The Nicki Minaj Exposed Exposé

When speaking on the subject in the 5 Star Chick (Remix) video, I realized not only had I never posted the "Nicki Minaj Exposed" video, but I never even spoke on it! I'm fuckin' up, but here's the vid if you still haven't seen it:


Compelling.

I once famously (or not so famously, whatever) defended Rihanna when some stupidly tried to say she got breast implants (Dumbasses v. Logic, you might have heard of it), so who better to come to about this than me?? Exxxxxactly! Lets break it down:

TITTIES!
Play the video again and pause it 23 seconds in. You should be looking at a picture of Nicki in a tight pink shirt sitting on a couch by some nigga in yellow. Notice anything?? Well if your mind dwells in the gutter as mine does, you immediately saw Nicki's hard nipples poking through. This means either (A) she's wearing a super thin bra or (B) she's not wearing a bra at all (or (C) she has some nipples like this chick).

Now fast forward to 28 seconds into the video. You should now be looking at a picture of Nicki slightly leaning forward with her boobs overflowing in a major way. Now y'all study this picture while I take a break to pleasure myself to it.

~~

And we're back.

Anyway, you don't even need your gutter mind to see that Nicki is wearing not only 1, but 2 push-up bras in this image. Of course her fun bags are going to look bigger in this picture rather than the one at 23 seconds in when she's probably not wearing any bra at all. I know a lot of guys don't seem to notice it, but the bra makes a world of difference in the overall titty display and appearence. Respect it. Move on.

Titty Verdict: REAL!

HIPS!
Did whoever made this video expect us to just take his or her word that Nicki didn't have hips?? Seriously, what was 2 side profile pictures (one in a loose denim jumpshit, the other in spandex) supposed to prove to us?? If we're gonna talk hips we need front profile pictures, so the evidence shown proves NOTHING either for, or against her having hips.

Hip Verdict: Inconclusive.

Now the moment you've all been waiting for...

ASS!
Man, the evidence against that ass is damning! I would even say the ass evidence was so damning that the creator of this video thought he/she could make a case for the boobies and hips as well, and ended up reaching.

How can I defend the asslessness??

You know what? I can't! Take a look at 10 seconds into the video. There's little to no booty there, and now, all of sudden, she has ass for days?? C'mon son, shit don't add up.

With that said, I don't know if she wears butt pads like this video suggests because there's a number of ways for a chick to fool you into thinking she has booty. Here's a few:

1) The aforementioned butt pads
2) Hydrogel butt injections
3) Fat transfer Liposuction surgery
4) Butt implants (buttock augmentation)
5) Butt enhancement cream
6) Double-O panties

(You could also add clever camera angles, Photoshop, and bending forward to that list, but to a lesser extent.)

There you have it. She doesn't necessarily have to be using butt pads to give off the appearance of having ass. Then again, it is a bit curious that we've never seen a picture of Nicki from the back when she wasn't wearing something that covered her ass completely. That isn't common for someone as sexual as her, especially in the era of the internet.

Okay, now that we've all but proven her ass is fake, lets touch on the reason we should've known her ass wasn't real in the first place: SHE'S FROM NEW YORK!

Now I'm not saying all NY chicks don't have ass, but big booties aren't what the Big Apple is known for. New York gave us some of the best basketball players ever, New York gave us some of the best rappers ever, New York hasn't given us many, if any, of the great asses of the 21st century.

Think about it, how many of those model chicks from men's magazine and rap videos with the huge asses do you think are actually from New York?? I'd venture to say less than 5%. In actuality, its probably even less than that, and that's giving the ones whose parents aren't from New York and migrated there. Majority of those girls are either from somewhere in the South, or a different country altogether. It's true. Pick one of your favorite booty models, I bet she's probably not from the state of New York. Put your money up if you disagree.

Bottom line, New York just isn't a big booty state, so we were all probably naïve for thinking that glorious ass Nicki Minaj carries behind her was au naturel. Very unfortunate. Now you can keep the blindfold on if want to and fool yourself into believing in her ass' legitimacy, but you're just gonna end up coming off like this guy below:



Ass Verdict: FAKE!