Random News Shit: NFL Free Agency Edition

1) Dolphins Trade Brandon Marshall To Bears

On some real shit, fuck the Dolphins! As if my Cowboys didn't have enough teams ahead of them in the NFC (Packers, Saints, Giants, etc.), they go and reunite Brandon Marshall and Jay Cutler in Chicago. And do they gut the Bears in exchange for their top receiver? Nope, all they get back is 2 3rd-round picks. They traded 2 2nd-round picks to get him just 2 years ago!

But I guess that's all you can expect back in return for a 27 year-old WR coming off a Pro Bowl season of 81 catches for 1,214 yards while being thrown passes by Chad Henne and Matt Moore.

2) 49ers Sign Randy Moss
This obviously happened last night, but I forgot to talk about it.

Anyway, the deal is for 1 year and worth $2.5 million. In essence, this should make the 49ers better, but Randy Moss hasn't been Randy Moss for a couple years now.

(Side note: Am I the only one completely shocked no petty niggas have brought up how Moss and Peyton Manning are both 35 year-old NFL legends who missed the 2011 season but the white one is being courted by teams and will get paid huge money while the black one had to work out for teams and only got a 1-year deal?)

3) Bucs Land Vincent Jackson

Bad news for Phail Rivers, his #1 WR just joined the Buccaneers for $55,555,555 (ocho cincos...get it?) over the next 5 years with $26 million guaranteed.

4) Saints Keep Marques Colston

The deal is 5 years and worth $40 million with $19 million guaranteed. Good for the Saints.

5) Pierre Garcon Signs With Redskins

The Redskins also signed Josh Morgan and are on the verge of signing Eddie Royal (still no word on why he'd leave a back-up role to assume a back-up role elsewhere). Good thing receiver was their only need. Oh wait...

Anyway, I used to like Garcon, but fuck him now, he's with the enemy.

6) Cowboys Cut Terence Newman & David Buehler

Sad to see them go, but this was very necessary. Matter of fact, we need to get rid of all the cornerbacks on our roster not named Mike Jenkins or Orlando Sandrick. Then we need to sign a free agent or 2 and draft a couple of talented rookies (I definitely wouldn't mind hearing news that we traded up to get Morris Claiborne or Dre Kirkpatrick... but especially Morris Claiborne). That's how we'll fix the secondary.

And obviously getting rid of Buehler was a no-brainer.

7) Jason Campbell Signs With Bears
Smart move by Campbell, Chicago is as good a place as any to be the back-up QB.

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Random News Shit: NFL Offseason Headlines Edition

1) Redskins Acquire 2nd Pick In The Draft For 3 1st-Rounders

I can't decide if this is a good or bad thing. On one hand the Redskins are about to bring another super athletic quarterback to the NFC East for my Cowboys to contend with (we've yet to have much success versus Mike Vick), but on the other hand they're about to lose 3 first-round picks and 1 second-rounder. This could go either way, but fuck Peyton Manning for shunning the Redskins into this trade and fuck the Rams for going through with it.

Where is David Stern to veto a trade when you need him?

2) Jets Extend Mark Sanchez's Contract
Welp, so much for a battle for New York between the Manning because the Jets are staying put with the Sanchize. The extension is for 3 years, but if the Jets miss the playoffs again, I'm sure this contract will be torn up and Mark will be somebody's back up in the 2013 season.

3) Randy Moss To Work Out For Niners
Damn, Randy already has a 2nd workout. I guess he won't be teaming up with T.O. in the IFL after all.

4) Giants Release Brandon Jacobs

The Giants just became a little less hateable, but I'm glad to see this doucher out of work.

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Randy Moss Unretires

Well I'm sure no one saw this coming.

Hopefully Randy can find a team to take him in next season because I'll be pissed if 3 formerly great WRs are playing in the IFL. (Yes, I've already put Ochocinco on an IFL roster, it's only a matter of time before he makes it official.)

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Randy Moss Retires

Well this was unexpected. I guess the job hunt wasn't going so well for Mr Moss after all.

Personally, I think this is an Allen Iverson retirement more than a Barry Sanders retirement, so I fully expect Randy to be back and playing at some point this season. That's right, I'm calling bullshit on Randy's retirement. You don't go from wanting a new deal at the beginning of last season to not wanting any deal at the start of the next. I'm sure a few teams were interested, but not teams he'd want to play for (aka losers), so he "retired." Again, he'll be back.

