Random News Shit: SportsCenter Edition

1) Troy Polamalu Wins Defensive Player Of The Year
I would've taken Clay Matthews, but I guess you can't argue with The Hair. It is appalling that Ed Reed only got 1 vote. Ed lead the league in picks, with 8, and he only played in 10 games! He didn't have a better season than Brian Urlacher? C'mon son!

2) Urban Meyers Joins ESPN As An Analyst
Well what can you say, the man loves his family.

3) Maurkice Pouncey Not Ruled Out Yet
The guy has a high ankle sprain, he's not playing. Not that it matters, because like I discussed on the earlier version of this, the Packers have already loss.

4) Eddie House Fined $25,000 For "Obscene Gesture"
Here's your "obscene gesture" over to the right. And here's him doing it again last Friday. My point is this: 1) it's not that big a deal, it's not like he pulled his nuts out, and 2) if you didn't find him for doing it on SunSports, don't fine him for doing it on ABC.

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Kobe Bryant Is "The Black Mamba"

When I was half paying attention to the Celtics-Lakers game yesterday, I overheard this commercial, and that it was just that, a commercial. Turns out "The Black Mamba" is an actual short film starring Kobe, Bruce Willis, and Kanye West. Oh, the randomness of it all.

Welp, the mini-movie premieres All-Star Saturday night (Feb. 19th), but if you're not gonna be in L.A., I guess you're gonna miss out. I know, I know, I'm marginally disappointed as well.

Behind The Scenes with Kobe Bryant & Robert Rodriguez from Marcus Troy on Vimeo.

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Do The Creep

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The Game & DJ Skee Present Purp & Patron: The Hangover Trailer

Damn, Purp & Patron JUST came out last week, and now Game and Skee are back it with Purp & Patron: The Hangover dropping today at 4:20pm. Unfortunately, I'll be at work at the time, but I'll check it out later on. Good for Game though, he might as well put this music out because Interscope sure isn't.

Isn't it weird that 2 of the hottest new artists in 2004-2005 (The Game and Young Jeezy) both dropped 3 albums, but can't get their labels to put out their 4th just a few years later? And they both dropped multiple mixtape in 2010. And people still want to be rappers because...??

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Random News Shit: SportsCenter Edition

1) Eagles To Franchise Vick; Shop Kolb
As a Cowboys fan, I hate this, but as a football fan, I agree with the Eagles decision to put their franchise tag on Michael Vick. Of course there's going to have to be a CBA in place before they can do anything, but if there is still a franchise tag when the dust settles, might as well use it on Vick. I would still try to keep Kevin Kolb as insurance, but if the guy wants to get a shot to start somewhere else, I'm fine with them seeking a trade.

Can NFL teams make 3-team trades?? I've never heard of it being done, but if they can, I don't see why the Eagles, Titans, and a 3rd team that needs a QB wouldn't enter a 3-teamer that would land Kolb in Tennessee, Vince Young on the 3rd team needing a QB, and draft picks for Philly.

2) Kevin Durant Calls Out Chris Bosh
"I was talking to my teammate and he decided he wanted to put his 2 cents into it. I'm a quiet guy, a laid-back guy, but I'm not going to let nobody talk trash to me. He's on a good team now, so he thinks he can talk a little bit....There's a lot of fake tough guys in this league and he's one of them."

Chris Bosh is a fake tough guy?? Chris will probably take that as a compliment because I'm sure that's the first time his name and "tough" as been brought up in the same breath.

Look, it's nice KD allegedly stuck up for his teammate, but calling out the kind and cuddly Chris Bosh doesn't impress me. Especially when your team loss.

3) Maurkice Pouncey Out For The Super Bowl
This matters, but not really. The Steelers ARE going to win the Super Bowl, so at the end of the day, Pouncey's absence will be a non-factor.

Now I need to figure out if I will even bother writing a NFL Winners & Losers column for Friday because I'm 100% positive the Packers are going to lose. Well, we'll see.

4) Pacers Fire Jim O'Brien
Hands up if you knew Jim O'Brien was still coaching in the NBA.

*crickets*

Just as I figured.

5) Cavs Lose 20th Straight Game
Damn, it was all good just a Decision ago.

Oh well, see you in Miami tonight guys!

6) O.J. Mayo Blames Positive Test On Energy Drink
Skimming that article, I didn't see the name of said energy drink. If it was just a run of the mill energy drink, I say reduce the suspension, but if it was a Four Loko, I say tack on 10 more games. You don't deserve a game check if you drink Four Lokos.

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50 Cent Goes H.A.M. On Young Jack Thriller

Man, it's messed up how 50 Cent got Worldstar shut down and all, right? Wait a minute...

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Marvin Williams vs. Shawne Williams Fight

Enjoy this while you can because you know ol' puss ass David Stern will have all evidence of this fight ever happening removed from YouTube and destroyed.

**UPDATE**
Wow, I'm stunned the NBA hasn't taken down this footage yet. Anyway, suspensions have been handed out for this fight last night, and they aren't as harsh as I suspected. Marvin Williams got a 2 game suspension, and Shawne Williams got just one. Is David Stern turning over a new leaf? I mean, Shawne Williams threw a punch and got the same suspension a player would've gotten if he left the bench area. This is very un-Stern-like. I like it.

SOURCE

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NUMB#RS By Kevin Love

I first saw this when TNT aired in last night after the NBA games ended, and I honestly don't know if this is real or fake. To be fair, I haven't put much time into trying to figure it out (though I did visit 612allstar.com once), so basically I'm hoping one of you can just tell me because I don't care enough to research it for myself. Thanks in advance.

Oh, and if Kevin Love doesn't make the 2011 All-Star team it would be a travesty. I don't care if Minnesota hadn't won any games, 22 points and 16 rebounds a game is quite impressive. I mean, the Cavs have won less games than the T'Wolves, but they don't have anybody putting up those types of numbers, so to punish Big Love for his team sucking would be retarded.

(Side note: That new nickname "Big Love" is awesome right. I wish I would've come up with it.)

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2011 NBA All-Star Starters Announced

West | East
Yao Ming C Dwight Howard
Carmelo Anthony F Amare Stoudemire
Kevin Durant F LeBron James
Kobe Bryant G Dwyane Wade
Chris Paul G Derrick Rose

No real surprises (especially on the East) but I did totally forget about Yao Ming. To be fair, the guy only played 5 games and shouldn't even have been on the ballot in the first place, so me forgetting him shouldn't be held against me.

Anyway, Kobe got the most votes overall with 2,380,016, and Dwight Howard came in 2nd with 2,099,204. Coming in 3rd with 2,053,011 votes? LeBron James. People sure do hate that guy, I tell ya. Another funny thing in the voting is that Jamal Crawford (246,130) actually got more votes than teammate Joe Johnson (224,571). $119 million well spent.

