairs. Simply magnificent.

The only disappointment is that the song didn't end with Crystal Lucas singing "I'll be your backbone until you kill my sister and her boyfriend, then I'll have to be the one that sets you up to be killed." Oh well, that's only a minor disappointment in a timeless classic.

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August 18, 2011

Terrelle Pryor Eligible For Draft, But Suspended First 5 Games

I would share my thoughts on the bullshit 5 game suspension, but I don't think I could say it any better than Dan LeBatard did earlier today on Twitter.


SOURCE

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Ludacris Names His Mixtape

And there you have it, the mixtape before Ludaversal will be called 1.21 Gigawatts. I know some of y'all are younger, and might not know, but 1.21 gigawatts is from the "Back To The Future" movies from the 80's and is how much electricity needed to power the DeLorean.

You know what? Luda might want to look into switching his album title and mixtape title around because 1.21 Gigawatts is waaaaaay iller than Ludaversal. I'm actually shocked this is the first time anyone thought to name their project that.

Related:
Ludacris Releasing New Mixtape Before Ludaversal

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Thursday Billboard Update - 8/18/11

No big surprise here as Jay-Z and Kanye West's Watch The Throne sales 436,079 and coasts to #1. About 321,000 of those were downloads since the physical album didn't hit stores until Friday August 12th and Soundscan stops collecting sales week data on Saturdays, so I don't expect a huge week 2 drop off for the Roc Boys. Checking in at #8 is Ace Hood's third album Blood, Sweat & Tears with 26,300 copies sold. And while that may sound bleak on the surface, this is the highest he's ever debuted and the most he's ever sold in one week.

Big news over on the Hot 100 as Katy Perry's Last Friday Night finally makes it to #1, dethroning LMFAO's Party Rock Anthem after 6 weeks on top. Last Friday Night is Katy's 5th #1 single, tying her with Michael Jackson for most #1 singles off one album in Hot 100 history. Also, Maroon 5's Moves Like Jagger shoots up the top 10 8-3.

The Billboard 200 1-10
first week debuts in bold

1. Jay-Z & Kanye West - Watch The Throne (1)
2. Luke Bryan - Tailgates & Tanlines (2)
3. Various Artists - Now 39 (3)

4. Adele - 21 (1-4)
5. Eric Church - Chief (2-5)
6. Jason Aldean - My Kinda Party (6-6)
7. Beyonce - 4 (8-7)
8. Ace Hood - Blood, Sweat & Tears (8)
9. Jackie Evancho - Dream With Me (22-9)
10. Kidz Bop Kids - Kidz Bop 20 (7-10)
  • Jay-Z and Kanye weren't the only duo to drop an album last, Gucci Mane and Waka Flocka released Ferrari Boyz and it starts at #21 with 16,800 albums sold.
  • Royce Da 5'9's Success Is Certain debuts at #25 with 15,900 copies sold.

The Billboard Hot 100 1-10
first time top 10's in bold

1. Katy Perry - Last Friday Night (2-1)
2. LMFAO - Party Rock Anthem (1-2)
3. Maroon 5 - Moves Like Jagger (8-3)
4. Nicki Minaj - Super Bass (3-4)
5. Bad Meets Evil - Lighters (5-5)
6. Lil Wayne - How To Love (6-6)
7. Pitbull - Give Me Everything (4-7)
8. Foster The People - Pumped Up Kicks (13-8)
9. Britney Spears - Go (7-9)
10. OneRepublic - Good Life (11-10)
  • Drake's Headlines gets things crackin', debuting at #13 this week.
  • After leaping a tremendous 41 spots last week, Rihanna's Cheers (Drink To That) jumps 25 more spots 50-25 this week.
  • Jay-Z & Kanye's Who Gon Stop Me debuts at #44.
  • Miguel's Quickie flies 14 spots to #69 in its 4th week.
  • Jay-Z & Kanye's Niggas In Paris debuts at #75.
  • T.I. will be home soon and his We Don't Get Down Like Y'all featuring B.o.B debuts at #78.

