Okay, now that I got that out of the way, let the countdown begin!
5) Watching women masturbate is fun.
Okay, okay, I didn't learn this from "Black Swan," (shocker) watching women masturbate has been fun long before I was even born (double shocker). But still, I love it, and I love to see it.
Oh, and no, I'm not willing to be convinced that Natalie Portman wasn't really finger banging in her bed in that one scene. I don't care if she's an extraordinary actress, it's still real to me dammit!
4) Girl-on-girl scenes are never a bad thing.
Tell me the last uninteresting girl-on-girl scene you watch. Don't worry, I'll wait.
Can't do it, can you? I know. I know.
3) You don't have to do drugs to hallucinate, you just need to join the ballet.
Wanna get high, but don't wanna buy drugs? Join the ballet. It gives you all the frightening hard drug hallucinations without all that "I'm willing to suck a dick for more of this" hard drug stigma.
Plus, it's less of a burden on your pockets. Hell, it could actually make you money at some point. That's what us in the know call a "win, win, win."
2) Masturbating and having someone grab your crotch brings out the best in you.
It worked for Nina Sayers (no relation to Chicago Bears great Gale Sayers), I don't see why it couldn't work for every other hot, young chick with a job. Through years of research, I've found that women that masturbate are generally better at their jobs than women who don't. (And yes, by "years of research" I meant "minutes of sitting back and thinking if I were a chick, would I be a better worker if I masturbated" and that answer is yes.)
1) I don't want my daughter to be a ballerina.
Remember when you were little and your teacher asked everyone in class what they wanted to be when they grew up? There were always a bunch of cliché boy jobs like firefighter, policeman, and pornstar (Oh, that must've just been me), and cliché girl jobs like veterinarian, singer, and ballerina. Well after watching "Black Swan," my new goal in life is to keep my unborn daughter away from ever saying "ballerina" when asked what she wants to be. I mean, for me, ballerina is now right up there with stripper, whore, or any other variation of the 2 on the "things a father doesn't want his daughter becoming when she grows up" list.
Current and future fathers beware, the vertical pole is no longer the only pole we have to keep our little girls away from.
