Surprise! Johnny Manziel Wins Heisman

Guess what? Johnny Manziel won Heisman! I know, I know, I can't believe it either! I'm just as shocked as you.

...What's that? You can believe it, you say? You're not at all shocked... at all? You say you knew he was gonna win ever since college sports couldn't be reported on without someone mentioning his name? Well then, fine.

Seriously though, I meant to talk about this on the podcast yesterday and forgot, but what are the chances Johnny Football is as well known as he is because people just like saying Johnny Football? Not to say the kid can't ball, but I'd say at least some of his success has to be contributed to his awesome nickname that everyone loves saying. You know, the expect opposite of what it's gonna be like for New Orleans' NBA team once they officially change their name to the Pelicans.

Anyway, congrats to Johnny for becoming the first freshman to ever be a Heisman trophy winner.

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Idiocracy 101: Honey Badger, Tyrann Mathieu, Kicked Off LSU's Football Team

You're a surprise Heisman candidate last year, heading into your junior year at LSU, which is coming off a National Champion. One more solid season, and big bucks are staring you in the face as a top NFL draft pick. How do you celebrate your accomplishments?

Well, if you're Tyrann Mathieu, you violate both school and team rules and get kicked out the the football program. Yes, he fucked his money up, now he can't suit up. Smart! Oh well, Honey Badger don't give a shit.

Now while this is bad news for Tyrann (the only way he could play next year is if he transfers to a Division I-AA school, if he transfers to another Division I-A, he has to sit out a year), this is great news for NFL teams. He was probably going pro after this season anyway, but now teams won't have to spend a top 10 pick, or maybe not even a first-rounder, to get him. It'll be like Janoris Jenkins all over again.

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Pat Summit Steps Aside As Coach

My heart goes out to the all-time most winningest in sports history and her family, Dementia is a scary thing. Hopefully the fact that they caught it early on helps her in her battle.

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Robert Griffin III Wins The 77th Heisman Trophy

Tonight Robert Griffin III beat out consensus #1 overall pick Andrew Luck to win the 77th Heisman Trophy Award. I don't watch much college football, but from the little I saw of him, it seemed like he deserved it... though I'm gonna have to give the bulk of the credit to the awesome Superman socks he wore under to the ceremony. Look at that cape, nigga! So swaggeric!

As for Mr. Luck, he becomes just the 4th player ever to be runner-up for the Heisman in consecutive seasons. Oh well, at least he's still about to get paid.

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30 Greatest Name Fails In College Basketball History

I actually went to high school with that dude Chief Kickingstallionsims and when I heard about this video, I knew he'd be included. Now I didn't know him at all, but when a 7'2" dude randomly enrolls in your high school, it doesn't take much for him to get noticed... especially when his name is Chief Kickingstallionsims.

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Joe Paterno FIRED!

After 45 years and 409 victories, Carl Fredricksen Joe Paterno has been fired by Penn State.

It's sad that such a legendary career has to end like this, but I'm in total agreeance with the decision. You can't have knowledge of a dude raping boys and just keep it in house to protect your school. There is no such thing as loyalty that deep.

Fuck Joe Pa though, there's 2 things I want to know now: 1) What is going to happen to Jerry Sandusky and 2) what is the NCAA going to do to Penn State?

As far as I'm concerned, Jerry Sandusky and ALL predators should be killed immediately, no questions asked. What is the benefit of keeping them alive? If you like to fuck young boys now, why should we believe putting you in prison for a few years will stop your sick urges? It won't, so kill them. Done and done.

Now, I'm sure that's not going to happen to Sandusky, but what is going to happen to him? Did you know this piece of shit is actually FREE right now? I don't care if he posted bail, it is completely unacceptable that he is a free man. Fuck it, let's just kill him now.

The only other thing yet to be seen is what the NCAA is going to do about this. If sanctions and suspensions can be handed down over selling jerseys and getting tattoos, surely they're going to drop the hammer on Penn State, right? Right? They fucking better.

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Illinois College's 5'10" Guard Jacob Tucker Is ILL!

Gotdamn! I hope he becomes the 12th man on the Utah Jazz JUST so he can enter the dunk contest next year. I don't care if he's in the D-League for 98% of the season, as long as a NBA gives him a 10 day contract so he can compete because this is what the NBA dunk contest is missing. DeMar Derozan tried to bring that this past dunk contest, but it might be time for the great white hope. Or maybe the NBA just needs to ban props altogether? Its cool every now and then, but 90% of the dunk contest CANNOT be prop based.

