Random News Shit: Even More NFL Mania Edition

1) Chad Ochocinco Traded To New England
FUCK! These niggas just got Albert Haynesworth AND Ochocinco for two 5th round picks and a 6th round pick! Again, how does this keep happening?!? Maybe we should just mail the Lombardi Trophy to New England now. FUCK!

2) Kevin Kolb Finally Traded To Arizona
Any time you can trade a starting CB and a 2nd-round pick for a back-up QB with a 11-14 touchdown-to-interception ratio you got to do it, right Arizona? Oh, and don't let me forget the 5-year/$63.5 million contract that came along with it for Kolb. Can you say winning? No? Rightfully so.

3) Eagles Agree To Deal With Vince Young
Technically the Eagles aren't allowed to talk to Vince Young yet because he hasn't cleared waivers, but according to Albert Breer of NFL.com it's a done deal. Good for the Eagles because Mike Vick is likely to get beat the hell up again this year.

4) Texans Snag Jonathan Joseph From Bengals

Welp, there's another DB that won't be wearing a star on the side of his helmet this year. This sucks, our secondary is thinner than a sheet of paper. We need bodies!

Anyway, Joseph is getting $48.75 million over the next 5 years with $23.5 million in guarantees.

5) Panthers Give Jon Beason 5-Yr/$50 Million Extension

And $25 million in guaranteed money. The Panthers are ballin' out right now!

6) Clint Session Leave Colts For Jaguars

Blanche Ely's own Clint Session returns to Florida with the Jags for $29 million over the next 5 years including $11.5 million in guaranteed money. On the surface this doesn't make sense, but he had a chance to get paid, so he took it.

7) Saints Replace Reggie Bush With Darren Sproles
Sproles' new deal with the Saints is 4 years, $14 million. Six million of that is guaranteed. The Chargers couldn't match that?

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Random News Shit: SportsCenter Edition

1) Eagles To Franchise Vick; Shop Kolb
As a Cowboys fan, I hate this, but as a football fan, I agree with the Eagles decision to put their franchise tag on Michael Vick. Of course there's going to have to be a CBA in place before they can do anything, but if there is still a franchise tag when the dust settles, might as well use it on Vick. I would still try to keep Kevin Kolb as insurance, but if the guy wants to get a shot to start somewhere else, I'm fine with them seeking a trade.

Can NFL teams make 3-team trades?? I've never heard of it being done, but if they can, I don't see why the Eagles, Titans, and a 3rd team that needs a QB wouldn't enter a 3-teamer that would land Kolb in Tennessee, Vince Young on the 3rd team needing a QB, and draft picks for Philly.

2) Kevin Durant Calls Out Chris Bosh
"I was talking to my teammate and he decided he wanted to put his 2 cents into it. I'm a quiet guy, a laid-back guy, but I'm not going to let nobody talk trash to me. He's on a good team now, so he thinks he can talk a little bit....There's a lot of fake tough guys in this league and he's one of them."

Chris Bosh is a fake tough guy?? Chris will probably take that as a compliment because I'm sure that's the first time his name and "tough" as been brought up in the same breath.

Look, it's nice KD allegedly stuck up for his teammate, but calling out the kind and cuddly Chris Bosh doesn't impress me. Especially when your team loss.

3) Maurkice Pouncey Out For The Super Bowl
This matters, but not really. The Steelers ARE going to win the Super Bowl, so at the end of the day, Pouncey's absence will be a non-factor.

Now I need to figure out if I will even bother writing a NFL Winners & Losers column for Friday because I'm 100% positive the Packers are going to lose. Well, we'll see.

4) Pacers Fire Jim O'Brien
Hands up if you knew Jim O'Brien was still coaching in the NBA.

*crickets*

Just as I figured.

5) Cavs Lose 20th Straight Game
Damn, it was all good just a Decision ago.

Oh well, see you in Miami tonight guys!

6) O.J. Mayo Blames Positive Test On Energy Drink
Skimming that article, I didn't see the name of said energy drink. If it was just a run of the mill energy drink, I say reduce the suspension, but if it was a Four Loko, I say tack on 10 more games. You don't deserve a game check if you drink Four Lokos.

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Random News Shit: NFL Headlines Edition

1) Andy Reid Names Michael Vick Eagles Starter
This move coming 2 days after Reid said Kevin Kolb would be the starter means one thing and one thing only: Reid's job is on the line. If Reid had job security, he would've went with Kevin Kolb and let him work through his issues. But since he needs to win now to keep his job, he can't afford to keep a player as talented as Mike Vick on the bench. That's just what it is.

That was my objective view as a football fan, here's how I really feel as a Cowboy fan: This blows!