The reserves will be announced next Thursday (February 3rd) on TNT.

SOURCE

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Random News Shit: Unexpected Sports Edition

1) Titans & Jeff Fisher Part Ways
Talk about shocking news, I thought Fisher was staying for sure after the Titans said they were going to trade or release Vince Young, but obviously that's no longer the case.

My guess is that after all that time with one organization, Fisher will take a couple years off before jumping back into the coaching game. Even though he never won a Super Bowl, I'm sure plenty of teams would love to have him.

Speaking of Jeff Fisher, you know who must be pissed right now? Chuck Cecil. Fisher fired Cecil as defensive coordinator a week ago. I know Chuck is somewhere talking so reckless about Fisher right damn now.

2) O.J. Mayo Suspended For 10 Games
Normally this would be a bad thing, but seeing how it may help him escape Memphis, this could actually work to his advantage. Fingers crossed he doesn't land in Chicago, or New York.

Speaking of Chicago...

3) Derrick Rose Has Stomach Ulcers
So eating candy everyday is not good for you? Who knew?

4) Dallas Experiences Stripper Shortage For Super Bowl
Well when Ben Roethlisberger is coming to town, you better stock up on your naked white women. Hopefully the champagne room doesn't have lockable doors.

Seriously though, they need 10,000 strippers?? I know everything is bigger in Texas, but how big are these strip clubs?? (Rimshot!)

5) Miles Austin & Champ Bailey Are Going To Hawaii
DeSean Jackson and Nnamdi Asomugha aren't going to be able to play in this weekend's Pro Bowl, so they had to be replaced. In all honesty, Miles probably should've been there instead of DeSean regardless. DeSean only caught 47 passes (47!!!!) on the season, and while he was catching passing from Michael Vick, Miles caught most of his from Jon Kitna and Stephen McGee. Oh well, Miles made it and that's all that matters.

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Thursday Billboard Update - 1/27/11

No records set for low album sales this week, and nothing interesting to talk about in the top 10.

Last week's #1, Britney Spears' Hold It Against Me, slips to #6, and Bruno Mars' Grenade is back at the top. One new entry into the top 10 this week, and it's Pitbull's Hey Baby (Drop It To The Floor) jumping 20-10.

The Billboard 200 1-10
first week debuts in bold

1. The Decemberists - The King Is Dead (1)
2. Kidz Bop Kids - Kidz Bop 19 (2)
3. Script - Science & Faith (3)
4. Social Distortion - Hard Times and Nursery Rhymes (4)
5. Gregg Allman - Low Country Blues (5)
6. Bruno Mars - Doo-Wops & Hooligans (4-6)
7. Katy Perry - Teenage Dream (13-7)
8. Taylor Swift - Speak Now (3-8)
9. Nicki Minaj - Pink Friday (5-9)
10. Mumford & Sons - Sigh No More (9-10)

The Billboard Hot 100 1-10
first time top 10's in bold

1. Bruno Mars - Grenade (2-1)
2. Katy Perry - Firework (3-2)
3. Wiz Khalifa - Black & Yellow (5-3)
4. Enrique Iglesias - Tonight (I'm Lovin' You) (6-4)
5. Rihanna - What's My Name (4-5)
6. Britney Spears - Hold It Against Me (1-6)
7. Ke$ha - We R Who We R (7-7)
8. Pink - Raise Your Glass (8-8)
9. Black Eyed Peas - The Time (Dirty Bit) (9-9)
10. Pitbull - Hey Baby (Drop It To The Floor) (20-10)

• P!nk's Fuckin' Perfect continues to soar and this week it flies another 29 spots 30-11.
• Jamie Foxx's Fall For Your Type featuring Drake jumps 12 spots 66-54.
• Kanye West's All Of The Lights hops another 14 spaces 74-60.
• In its 4th week, Fabolous' You Be Killin' Em jumps 81-67.

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Random News Shit: Entertainment Edition

1) MTV Moving 4th Season Of "Jersey Shore" To Italy
This is awesome, insane, crazy, out of this fucking world news! The guidos and guidettes are going to Italy?!?! I'm shocked my head is still attached to my body right now!

Production is set to begin this Spring, and hopefully MTV makes another smart decision and leaves Sammi in Seaside.

2) Will Ferrell To Guest Star On "The Office"
Will Ferrell on "The Office" for 4 episodes?!?!? Wow, TV is really pouring on the awesome right now.

Of course I'm going to forget all about this by the time it airs, but somebody promise me they'll remind me? Please?

3) Jay-Z & Will Smith Form Film Partnership
This is how the rich stay rich. Damn both of you rich motherfuckers!

(Side note: What ever happened to Jay-Z kinda, sorta not liking Will Smith?? Remember he took that baby jab at him on Change The Game ("Volume 3 still sold more records than Will Smith")? And I know there were a few more times Hov mentioned Will's name in a rap. Am I the only one who recalls any of this??)

4) Drake Considering Recording Full Reggae Album?
Hey Drake, how about you record a full Rap album before you move on to the next genre, how about that?

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Random News Shit: NFL Headlines Edition

1) Goodell To Cut Salary To $1 In Even Of Lockout
Wow, so he's that confident the NFLPA and the rest of the players will cave like Antontio Cromartie did? Yeah, unfortunately he's probably right, but here's my question: Why $1? Why not no dollars? If you're the guy in charge, and you let the business that made an average of 55 million Americans stop and watch, you deserve nothing if said business has a work stoppage because you couldn't properly divide up the billions of dollars.

Sorry Roger, but I'm not impressed.

2) Chad Going Back To Johnson
Yes, I realize this and the next couple story are old, but I still wanted to comment on them since I haven't really had the chance to.

Anyway, 2 thoughts on this topic: 1) it's about gotdamn time, and 2) good thing I never changed his name in the tags on my website.

3) Michael Vicks Gets First Post-Prison Endorsement Deal
Okay, it isn't Nike or Gatorade, but it's a start.

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The 2011 State of the Union Address

Miss the State of the Union address? That's alright, I got you covered. It's funny because when I told a friend of mine that the White House's YouTube channel would upload it, she thought I was being sarcastic. Nope, the White House definitely has a YouTube channel, and they definitely posted it like I knew they would. Now, go enjoy John Boehner's "we'll see about that shit nigga" face behind Barack all night.

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Kevin Hart On Lopez Tonight

The other day in Bill Simmons chat he gave Danial Tosh the "Funniest Guy of 2010" crown. While I love "Tosh.0," there's no way Kevin Hart wasn't the king of funny in 2010. He had the funniest special, sold a ton of DVDs, and toured all over the country non-stop. And not only that, he's probably going to win it again in 2011. Just watch how he turns this interview into a hilarious stand-up bit. Just watch dammit!