Hmm, maybe he can finally be a Cowboys if Kevin Olgetree and the other young guys don't step up? Nah, somehow, some way he's probably just going to end up back in New England. Fudge!

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Random News Shit: NFL Headlines Edition

1) Brad Childress Fired; Leslie Frazier Promoted
Well it's about damn time, now he can finally return to his job as Michael Wilbon's co-host on PTI.

You know who this all sucks for?? Tarvaris Jackson. Why, you ask?? Because there's no way the black coach can step in and instantly insert the black QB into the line up. Not to mention that if he wants to keep this job he's gonna have to win games. Everybody hates Tarvaris *Everybody Hates Chris them voice.*

2) Vince Young Placed On IR
I'm not taking Jeff Fisher's side in this whole mess because he has been herky jerky with Vince Young in his career, but Vince is a sensitive bitch who needs to man up. Always whining and carrying on like a freaking child. Grow up nigga.

You know who the big loser in this situation is?? Randy Moss. Just a few weeks ago he was getting passes from Tom Brady, come Sunday he'll be getting them from Boca Raton's own Rusty Smith. "Randy Moss Quit-Mode" activated.

3) Tony Romo's Collarbone Is Still Broken
Fine. This season effectively ended when he initially got hurt, so there's no real reason to rush back. Get healthy and we'll see you in 2011 Romeo.

4) Richard Seymour Fined $25,000; No Suspension
Hell, the NFL should be giving Richard Seymour $25,000, not taking it away. You can't blame a guy for reacting to someone talking shit directly in their face.

I wonder if LeGarrette Blount called and consulted Seymour after this??

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One Clap

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Random News Shit: Sports Recap Edition

Obviously I missed a bunch of shit over the week, so accept this as a peace offering. OK? OK.

Vikings Waive Randy Moss
Which has a better chance of happening: Brad Childress keeping his job or Kat Stacks getting saved??

I know it's a stretch, but personally, I'm gonna have to go with the latter. At the least there's a 0.1 percent chance Kat Stacks gets saved. There's negative chance Childress keeps his job. Chilly couldn't be any more out if was Brett Favre's dick with a camera phone within arms-length. I mean, yeah, Randy Moss is a certified head case, but there's NO reasonable explanation for cutting someone you traded a 3rd round draft pick for after a month. One month! Four games!

And then that bullshit explanation about Moss berating a cater and his food, what was that?? Mike Shanahan came up with a better excuse than that for benching Donovan McNabb for Rex Grossman (but we'll get into that shortly). Moss would have to literally ass rape the caterer on my office desk while I was on the phone with my momma for me to even THINK about cutting him. At the very least Chilly should have called up Dollar Bill Sellatrick and said, "OK, we fucked up. Keep the 3rd-rounder, give us a 5th, and you can have Randy back." Whatever you do, you can't just cut Randy Moss after 4 games.

Dollar Bill wins again.

Mike Shanahan Says Donovan McNabb Not In Shape For 2-minute Drill
I hope Mike Shanahan at least sent Brad Childress a gift basket for deflecting attention away for this godawful excuse for an excuse. He wasn't in shape?? Really?? So he played 7 complete games before this, including 2 overtime periods, without a problem, but he wasn't in good enough shape to run the 2-minute drill??

And it's not like the Redskins have been blowing people out and Donovan hasn't had to do much in 4th quarters, 6 of their first 7 games were decided by 6 points or less, including 4 by 3. He managed all that, but the 2-minute drill was too much to ask on that day?? Give me a fuckin' break.

Then, to make matters worse, you replace McNabb with the "Opposite Team Touchdown Machine" Rex Grossman?? That's like replacing Josh Freeman with Morgan Freeman.

Would anyone had blamed Donovan for Randy Moss-style berating Mike Shanahan in Washington's locker room?? I don't think so.

JaMarcus Russell works out for Washington Redskins
The only thing potentially more outrageous than replacing Donovan McNabb with Rex Grossman would be replacing JaMarcus Russell for anyone on an NFL roster. Why would the team who deemed McNabb too out of shape to finish a game and wouldn't let Albert Haynesworth practice until he passed a conditioning test even consider working out JaMarcus Russell?? Makes no sense.

Charlie Villanueva Says Kevin Garnett Called Him A 'Cancer Patient'
KG isn't the only one with a message for Charlie V, here's mine: Hey Charlie, stop being a fuckin' bitch.

