Young Kobe, the one and only! Man, that was nasty!
February 06, 2013
Kobe Rocks Brooklyn Like Hov!
December 05, 2012
Kobe Bryant Becomes 5th Player To Score 30,000 Points
Welp, only 2,276 more to catch Jordan.
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August 09, 2012
Dwight Howard Finally Traded To Lakers In 4-Team Deal
This 4-teamer breaks down like this: the Lakers obviously get Dwight Howard and also Chris Duhan and Earl Clark, the Sixers get Andrew Bynum and Jason Richardson, the Nuggets get Andre Iguodala, and the Magic get... Aaron Afflalo, Al Harrington, Nikola Vucevic, Moe Harkless, and first-round picks from all 3 teams (you know, because anytime you can get the first round picks of playoff teams, you've got to do it).
Good Lord, Orlando's new GM (Rob Hennigan) is just as bad as their old one (Otis Smith); there's no way this was the best deal they could get for Dwight Howard. Brooklyn's last offer in July was at least 30% better than this.
Seriously, why in the fuck you would make this trade if you're Orlando? For the other 3 teams it makes perfect sense, but for Orlando? None. Think about it, they brought the most to the most to the table and left with the least. For Orlando, this trade is the equivalent of bringing all the alcohol to a party and ending up being the only dude with a dry dick at the end of the night. Yeah, you helped out your buddies get some action, but at the end of the day you're still going home to angrily beat off. Oh, and you're broke. Orlando would've been better off drinking all the booze at home until they were eventually gone like Howard would've been next summer. You'd still be a loser, but at least you don't have blue balls.
As for the Lakers and they're fans, calm the hell down. Yes, you just got the best center in the game, but unless Orlando is throwing in a pair of new knees for Kobe and a new back for Steve Nash, they're not winning shit. Besides, why would Bynum want to sign a long term extension to stay in L.A.? Yeah, it's L.A. and not Orlando, but you're still going home in the first or second round of the playoffs every year until Kobe retires, in which case you'll definitely never make it out of the first round. (Side note: This isn't the cue for Mavericks fans to get excited because why would Dwight take less money to play with 35 year-old Dirk? Exactly.)
Was the trade worth it for the Lakers? Yes, Andrew Bynum's best season (18.7 points per game on 56% shooting, 11.8 rebounds, and 1.9 blocks in 2011-12) still wasn't better than Dwight Howard's half-assed "I don't want to be here" season (20.6 ppg on 57% shooting, 14.5 rpg, and 2.1 bpg in 2011), BUT you're still not winning anything because Kobe is no longer Kobe.
In my opinion, the big winning in this deal is Philly. They finally got rid of Andre Iguodala and brought in a real center (sorry Kwame, but there's always handball) for about the same money (Iggy is making $14.7 million in 2012, Bynum is making $14.9 million) and a veteran scorer. Obviously this all goes to hell if Bynum doesn't sign an extension and/or his knee fail him again (he's only played all 82 games once in 7 seasons), but it's worth the risk because they were going nowhere fast with Iggy as their best player.
Last thing, what would piss off/anger Lakers fans most: Dwight leaving next summer, Dwight never being the same again after his back surgery, or David Stern vetoing this trade for "basketball reasons" tomorrow morning? I've got my money on the Stern veto.
SOURCE
May 24, 2012
NBA Announces All-Defensive Teams
Now you may be thinking, "How does Defensive Player of the Year, Tyson Chandler not make the First Team?" That's a fair question, but the answer is that coaches vote on the All-NBA teams, while media members vote for the individual awards (MVP, DPoY, etc.). I guess the coaches just didn't fear Chandler defensively as much as they feared Dwight Howard.
Honestly, I have no problem with this because I don't think Chandler should've won Defensive Player of the Year in the first place. Since when did being the best defensive player on a shitty defensive team make you the league's best? Chandler winning the award was actually a mini travesty, if you ask me. Serge Ibaka lead the league in blocks by over a block and a half per game! On the other hand, Chandler (89) only had 4 more total blocks than Greg Stiemsma (85)! Greg Stiemsma! Stiemsma only played in 55 games and started just 3. Again, he only had 4 less blocks than Chandler on the season.