Obviously Vick gives the Eagles the best chance to win, and with the Cowboys already 0-2, it makes our road to the playoffs even tougher. And on top of that, I want to see Mike Vick do well, and that's really why this blows. I mean, what the fuck?? I can't root for Philly, I'm a Dallas fan, but I do want Vick to succeed. I'm not torn in my allegiance, I'm 100% Cowboy, but this just sucks. Fuck!

*Readies pro Kevin Kolb chants for Sunday*

2) Braylon Edwards Arrested For DWI
What an idiot! I know it's been said 1,000 times already today, but Braylon, you live in New York GET A FUCKIN' CAB!

(Side note: If Madden really wants to get realistic, on Madden 12 they should delete that wack ass swagger rating and insert a character rating and suspensions. Guys with low character ratings end up with random suspensions (DWI, found with gun, club fight, domestic violence, and of course rape). Oh, and anybody could get suspended for taking performance enhancing drugs. That would be AWESOME! It gets no realer than that. Get on that EA.)

3) Reggie Bush Breaks A Leg
Man, 2010 sucks for Reggie Bush. Oh well, all I wanna know is why couldn't he have broke his leg a little closer to Thanksgiving?? I'm just saying.

4) Brandon Jacobs Fined For Helmet Toss
How many cameras are there in football stadiums these days?? Well how was this alleged helmet toss not caught by any of them?? You'd think the NFL would at least want to see what exactly happened before they issued a fine, but I guess not.

5) Redskins Cut Larry Johnson
The Redskins couldn't get any use out of Larry Johnson?? I'm shocked!

(Side note: I wonder when was the last time he talked to Jay-Z?? He was on the Roc for less time than Teairra Mari.)

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Random News Shit: NFL Headlines Edition

1) Reggie Bush Decides To Forfeit Heisman
I haven't really spoke on this whole story, but allow me a moment to sum my feelings on it up in one word: Bullshit!

This is why I can't support college athletics, especially football. In the history of NCAA rulings, has one ever fit the crime?? I'm serious, has it ever once?? And I know the NCAA didn't make him do this, but them and their retarded slave rules made it possible that a player can essentially be stripped of an award he earned on the field over an issue that has absolutely nothing to do with the game of football. I could see if Reggie was found to have done steroids, but he took money. What in the FUCK does that have to do with what he accomplished on the field in 2005?? Seriously, what?? Don't worry I'll wait.

2) Kris Jenkins Done For 2010 After Just 6 Plays
This sucks. I know that's not breaking news, but you just gotta hate to hear this (unless you're in the KKK).

As we all know, he hurt this same knee 6 games into last season (hmmm, 6 may be his lucky number), and at 31 years of age, it might be time to call it a career. Obviously 31 isn't old for a D-lineman, but damn, a torn ACL in the same knee, less than a year later?? That's tough. Besides, if he comes back for 2011, how long can the Jets expect him to play before tearing it again, 6 seconds?? Get it?? Nevermind.

3) Packers Place Ryan Grant On IR
Shit! This is an even bigger blow to the Packers than Kris Jenkins' injury is to thee Jets. I'm not sure who else Green Bay has in its backfield, but I hope dude is ready for primetime. Okay, that one was pretty obvious, but hey, it's true.

4) Eagles Under Investigation By NFLPA Over Concussions ...Then Left Alone
Yeah, I figured this was coming when I saw Stewart Bradley re-enter Sunday's Eagles-Packers game minutes after staggering off his feet after suffering a concussion. I watched this game up until halftime (when I stepped out to buy more Sierra Mist Cranberry and grab some pizza for the Cowboys game), and I had no idea Kevin Kolb even had a concussion in that 2nd quarter.

Oh well, it's not like it was the only botched decision by Andy Reid in that game.

(Side note: I love how the NFL is getting more serious about concussions, while simultaneously looking to increase player's workloads by going to 18 game seasons. I mean, because what better way to show concern over an issue than enhancing the likelihood of recurrence??)

5) Bob Sanders Hurt...As Usual
Good ol opt-injured Bobby S. tore a tendon in his biceps and is out indefinitely. The Colts are use to playing without him though, so I guess this isn't that big of a deal. Might be time for him to call it a career as well, but because of my "Bob Sanders is injured" story fatigue.

6) Broncos Trade For Laurence Maroney
You gotta feel like shit right now if you're Laurence Maroney. Not because you're leaving the Patriots, but that you're a running back going to the Broncos. They've run through like 4 or 5 already, and Laurence already missed the season opener due to injury, so now it's just a matter of time before he hits the IR.

Bad past few months for niggas named Laurence.

7) UF's Chris Rainey Faces Stalking Charge
I know this is NFL shit, but it is hilarious shit. I'll make this quick, but I'd be lying if I said I'd never pull a Chris Rainey and text somebody, "It's time to die, bitch." That shit is too funny! LMAO!

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