Seriously though, if he was so pissed about allegedly being called a cancer patient, why didn't he handle it on the court instead of going home and tweeting about it like a loser?? It's easy to talk tough via Twitter, back that shit or shut that shit up. I mean, what's the worse that would happen, he'd be fined and suspended?? He robbed the Pistons for $40 million, I think he should be able to afford it.

Giants Dump Series MVP Renteria
Yeah, because dumping your World Series MVP days after winning worked out so well for the Yankees too.

Grizzlies Sign Mike Conley To $40 Extension
David Stern is a doucher and all, but he's right about NBA salaries needing to come down. I'm not saying Mike Conley isn't good (he would've been a better #1 pick than fuckin' Greg Oden), this seems like a whole lot for the 4th or 5th best player on the team.

Atlanta Hawks, Al Horford Agree To $60M Contract Extension
Nice investment into the future, but $60 million does seem like a lot. He is still only 24 though, so I guess this is fair.

Buffalo Bills Claim Shawne Merriman On Waivers
I don't think it's ever a good thing for a player when the first team in waiver claim order claims you. Oh well, Shawne just isn't good anymore, and he's more injury prone than Kris Jenkins. I give him 3, or 4 years tops before he's out of the league completely.

(Side note: I hope he turns his career around, but I'm just not sure he will.)

Tennessee Titans Claim Randy Moss On Waivers
Oh, and finally, speaking of waivers, the Titans picked up some waived wide receiver. His name is Randy Moss, I don't know, have you heard of him??

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Randy Moss Is A Viking Once More

Welp it's official, the Patriots have traded Randy Moss back to the Vikings for a 3rd round pick. And to think, this all "started" with one fell swoop tweet. Do I get to change my Super Bowl pick now??

Now, there was no contract extension signed with this trade, but I did see something about a possible 3-year, $27 million deal. But with Brett Favre likely done after this season, I don't see him signing that...unless he just really needs the money. Which, for all we know, might be the case.

Even though I hate the Pats and Vikes, this trade was pretty fair for both sides. The Pats get rid of Moss while he still has value, and for 1 higher round pick that they initially got him for in 2007. And with this trade, the Pats now have double picks in each of the first 4 rounds of the 2011 draft (Oakland's 1st-round pick, Carolina's 2nd-round pick, Minnesota's 3rd-round pick, and Denver's 4th-round pick). Oh, and of course, the Vikings get Randy fuckin' Moss!

Vikings fans don't have to worry much about Randy getting familiar with their offense, because I'm sure Brett is just gonna tell him to "go deep" like he's playing in the backyard--and you know Randy can go get it.

Unfortunately for Randy, the Vikes' bye week was last week, and the Pats bye is this week, so he's gonna end up playing 17 regular season games this year. Since the NFL is so gung-ho about going to this 18 game season, I'm sure they have their fingers crossed for his continued health. If he tears an ACL or something, that'll put a big ass doo doo mark right down the middle of their case. Maybe the NFL will tell officials to protect him against any contact like they do for quarterbacks??

Lastly, in case you were wondering, as a Cowboys fan, no I am NOT looking forward to seeing Randy Moss in 2 weeks. We all know his history in Dallas.

(Side note: I hope he brings back the #84 jersey. It's currently vacant of Minnesota's roster. Either way, I think it's time for this Vikings fan to remove the black tape.)

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Going Going, Back Back, To Minne-sota??

One inadvertent tweet by Sports Guy Bill Simmons and the football portion of the sports world was set on fire with the possibility of Randy Moss being trade back to the team that drafted him in 1998, the Minnesota Vikings. As Kanye West would say, "No one man should have all that power!"

In case you missed it earlier, the would-be direct message simply read "Moss Vikings." Now "sources" are coming out of the woodwork confirming that the Pats and Vikes are indeed talking about a possible trade involving Moss. And really, why wouldn't they be after that offensive onslaught they put on Monday night?? Who needs a #1 receiver when Tom Brady utilized all his other weapons to the tune of 153 yards and 1 touchdown??

In all seriousness though, if this trade really hinges on Randy signing a new deal with Minnesota, he might as well stay his ass in New England. I mean, would 13 games with Brett Favre be worth spending the following 2 or 3 years with Travaris Jackson at QB??

Now, if the Vikes are trying to re-acquire the services of Randy without a new deal, then I say go for it. I'd hope the Vikings would be that dumb though, because he'd definitely bolt as soon as the last second ticked off the clock January 2nd in Detroit.

