Random News Shit: Post-Week 6 NFL Headlines

1) Jim Harbaugh & Schwartz Will NOT Be Fined

(I know you liked what I did above combined the Jims. Real nigga shit right there.)

Hey, I didn't know Bill Simmons coached the Detroit Lions (and had a tempter)! I guess the whole Grantland thing was just a cover up.

Anyway, I hate to call these guys idiots because they have the 49ers and Lions 5-1, but both Jim and Bill were in the wrong here. If I was forced to take sides at dickpoint (sorry, "at gunshot" is too cliche and I'd personally be far more afraid to be money shot), I'd say Simmons was more wrong because he didn't have to go after Harbaugh after the slap on the back. Yeah, it was kind of hard, but it's not that serious.

As far as neither guy being fined goes, I guess I understand why the NFL wouldn't fine either of them. I'm sure they're saving their paper so they can dole out more retarded fines to it's players.

2) Rams Acquire Brandon Lloyd For Scraps
All Denver was asking for was a 6th round pick for their best player? Why in the hell did it take so long for a Brandon Lloyd trade to happen? Someone should've taken them up on that offer Thursday when they first announced he was on the block. Oh well, at least the Pats didn't get him.

3) Sam Bradford Has A High Ankle Sprain
Thank goodness, it's about time my Cowboys got an easy game. Not to say we couldn't beat the Rams easily if Bradford was playing, but I much rather this.

4) Felix Jones Also Has A High Ankle Sprain

Well this sure sucks dick. Good thing we have the Bradford-less Rams coming to town this week.

5) David Garrard To Have Back Surgery
Well what the hell was he waiting for? It's been a month and a half since he loss his job and now he's gonna have back surgery? What the fuck has he been doing these past 6 weeks that he couldn't have had the surgery as soon as he got cut? Niggas, boy I tell ya.

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Why???: Trent Williams' $150K Gorilla Chain

If you're not familiar with Trent Williams, he was a stand out offensive lineman at Oklahoma and the 4th overall pick in the NFL draft last season. Anyway, with the NFL lockout on the horizon, here's what Trent decided to spend his money on. Awesome.

My first thought when I saw this was "Damn, that chain is ugly as fuck." My 2nd thought was "They should've never gave you niggas money!" My 3rd and final thought was about Sam Bradford. Yes, #1 pick in the 2010 Draft, highest paid player from the 2010 Draft, offensive rookie of the year, and former teammate of Williams' at Oklahoma, Sam Bradford. I thought back to the interview NBC ran right before the Week 17 Rams-Seahawks game. In that interview Al Michaels asked Bradford what was his biggest purchase since becoming a multi-millionaire. His answer: a ping-pong table. Not a car, not a mansion, not a $150,000 gorilla chain, a ping-pong table.

Of course since that interview aired Bradford could've gone out and bought a bunch of junk he doesn't need (or had a briefcase of cocaine brought to his home and went on 36 hour drug bender with pornstars), but something tells me he didn't. And it's not a black or white thing, it's a mentality thing. Bradford's mentality isn't to blow through his cash buying all the things he's ever dreamed of. Yes, Bradford probably comes from a more well off family than Williams does, and doesn't have the burden of family members coming out of the woodwork asking for seed money for record labels and down payments on cars, but that even more reason Williams shouldn't blow money so unwisely.

Think about it, if you're some kin to Williams, and you saw he bought $150,000 worth of depreciating junk, wouldn't you feel more comfortable asking him for money? Spending that much money on something as useless as a diamond encrusted gorilla chain screams "I got money and I'm ready to give it away" to greedy, opportunistic family members. Buying a ping-pong table screams "I'm not interested in giving away my money."

Now, I'm not saying Trent Williams is a bad kid, hell for all I know he could own a portion of the company who made his chain. All I'm saying is that in a world of uncertainties and in a league that's unpromised (lockout pending, no guaranteed contracts), Williams is doing himself an injustice by buying this chain.

...Oh, and also that that chain is ugly as fuck.

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Random News Shit: SportsCenter Edition

1) Wrong Righted: Stern Picks Love To Replace Yao In All-Star Game
This might be the best decision David Stern has made since...uhhh, since...well, maybe ever.

Oh well, good. Now I don't have to keep my fingers crossed that Mark Cuban would forced Dirk to opt out of the game. However, this doesn't forgive the fact that the 32 coaches in the NBA got it wrong by taking Blake Griffin and Tim Duncan over Love, but it's a nice place to start.

2) Sam Bradford Wins Offensive ROY Award
Rightfully so. I think Dez Bryant would've had a good shot if Romo didn't get hurt, and he didn't ultimately end up getting hurt, but there was really no other choice for this one but Bradford.

3) Ndamukong Suh Wins Defensive ROY Award
It would've been a travesty even surpassing Kevin Love's All-Star snub if Ndamukong (aka Chaos N. Suh) didn't win DROY.