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August 17, 2011

The Game - Daytona 500 (500 Barz)

In honor of The Game's The R.E.D. Album finally leaking, I decided I'd post this. Also because I just now finished listening to it today (long as shit), but I think I like the first reason best.


You can say whatever you want about Game, but you can't say that nigga isn't talented as fuck. It would take about 60% of the current rap game at least a month (if not more, for the Lil Bs and Soulja Boys out there) to write 500 bars of anything, let alone heat.

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Steve Harvey Sons Tavis Smiley & Cornel West

This is about a week old now, but I was going through my internet transition and couldn't post it. I'm sure y'all won't mind if I do it now, will you? Of course not!



Bravo! Bravo! This needed to be said badly. All guys like Tavis Smiley and Cornel West do is go around and profit off poor people, pushing their bullshit black agenda's like anyone will ever give a fuck. Then again, I'm not sure they ever want people to really give a fuck because if they did, it'd be the end of them profiting off poor black's backs. Thank you Steve Harvey.

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Sex Fighter 2 Trailer


I love porn parodies and I used to love Street Fighter as a kid, so I should love Sex Fighter 2. Judging from this trailer, I most likely will. I'm still waiting on that Ninja Turtle porn parody solely to see how they'd attempt to pull it off (and if I ever get famous, making that happen will definitely be a top priority), but I'll settle for this for now.

Other things I'd like to see porn parodies of: Doug, The Simpsons, Martin, Power Rangers, Seinfeld, and A Different World.

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August 16, 2011

Kimbo Slice's 17 Second Knockout


Gotdamn!

Who knows why Kimbo just now realized it'd be a good idea to be a boxer, but what a way to get things started. At the end of the day, Kimbo is a fighter, not a wrestler/MMA person and should've been doing this from the start.

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Obama's Kickstarter Campaign


This video was funny and all, but what's going on with James Davis' make-up person? That Obama skin looks fucking weird now lol.

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Cipha Sounds Disses The South In Stand-Up Routine


Personally, I don't care because I agree that Gucci Mane, Plies, and them are terrible, but I'm sure someone is gonna see this and take it the wrong way. I don't know what everyone's fascination is with taking things out of comedy routines and making them out to be more than just jokes, but that's the hyper-sensitive world we live today

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Chronicles Of Rick Roll Trailer


At first I thought this was a joke, but apparently it's really gonna be a full-length film. I'm not sure how they're gonna do it without Tay Zonday but okay.

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J. Cole - Work Out Video


Damn, I'm just noticing this, but J. Cole is about 3 hairs away from having a uni-brow. Fuck all that though, who is that main video chick? Gotdamn she's fine! Of course she had a banging body, but the first thing that caught me was her face. Lawdamercy!

Anyway, this was a nice little video. Sadly, it won't help the song be any hottest, thus it won't help Cole out not one iota. What he needs is a super incredible record that will set him apart from the pack, like when Kanye dropped Slow Jamz. People don't remember this because it was so long ago, but Kanye didn't have a huge head of steam heading into College Dropout after Through The Wire came out. Not to say it wasn't a dope track (and definitely not to say it's on the same average level as Work Out), but it didn't move the dial. But when Slow Jamz dropped, it was a wrap. All Falls Down and Jesus Walks were incredible records too, but Slow Jamz dropping and shooting straight to #1 was a major factor and Kanye being as successful as he is today. Think about it, Slow Jamz was so huge it not only helped Kanye become a mainstream artist, but also Twista and Jamie Foxx, and all 3 got their first platinum albums in large part because of it.

Bottom line, J. Cole needs to find his Slow Jamz (and Work Out ain't it) or he's not going to make it to the next level.

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Silkk The Shocker - Fast Livin Video


When you decided to come to my website today, who was the last person you expected to see a new song/video from? There's at least a 30-40% chance it was Silkk The Shocker. I'm not sure why he all of a sudden decided to start making music again but yeah...

I actually kinda liked it. Not the hook though, that shit was awful, but the verses were decent. I have nothing else to say.

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August 15, 2011

Jay-Z & Kanye West - Otis Video

Yes! I'm back! So long AT&T, hello Xfinity!