Welp, Adam Schefter and Jay Glazer are reporting that if a deal does get done, it will happen Wednesday, so obviously more on this later.

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Random News Shit: Sports Recap 12/14-12/17

December 14th

Tom Brady Comes To Randy Moss' Defense
Well that's a good thing for them, but anybody who watched that game or saw those highlights can clearly see Randy was half-assing it. The thing I don't get though, is why the Panthers' DBs were talking shit in the first place?? 1) If you're an opposing DB and Randy Moss only has 1 catch for 16 yards, why wouldn't you just say you shut Randy Moss down?? 2) While Moss was dogging it, they STILL couldn't stop Wes Welker as he went for 10 catches and 105 yards. Makes no sense to me, but oh well.

December 15th

Man Pleads Guilty In Erin Andrews Case
He agreed to serve 27 months, but the judge will have the final say. That's about right to me. And even though this guy is a sicko, I appreciate what he did for the internet and all Erin Andrews fans lol.

Tracy McGrady Makes Season Debut
Can you believe Tracy is still only 30 years-old?? He should still be in his prime right now, but he's been damn near slowed to a hault by injuries. Maybe he needs to do what I suggested to Greg Oden and have his agent land him a gig in Phoenix.

Now, the part that I don't get in all this is how Tracy loss his #1 jersey to Trevor Ariza?? Yeah, check it out, Tracy is wearing a #3 jersey, and Trevor is wearing #1. I actually noticed Trevor was wearing the #1 a few games before Tracy came back, but either way, isn't that weird?? Tracy has worn #1 for his entire career, why they switch now?? I mean, its not like Tracy left the team and came back to somebody wearing his number (as is the case with Ben Wallace who is now back with the Pistons, but has to wear the #6), he never left the roster. He wasn't a free agent or anything. Its not a big deal at the end of the day, but I just don't get it, especially since Trevor was the new comer AND he wore the #3 last year with the Lakers while #1 was available. Okay, I gotta move on, I'm spending way too much time on this lol.

December 16th

Angels Lands Series MVP, Hideki Matsui
Well it was probably inevitable that the Yankees would let him go, but the Angels defnitely upgraded their DH position because Vlad Guerrero barely looked like he was moving when he ran the bases last season. It was just sad really.

Anyway, Matsui got a one-year $6 million deal.

Phillies Get Halladay, Sends Lee To Mariners
This trade was dumb to me. I mean, Roy Halladay is a great pitcher, but Cliff Lee had already proven he was lights out the entire time he was with Philly. I hope this trade blows up in the Phillies' face.

December 17th

Ocho Cinco Wants to Fight Merriman
Had Chris Henry not passed, this would be probably be the big storyline going in to Sunday's match-up for the right to the #2 seed in the playoffs. Its still kinda funny though.

Vinny Cerrato Resigns From Redskins Position
This is probably best for the Redskins. They have already brought in Bruce Allen to replace him, and are now, reportedly, in talks with Mike Shanahan. The word on ESPN is that Mike Shanahan turned down the Bills job because they wouldn't bring in Allen. I personally think it was because the Bills sucks, but who knows lol.

Bobby Knight Chides John Calipari In Speech
Here's the quote:

"We've gotten into this situation where integrity is really lacking and that's why I'm glad I'm not coaching," he said. "You see we've got a coach at Kentucky who put two schools on probation and he's still coaching. I really don't understand that."

Thank you! College coaches can practically get away with murder and the players that really make these school their money can't get away with a white lie. Damn shame, but I applaud Bobby Knight for speaking up.

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I Told You So

I told you Randy and Dante weren't getting back together lol. The Pats aren't that crazy lol. [FULL STORY]

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Back Together??

Lets stop this now people, there is NO chance that Randy Moss will ever catch a pass from Daunte Culpepper unless one of them invites the other over for Thanksgiving or the Pats sign Daunte to their practice squad lol. Its a nice story, but it'll never happen.

With that being said, Randy get your ass on a plane, fly to Dallas, and sign a contract. You know you want to. Hell, I know I want you to at least lol.

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Athletes Gone Wild??