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Watch The Throne In March, New Kanye Album This Summer?

According to Kanye West's tweet today, yes, Watch The Throne is dropping in March, and his new solo album is coming this summer. Don't believe me, check for yourself (if for some reason you're not one of his 2.1 million followers on Twitter):

In the immortal words of Fabolous, "Niiiiiiceeee!"

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Championship Round Foolery

Let's start with B.J. Raji's touchdown celebration. Who approved this? I mean, it was a great play by the young fella (even though he almost Leon Letted it), but what's with the hip roll? Was he celebrating a touchdown or auditioning for a Sean Paul video? I'm not gonna lie, I laughed when I initially saw it, but don't get it fucked up, I do not approve of any dude rocking his hips like Diamond in Crime Mob. This video simultaneously contains the best and worst moments for big dudes today. Let's move on.


What in the fuck is wrong with Mark Sanchez? That was nasty as fuck! I wouldn't have blamed Mark Brunell if he swung on him after he swiped boogers on him because that was definitely ass whuppin' worthy. Then again, the camera did change right after Sanchez did that and there is no proof that Brunell didn't swing on him. Hmm, maybe that's why the Jets played so poorly in the first half? I guess we'll never know, but what we do know is that that was nasty as hell and grown up Diego from "Dora The Explorer" deserves a Maino slap.

Now, for the pause-worthy clip of the year thus far, I present Rashard Mendenhall humping Ben Roethlisberger.


As Mendenhall was rushing for his 121 yards today, I was thinking about what could've been if my Dallas Cowboys had selected him with that 22nd pick in the 2008 draft instead of Felix Jones...then this shit happened and I've been shopping for Felix Jones jerseys ever since.

What was this shit, I mean, really?? Was this Mendenhall's way of sticking up for white women across the world? Was he trying to show Big Ben what it was like to be held down and taken advantage of without knowing what was going on? I don't know, but whatever the case, this behavior is HIGHLY unacceptable, and is also Maino slap worthy. If I was Mike Tomlin, I'd bench Mendenhall for the first series in the Super Bowl like Bill Belichick did Wes Welker in the division round.

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Carson Palmer Wants Out Of Cincy

Lost in all the real football action and news today, Carson Palmer (of all people) gave the Cincinnati Bengals an ultimatum: "trade me or I'll retire."

Since the Bengals can't say it, allow me to do the honors: Who the fuck does Carson Palmer think he is? Also, who the fuck does he think will trade for him? Last time I checked NFL teams couldn't accept trade offers from the UFL.

If anything, the Bengals are probably pushing for Palmer to retire. He's under contract through 2014, so he could actually be doing them a favor. Besides, they have the 4th pick in the draft, they could draft a new QB. Hell, they could take Derek Anderson off Arizona's hands and get the same level of production if they wanted to. Either way, good luck with this Carson.

SOURCE

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Packers & Steelers To Meet In Super Bowl XLV

Finally I went 1.000 on my playoff picks! Unfortunately the 2-0 I put up today only serves to bring my overall playoff picks record to .500 at 5-5.

Anyway, as all straight men now know, the Green Bay Packers and Pittsburgh Steelers are set to do battle in Dallas, TX for Super Bowl XLV 2 weeks from today after defeating the Chicago Bears and New York Jets respectively.

As a Cowboys fan, I don't know how I feel about the prospect of the Steelers winning a 7th Super Bowl in my home stadium. Just doesn't feel right.

Oh well, congrats to both teams, and good luck to Jay Cutler as he attempts win to convince Chicago why they should hate him less than Steve Bartman all this offseason.

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Real World Going Back To Las Vegas

Remember back in June when I wrote that piece called "The Top 5 Real World-less Cities of America"? Well all 5 (6 if you seriously consider Detroit...which I don't) of those cities' status has not changed because season 25 of "The Real World" will be in Las Vegas. Oh boy.

Look, the original "Real World: Las Vegas" is in my top 5 Real Worlds of all-time, but why are we re-doing cities when we still have great places that have yet to be tapped like Dallas and Atlanta?? It's not like I'm suggesting "Real World: Vermont," Phoenix or Houston would be great spots to shoot. Maybe I'm just crazy? Am I crazy? Shit, I must be CRAZY!!!!!

Anyway, "Back To Las Vegas" is supposed to air at some point in the first quarter of this year, so you can expect promos to start running soon. I'm contemplating if I should even watch because not only are they re-doing a city, but again there's only one black roommate. I don't know how many times I have to say it, but all the best Real Worlds had multiple black people! I will give them credit because they have some other races represented (3 white guys, 1 white chick, 1 black guy, 1 Cuban chick, 1 Puerto Rican and Portuguese chick, and 1 Filipino and white chick), but black is where its at.

See, MTV needed me for more than my superior Twittering skills.

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NFL Winners & Losers: Championship Round

Has there ever been this many regular season re-matches in the playoffs before? In the 10 NFL playoffs games of 2011, 8 of them have been regular season re-matches. And if the Packers and Jets face each other in the Super Bowl, it'd be 9 out of 11!

What significance does this have, you ask? None really, just wanted to waste a little time while I think about these picks a little bit more. Aight, let's do it!

Packers (12-6) @ Bears (12-5)
Finally, we get to see if Jay Cutler and the Bears can win a playoff game against a playoff team. If the playoffs had a preseason, that's the category last Sunday's game against the Seahawks would've fallen under.

Anyway, why are people trying to make it seem like Aaron Rodgers only had a great game last week because he was playing in a dome? If I'm not mistaken, Rodgers plays his home games in a little place called Green Bay, Wisconsin on Lambeau Field (you may have heard of it). In fact, including last week's game, Rodgers and the Pack have only played in a dome 4 times all season, and one of those times he didn't even make it to halftime. Oh, and in those dome games the Pack was a very unimpressive 2-2. They had to win last week's dome game just to reach .500 in dome games! I don't want to hear any more bullshit about Rodgers being a dome QB.

Over the past week I've heard a lot of people comparing this game to Giants-Pats in Super Bowl 42 because the Bears played their starters against the Packers in Week 17 and felt them out like the Giants did in Week 17 of '07 before they ultimately beating the Pats in the Super Bowl. Also, in Bill Simmons' chat Friday, a commenter at the 3:53 mark compared it to the Saints-Bears NFC Championship game from '06 because the Bears have a great defense and are facing the hot team with the hot QB in Chicago. The won in both scenarios.

Now while I love both comparisons, I'm gonna have to pick against them. Last week I made a prediction for Seahawks-Bears based on a comparison...then an ass kicking ensued. I'll just avoid that altogether this week, and pick the opposite team. Plus, I already said I was riding Green Bay to the Super Bowl a couple weeks back. Packers winners, Bears losers.