Of course blocks aren't the only thing that matters, but I'm just saying, Tyson Chandler wasn't the best player in the NBA this season, in my opinion.
(Side note: Who in the hell gave Carlos Boozer a vote for the All-Defensive team? That coach should have his vote taken away.)
February 03, 2012
2012 NBA All-Star Starters Announced
The first, and most obvious, snub is Kevin Love. I mean, all Big Love has done this year is average 25.3 points a game (4th in the NBA behind Kobe, LeBron, and Durant) and 13.6 rebounds a game (2nd in the NBA). Don't get me wrong, I totally get why Blake Griffin got the nod, but it's a shame someone can put together those type of numbers and not start in the All-Star game.
I'm fine with the rest, thought I wouldn't have been mad if Bosh started over Carmelo.
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December 18, 2011
A Few Thoughts On Kobe's Divorce
First off, Vanessa is an ungrateful bitch. I know, a tad harsh, I'm sorry (kinda), but it's true. You already knew Kobe was a cheater, but you stayed with him anyway. Whose fault it that? And on top of that, YOU'RE MARRIED TO AN NBA PLAYER! All they do is travel to different cities and get a constant stream of pussy thrown at them by hoes wanting to be the next Royce Reed or Shaunie O'Neal, what do you expect them to do? If you wanted an NBA player that wouldn't cheat, you should've married A.C. Green.
My next thought is a question: Why do NBA players get married? I just don't get it, why not be single for your playing career, and get married once it's all over? You have nothing to gain and everything to lose. We all know you're gonna fuck strange pussy, so why fuck yourself in the long run by getting married, especially to a girl who isn't down for the cause? That's just dumb. And this nigga Kobe is exceptionally dumb because he did it in the state of California WITH NO PRENUP! Kobe better pray David Stern jumps in and vetoes this divorce because that's the only shot he's got to not get robbed in divorce court. He's already lost his house.
It's bad enough that Vanessa is "entitled" to half of the money she did nothing to make, but where Kobe is really gonna take a huge loss is in child support payments. The top 3 reasons athletes go broke are frivolous spending habits, funding family member's projects (i.e. record labels, barbershop, restaurants, etc.), and of course child support. Being on child support is like having a hole in every pocket of every pair of pants you own that no one can patch for 18 years. I've never been on child support, but I can just imagine how much it sucks, even if you are rich.
Now let's take a closer look at what Kobe might be forking over in child support for his 2 little girls. Generally, child support is about 20% of the highest earning parent's monthly income. According to ESPN, Kobe is due to make $25,244,493 from the Lakers for the 2011-12 NBA season. If we stretch that out over the next 12 months (not including taxes or whatever he'll end up having to pay in spousal support), that's $2,103,707.75 a month. Twenty-percent of that is $420,741.55 per month ($5,048,898 for the year), and that's just for one child -- Kobe obviously has 2. Now project that over the next 10 years for his 8 year-old daughter Natalia and 13 years for his 5 year-old daughter Gianna and that's (*thinking*) a lot of fucking money. (Note: Obviously Kobe won't be making in excess of $25 million a year over that span of time, so his payments will drop at some point, but probably not all that significantly... unless the judge is a Lakers fan.)
Since we've established Kobe will be paying out large chucks of his salary to his wife's household over the next 13 years, let's talk a little about what (or rather who) he can do to make some of that money back. Two words: Kim Kardashian. If you were a high profile athlete staring down the barrel of a costly divorce, why wouldn't your first phone call be to Kim Kardashian? Think about it, if Kim could net $17 million for marrying lame Kris Humphries, just imagine the money out there to be made for marrying Kobe Bean Bryant. I say this would be a win-win pairing for both parties.
The last thing I wanted to discuss was what Vanessa
August 06, 2011
Kobe Bryant On The NBA Lockout
July 12, 2011
Kobe vs. Bow Wow One On One
I know Bow got it, but what a way for a new father to blow $1,000 lol. He didn't actually think he was gonna score that one point, right? Kobe is the most competitive player in the league since Jordan, Bow COULDN'T have thought he was gonna score that one basket. I imagine Kobe plays his little girls with the same intensity in the driveway every weekend. Dude just doesn't like to lose.
Anyway, more footage of Bow Wow and JD at Kobe's basketball camp after the jump.
