Random News Shit: Shit I Never Spoke On Because I Was Too Busy Playing Madden Edition

1) Gender Test Requested For Runner Caster Semenya
Now y'all know good and got damn well that's a man! Let me prove my case:

Exhibit A: "Her" dude body. (This bitch mo' swoll than T.O.)
Exhibit B: "Her" dude voice. (When I was watching this video with my eyes closed, you're telling me that wasn't Dikembe Mutombo answering the questions??)
Exhibit C: "Her" dude name. (I can't find one baby name site that says Caster, Castor, or Kaster isn't a dude'd name.)
Exhibit D-Z: "Her" father not sounding confident "she's" a girl. ("I raised her and I have never doubted her gender." If you had a kid and this popped up wouldn't you come off more confident about its gender?? He never doubted?? That should've been more like "Bitch are you crazy?? I cleaned her masculine vag everyday for 5 years!")

2) Rick Pitino Admits To Sex With Woman Extorting Him For Money
As Bill Simmons said, this may be the weirdest story of the decade! I mean Rick Pitino fucking some broad on the floor in the back of some restaurant and giving her $3,000 for "health insurance" was already crazy enough, but the fact that one of his either assistants or trainers went and married the chick just kicks it up a notch. How can you work with a man when you know he fucked your wife, let alone in the back of a restaurant?? I rather work at the restaurant that work for the man who fucked her there lol.

Oh well, this all just goes to show nobody is perfect.

3) 50 Cent's Before I Self Destruct Pushed Back To November
This shit is just sad. Nobody is anticipating this album now because the time to drop it has passed. You know who should feel even worse about this than 50?? That's right, DR himself, Rick Ross. How you let him destroy you with no buzz to be found?? Sad.

4) Eagles' Selling Customizable Dog Jersey
Come one, come all! Get your Eagles' customizable dog jerseys! Any size, any player... wait, so that includes Michael Vick?? Uhh...yes? Yes! This is the best unintential comedy moment since...well pretty much all of these stories I'm writing about right now lol.

To be fair, I'm sure you can get these jerseys for any team and make them for any player BUT I feel like the NFL or at least the Eagles' should've saw this coming when they signed Mike Vick.

On another not, if I had a dog, there is NO way I wouldn't buy this! I would just love to see the reaction of people when I walked my mut in his brand new Michael Vick jersey! It'd be like Ryan Jenkins wearing an "I love my wife" shirt before his umtimely suicide. I'll get into that in a moment lol.

5) Raiders coach declines to discuss alleged fight
By now we pretty much know Tom Cable didn't actually punch assistant Randy Hanson, but still, buddy ended by with a cracked jaw and took a trip to the hospital. How crazy is this?? Where else does this happen, but Oakland?? Could you imagine Wade Phillips or Lovie Smith or any other NFL coach physically harming one of their assistants?? I don't care if he didn't personally hire the guy, it just doesn't happen.

And you know what?? I love it! I absolutely LOVE it! Its just great, I mean I'd play for that guy because he's obviously not going for your bullshit no matter who you are.

Question: Is Al Davis next on the Cableman's hit list?? lol.

6) C-Murder Sentenced To Life In Prison
I don't even know what to say about this. I mean its kinda sad, but then again its really not. I don't know, I ain't fuckin' with it and I don't have an opinion on it.

7) Former WWE Champ Kurt Angle Charged With HGH Possesion
Comments you won't see in response to this story: "Wrestlers use HGH?? Really?"