Jets (13-5) @ Steelers (13-4)
At this point in a football season, a lot of times it's not about who's the better football team, it's about who's the healthiest. In this match-up, there's no doubt who's the healthier team. Last week Pittsburgh got down to their last active offensive lineman. Their last! That is scary as fuck, especially when you factor in what the Jets were able to do to Tom Brady last week.

Sounds like I'm leaning towards picking the Jets, right? Not so fast. I just picked the Packers to go to the Super Bowl, and two #6 seeds have never met in the Super Bowl. Hell, only one #6 seed has even made it there by itself in the history of the NFL!

Another factor working against the Jets is the color scheme. Not only have two #6 seeds never made it to the Super Bowl, but 2 teams whose main team color is green have never made it there either. There's been plenty of blue vs. blue, but never a green vs. green. Not to say it can't happen, but it's highly unlikely (in my book).

As much as it pains me to pick against the team that put out Tom Brady and the Pats, I just have to. Steelers winners, Jets losers.

(Side note: The Jets not talking all week kinda scared me off, even though I'd like to see them win a Super Bowl more than any of the other teams left.)

(Side side note: People can say whatever they want about Rex Ryan and Mark Sanchez, but those dudes win. They're 4-1 in the playoffs in 2 years! Nobody had Mark Sanchez putting out Peyton AND Tom Brady. Nobody! And now he has a shot to take out Ben Roethlisberger and some still aren't giving him a chance. Long story short, you can consider this my Tom Jackson shit, because despite who I picked, you know who I'm rooting for today. J-E-T-S! Jets, Jets, Jets!)

This Week: 2-0 (1.000)
Playoff Record: 5-5 (.500)
Overall Record: 159-107 (.598)
Last Week: 2-2 (.500)
Regular Season Record: 154-102 (.602)

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Keith Olbermann Leaves MSNBC

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Wow, and just like that, it's all over."Countdown With Keith Olbermann" is now a thing of the past, with tonight's episode being Keith's last. I'm not surprised he's leaving and/or was asked to leave, but I am a bit stunned by the suddenness of it. I mean, if I knew this was his last show, I would've watched the whole thing, and not the 6 or 7 minutes I caught tonight.

Anyway, it'll be interesting to see how they fill Keith's 8pm time slot. Do they bump Rachel Maddow up an hour, or move Chris Matthews back an hour? Or do you put a whole other, new program there? It's hard to imagine someone, other than Keith, being able to battle Bill O'Reilly in that time slot, but that's the task MSNBC and Comcast now face.

SOURCE

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2011 NBA All-Star Jerseys Revealed

Here's what the NBA's finest will be wearing in L.A. on February 20th. What do you think?

Personally, I think they're pretty OK. They're not the 2009 uniforms, but they're definitely better than last year's offering.

Now the only think that needs to be decided is who's gonna wear them. About a month ago I was bored at work and crafted who I thought would make it at the time (no word on why I never decided to post it). On the East I had Howard, Amare, LeBron, D-Wade, and D. Rose starting, and Rondo, Bargnani, Bosh, Granger, Felton, Pierce, and Garnett on the bench. Out West I had Gasol, Nowitzki, Durant, Kobe, and Deron Williams starting, and Westbrook, Love, Carmela (shouts to Mikhail Prokhorov), Ginobili, Ellis, Griffin, and Nash on the bench. I like all those picks still except for Granger (who I'd replace with Joe Johnson) and Nash (who I'd replace with Chris Paul).

In other NBA All-Star weekend news, Brandon Jennings was forced to withdraw from the Slam Dunk Contest, and will be replaced by Toronto Raptor DeMar DeRozan. Good because I rather spend my All-Star Saturday rooting for Blake Griffin to Vince Carter the Dunk Contest than hoping Jennings misses all his dunk because I'm jealous that he's fucking Teyana Taylor.

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Soulja Boy Is Now Smooky...AND A Drug Dealer??

So Smooky is what "they" want?? Well why didn't he just name his last album "Smooky" then because nobody seemed to want "The DeAndre Way." Then again, I don't know if I'd feel comfortable calling another dude "Smooky," so I'll just call him Ramone like Bow Wow did in the finest moment of his career.

Forget the silly nickname, the terribleness of this song, and Soulja Boy's Smooky's Ramone's failed attempt to make wearing 2 hats at once look cool, and let's talk about this hook a little bit. "Dem ki's and dem pies, yeah we got dem guys"?? Really nigga?? You, Ramone, got "dem ki's and dem pies"?? That's the angle you're going to take?? I mean, we all know you're not as rich as you claim, but you're telling me you went from happy feet 16 year-old to drug dealing 20 year-old?? I know record sells are down, but damn.

Besides, Justin Bieber would make a more convincing hardcore rapper than you would as a drug dealer. Just give it up, Ramone.

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Mikhail Prokhorov Deads The Nets' Pursuit Of Carmelo

You gotta love Mikhail Prokhorov, and no, not because your might "disappear" if you don't. First, you gotta love his pronunciation of Carmelo as "Carmela." I know he does it because of his accent, but it's still awesome. And second, you gotta love his response when asked about Melo's willingness to play for the Nets. That e-mail and carrier pigeons stuff was comedy gold.

Anyway, this is for the best because no matter how much genius Nets fans, like this guy, try to argue me down about Melo's being willing sign an extension and play for New Jersey, everyone with a pulse knows he wants to be a Knick.

SOURCE

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Thursday Billboard Update - 1/20/11

Remember last week I told you Taylor Swift's Speak Now was the lowest selling #1 album in the history of SoundScan with 52,000 sold that week? Also, remember me telling you she wouldn't hold that dishonor long? Well one week later, her record has been bested by a band named Cake, and their album Showroom of Compassion, which sold just 44,000 units in its debut week. Cake also now holds the dishonor of having the lowest selling #1 debut in SoundScan history as well. Tough break for Cake.

Unlike the Billboard 200, there was some real action popping off on the Hot 100. The big star this week is Britney Spears, whose new single Hold It Against Me debuts at #1. On top of that, Spears becomes just the 2nd artist in Billboard history to debut multiple singles at #1 (her single 3 debuted at #1 in October '09). Mariah Carey was the first to do it with Fantasy and One Sweet Day in 1995, and Honey in 1997.

