NFL Winners & Losers: Week 2

1) Giants (1-0) @ Cowboys (1-0)
I think its about that time ladies and gentlemen. Oh don't try to act like you don't know what I'm talking about... oh, you really don't know what I'm talking about?? Okay, well I'll tell you: I'm talking about the CYST baby, the CYST!

For all the newcomer, the CYST is the Cowboys/Yankee Stadium Theory and it says this game was decided months ago when the Yankees lost their inaugural game at their new stadium back in April. Yes, on that faithful spring day the Cleveland Indians marched into the new Yankee Stadium and spanked upon the rear-ends of the Bronx Bombers. Little did they know they had just sealed the fate for a NFL match-up that would occur some 5 months later.

Yes, I know, deep.

Now, of course I'd love to make a case for my Cowboys winning this game (and believe me, I easily could), but I believe in the CYST so I'm saying Giants winners, Cowboys losers.

2) Patriots (1-0) @ Jets (1-0)
Mark Sanchez and the Jets sure did shock the shit out of me with how impressive they were against the Texans last week. Though I don't like Thomas Jones (for obvious reason aka he crushed my girl) he tore up the Texans defense for 107 yards and 2 touchdowns.

The Jets defense was even more so impressive than the offense. Not only did they hold Steve Slaton to 17 yards rushing, but they also held All-Pro WR Andre Johnson to 34 with just 4 catches.

The Pats on the other hand struggled against the lowly Bills before being given the game by Leodis McKelvin in the last 2 minutes. Under normal circumstances this game would have upset special written all over it.

That was until Kerry Rhodes didn't to open his mouth. This genius said he intends to embarrass the Patriots. You may remember back in 2007 after narrowly escaping a loss to Baltimore, the Pats were trash talked by former Steelers' safety Anthony Smith. Now I'm not saying Kerry Rhodes will be playing for the Rams in 2 years like Smith, but what I am saying is that the Pats don't take kindly to these things and will now take it out on the Jets. Patriots winners, Jets losers.

3) Saints (1-0) @ Eagles (1-0)
Why hasn't Donovan McNabb been ruled out of this game yet?? His rib is not just cracked, its broken all the way through. There is NO way he plays in this game.

McNabb not playing isn't the worst part though, Kevin Kolb playing is. Some people think Kolb will get yanked at halftime and Jeff Garcia will finish out the game, but I don't know if I'm ready to subscribe to that. I think Kolb will play the entire game, but I don't think he'll be able to move this Eagles' offense down the field and probably end up tiring out his defense who will already have their hands full trying to contain Drew Brees and the Saints' offense. Saints winners, Eagles losers.

4) Ravens (1-0) @ Chargers (1-0)
LaDainian Tomlinson has already been ruled out for this game. It probably wouldn't matter though seeing the Ravens haven't allowed a 100-yard rushing game since 2006 and L.T. barely cracked 50 on the Raiders Monday.

Though the Ravens did allow the Chiefs to hang with them for most of the game, they were able to show who was the superior team in the end (even though they needed a record-high 501 yards of offense to do it). The Bolts struggling to compete against a team whose QB completed only 12 of 30 passes, leaves me with little confidence in their ability. I don't think this is gonna be a good day for the Chargers. Ravens winners, Chargers losers.

5) Colts (1-0) @ Dolphins (0-1)
There's no other way to put it, the Dolphins looked bad in week 1 against the Falcons. They turned the ball over 4 times in a game that wasn't as close as the 19-7 final score suggests.

I have no reason to believe the Colts will burn many calories taking this one away from the Fins and getting them off to a 0-2 start like in 2008. Colts winners, Dolphins losers.

6) Steelers (1-0) @ Bears (0-1)
Rough start to 2009 for the Bears, not only did Jay Cutler throw 4 picks in the 23-15 loss to the Packers, but they also lost defensive leader Brian Urlacher to a season-ending wrist injury (yeah, I know it sounds like something you get at the Masturbaters Olympics).

The Steelers will also be missing a defensive leader in Troy Polamalu who will miss a few games with a knee sprain.