First order of business: the Otis video...


Simple, yet cool as hell. I love all videos with that on time slow motion shit though.

If I had to complain about anything, it'd be the lack of Aziz Ansari speaking. I know he and Kanye are boys, but if you're gonna have the man in the video, might as well have him do some kinda bit. It's not like the video was too long and it would've have fit.

Anyway, enjoy Jeff and Eric Rosenthal, Charlamagne Tha God, and others giving their reaction to the video (and no, I have no idea why Tahiry was there either).


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August 14, 2011

Affion Crockett Is Erik Spoelstra


Damn, that looks just like Erik Spoelstra lol.

Anyway, just wanted to remind everyone that In The Flow starts tonight at 9pm on FOX.

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August 11, 2011

Common - Ghetto Dreams (feat. Nas) Video


So Common. So Nas. So Hip-Hop.

Oh, and Bria Myles half naked didn't hurt not one bit.

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Haitian Child Support Bust


I guess I should've seen this coming, but either way, this is a fucking hilarious parody of that Operation Iron Snare bullshit from Alabama.

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Movie Marketing With Paul Rudd & Steve Carell


I saw the trailer for the movie ther other day and it didn't look all that great, so maybe they should take heed to some of these suggestions. Either way, great video.

Catch Steve Carell's movie poster demands after the jump.


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Mastur-Bait Car


LMAO! I'm so pissed I didn't think of this first! A ninja is slippin'!

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Netflix Relief Fund


"This is literally the worst thing that's ever happened to white people." HILARIOUS!

I wanted to do a video like this about black kids with ghetto names, but I'm clearly gonna have to step my game up to compete with an awesome parody like this.

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Prison Logic With Tijuana Jackson: Why We Have Bad Relationships


If you ain't fucking with Tijuana Jackson by now, I don't even know what your life is about.

Related:
Prison Logic With Tijuana Jackson: Self Fulfilling Prophecy

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Thursday Billboard Update - 8/11/11

In another slow sales week, Adele's 21 returns to #1 with 76,000 more albums sold. This is her 12th week atop the 200, which is the most weeks at #1 since Santana's Supernatural (think Maria Maria) in 99-00.

The only big splash this week comes from Maroon 5 as their new single Moves Like Jagger jumps 17 spots (25-8) and lands in the top 10.

The Billboard 200 1-10
first week debuts in bold

1. Adele - 21 (2-1)
2. Eric Church - Chief (1-2)
3. Trace Adkins - Proud To Be Here (3)
4. Mat Kearney - Young Love (4)
5. Various Artists - Victorious sdtk (5)
6. Jason Aldean - My Kinda Party (4-6)
7. Kidz Bop Kids - Kidz Bop 20 (6-7)
8. Beyonce - 4 (5-8)
9. Various Artists - Slow Grind (9)
10. Blake Shelton - Red River Blue (8-10)

The Billboard Hot 100 1-10
first time top 10's in bold

1. LMFAO - Party Rock Anthem (1-1)
2. Katy Perry - Last Friday Night (2-2)
3. Nicki Minaj - Super Bass (3-3)
4. Pitbull - Give Me Everything (4-4)
5. Bad Meets Evil - Lighters (7-5)
6. Lil Wayne - How To Love (5-6)
7. Britney Spears - Go (9-7)
8. Maroon 5 - Moves Like Jagger (25-8)
9. Adele - Rolling In The Deep (6-9)
10. Hot Chelle Rae - Tonight Tonight (8-10)

Pitbull's Rain Over Me featuring Marc Anthony jumps 9 more spots 40-32 in its 3rd week.
Rihanna's Cheers (Drink To That) soars 41 spots 91-50 in its 2nd week.
Adele's Someone Like You flies 16 spots 73-57.
Big Sean's Marvin Gaye & Chardonnay hops 16 spots 77-61.
Tyga's Far Away debuts at #98.