Damn, that's all you gotta do to become an intern at So So Def? I don't make music, so maybe I should try to be an intern there? Not sure exactly what I'd be doing there seeing they have zero up coming projects, but it'd be cool to hang with JD and soak up game.
(Side note: It is fucking GREAT to hear Kobe shit talking everyone.)
April 13, 2011
Kobe Bryant Fined $100,000 For Calling Ref A "Fuckin' Faggot"
This being a story and Kobe getting fined 100 G's for it is pure bullshit. Crazy shit gets said on basketball courts, football fields, baseball fields, hockey ice, etc., so why are we taking this nothingness and making a big deal out of it? First off, we can all agree that Kobe is most likely not a homophobe and thinks of gays the same way most straight men do ("Cool, more pussy for me"), right? And as far as we all know, referee Bernie Adams isn't gay (if he was, we would've heard about it by now after this "incident"), so what's the big deal? I could see if Adams was a gay man, but he isn't. So again, what's the big deal? We saw Kobe Bryant say "fuckin' faggot" (we didn't even HEAR him say it!). Not a preacher, not a politician, not a school principal, not even a straight person to a gay person, it was a frustrated basketball player in the heat of the moment. Hell, 98% of the America wouldn't have even know this happened if ESPN didn't build a story around it.
Second, even if Kobe was a closet homo hater, what is fining him $100,000 supposed to do? I really wish I could ask David Stern or somebody at the league offices this very question. I mean, if they thought Kobe truly hated gays, is a fine supposed to make him have a change of heart? Even besides the fact that $100,000 is pocket change for him, wouldn't this just make him hate gays more? I know if I hated someone and my boss took my check for it, I'd be even more pissed off at the person, not have a change of heart. But I guess fines are a whole other conversations for a whole other day.
The funny thing about this whole thing is that nobody is truly offended by this, especially straight men, but all the sports commentators now have to act as if Kobe got brought up on rape charges again. It's really sad what our society has become.
And one last thing, I'm so fucking tired of gays comparing faggot to nigger. The plight of blacks in America and gays shouldn't even be mentioned in the same sentence. Hell, not even the same paragraph. Saying the word faggot is NOTHING like saying the word nigger. When gays get rounded up, shipped off to foreign lands, enslaved, and oppressed for 500 years, all the while being called faggot by straight people THEN we can talk. Until then, just stop it.
SOURCE
April 09, 2011
Kobe Bryant In A Chinese Rap Video
The artists is Jay Chou, and if that name sounds familiar, it's because he played Kato in the abortion that was "The Green Hornet" back in January.
Anyway, not sure why Kobe Bryant was in this video, but I came across it on the internets and figured I'd share it.
...Yep, that's the best explanation I've got for posting this.
February 21, 2011
2011 NBA All-Star Weekend Recap
A lot of people don't care about this game, but I love it. It's always fun to see if celebrities can really play or not if you ask me (for example: Trey Songz can play, Nick Cannon can't).
Best Moment: Justin Bieber crossing over Common. Okay, he didn't drive and dunk from the top of the key like Rocky from "3 Ninjas" did afterward, but it was quite impressive. MVP-worthy? No, but with a fan vote, if you didn't know Justin Bieber was gonna win you are a moron.
What Did We Learn: That at least 3 players in this game could start for the Cleveland Cavs tomorrow. 1) Scottie Pippen 2) Romeo 3) Jalen Rose. Yeah, Romeo couldn't get on the court for USC a few years back and Jalen Rose can no longer jump off of the ground, but still, they're not better than Christian Eyenga or Alonzo Gee? And as far as Scottie Pippen goes, man, he looked like he was playing for an NBA contract. People were talking about Jordan making a come back last week, but Pippen looked like he desperately needed to make one. Either that, or he put all the money he has left on his team to win. All I'm saying about Pip is don't be surprised if it comes out that he called up Jordan and asked for a try-out with the Bobcats.
This game was a 40 minute highlight reel with commercials and a lame halftime show (get this Dougie shit the fuck up outta 2011, please). DeMarcus Cousins showed out with 33 and 14, DeJuan Blair went for 28 and 14, James Harden's beard chipped in a cool 30, but John Wall was the man of the evening with 22 assists. Not as much debate about this MVP, though I personally would've made he and Cousins co-MVPs if I was in charge.