The Billboard 200 1-10
first week debuts in bold

1. Cake - Showroom of Compassion (1)
2. Cage the Elephant - Thank You Happy Birthday (2)
3. Taylor Swift - Speak Now (1-3)
4. Bruno Mars - Doo-Wops & Hooligans (3-4)
5. Nicki Minaj - Pink Friday (2-5)
6. Various Artists - Country Strong sdtk (10-6)
7. Steel Magnolia - Steel Magnolia (7)
8. Rihanna - Loud (6-8)
9. Mumford & Sons - Sigh No More (8-9)
10. Kanye West - My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy (7-10)

The Billboard Hot 100 1-10
first time top 10's in bold

1. Britney Spears - Hold It Against Me (1)
2. Bruno Mars - Grenade (1-2)
3. Katy Perry - Firework (2-1)
4. Rihanna - What's My Name (3-4)
5. Wiz Khalifa - Black & Yellow (7-5)
6. Enrique Iglesias - Tonight (I'm Lovin' You) (6-6)
7. Ke$ha - We R Who We R (4-7)
8. Pink - Raise Your Glass (5-8)
9. Black Eyed Peas - The Time (Dirty Bit) (8-9)
10. Bruno Mars - Just The Way You Are (9-10)

• Kanye West and Jay-Z's first single H.A.M. debuts at #23. Let's get a release date for that Watch The Throne guys!
• Flo Rida's Who Dat Girl featuring Akon jumps 10 more spots 39-29 this week.
• After re-entering the Hot 100 last week, P!nk's Fuckin' Perfect flies 29 spots 57-30.
• Usher's More soars 47-33 in its 6th week on the Hot 100.
• Kanye West's All Of The Lights hops 14 spaces 88-74.

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Bart Scott Postgame Interview

Awesome!

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Happy Birthday Aaliyah!

Today is Aaliyah's birthday, so here are 2 Baby Girl tribute covers by 2 of the finest young singers in South Florida, OhGinelle and Phyllisia. Enjoy.

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Eli Porter Freestyle

When he's not dissing his fellow retarded rappers, Eli Porter is spitting powerful bars that hit like James Harrison. Oh, you don't believe me?? Well press play muthafucka and prepare to be amazed by lines like, "Shout it from the rooftop, shout it from ya girl room. I beat it up, headboard, boom boom." You're gonna go crazy when you hear Eli spit heat like, "Yeah, I'm so super stupid. I shoot you in the heart with the arrow. Cupid."

Just go press play muthafucka before we come smack your kufi off nigga!

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Cowboys Get Themselves A Ryan

No, not the Ryan on the left (Rex), but the Ryan on the right with the white Tom Brady hair (Rob). That man is the new defensive coordinator of my Dallas Cowboys...and I couldn't be more thrilled!

I guess the Cleveland Browns had no use for a defensive guru, you know, with their wealth of talent on that side of the ball and all. Even with that sad excuse for an talent pool, Rob Ryan coached them to be the 13th best scoring defense (20.8 points per game) and 14th in turnovers forced (28) this season. That's better than the Cowboys talent rich group did. Plus, he's a Ryan! Great hire in my opinion.

I can't wait to go face off against Rex and the Jets next season!

SOURCE

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NFL Winners & Losers: Divisional Round

I went a pathetic 1-3 last weekend, so I don't know if I should even be writing this today. Fuck it, I'll just try to keep it short. Oh, and of course try to avoid all the cliché BS you've been hearing all week.

Saturday Games

Ravens (13-4) @ Steelers (12-4)
How does this game end up in the first Saturday game slot?? In all likelihood this is going to be the best game of the weekend, and you have it batting first?? That's like having Jay-Z open up for Rick Ross.

Anyway, Joe Flacco's Ravens are the shit in games against the Steelers that Ben Roethlisberger doesn't play in. Unfortunately for them, Ben is indeed playing in this one. Steelers winners, Ravens losers.

Packers (11-6) @ Falcons (14-2)
How about that James Starks kid? As I stated last week, my biggest concern about the Packers going into the playoffs was their inability to run the ball, but now that Starks has descended upon them like a gift from God, the sky is the limit.

I know Matt Ryan is the shit in the Georgia Dome, but I said the winner of Packers-Eagles would represent the NFC in the Super Bowl, so I'm gonna ride that out. Packers winners, Falcons losers.

Sunday Games

Seahawks (8-9) @ Bears (11-5)
Oddly enough, this was the hardest game for me to pick. Actually, I still haven't decided who I'm taking as I type this.

On one hand you have Seattle, these guys shouldn't even have been in the playoffs, let alone the 2nd round. By all accounts, they suck, but somehow they're here.

On the other hand you have Chicago, easily the luckiest team of the 2010 season. They have a great defense, but this is Jay Cutler's first playoff game, in his first winning season as a full-time starter (that includes his college career).

Even before Bill Simmons mentioned it in his column yesterday, this game reminded me of Cardinals-Panthers in the divisional round 2 years ago. Think about it, this game has all the same elements: the crappy NFC West team that only made the playoffs because they play in the NFC West, the overrated #2 seed, the old QB that has caught fire, the turnover prone QB, the 10 point spread, and the Julius Peppers. We all know how that one ended. Seahawks winners, Bears losers.

Jets (12-5) @ Patriots (14-2)
When I was making these head-to-head pictures for the games, I originally came up with this one of Dollar Bill Sell-a-trick and Foot Sex Rex Ryan for Jets-Pats. Then the big story of the week became Antonio Cromartie besmirching the golden name of Tom Brady, so I went with the one you see above.

Really, I'm just making small talk because the Patriots are going to win this game and we all know it. Mark Sanchez was overthrowing his receivers in the control environment of Lucas Oil Stadium, what is he gonna do out in the cold at Gillette?? The Jets don't stand a chance. Patriots winners, Jets losers.

This Week: 2-2 (.500)
Playoff Record: 3-5 (.375)
Overall Record: 157-107 (.595)
Last Week: 1-3 (.250)
Regular Season Record: 154-102 (.602)

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Chocolate Droppa Got Next!

If you ain't know, Chocolate Droppa is the next nigga to blow in this rap shit. He's out here shutting all these nut ass rappers down. I'm serious y'all, the homie got bars! Check out the video and follow him on Twitter @ChocolateDroppa. Fix ya face niggas!

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Sticky Balls Infomercial

Wow. Wow. Wow. This can't be life.

...But just in case it is, get your Sticky Balls now at StickyBalls.com!

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Ice Cream Mane: The Face Of Retardation In America

What. The. Fuck?

Wait, before we try to answer that million dollar question, please find a mental disability foundation and make a donation to it. $1, $2, $5, whatever you can give, please do.

Not in the giving mood?? Here, take a close-up look at the atrocity that is this man's face:

Just look at the retardation in his eyes, and the permanent symbol of his condition on his face. He has an ice cream cone, with blue ice cream scoops on it, red lightning bolts shooting out of it, and "Brrr" written across it...on his face! Forever! If that doesn't make you want to donate, I don't know what will.