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August 10, 2011

Random News Shit: Straight Foolish Edition


1) Alabama Police Trick Delinquent Child Support Payers With Iron Bowl Tickets
I can't be the only one who thinks this is retarded, right? On the surface this seems like a good deed, but take a second to think about why they did this. Do they care about the kids? Probably not. Do they care about the single parents? Definitely not. And people in jail can't make money to pay child support, so again, why did they do it?

Because people in prison make the state a lot more money than people on the street. Seriously, do any of those people in this video look like they can afford to pay the percentage of their child support to get out of jail? of course not. This is nothing more than a money grab by the state of Alabama and it's not a black or white thing, it's a green thing. End of story.

Now, don't think this is me championing deadbeat parents, but I'd have less problem with this if they were actually trying to help the kids and not just trying to help themselves.

(Side note: How fucking dumb are these people to think somebody was actually giving them free tickets in early-August to a game that won't take place until November 26th?? If anything, they should be jailed for essentially clicking on a "You won a free iPod" popup.)

(Side side note: How is it fair that that white dude got arrested for giving false information when the only reason he was there was because he was given false information?? Seems weird, right?)

2) Pastor Tased, Woman Stabbed After Church Service
Probably should've lead with this Alabama story, but oh well fuck it.

Anyway, how abso-fucking-lutely insane is this story?! It sounds like it's right out of the script for the latest black comedy movie. The (most likely gay) choir director tasers the church pastor and then a deacon pull out a pocket knife and stabs the choir directors momma. Madness! They'd probably also throw a kicker in there like the congregation seeing the confrontation from afar and thinking the pastor caught the holy ghost. Somebody call Tyler Perry, I think we've got a hit!

3) Private School Principal Killed In Classroom
Well gotdamn, didn't school JUST start back? They don't waste no time in Memphis, do they?

A 17 year-old female student was arrested for the murder, so odds are he was trying to rape her (or did in the past). If that turns out to be the case, the state of Tennessee should free this girl and give her a medal for eliminating another worthless rapist. BUT if she was just a nut job and killed him for the sake of killing him, she should be killed immediately.

4) Lopez Tonight Cancelled
Welp, let's see if anybody blames Conan for doing to Lopez what Leno did to him because Lopez Tonight was doing just fine before it was bumped to midnight.

5) Rebecca Black Taken Out Of School
Well what in the FUCK did her parents think was gonna happen?? They know that damn song ain't shit and if kids will tease kids for being fat or wearing glasses, they'll definitely make fun of her for making that hilarious piece of shit we all know as Friday. She should probably be in a special school anyway because I know I'm not the only one who can see a hint of Down's Syndrome in her eyes.

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Random News Shit: Misc. NFL News Edition

1) Rex Grossman Thinks Redskins Will Win NFC East
Forget blood testing for steroids, how about one for illegal drugs because Rexy was definitely on something potent when he made this statement.

In all seriousness, unlike most, I'm not even mad at him for saying it. I mean, what is he supposed to say, "It's clear we're the 4th best team in our division, so I'm just gonna hammer these game checks and maybe we'll have some talent next year"? No, he'd be getting killed by all the football analysts that are laughing at him right now. Of course Washington would be lucky to win 5 games this season, Rex knows that, but he obviously can't say it to reporters.

(Side note: Speaking of the NFC East, everybody seems to think Philadelphia winning is a foregone conclusion, but I'd caution them to remember the Cowboys haven't gone anywhere.)

2) Clay Matthews Says He Played 2nd Half Of 2010 With Broken Leg
Okay, I'm gonna have to go ahead and call bullshit on this story, this is almost more ridiculous than Rexy saying the Skins would win the East. I'm willing to believe he played hurt, but a broken leg? Nigga please.

3) Channing Crowder Retires At 27
He didn't want to not play for the Dolphins, so he retired? Damn, what would've happened if he got drafted by the Bills instead?

Regardless, this nigga must be out of his rabbit ass mind if he wants us to believe a budding radio career and wanting to spend time with his family is even 1% of the reason he's calling it quits. That shit had NOTHING to do with it. He's just butt hurt about being cut from the Fins and I expect him to be back eventually.