Best Moment: There were like 8 best moments! Wall's bounce pass alley-oop to Blake Griffin, Blair's off-glass alley-oop to himself, and Cousins' off-glass alley-oop to Wall to name a few.
What Did We Learn: That DeMarcus Cousins is gonna be really really good if he ever grows up mentally. Thank goodness he didn't have swing on any teammates for not getting him the ball after this game.
I'm combining these 2 events because, well, really, why not? Anyway, what's up with Coco Miller's hair? She looks like Stevie Wonder with bangs. I did some light Googling and didn't find that she had any notable disease, but that hair bother me for the entire event.
Best Moment: Kenny "The Jet" Smith hitting that half court shot on the first try in the first round. Reminded me of myself out there.
What Did We Learn: My boy Steph Curry got skills! As far as I'm concerned, he could win this event every year if he wanted to.
Has one team ever had more different 3-Point Contest winners in the history of the NBA, because James Jones was the Heat's 4th? The other 3 were Glenn Rice, Jason Kapono, and Daequan Cook.
Best Moment: James Jones beating out 2 Celtics. Last night on Facebook I said, "The East loss, but lets look on the bright side: the Heat (57 pts) finally beat the Celtics (28 pts) in something besides 'wins against the Cavs' this year." I completely forgot Jones sonned Paul Pierce and Ray Allen. That felt awesome!
What Did We Learn: That if you show up with a haircut like Boobie Gibson's you deserve to lose (though that pic didn't do the wackness of it any justice).
At the end of the Dunk Contest I was left with underwhelmed feeling I can only compare to finally seeing Halle Berry's tits in "Swordfish" (coming in 2nd would definitely be seeing that Sheneka Adams' pussy was hairy). When I think back though, the Dunk Contest was dope as fuck! DeMar DeRozan's dunks were ill (dunk 1 and dunk 2), Serge Ibaka's were ill (dunk 1 and dunk 2), and those guys didn't even make the finals. JaVale McGee had 2 incredible dunks (1 and 2), a good 1, and a dud, and Blake Griffin had 4 dope dunks (1, 2, 3, and 4). It was a great show, Blake should've won, and he did.
It's really sad that there's this weird anti-Blake Griffin backlash floating around right now, but fuck it, niggas are never satisfied. If you want to complain about the dunk itself, that's fine, it was boring, but why are people mad he jumped over the front of the car and not the middle? You're asking the man to do something probably humanly impossible for a person his size. Griffin is 6'10", the 2011 Kia Optima is 57.3 inches (or 4.8 feet), and the goal is 10 feet. Now explain to me how he was supposed to jump over the center of the car, catch the alley-oop, dunk, and land safely. I'll wait.
Best Moment: The 2011 Kia Optima coming out. I never liked Kia cars, but that bitch they rolled out Saturday night was fly!
What Did We Learn: That you can't satisfy everyone. Here we are with the illest overall Dunk Contest since 2000, and all you hear in the aftermath is people bitch about Blake Griffin jumping over the front of the car. I'm not the type of guy to tell people "you can't do it, so shut the fuck up," but YOU CAN'T DO IT, SO SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Even though the West lead for basically the entire game, it was still quite entertaining. Kobe actively trying to win MVP and running out of gas, LeBron taking over in the 4th and messing around and getting a triple-double, and Kevin Durant coming up big in the clutch. Sadly Dwyane Wade and Dwight Howard left the game early with injuries though (oh, wait, that was just Dwyane Wade).
Should Kobe have won MVP? Of course. Even though he disappeared in the 4th quarter when defense started to be played, he still scored the most points (37), grabbed the most rebounds (14), and the game was in L.A. for goodness sake. Yeah, LeBron got the 2nd triple-double in All-Star Game history, but the East loss. End of story.
Best Moment: Paul Pierce getting booed every time he touched the ball like LeBron James in Cleveland. The only difference is that Pierce actually came up in L.A., while LeBron has no real ties to Cleveland besides playing for the Cavs, and it being in the same state he was born.
What Did We Learn: That Kobe knew this was his one shot at beating Michael Jordan in something since he knows the Lakers aren't winning another Championship.