Don't you feel sorry for Gucci Ice Cream Mane?? His life is clearly barreling out of control. This is like a fucked up, Hip-Hop version of what lead Mike Tyson to get a tattoo on his face, only instead of being at the top of his profession, Ice Cream is at the bottom. Speaking of the bottom, the only way this tattoo could've been more retarded is if the ice cream cone was upside down.

Where is this Mane's friends?? Where is this Mane's family?? As far as I'm concerned, this is a cry for help more so than evidence of his mental challenged-ness. I mean, we already knew he was retarded, but who knew he was crazy too? That's like a cherry on the top of a shitty life sundae, or in this case, ice cream cone.

Well, hopefully somebody gets this Mane some help. And also, hopefully that same person makes sure every studio in the state of Georgia gets a restraining order against him stating that he can't step within 50 feet of one or he'll be arrested. It'd only be right.

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LeBron The Black Swan

Do you remember in "Black Swan" when Nina... Oh, you haven't seen "Black Swan" yet? Oh, you never intend on seeing it? And I'm a pussy because I saw it? And this whole post is a waste of time? And you're tired of this failed attempt at comedy and want me to move on? Yeah, good point on that last one.

Anyway, you know how in "Black Swan" Nina (Natalie Portman) was already great at being the White Swan but still needed to master the Black Swan to be an effective Swan Queen? Then after a lot of crotch grabbing, hallucinations, and a bunch of other insanity, she blacked out and not only performed the Black Swan, but also became the Black Swan? Well I think that's what happened to LeBron James this season (well, besides crotch grabbing and hallucinations...hopefully), and now he's the Black Swan. Allow me to further explain:

LeBron is like Nina, Pat Riley is like Thomas, the Miami Heat are like the ballet company, and the NBA season is like the production of "Swan Lake."

When the season started, LeBron was playing well, but everywhere he went he was being viciously booed. Even in cities he never considered in free agency over the summer, like Philly, Memphis, and New Orleans, the boos rained down every time he touched the ball. Plus, the Heat were losing and weren't playing good basketball.

At this point LeBron was still only the White Swan. He accepted his Decision, but he was visibly uncomfortable trying to "dance" the Black Swan.

Then, at his lowest point (when the Heat fell to 9-8 after a loss in Dallas), things began to change. Miami ran off a couple wins against Washington and Detroit, but it wasn't until the Heat's trip to Cleveland to face the Cavaliers on December 2nd did he start transforming into the Black Swan. Instead of running from the boos (and the were deafening) and trying to block them out, he embraced them and used them against his opponent. That night he scored 38 points in just 30 minutes of play in a 118-90 Heat victory.

The Heat were now on a tear and won 21 of their next 22 games. In that 21st win again Portland Sunday, LeBron fully became the Black Swan. The crowd at the Rose Garden was raucous, and by the 4th quarter he had totally embraced the villain role he had been cast. He even egged on the crowd at one point, which he's never done before this season. LeBron finished with 44 points, 13 rebounds, and 6 assists as the Heat won in overtime. And that's how LeBron James became the Black Swan.

Fortunately for the Heat, instead of dying at the end like Nina, LBJ only tweaked his ankle at the end of the Clippers game.

*****

Now, let's discuss this infamous tweet during the mist of the Cavaliers being blown out 112-57 by the Lakers Tuesday night. I'm sure you've all seen it, but just in case:

Let me start by saying this: If you thought this was a shot at the Cavs players and not owner Dan Gilbert, you are a moron, and I have no use for your opinions on anything. That was absolutely, 100%, without a doubt aimed at none other than Comic Sans Dan. You shouldn't even be considered a sports fan if you don't remember Gilbert saying, "Until he does 'right' by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma."

LeBron's tweet is CLEARLY a shot at Gilbert's letter, specifically that excerpt, and to think otherwise is simply idiotic.

With that being said, I totally disagree with LeBron's handling of the fallout caused by The Tweet. Instead of owning it, LeBron chose to act like not only did he not write it, but it had nothing to do with the Cavs blowout that was in progress at the time. "It wasn't even a comment from me, it was someone who sent it to me and I sent it out," LeBron said. C'mon son! We already let you slide on the whole "I didn't even know what contraction meant" shit, but stop acting like you're totally oblivious to the world. The Tweet was meant for Comic Sans Dan, own it, and move the fuck on.

Now, as far as the loss last night to the Clippers is concerned, I'm not surprised. Forget that old Clippers stigma, that is a pretty decent team. And it's not like this was a luck thing, they've beaten a whole host of the NBA's best teams including the Spurs, Bulls, Nuggets, Thunder, Hornets, and now Heat. Besides, if LeBron doesn't roll his ankle down the stretch, Miami most likely wins that game. LeBron drained a 3 just seconds after getting hurt and cut the Clips' lead down to 2. After that point, he was ineffective on both ends of the court, and the rest is history. In all honesty, the Heat probably would've been better off if they subbed in James Jones until LeBron was ready because he was a liability on the floor in the last few minutes. He was limping around badly and basically reduced to a spot-up shooter, and if I'm gonna have a spot-up shooter in the game, I'd much rather it be James Jones.

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Random News Shit: Entertainment Edition

1) Eminem Signs Slaughterhouse And Yelawolf
Rumors have been swirling about Slaughterhouse signing with Shady Records since they dropped their self-titled debut album in 2009, so I'm not too surprised they were finally signed up. But Yelawolf? I had no idea he was even in discussion with Shady. I feel like I should've saw it coming though, they're basically of the same ilk, so it makes sense Em would be attracted to him when he heard him.

Well, hopefully this rebuilding of Shady Records goes better than the first phase (Obie Trice and Stat Quo) and definitely better than the second phase (Bobby Creekwater and Cashis). Then again, having Slaughterhouse and Yelawolf (2 already established acts) is a different horse than trying to bring along relative unknowns.

(Side note: I wonder if it's gonna be awkward when Joell Ortiz encounters Dr. Dre??)

2) Kanye West Does NOT Buy $180k Watch...Of Kanye West
**UPDATE**
According to Yeezy, he did NOT buy this watch. Darn, I thought my take on it was pretty good too. I blame AllHipHop.

Let's be honest, if anybody was gonna buy a $180,000 watch of themselves, it was gonna be Kanye West. Also, if anybody was gonna buy a $180,000 watch of Kanye West, it was gonna be Kanye West. Either way, no one should be shocked, stunned, or surprised.

Okay, take a look at this bad boy:

3) "The Game" Returns To 7.7 Million Viewers
It would be simple to say, "If all you fans of 'The Game' watched it on the CW, you wouldn't have had to wait all this time for season 4." That is true, but it's not that simple. I don't think "The Game" started building a real following until BET started showing re-runs of it all day.

For example, my uncle was in prison when "The Game" started in 2006, but he became a fan of the show after coming home and watching the re-runs on BET. Now, I'm not saying everyone was in prison in 2006, but obviously if its fanbase was as massive then as it is now, it would've never gotten canned in the first place.