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Facial Served By Larriques Cunningham Of Lee University

This is just nasty, and no I'm not talking about Larriques Cunningham's first name. It's definitely NOT better, but this dunk reminded me A LOT of Vince Carter's infamous disrespect of Frederick Weis in the 2000 Olympics.

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Random News Shit: SportsCenter Edition

1) Andrew Luck Stays In School
The face Andrew Luck is making in this picture is directed at the Carolina Panthers organization and all of their fans.

In all seriousness though, I don't see why Luck would go back to school for his senior season other than just not wanting to play for the Panthers. I don't buy the whole "I want to school" bullshit, it's college, you can finish whenever you want. And as Matt Leinart has shown, just because you're the top prospect this year, doesn't mean you'll be the top prospect next year. Strike while the iron is hot I say, but oh well, it's not my life.

2) Mark Ingram Enters NFL Draft; So Does Ryan Mallet
Good, fuck the NCAA, go get that money.

3) Kobe Leads All-Star Voting
I don't know how much the All-Star Game being in L.A. has to do with it, but regardless, it's amazing what winning can do for a guy's image.

On another All-Star note, if the starters were announced today Carmelo Anthony would be the other forward opposite Kevin Durant, but what happens if he gets traded in the upcoming weeks?? And yes, this is a serious question.

4) Dolphins Decide To Keep Tony Sparano
I'm not shocked, there was no way the Dolphins were gonna pay Jim Harbaugh $7-8 million to coach.

Welp Dolphans, prepare for another year of irrelevance.

5) Mike Tyson Gets A New Show About His Love For Pigeons
The show, "Taking On Tyson," will be a 6-part "docudrama" on Animal Planet. That's right, and you can follow Iron Mike as he deals with "the creme de la creme of the pigeon world" starting March 6th.

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Renardo Sidney Fights His Teammate

This is my first time hearing of Renardo Sidney, but I can already tell he's a loser and he's not gonna make it. Be clear, this isn't LeGarrette Blount, this is a lame who has no home training who will NEVER make it in the NBA.

NCAA, do what y'all do best and get this nigga outta here.

**UPDATE**
Renardo Sidney and his teammate have been sent home and suspended indefinitely.

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Cam Newton Wins Heisman

Cam Newton won the Heisman trophy, as we all knew he would, but unfortunately the real story is if/when he has to return it. I hope the slave master NCAA and Heisman Trust doesn't do Cilla Cam like they did Reggie Bush, but who knows, you know you can't trust ol' massa.

(Side note: I love Tony Romo, but if Kellen Moore starts to slip in the draft, I wouldn't mind if Jerry Jones went and saved him. Just putting it out there.)

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Random News Shit: NFL Headlines Edition

1) Reggie Bush Decides To Forfeit Heisman
I haven't really spoke on this whole story, but allow me a moment to sum my feelings on it up in one word: Bullshit!

This is why I can't support college athletics, especially football. In the history of NCAA rulings, has one ever fit the crime?? I'm serious, has it ever once?? And I know the NCAA didn't make him do this, but them and their retarded slave rules made it possible that a player can essentially be stripped of an award he earned on the field over an issue that has absolutely nothing to do with the game of football. I could see if Reggie was found to have done steroids, but he took money. What in the FUCK does that have to do with what he accomplished on the field in 2005?? Seriously, what?? Don't worry I'll wait.

2) Kris Jenkins Done For 2010 After Just 6 Plays
This sucks. I know that's not breaking news, but you just gotta hate to hear this (unless you're in the KKK).

As we all know, he hurt this same knee 6 games into last season (hmmm, 6 may be his lucky number), and at 31 years of age, it might be time to call it a career. Obviously 31 isn't old for a D-lineman, but damn, a torn ACL in the same knee, less than a year later?? That's tough. Besides, if he comes back for 2011, how long can the Jets expect him to play before tearing it again, 6 seconds?? Get it?? Nevermind.

3) Packers Place Ryan Grant On IR
Shit! This is an even bigger blow to the Packers than Kris Jenkins' injury is to thee Jets. I'm not sure who else Green Bay has in its backfield, but I hope dude is ready for primetime. Okay, that one was pretty obvious, but hey, it's true.