I was gonna talk about Pacman Jones' allegedly punching some stripper in the face in Atlanta, but the chick has withdrawn her complaint as of today so I'll switch my attention over to Randy Moss. Then again, I won't because this case just seems like another dumb bitch trying to get some money. In actuality, the only reason I was even gonna write about Randy Moss was because the alleged "accident" happened in Fort Lauderdale, but it just seems dumb to me. Well don't let me stop you from finding out more just go to ESPN.com or put it on Sportscenter, I'm through. [FULL STORY]



On another note, someone needs to tell Randy to do something with that nappy ass beard. I mean I know I let my shit go for 2 or 3 week, but fuck man Randy's shit is getting out of control like Ricky Williams a few years ago lol.

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Moss Is More Valuable Than Brady

No offense to Tom Brady, one of my favorite NFL players of all time, but Randy Moss is the MVP of the National Football League. It ain't even close.

Seriously, denying Randy Moss this year's Associated Press MVP award would be borderline criminal. If Allen Iverson is the answer in basketball, Randy Moss is the question that no one in football can answer.

How do you stop him?

He can't be stopped; he can only slow himself, as he did for a couple of miserable years in Oakland.

Brady is on the brink of shattering every single-season passing record known to mankind and the Patriots are well on their way to smashing every scoring record. And we love nothing more in this country than showering superstar quarterbacks with awards, hype and credit.

But Randy Moss should not and cannot be denied this season. His impact on the football field is so obvious and so overwhelming that even Joe Buck should cast an MVP vote for Mr. Moss. The value of wide receivers has never been more evident than this season.

Terrell Owens earned Tony Romo a $67 million contract and paved the road Philly fans will use to escort Donovan McNabb out of town. Marvin Harrison went down with a knee injury, and Peyton Manning's feet got happy again and his interception total escalated.

Look, it's still a quarterback's league. Manning and McNabb are great players. Romo is headed for greatness. But they're significantly diminished without their favorite toys.

Moss is a kingmaker. This isn't the first time he made a good offense outstanding. The scoring record the Patriots are chasing is the standard Moss' 1998 Vikings established. In that same year, Moss, a rookie at the time, turned 35-year-old Randall Cunningham into the league's top passer. Cunningham threw 34 TDs and 10 INTs and the Vikings finished the regular season 15-1.

Denny Green looked as smart as Bill Belichick.

Randy, despite 17 TDs and 1,313 receiving yards, didn't win the MVP that year because Terrell Davis took a run at Eric Dickerson's single-season rushing record, cracking 2,000 yards.

Well, the excuse this year will be Brady's numbers. I'm not knocking Brady. He's an incredible player. He's just not as valuable as Randy Moss.

There's only one Randy Moss. When he shows up motivated, focused and ready to have fun, records fall, defenses quiver, quarterbacks have once-in-a-lifetime seasons and his teams win ... by lots of points.

Moss is doing more for Brady than Brady is doing for Moss. The same thing could be said about Cunningham and Jeff George, who both looked Elway-esque winging footballs to Moss.

This week George pointed out to me what makes Moss different from every receiver who has ever played the game.

"Intimidation," George explained. "Defensive backs are trained to turn and play the football. Guys are too scared to turn away from Randy. You'll see two DBs running with Randy, but they'll never turn and find the football because they're too afraid to take their eyes off Randy. As a quarterback, you just throw it up to Randy no matter the coverage because you know he'll be only guy looking for the football."

How many times have we seen that this season — two guys wrapped around Randy and Brady floating a ball into traffic?

This isn't a co-MVP situation. It's not a slap at Brady, one of the three best QBs of all time.

It's long overdue recognition for Moss. It's long overdue acknowledgment that receivers — given today's rules about defensive-back contact and the prevalence of three- and four-receiver offenses — can have as much impact on a game as quarterbacks.

Moss reminds me of Shaquille O'Neal. We took O'Neal for granted during his prime on the basketball court, and he won just one MVP award. In retrospect that's ridiculous. O'Neal's impact on the NBA far exceeds Steve Nash's, and Nash has won multiple MVP awards.

Moss isn't likely to surpass Jerry Rice as the greatest of all time. Rice was too consistent and was a driving force in the 49ers dynasty. Rice vs. Moss will be like the Bill Russell-Wilt Chamberlain debate. Except we didn't deny Wilt a few MVP trophies.

Let's no longer deny Randy Moss. Yes, he used to be extremely immature. His effort at times was atrocious. None of that matters this year. With defenses doing everything within reason to slow him, Moss has 16 TD receptions, more than 1,000 receiving yards, the Patriots are 10-0, and, most important, Moss has made Tom Brady the second-most-valuable player in football.

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