While Polamalu is more of an impact player on his team than Urlacher at this point, I don't see the Bears standing much of a chance. Jay Cutler just doesn't have enough weapons. Steelers winners, Bears losers.

7) Seahawks (1-0) @ 49ers (1-0)
The NFC West was absolutely dreadful last season which is why the Cardinals won by default. That doesn't seem to be the case after the one week of 2009 football. The jury is still out though.

The Seahawks will find it a little tougher to light up the scoreboard on the 49ers than it was against the Rams. I like the 'Hawks this season, but I think the Niners will carry their "we'll win despite Crabtree's dumbass" spirit into this game. 49ers winners, Seahawks losers.

8) Cardinals (0-1) @ Jaguars (0-1)
This one is easy to pick. A banged up Anquan Boldin and Steve Breaston equals increased coverage on Larry Fitzgerald and an 0-2 start for the Super Bowl loser. Jaguars winners, Cardinals losers (its a damn shame Jacksonville probably won't be able to see the game).

9) Texans (0-1) @ Titans (0-1)
I don't know if it was the Jets defense or if Matt Schaub is still hurt, but the Texans looked bad last weekend. I know everyone had them being the big surprised this season and possibly getting to the playoffs, but there's no way the Titans go 0-2. Not to mention Jeff Fisher has been game planning for this since last Friday. Titans winners, Texans losers.

10) Panthers (0-1) @ Falcons (1-0)
The Dolphins barely turn the ball over, but that didn't stop the Falcons from forcing them into 4. Carolina is a turnover machine with Jake Delhomme at the helm. I'm gonna set the over/under on Delhomme turnovers at 3.5 (though I'm hoping he keeps it in check this week because I want him to still be the starter when my Cowboys get to see him in Week 3). Falcons winners, Panthers losers.

11) Bengals (0-1) @ Packers (1-0)
Ocho Cinco says he's gonna do a Lambeau Leap if he scores in this game. I don't know he'll even have the chance considering they could only manage to put up 7 on the Broncos' raggedy defense. Packers winners, Bengals losers.

12) Buccaneers (0-1) @ Bills (0-1)
Two words, one name: Cadillac Williams. Plus, the Bills never seem to do well after heartbreaking defeats. Bucs winners, Bills losers.

13) Vikings (1-0) @ Lions (0-1)
Quick question: Did the Vikings really need Brett Favre for last weeks game?? I mean really, Tarvaris Jackson or Sage Rosenfels couldn't give you those 110 yards Favre did?? Adrian Peterson is the offense either way. I don't know, maybe its something I can't see.

Anyway, I can't completely sleep on the Lions because even though they did get crushed by Drew Brees in the end, they were actually hanging around in that game for awhile. Not to mention that out of the 16 losses suffered by the Lions in 2008, they actually got the closest to beating the Vikings the 2 times they faced. It may be close, but I think the Vikes pull it out in the end. Vikings winners, Lions losers.

14) Raiders (0-1) @ Chiefs (0-1)
Its funny how the scheduling works in the NFL. The 2 teams these 2 teams played Week 1 are playing each other in Week 2.

Anyway, both of these losers from last year showed signs last weekend. Who showed more signs though?? I'm going to have to go with the Chiefs solely because I have no faith in JaMarcus Russell. I watched him play Monday and if he was worth a damn, they Raiders would've blew the Chargers out in that game. Chiefs winners, Raiders losers.

15) Rams (0-1) @ Redskins (0-1)
I'm not gonna burn too many calories talking about this game, it should be a great opportunity for Jason Campbell to bounce back. Redskins winners, Rams losers.

16) Browns (0-1) @ Broncos (1-0)
I'm not gonna lie, I fuckin' hate the Broncos. I don't hate them as much as I hate the Patriots, but still I hate them. Pure luck is the only reason they got a win last weekend, there's no other way to explain it. I don't think they'll be as lucky this week. Browns winners, Broncos losers.

Record Last Week: 13-3 (.813)
Overall Record: 21-11 (.656)
So Far This Week: 8-8 (.500)