Chris Johnson Gets Paid!

With a ton of fantasy football drafts taking place this weekend, Chris Johnson finally ends his holdout and signs a 4-year extension worth $53 million with $30 million in guarantees. Yes! Now he can officially afford to put way too much money into Flashy Lifestyle Entertainment albums that nobody is looking for.

No word on whether the Titans waived all the fines he accrued by holding out.

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Why???: Chris Johnson Introduces His Artists

Has an athlete ever successfully started a record label? I know Shaq had a platinum album once upon a time, but it was released on Jive, not T.W.Is.M. Either way, that hasn't stopped Tennessee Titans running back Chris Johnson from starting Flashy Lifestyle Entertainment (hopefully this is why he's holding out for more money). In this video above, CJ showcases his artists and one of them even did one of my favorite up-and-coming artist moves and said "You already know it's [insert random rap name I've never heard before]." Oh well, at least Chris isn't rapping anymore.

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Why???: Athletes Rapping

This is reason #1,062 why the NFL lockout needs to end immediately, and reason #453 why the NBA lockout better be brief. As you know from guys like Soulja Boy, Lil B, and RiFF RAFF, rapping isn't for everyone. Unfortunately Chris Johnson and Lou Williams have yet to receive that memo. Let's proceed with CJ's song Act On Deck (and no I have no idea what that means either so don't ask):


CJ is clearly the Jewels...I mean Allen Iverson, of the NFL, so maybe it's a good thing we're in a lockout because you know Dictator Goodell (the same guy who can't get the players and owners to agree on how to split up billions and billions of dollars) would surely suspend him for his stupid Act. Somebody get this man a pair of cleats and a football field ASAP.

(Side note: If Iverson's 40 Bars came out in 2011 the internet might've exploded.)

Next up is ya man Lou Williams, back up point guard for the Philly Sixers, with his song and video Slow It Down:


Okay, okay, let me get this straight: Lou entices girls to come home with him by pouring champagne on models and telling them he has an elevator in his crib, but once he gets them there ready to fuck it's time to slow it down and get to know him? Fuck him using "pototoes, potatoes" in a rap, is that really what this song is about? Yeah he can't rap either, but his song may make less sense than Chris'.

Good thing I'm not the owner or GM of the Sixers because wackness of this degree is a waive-able offense.

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