4) Ray Lewis May Retire If Ravens Win It All
Welp, I guess the Ray Lewis won't be retiring anytime soon.

5) Bill Parcells, Jerry Rice Joining ESPN
I understand Bill Parcells, but Jerry Rice? I can't remember ever caring about or being entertained by anything Jerry Rice ever said, but oh well, it's ESPN's money, not mine.

6) Undrafted Free Agent Jimmy Young Carries Roy Williams' Pads
Good job Roy, get the undrafted free agent rookie to carry your pads, not the first round stud who's going to take your job. Who knows, maybe he'd still be in Dallas had he not tried someone who is greater than him? Oh well, I'm just glad his ol' fuck ass is gone.

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Ace Hood Visits The Breakfast Club


Well I must say, good for Ace Hood. Rappers going broke isn't anything new, but he stayed with it and dropped a smash hit record. You hear that rappers? He didn't rail against his label or start making diss songs for DJ Khaled, he just kept working and fucked around and made a hit. You can't front on that, so I'm gonna buy his album when Wells Fargo stops fucking up.

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Why???: Skip Bayless & Ochocinco Have Twitter Beef

Wow, that went left fast. I wonder what crawled into Chad's panties today that made him so agitated by Skip being Skip? Maybe Bill Belichick had just finished sonning him for that whole "I'll live with a fan" foolishness right before he check his Twitter? I really don't know, but isn't it always weird to hear grown men over 30 talking about haters, especially when they go out of there way to seek attention? Look,
I love Ocho, but shut up nigga, no one hates you.

Ochocinco wasn't the only NFLer to get into it with Skip Bayless today though, Darnell Dockett also decided to call Skippy out for talking about FSU. Check it out:

 Whatever, Darnell needs to be less worried about Skip, and more worried about what Dictator Goodell is gonna think when he see's this following tweet. You know he don't play that shit lol.

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Somebody's Gonna Get Pregnant: Kelly Rowland

I am absolutely, unequivocally fucking up! Andy told me about this the other day...and I forgot about it. I deserve to be forced to listen to Soulja Boy and Lil B songs for 24 hours straight for this! ...Okay, maybe that's a bit harsh. I forgot to post some titties, not beat and kill a man for being black.

Anyway, enjoy Kelly Rowland trying her darnest to upstage Nicki Minaj by pulling off the rare and highly impressive double nip slip. Nice!




Kelly
Nope Kelly, we didn't mind one damn bit.

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The Rap Battle 2

Everybody absolutely loved the first Rap Battle video, but I thought it was average at best. This one right here though? Fucking hilarious! I mean, neither one of them is fucking with Young Real Nigga, but I still thoroughly enjoyed this video.

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The Takeover


I've been watching DashieXP's videos for awhile now, but after watching this one, I thought to myself, "Self, why don't I ever post any of his videos?" And you know what the answer I got back was? It was I don't know because I just made this story up. Anyway, enjoy the video and check out the bloopers after the jump.


Something tells me if Tpindell wasn't so big those lil kids would've tried to fade him for fucking up all those takes lol.

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Banned 90's Lunchables Commercial


HILARIOUS!!!!

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White Teens Kill Black Man For Being Black

You would think things like this wouldn't happen in 2011, especially by teenagers, but until all these racist fucks die off, we will never be completely out of the woods. Sadly, it's hard for racists to completely die off because racism is taught, not something you're born with.

But here's a question: Why are those 2 white dudes the only ones being charged? Wasn't there a group of them caught on tape? Yeah, only one of them ran him over (though 3 were in the car), but ALL of them were involved in the beating. My cousin has been sitting in prison since May of 2009 for allegedly being asked if he knew anybody that did murder-for-hires. Not for murdering anyone, not for being hired to murder anyone, but for being asked if he knew anyone that did that. You're telling me he can go straight to prison, but only 2 of these teens can be charged in this beating and murder THAT IS CAUGHT ON TAPE?? Bullshit!

Now while this is all supremely tragic, I don't want people running around saying things like "we have a long way to go in this country." No, Iraq has a long way to go. Pakistan has a long way to go. We have a short distance to go, but we still do need to get there.