And with that being said, you know the fine folks at the CW are looking so sick right now lol.

4) MySpace Slashes Its Staff In Half
I guess when Tom realized him starting the rumor that Facebook was closing in March didn't help, he knew this had to be done.

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Thursday Billboard Update - 1/13/11

Taylor Swift's Speak Now is still #1, but with 52,000 copies sold this week, it now holds the unfortunate honor of having the lowest sales week of any #1 album in the history of Nielsen SoundScan. But with sales declining by the year, I'm sure she won't hold the dishonor for long.

Over on the Hot 100, a lot of nothingness happened in the top 10.

The Billboard 200 1-10
first week debuts in bold

1. Taylor Swift - Speak Now (1-1)
2. Nicki Minaj - Pink Friday (4-2)
3. Bruno Mars - Doo-Wops & Hooligans (7-3)
4. Daft Punk - TRON: Legacy sdtk (6-4)
5. Eminem - Recovery (2-5)
6. Rihanna - Loud (3-6)
7. Kanye West - My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy (5-7)
8. Mumford & Sons - Sigh No More (8-8)
9. Jason Aldean - My Kinda Party (13-9)
10. Various Artists - Country Strong sdtk (149-10)

The Billboard Hot 100 1-10
first time top 10's in bold

1. Bruno Mars - Grenade (2-1)
2. Katy Perry - Firework (1-2)
3. Rihanna - What's My Name (4-3)
4. Ke$ha - We R Who We R (3-4)
5. Pink - Raise Your Glass (5-5)
6. Enrique Iglesias - Tonight (I'm Lovin' You) (6-6)
7. Wiz Khalifa - Black & Yellow (8-7)
8. Black Eyed Peas - The Time (Dirty Bit) (7-8)
9. Bruno Mars - Just The Way You Are (9-9)
10. Rihanna - Only Girl (In The World) (12-10)

• Flo Rida's Who Dat Girl featuring Akon jumps 14 spots 53-39 this week.
• Nicki Minaj's Moment 4 Life with Drake leaps 12 spots 63-51.
• P!nk's Fuckin' Perfect re-enters the Hot 100 with a new peak at #57.
• Travis Porter's wack and dated Make It Rain debuts at #100. Something tells me this won't be the last we see of this unhotness.

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Zack O'Malley Greenburg: Jay-Z Subliminal Diss Uncover-er

A wise man once said Jay-Z's lyrics on H.A.M. would be misconstrued as a shot at Lil Wayne...but he didn't know it'd be by Zack O'Malley Greenburg of Forbes.com! Check your boy Z to the O.G. out:

What's funnier, someone named Zack O'Malley Greenburg talking Hip-Hop or that fact that his last 2 initials are O.G.? I can't decide, but I'm leaning towards the latter. Anyhow, I was expecting this from some loser on a message board, or a bum blogger looking to make a splash, not a (presumably) nice (presumably) Jewish staff writer from Forbes.

You know what though? I can't front on Zack O.G., and neither can you. Of course his name sounds funny in the context of Hip-Hop, but on top of writing a blog for Forbes.com, he has also authored a biography on the god MC.

That's right, O.G.'s book "Empire State Of Mind: How Jay-Z Went from Street Corner to Corner Office" hits stores March 17th (but you can pre-order it now on Amazon)! As much as a Jay-Z superfan as I am, I can't say I've written a book about him and got it published. Big Pimpin' indeed.

BUT, as much as I am now down with Z to the izz-A, C to the izz-K, I've already deemed those Hov lyrics to be a Lil Wayne diss-free. The Hip-Hop Czar has spoken! Case closed.

(Side note: Check out Zack's blog on Forbes.com or hit him up on Twitter @zogblog. Oh, and all pleas for him to help me get a job at Forbes doing anything short of mopping floors are greatly appreciated.)

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Idiocrary 101: Facebook Is NOT Shutting Down!

Let me take this time out to tell you how fucking dumb you are if you actually believed the rumor Facebook was shutting down March 15th. Here's a little word to the unwise: multi-billion dollar businesses (i.e. Facebook) don't just shut down in the height of their popularity. And they especially don't shut down just because the CEO said he, "wants his old life back."

You know what happens to multi-billion dollar businesses when their CEO is ready to call it quits?? THEY FIND A NEW CEO! Then said CEO gets a nice sized package to make sure he and his family are financially straight forever and ever and ever. But they definitely don't board up the windows and say, "Hey, we had a good run while it lasted."

Seriously, if people would just take a few seconds to think about these retarded ass rumors, they wouldn't be so easily duped. I mean, it's not like Facebook is a one-man operation Mark Zuckerberg is still running out of his dorm room at Harvard. Facebook isn't just a social networking site that gets people fired from their job for being on it too much during business hours, it's a corporation. They have employees, they have stock holders, you don't just wake up and decide you want to take your ball and go home and all of those people disappear.

Besides, what happened when Bill Gates stepped down at Microsoft? Did the company shut down? Did the government come delete Windows off our computers and put us all on Linux? No, he was replaced, and the ball kept rolling. The same thing would happen with Facebook.

So, with all that being said, I just wanted to remind you of how much of an idiot you are if you believed the rumor Facebook was shutting down. You make this world a dumber, much worse place. You suck.

Sincerely, Fiyah

SOURCE

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Jay-Z & Kanye West - H.A.M.

Here it is, the first single off Watch The Throne. Let's do it:

Jay-Z & Kanye West - H.A.M. (Alt. Link)

Okay, now it's time for the real break down of H.A.M. First and foremost, I do NOT approve of the use of the term "ham" in any other context than as a food that's honey baked with those delicious pineapple slices on top. I'm not a hypocrite, I didn't like it when Soulja Boy started saying it, and I don't like it now that Kanye and Jay-Z are saying it.

Let's now move on to the beat. Hot as fuck! Lex Luger definitely laid down the base of it, but the Opera shit throughout and the stings in the hook were all Kanye. No, I don't have any proof of that, but come on, who else would think to put Opera on this type of beat besides Kanye West?? Exactly.

Is there even any point of discussing the lyrics?? Anybody with a half of a sense of taste in Hip-Hop knows Yeezy and Hov both ripped it. If you care to contest this fact, as the late, great Pimp C would say, "Suck a thousand wee-wees and die."

Speaking of the verses, how long before people start taking Jay-Z rapping, "I'm like really half a billi, nigga really. You got Baby money. Keep it real with niggas, niggas ain't got my lady's money," as a shot at Lil Wayne?? You can't even set an over/under for it because I'm sure some loser is already starting the campaign on AllHipHop.com's message board as we speak.

Lastly, as I said last night, this shit is so Hip-Hop Czar approved and if you don't like this song, it's you, not them. Trust me.

