2011 NFL Awards Handed Out

Maybe I'm tripping, but I don't recall the NFL ever giving out their awards in one plop on Super Bowl Eve like this before. Oh well, enjoy:

1) Aaron Rodgers Wins MVP In A Landslide
Votes for Aaron Rodgers: 48
Votes for Drew Brees: 2

Damn.

2) Drew Brees Wins Offsensive Player Of The Year

Aaron Rodgers bust Drew Brees' ass in the MVP voting, but Brees flipped it on him in the O.P.O.T.Y., winning 43-7. I'm totally fine with both of these first 2 awards.

3) Terrell Suggs Wins Defensive Player Of The Year
With 21 votes, T-Sizzle of Ball So Hard University beats out Jared Allen and his 14 votes (and 22 sacks) for D.P.O.T.Y. (which sadly could double as an acronym for an AVN Award for double penetration). I'm not mad at that, but I am mad that DeMarcus Ware didn't get a single vote. I guess 19.5 sacks just doesn't get you as far as it once did.

4) Cam Newton & Von Miller Win Rookie Of The Year Awards
Surprise! Cilla Cam Newton beats out Andy Dalton 47-3 and Von Miller beats out Aldon Smith 39-11. There's really nothing else to say because nobody should be surprised by these results at all.

5) Jim Harbaugh Wins Coach Of The Year
I'm starting to figure out why the NFL decided to give out all these awards at once because not of them are really even close. Harbaugh got 45 votes and Mike McCarthy and John Fox split the remaining 5.

6) Matt Stafford Wins Comeback Player Of The Year
With 21 votes Matt Stafford takes this one home, and rightfully so for him just staying healthy a full season. I am a little surprised Alex Smith didn't get more than 7 votes though.

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Random News Shit: Post-Week 6 NFL Headlines

1) Jim Harbaugh & Schwartz Will NOT Be Fined

(I know you liked what I did above combined the Jims. Real nigga shit right there.)

Hey, I didn't know Bill Simmons coached the Detroit Lions (and had a tempter)! I guess the whole Grantland thing was just a cover up.

Anyway, I hate to call these guys idiots because they have the 49ers and Lions 5-1, but both Jim and Bill were in the wrong here. If I was forced to take sides at dickpoint (sorry, "at gunshot" is too cliche and I'd personally be far more afraid to be money shot), I'd say Simmons was more wrong because he didn't have to go after Harbaugh after the slap on the back. Yeah, it was kind of hard, but it's not that serious.

As far as neither guy being fined goes, I guess I understand why the NFL wouldn't fine either of them. I'm sure they're saving their paper so they can dole out more retarded fines to it's players.

2) Rams Acquire Brandon Lloyd For Scraps
All Denver was asking for was a 6th round pick for their best player? Why in the hell did it take so long for a Brandon Lloyd trade to happen? Someone should've taken them up on that offer Thursday when they first announced he was on the block. Oh well, at least the Pats didn't get him.

3) Sam Bradford Has A High Ankle Sprain
Thank goodness, it's about time my Cowboys got an easy game. Not to say we couldn't beat the Rams easily if Bradford was playing, but I much rather this.

4) Felix Jones Also Has A High Ankle Sprain

Well this sure sucks dick. Good thing we have the Bradford-less Rams coming to town this week.

5) David Garrard To Have Back Surgery
Well what the hell was he waiting for? It's been a month and a half since he loss his job and now he's gonna have back surgery? What the fuck has he been doing these past 6 weeks that he couldn't have had the surgery as soon as he got cut? Niggas, boy I tell ya.

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Jim Harbaugh Picks The Niners

Thank goodness this saga ended today because it was a weekend away from being the first nominee for Lamest Sports Story at the L.A.M.E. Awards.

Anyway, the most sought after man in football, Jim Harbaugh, finally made up his mind and decided to stay in California and coach the San Francisco 49ers, signing a 5 year deal worth $25 million.

Smart move by him, I say. I mean, look at his primary options: 1) stay at Standard when he can only get one more year out of Andrew Luck; 2) go to the Dolphins and be a part of that mess in South Florida, as well as have to contend with the Patriots and Jets in the AFC East; 3) go to Michigan and have the pressure of bringing his alma mater back to national prominence; 4) go to the Broncos and have a former player in charge and making all the football decisions (because having former great players in these roles always works out); or 5) go to the 49ers where the cupboard isn't bare, he can continue to live in his own house (in California), and he gets to play in the division that just sent the first ever losing team to the playoffs. Yep, 49ers, and rightfully so.

Have fun at Stanford, Andrew.

SOURCE

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