4) Eagles Under Investigation By NFLPA Over Concussions ...Then Left Alone
Yeah, I figured this was coming when I saw Stewart Bradley re-enter Sunday's Eagles-Packers game minutes after staggering off his feet after suffering a concussion. I watched this game up until halftime (when I stepped out to buy more Sierra Mist Cranberry and grab some pizza for the Cowboys game), and I had no idea Kevin Kolb even had a concussion in that 2nd quarter.

Oh well, it's not like it was the only botched decision by Andy Reid in that game.

(Side note: I love how the NFL is getting more serious about concussions, while simultaneously looking to increase player's workloads by going to 18 game seasons. I mean, because what better way to show concern over an issue than enhancing the likelihood of recurrence??)

5) Bob Sanders Hurt...As Usual
Good ol opt-injured Bobby S. tore a tendon in his biceps and is out indefinitely. The Colts are use to playing without him though, so I guess this isn't that big of a deal. Might be time for him to call it a career as well, but because of my "Bob Sanders is injured" story fatigue.

6) Broncos Trade For Laurence Maroney
You gotta feel like shit right now if you're Laurence Maroney. Not because you're leaving the Patriots, but that you're a running back going to the Broncos. They've run through like 4 or 5 already, and Laurence already missed the season opener due to injury, so now it's just a matter of time before he hits the IR.

Bad past few months for niggas named Laurence.

7) UF's Chris Rainey Faces Stalking Charge
I know this is NFL shit, but it is hilarious shit. I'll make this quick, but I'd be lying if I said I'd never pull a Chris Rainey and text somebody, "It's time to die, bitch." That shit is too funny! LMAO!

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Random News Shit: SportsCenter Edition

1) Kansas Earns Top Seed In NCAA Tournament
Man, I can't wait to fill out my bracket this week! I hate college sports, but I love March Madness! Go figure.

Anyway, also receiving #1 seeds were Syracuse, Duke, and Kentucky. We'll see if any of these 4 have what it takes to win it all. I got my money on either Kentucky or Kansas.

2) Browns Release Derek Anderson
It seems like just yesterday Derek was leading a Romeo Crennel coached Browns team to a 10-win season. Now that's over. Romeo is gone, Braylon Edwards is gone, Jamal Lewis is gone, and now Derek Anderson is gone.

Arizona or Seattle are the likely landing spots for Anderson seeing their QB situations are almost as bad as anyone else's.

3) Browns Trade Brady Quinn To Broncos
The trade was for FB/RB Peyton Hillis, a 6th round pick in the 2011 draft, and a conditional pick for the 2012 draft. If Quinn beats out Kyle Orton for the starting QB spot and flourishes this will look like a steal, but for right now I guess its a pretty fair trade. I have no idea what the fuck the Browns are doing at QB, but they better get their shit together fast.

4) David Beckham Tears Achilles, To Miss World Cup
Its funny because when this story first broke ESPN said Beckham's playing status for the World Cup was unknown. It was like, "huh?" The man tore his achilles tendon! He didn't strain or stress it, he tore it, there's no way he could possibly play in the World Cup which is just a few months away.

5) Gilbert Arenas Wants To Change To No. 6
LeBron James has started a trend already! Funny, I thought it would be middle and high school players jocking LBJ's new shit, now his peers in the NBA. Kinda sad actually.

(Side note: How awesome would it have been if Arenas changed his number to 9 or 45, you know, like a pistol. That would be too great! He isn't that dumb though...or is he?? lol.)

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Random News Shit: Sports Recap 12/14-12/17

December 14th

Tom Brady Comes To Randy Moss' Defense
Well that's a good thing for them, but anybody who watched that game or saw those highlights can clearly see Randy was half-assing it. The thing I don't get though, is why the Panthers' DBs were talking shit in the first place?? 1) If you're an opposing DB and Randy Moss only has 1 catch for 16 yards, why wouldn't you just say you shut Randy Moss down?? 2) While Moss was dogging it, they STILL couldn't stop Wes Welker as he went for 10 catches and 105 yards. Makes no sense to me, but oh well.

December 15th

Man Pleads Guilty In Erin Andrews Case
He agreed to serve 27 months, but the judge will have the final say. That's about right to me. And even though this guy is a sicko, I appreciate what he did for the internet and all Erin Andrews fans lol.

Tracy McGrady Makes Season Debut
Can you believe Tracy is still only 30 years-old?? He should still be in his prime right now, but he's been damn near slowed to a hault by injuries. Maybe he needs to do what I suggested to Greg Oden and have his agent land him a gig in Phoenix.