4) Gilbert Arenas Served Court Papers At Halftime
No wonder Gilbert Arenas was a virtual no show in that Heat-Magic game Thursday night, the man was served with child support and custody papers as he left the court at halftime. Apparently his BM isn't satisfied with the $20,000 a month she's getting, and want it increased to $100,000. These bitches are crazy!

I guess this is what Gilbert gets for fucking this lousy bitch, but if you and a child can't survive off $20,000 a month, you're basic as fuck. Oh well, you can't blame her, she's just playing the oldest game in the book.

5) Albert Haynesworth Accused In Road Rage Incident
If it's true that Albert punched dude and that's what finally gets him released from the Redskins I bet he's gonna be pissed! No, not because he got released, but because he didn't think to do this sooner.

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Random News Shit: SportsCenter Edition

1) Yankees Win ALCS; Headed To World Series
Strong win by the Yanks. The World Series will get poppin' Wednesday night against the Phillies in New York. Lets take this time to thank the Cleveland Indians for sponsoring game 1 as CC Sabathia will face off against Cliff Lee, better luck with the Cavs.

Speaking of baseball...

2) ESPN Fires Steve Phillips
I thought ESPN was going to let Steve slide with that bullshit "leave of absence" last week, but nope, they fired his ass. I'm glad to because he deserves it for cheating on his wife with somebody that busted. I mean, its one thing that he cheated on his wife, but damn, with that bitch?? C'mon son!

Anyway, you know what was really funny?? ESPN wrote a story about it AND talked about it on SportsCenter last night! Creep! Tough break nigga.

3) Bradford To Enter NFL Draft After Surgery
Good job making the right decision one year later dumbass. This all just goes to show, if you have a chance to go to the league and that money, do it!

4) Chad Ocho Cinco Starts The OCNN
You guessed it, the Ocho Cinco News Network! Our boy Estaban is gonna try his hand in breaking news!

Unfortunately, he plans on doing it via Twitter and not by way of his own website, but its still a good idea nonetheless. I mean just check out the slogan:

"If I break it, you might as well believe it."

It don't get no better than that lol.

5) Ocho Cinco Fined $10K For Wrong Color Chin Strap
This actually went down Friday, but I never got a chance to write about it. Officially it goes in as a "uniform violation" but where I'm from, we just call it BULLSHIT! Seriously, you fined someone for wearing a black chin strap?? I guess I could understand if it was like lime green or something, but black?? Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit!

6) Jets Leon Washington Out For Season
Another blow for this New York Jets team. Leon is to the Jets what Felix Jones is to the Cowboys, but the only difference is that we have a Tashard Choice to help out as well as our starter Marion Barber. All the Jets have is Thomas Jones. Welp, we'll see how this goes.

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Random News Shit: SportsCenter Edition

1) Sam Bradford Sidelined With Injured Shoulder
Mr. Tebow, where would you like your 2nd Heisman trophy placed??

2) Super Bowl 42 Hero Tyree Gets Cut By Giants
David Tyree made the helmet catch to extend the Giants touchdown drive to win Super Bowl 42... then went on to never catch another pass in the NFL. After an injury-plagued 2008, David Tyree doesn't even manage to make the Giants team this time around.

I'm gonna go ahead and call it, David Tyree is the Aaron Boone of the NFL. Boone hit that walk-off homer for the Yankees in the 2003 ALCS to move them past the Red Sox, but hasn't had much of a career since, after tearing a knee ligament in a pick-up basketball game that offseason and getting cut soon afterward. Tyree suffered his knee injury in training camp but wasn't cut until this year, but still it happened in New York and both heroes never played for their respective team.

There HAS to be a name for this! I don't have one yet because its still pretty early this Sunday morning, but we gotta get one for this. Phenomenal.

3) Roddick & Sharapova Ousted In 3rd Round
This should probably surprise no one. I, for one, am not shocked or surprised one bit. Not one. Not even half of one. Hell, not even half of that, or half of that. Okay, I think I made my point.

4) Miles Austin Hurts Hamstring In Practice
And why did we cut Terrell Owens again?? Oh ok, just checking...

5) Pats Trade DE Seymour To Oakland For 2011 1st-Round Pick
What the fuck?? A 1st-round pick for Richard Seymour??? Richard Seymour?? I mean, he's not a bad player, but if we had a draft today, would you take him in the 1st round?? I thought not.

How do the Pats keep doing this?? First they stole Randy Moss for a 4th-rounder a few years back, and now they still a 1st-rounder for fuckin' Richard Seymour! Is there any hypnosis or Jedi Mind Tricks involved?? There has to be something!

And to rob bridle ass Al Davis?? This is just sad. Tom Cable should go punch Al Davis in the jaw this time because he's fuckin' up!

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Bradford Wins Heisman

I'm not totally shocked that Sam Bradford won the Heisman, the kid had a heck of a year. I just think they should've given it to McCoy for the BCS pretty much shitting on Texas. Either way I knew Tebow wasn't gonna win. I'm sure he doesn't care though because 1) he already has a Heisman and 2) he gonna win another National Championship on January 8th.

SOURCE

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