Parting Notes: 1) Did we ever find out why so many people wore yellow sneakers over the weekend? Are they the new version of those thick Lance Armstrong rubber bands? Or maybe everyone was trying to support Kobe and the Lakers after they all wore those neon yellow/green sneakers on Christmas.
2) Am I the only one surprised Skip Bayless and others didn't make a big deal out of all the East starters did the powder toss with LeBron before the tip? I thought for sure they'd collectively reach and say some shit like "Michael Jordan would've never let anyone else do the powder toss with him." I was pleasantly surprised everyone left it alone, although I wouldn't be surprised if Skip was just saving it for later.
Alright, that's all folks.
February 19, 2011
Kobe Bryant Is "The Black Mamba"
Damn man, how is my R.I.P. UberTwitter supposed to get views on the same day All Of The Lights and "The Black Mamba" drop? It's hard out here for a pimp.
Anyway, I thought this was gonna be corny, but it was actually pretty dope. The best: when Robert Rodriguez says, "So what does anyone want from you when you roll into town?" and Kobe says, "To bring the Black Mamba out." I don't know if that was done or purpose or if they were going for laughs, but that shit had me snickering like a schoolgirl.
January 31, 2011
Kobe Bryant Is "The Black Mamba"
Behind The Scenes with Kobe Bryant & Robert Rodriguez from Marcus Troy on Vimeo.
When I was half paying attention to the Celtics-Lakers game yesterday, I overheard this commercial, and that it was just that, a commercial. Turns out "The Black Mamba" is an actual short film starring Kobe, Bruce Willis, and Kanye West. Oh, the randomness of it all.
Welp, the mini-movie premieres All-Star Saturday night (Feb. 19th), but if you're not gonna be in L.A., I guess you're gonna miss out. I know, I know, I'm marginally disappointed as well.
January 27, 2011
2011 NBA All-Star Starters Announced
Yao Ming C Dwight Howard
Carmelo Anthony F Amare Stoudemire
Kevin Durant F LeBron James
Kobe Bryant G Dwyane Wade
Chris Paul G Derrick Rose
Anyway, Kobe got the most votes overall with 2,380,016, and Dwight Howard came in 2nd with 2,099,204. Coming in 3rd with 2,053,011 votes? LeBron James. People sure do hate that guy, I tell ya. Another funny thing in the voting is that Jamal Crawford (246,130) actually got more votes than teammate Joe Johnson (224,571). $119 million well spent.
The reserves will be announced next Thursday (February 3rd) on TNT.
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January 06, 2011
Random News Shit: SportsCenter Edition
The face Andrew Luck is making in this picture is directed at the Carolina Panthers organization and all of their fans.
In all seriousness though, I don't see why Luck would go back to school for his senior season other than just not wanting to play for the Panthers. I don't buy the whole "I want to school" bullshit, it's college, you can finish whenever you want. And as Matt Leinart has shown, just because you're the top prospect this year, doesn't mean you'll be the top prospect next year. Strike while the iron is hot I say, but oh well, it's not my life.
2) Mark Ingram Enters NFL Draft; So Does Ryan Mallet
Good, fuck the NCAA, go get that money.
3) Kobe Leads All-Star Voting
I don't know how much the All-Star Game being in L.A. has to do with it, but regardless, it's amazing what winning can do for a guy's image.
On another All-Star note, if the starters were announced today Carmelo Anthony would be the other forward opposite Kevin Durant, but what happens if he gets traded in the upcoming weeks?? And yes, this is a serious question.
4) Dolphins Decide To Keep Tony Sparano
I'm not shocked, there was no way the Dolphins were gonna pay Jim Harbaugh $7-8 million to coach.
Welp Dolphans, prepare for another year of irrelevance.
5) Mike Tyson Gets A New Show About His Love For Pigeons
The show, "Taking On Tyson," will be a 6-part "docudrama" on Animal Planet. That's right, and you can follow Iron Mike as he deals with "the creme de la creme of the pigeon world" starting March 6th.
July 13, 2010
Random News Shit: NBA Free Agency Edition Pt. 6
This time last week the Heat only had 2 players on their roster (Chalmers and Beasley), now they're up to 7 as the 7'3" Lithuanian (and former LeBron teammate) agrees to join the show. Finally Miami adds big body to the mix, and they'll probably need 1 or 2 more. I'm not shocked they picked him over Shaq considering the way Shaq bashed the club after he was traded in 2008.
