Random News Shit: Straight Foolish Edition

1) Alabama Police Trick Delinquent Child Support Payers With Iron Bowl Tickets
I can't be the only one who thinks this is retarded, right? On the surface this seems like a good deed, but take a second to think about why they did this. Do they care about the kids? Probably not. Do they care about the single parents? Definitely not. And people in jail can't make money to pay child support, so again, why did they do it?

Because people in prison make the state a lot more money than people on the street. Seriously, do any of those people in this video look like they can afford to pay the percentage of their child support to get out of jail? of course not. This is nothing more than a money grab by the state of Alabama and it's not a black or white thing, it's a green thing. End of story.

Now, don't think this is me championing deadbeat parents, but I'd have less problem with this if they were actually trying to help the kids and not just trying to help themselves.

(Side note: How fucking dumb are these people to think somebody was actually giving them free tickets in early-August to a game that won't take place until November 26th?? If anything, they should be jailed for essentially clicking on a "You won a free iPod" popup.)

(Side side note: How is it fair that that white dude got arrested for giving false information when the only reason he was there was because he was given false information?? Seems weird, right?)

2) Pastor Tased, Woman Stabbed After Church Service
Probably should've lead with this Alabama story, but oh well fuck it.

Anyway, how abso-fucking-lutely insane is this story?! It sounds like it's right out of the script for the latest black comedy movie. The (most likely gay) choir director tasers the church pastor and then a deacon pull out a pocket knife and stabs the choir directors momma. Madness! They'd probably also throw a kicker in there like the congregation seeing the confrontation from afar and thinking the pastor caught the holy ghost. Somebody call Tyler Perry, I think we've got a hit!

3) Private School Principal Killed In Classroom
Well gotdamn, didn't school JUST start back? They don't waste no time in Memphis, do they?

A 17 year-old female student was arrested for the murder, so odds are he was trying to rape her (or did in the past). If that turns out to be the case, the state of Tennessee should free this girl and give her a medal for eliminating another worthless rapist. BUT if she was just a nut job and killed him for the sake of killing him, she should be killed immediately.

4) Lopez Tonight Cancelled
Welp, let's see if anybody blames Conan for doing to Lopez what Leno did to him because Lopez Tonight was doing just fine before it was bumped to midnight.

5) Rebecca Black Taken Out Of School
Well what in the FUCK did her parents think was gonna happen?? They know that damn song ain't shit and if kids will tease kids for being fat or wearing glasses, they'll definitely make fun of her for making that hilarious piece of shit we all know as Friday. She should probably be in a special school anyway because I know I'm not the only one who can see a hint of Down's Syndrome in her eyes.