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August 09, 2011

Jay-Z Tops Forbes List Again

Surprise! Jay-Z made more money than anyone else in Hip-Hop over the last year. Hov topped the list with $37 million earned, followed by Diddy with $35 million earned, and a steep drop off to Kanye West at #3 with $16 million earned.

Check out the top 20 earners in Hip-Hop after the jump.

1) Jay-Z ($37 million)
2) Diddy ($35 million)
3) Kanye West ($16 million)
4) Lil Wayne ($15 million)
4) Birdman ($15 million)
6) Eminem ($14 million)
6) Snoop Dogg ($14 million)
6) Dr. Dre ($14 million)
9) Akon ($13 million)
10) Ludacris ($12 million)
11) Wiz Khalifa ($11 million)
11) Drake ($11 million)
13) Pharrell Williams ($10 million)
14) Timbaland ($7 million)
15) Swizz Beatz ($6.5 million)
15) Nicki Minaj ($6.5 million)
17) Rick Ross ($6 million)
17) 50 Cent ($6 million)
17) Pitbull ($6 million)
20) T-Pain ($5 million)
20) B.o.B ($5 million)

No Lil B? Damn, I thought I'm Gay was gonna change the game.

Besides Lil B's absence, another interesting thing about this list is how much records sales don't matter at all anymore. Eminem sold waaaaaaay more albums in the past year than anyone else on the list, but is only the 6th biggest earner, tied with Snoop Dogg (whose album flopped) and Dr. Dre (whose album is an ancient myth). Also, Nicki Minaj has sold nearly a million more albums than Wiz Khalifa in the past 12 months, but he made $11 million and she only made $6.5 million, just $500,000 more than Pitbull whose album was just recently released.

The lesson this list has taught us: Fuck album sales, tour, tour, and tour some more... or makes some crazy popular headphones (Dr. Dre)... or have Lady Gaga under contract (Akon).

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The Check-In: J Cole


These guys are great, MTV should really just give them they're own show already.

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Cee-Lo Green - Cry Baby Video (Starring Jaleel White)

This video is awesome, you gotta love Cee-Lo (even though he's not in the video). The only thing that could've made this video greater is if Kellie Shanygne Williams (aka Laura Winslow) would've played the girl Jaleel Cee-Lo dumped at the beginning. That would've been epic! Oh well, still quite enjoyable regardless.

Well, that is until YouTube takes it down because Cee-Lo infringed on Cee-Lo's copyrights.

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Why???: Chris Johnson Introduces His Artists


Has an athlete ever successfully started a record label? I know Shaq had a platinum album once upon a time, but it was released on Jive, not T.W.Is.M. Either way, that hasn't stopped Tennessee Titans running back Chris Johnson from starting Flashy Lifestyle Entertainment (hopefully this is why he's holding out for more money). In this video above, CJ showcases his artists and one of them even did one of my favorite up-and-coming artist moves and said "You already know it's [insert random rap name I've never heard before]." Oh well, at least Chris isn't rapping anymore.

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August 08, 2011

Random News Shit: NFL News Scraps Edition

Good for the Eagles, I don't want any excuses when the season starts. He'll get his money in due time regardless.

2) Ravens Sign Ricky Williams
I thought Ricky was planning on retiring? Why didn't the Dolphins want to keep him again? Whatever, they're on the fast track to 3-13.

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Somebody's Gonna Get Pregnant: Teyana Taylor


Since she appeared on My Super Sweet 16 back in 2007, I've had a thing for Teyana Taylor. Well, not really when the show aired, but later on when I decided to see if she was really on Star Trak, found her MySpace page, and saw her in a bikini top. Since then, I've been in fucking love! ...Okay, not in love love, but it's something like it because her titties are the shit! The video above only reinforces that sentiment.

Sadly, the video is only 25 seconds (and only about 10 of those seconds are dedicated to Teyana's bra-less bouncing boobs), so as an extra kicker, I added some pics. Enjoy those after the jump while I go wander off and pray she has a Nicki Minaj situation in the near future.


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