The Jazz get Al Jefferson, the Wolves get 2 future first round picks. Great, now we can get reports about Jefferson's 2011 season-ending inury out of Utah instead of Minnesota.
This comes after backing out of the 3-team deal that would've sent Chandler to the Raptors Monday. Good for the Bobcats...though I still wish they would've swung a shocker and sent him to the Wolves to continue building the Minnesota Unachievers.
Good for Q. He revitalized in Miami last season, and now he's moving on. I guess shooting wide open 3's isn't his thing.
6) Kobe To Meet With Raja Bell About Joining Lakers
Well this is fine as long as Kobe knows the Heat could have him if they want him. Seems like the Heat and Lakers are in an arms race, right??
7) Nets Acquire Anthony Morrow In A Sign-and-Trade
The Nets will continue to suck well into the 2011 season, but they now have their hands on one of the hottest up and coming shooters the league has to offer. I would've loved to have him in Miami.
The deal is for three-years and worth $12 million.
June 13, 2010
Ric Bucher, You've Just Been Kobe'd!
As we prepare for game 5 of the Finals later today, here was the scene after L.A.'s win in game 3.
Now I doubt there was actually snot on Mr. Bryant's hand, unless it was drooling out of his nose like spit out of Big Baby's mouth, but it's still pretty nasty regardless. I don't like people touching my hair with clean hands, let alone hands that have just possibly grazed boogers.
The best part is Buch's initial reaction because he realizes its Kobe. Pause it 26 seconds in and look at the look on his face! He looks like he wants to knock the offender's block off...until he realizes its a 6'6" black guy, then he just cracks a smile. Classic.
(Side note: How creepy is that look of pleasure on Kobe's face as he continues to play in Buch's hair?? I'm not saying the man is gay (though it is fact he enjoys the anal lovin' a tad more than most), but that face is a bit eerie.)
April 27, 2010
Crazy Kobe Bryant Fan On The News
LMAO! This shit threw me off at first, even though I knew it was posted under ThoseLilRabbits' YouTube channel. You never know these days. But whatever, this shit was hilarious lol.
February 01, 2010
Kobe Bryant Surpasses Jerry West As Leading Scorer In Lakers History
When its all said and done, Kobe will AT THE LEAST bump Shaq out of the top 5 of NBA all-time leading scorers and most likely crack 30,000 (at the moment Shaq has 28,119). I doubt he ever catches Kareem (38,387), but I don't think that's his goal. I think that goal is Jordan's 32,292, and that he'll play as long as he needs to top it. Either way, congrats to him on the milestone.
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January 22, 2010
NBA All-Star Starters; Hatin' On Iverson
LeBron James F Carmelo Anthony
Dwyane Wade G Kobe Bryant
Allen Iverson G Steve Nash
Why is everybody so tight about Allen Iverson not only making the All-Star team, but making it as a starter?? Yeah his stats aren't there this year, but he's Allen Iverson! Its a game for the fans and fans like Allen Iverson. Deal with it. Seriously, its a fuckin' exhibition game, it doesn't count for anything, let the fans see who they wanna see without all the bitching. The fans are the ones who pay the ridiculous prices to support these players and teams, they can't AT LEAST see who they want in the All-Star game?? Again, its an exhibition game, it doesn't count.
Besides, why is everyone singling out A.I.?? I don't hear anyone complaining about Kevin Garnett (15 and 8) or Tim Duncan (20 and 10) starting. You telling me Chris Bosh (24 and 11), Antawn Jamison (22 and 8), and Gerald Wallace (19 and 11) aren't all having better seasons than K.G.?? Hell, even David Lee (19 and 11) is having a better season than Garnett.
And out on the West, you telling me you can't make a argument that guys like Kevin Durant (29 and 7), Dirk Nowitzki (26 and 8), and Zach Randolph (21 and 12) should be starting over Timmy?? All of these guys are having better seasons than the person starting over them, but still, Iverson is the one everyone is up in arms about. Of course we all know why though, because K.G. and Timmy are seen as "good guys" and A.I. isn't. Bottom line. Its sad that its come to that, but it has. Sad.