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Nnamdi Asomugha Is A Free Agent

Remember when Nnamdi Asomugha signed that huge contract in 2009 that made him the highest paid DB in NFL history?? Yeah, well that contract is now voided and Nnamdi is a free agent. Does this type of insanity happen with anyone but the Raiders??

Hmm, I wonder if good ol' Nnamdi could be persuaded to leave the silver and black and get with the silver and blue?? He, like many others, would look awesome with a blue star on the side of his helmet next season. Lord knows we could use the competent DBs.

Unfortunately, his chances of landing in Dallas are most likely slim-to-none. Maybe he'll re-re-sign with the Raiders and re-become the highest paid DB in NFL history?? I say it has a better shot of happening than him landing in silver and blue.

SOURCE

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Jersey Shore Premiere Highest Rated Telecast In MTV History

If you hate "Jersey Shore," prepare to get angry because the season 3 premiere set a MTV record. That's right, with a whopping 8.45 million total viewers, America's favorite guidos had the most watched series telecast in the history of MTV.

To put that into perspective for you, as popular as the first 2 seasons of "Jersey Shore" were, the previous high was 6.723 million viewers (the episode when Angelina fought Snooki and went home).

I must admit, I thought this would be the last season for the guids, but if they can sustain those type of numbers, MTV will continue to back the Brinks truck up to all of their doorsteps to keep filming.

SOURCE

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C'mon Son 2010 The Year In Review!

I'll be honest, I've been so wrapped up in all my year-end stuff like the Top Albums/Mixtapes lists and the L.A.M.E. Awards that I haven't really checked for anybody else's stuff. I mean, I still haven't even heard Skillz's 2010 Wrap Up yet. Of course, part of that is that I'm starting to not care anymore, but still, it's tradition. Anyway, enjoy C'mon Son's Review if you haven't seen it yet.

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Weirdest Celebrity Bodies

Hopefully one day I'll be able to penetrate at least one of Obama Girl's vaginas. Fingers crossed for both though.

The other thing I wanted to say was that I don't believe in the whole third nipple thing. It just looks like a mole to me. Until I see someone milk their "third nipple" or have an areola around it, I'll only recognize it as a mole. Sorry Mark and Lilly.

Oh, and you don't have to bother clicking on Mark's face for part 2, I decided to save you the time and post it after the jump.

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Upset Saturday

So, who had the Seahawks tossing up the Saints and Mark Sanchez leading a game winning drive against the Colts?? Nobody?? Oh, ok.

I don't even know what to say, I'm completely stunned by today's results. Both of last year's Super Bowl teams out of the playoffs on the first day. Insanity! Matt Hasselbeck outplayed Drew Brees! Mark Sanchez beat Peyton Manning! Birds fell from the sky! Fish died! The world is coming to an end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But you can't blame those games squarely on Drew Brees and Peyton Manning, they didn't get much help from their coaches. Sean Payton finally outsmarted himself. How do you go for it on 4th down on your own 38, but don't go for it on 4th and 2 inside the Seahawks' 3?? Then they're the awful play call on the 2-point conversion where they tried to rush straight up the middle with...DeShawn Wynn! DeShawn Wynn?!?! The guy hadn't gotten a carry all game, but you put the ball in his hand at that critical moment?? C'mon Sean.

Oh, and don't even get me started on that sad sack Julius Jones. Yeah, he rushed for 2 TDs, so that makes his stat line look nice, but if you actually watched the game, you would've saw he was awful. He turned the ball over twice! Once on a fumble, and the other by just sucking and tripping over his own man on 4th and inches.

Then there's the defense. Roman Harper got burned more times than a bitch smoking crack with Rick James. That whole secondary had Matt Hasselbeck out there looking like...well, Matt Hasselbeck, just circa '05.

But you gotta give the Seahawks credit, it a certain point, you could really see who wanted it more (like N.O.'s poor attempts at tackling on that 67-yard run by Marshawn Lynch). They didn't just luck into a victory, they went out and took.

Now, the Colts. What in the fuck was Jim Caldwell out there doing?? He started the game by burning a timeout on a challenge that was clear as day he wasn't going to win. And speaking of timeouts, what in the fuck was he thinking when he called that one with 29 seconds left in the game?? I know you're opponent was Mark Sanchez and not Tom Brady, but why stop the clock and give him extra time to prepare when you don't have to?? Next play: 18 yard pass to Braylon Edwards. Game over.

What was Caldwell's fantasy there?? Did he think the Colts were gonna get the ball back and lead a touchdown drive after the game was over?? The Jets only had one timeout, all they were gonna do was run the ball and try to get into better field position for a Nick Folk field goal. But instead of having their shaky kicker attempt one from 50-plus, Caldwell made it possibly for a chip shot 32-yarder.

What a bad day for Jim Caldwell to finally show us he was indeed alive. Just let Peyton coach the damn team. Although Caldwell's poor use of timeouts allowed Jason Whitlock to call him Jim "Chris Webber" Caldwell (or C-Well), in reference to Chris Webber's infamous timeout misuse in the 1993 National Championship game. That shit had me rollin'!

But with that said, I'm happy for Rex Ryan. Everyone in the media talks shit about him because he's confident in himself and his team, but let's not forgot that he is 3-1 in the playoffs as a head coach.

It is a shame Rex had to shit on Tom Brady the other day and now his Jets don't stand a chance against the Pats next Sunday. Damn.

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AHHHHH! She's A Drunken, Naked Monster!

I've been known to not support Nicki Minaj at times, but if she's gonna be making hoes get naked, I'm fully behind that. Especially relatively good looking hoes. In the past I've discussed Nicki possibly having the ugliest fan base outside of Lady Gaga, but this chick ain't bad at all. Decent tits, nice-ish ass, doesn't appear to be facial challenged. Hell, I'd smash. In real life she's probably about a 7, but compared to some of Nicki's other fans, she's closer to a 12 on the scale of 1-10.

On another note, wassup with homegirl in the white shirt facing the wall?? She doesn't even flinch for the duration of the video. How often does this chick strip naked and rap like a maniac to the point she's totally unphased by it?? Welp, hopefully she wasn't dead.

So, how long before she realizes this is her thing, and she does another one?? Just a guess, but I'm thinking it'll be to Roman's Revenge. Hopefully she'll give her friend (the one that's actually paying attention) a shot to get naked and rap too. Yeah, she might now look like much sitting there on the floor, but check her out, she's a looker! A lot of "I wouldn't mind her carrying my seed" potential with that friend.

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Birdman & Lil Wayne 9

And of course this is a spoof of that uncle rightfully whupping his nephew's ass for posting fake gangs-related bullshit on the internet knowing damn well he's a cupcake. That uncle should be honored.

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