Now, the part that I don't get in all this is how Tracy loss his #1 jersey to Trevor Ariza?? Yeah, check it out, Tracy is wearing a #3 jersey, and Trevor is wearing #1. I actually noticed Trevor was wearing the #1 a few games before Tracy came back, but either way, isn't that weird?? Tracy has worn #1 for his entire career, why they switch now?? I mean, its not like Tracy left the team and came back to somebody wearing his number (as is the case with Ben Wallace who is now back with the Pistons, but has to wear the #6), he never left the roster. He wasn't a free agent or anything. Its not a big deal at the end of the day, but I just don't get it, especially since Trevor was the new comer AND he wore the #3 last year with the Lakers while #1 was available. Okay, I gotta move on, I'm spending way too much time on this lol.

December 16th

Angels Lands Series MVP, Hideki Matsui
Well it was probably inevitable that the Yankees would let him go, but the Angels defnitely upgraded their DH position because Vlad Guerrero barely looked like he was moving when he ran the bases last season. It was just sad really.

Anyway, Matsui got a one-year $6 million deal.

Phillies Get Halladay, Sends Lee To Mariners
This trade was dumb to me. I mean, Roy Halladay is a great pitcher, but Cliff Lee had already proven he was lights out the entire time he was with Philly. I hope this trade blows up in the Phillies' face.

December 17th

Ocho Cinco Wants to Fight Merriman
Had Chris Henry not passed, this would be probably be the big storyline going in to Sunday's match-up for the right to the #2 seed in the playoffs. Its still kinda funny though.

Vinny Cerrato Resigns From Redskins Position
This is probably best for the Redskins. They have already brought in Bruce Allen to replace him, and are now, reportedly, in talks with Mike Shanahan. The word on ESPN is that Mike Shanahan turned down the Bills job because they wouldn't bring in Allen. I personally think it was because the Bills sucks, but who knows lol.

Bobby Knight Chides John Calipari In Speech
Here's the quote:

"We've gotten into this situation where integrity is really lacking and that's why I'm glad I'm not coaching," he said. "You see we've got a coach at Kentucky who put two schools on probation and he's still coaching. I really don't understand that."

Thank you! College coaches can practically get away with murder and the players that really make these school their money can't get away with a white lie. Damn shame, but I applaud Bobby Knight for speaking up.

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Random News Shit: Sports Recap 12/10-12/13

December 10th

Brian Kelly To Replace Charlie Weis As Notre Dame Head Coach
Yet another reason to hate the NCAA. This is so fucked up! Dez Bryant can't go visit Deion Sanders, but Brian Kelly can interview for, and accept a job at another school during the season. I don't blame those kids at Cincinnati for being pissed, their leader is allowed to abandon them before the biggest game in school history (the Sugar Bowl against Florida). If a kid wants to trade schools, he has to sit out a season, a coach can just leave whenever they feel like it. Again, fucked up!

December 11th

Tiger Woods Leaves Golf Indefinitely
To be fair, Tiger probably wouldn't have played in any of these upcoming small touraments at the top of the year regardless. I say he comes back for the Masters in April. After all, we all know Tiger only cares about the majors.

December 12th

Kobe Bryant Fractures Bone In Right Index Finger
This seemed like a bigger deal back on the 12th when it happened. Definitely more so than it does now, 1 day after he hit 39 and a game-winner against the Bucks in Milwaukee.

Kansas Hires Gill Turner
Its about time the fucked up NCAA benefited a black man.

Penn State's Women Volleyball Team Wins 100th Straight
I'm not down with the NCAA, but I love that women's volleyball! Those fine ass girls in those tiny ass shorts, its great. In fact, we need more women's volleyball on TV. I don't care if it broadcasts on Lifetime, I'd watch! This picture says it all.

...And don't even get me started on beach volleyball! My, my, my!

Mark Ingram Wins 75th Heisman Throphy
A lot of college sports shit late last week, maybe that's why I checked out mentally?? Whatever. Can you believe Ingram was the first player in Alabama history to win the Heisman?? I can't. I mean, of course I don't really care, but that's still pretty remarkable.

December 13th

Brandon Marshall Breaks T.O.'s NFL Record With 21 Catches
This guy is a BEAST! His 21 catches were obviously the most on his team (duh lol), but it was more than the Colts had as a team! The most amazing part of this story is that the Broncos lost. If I told you Brandon Marshall was gonna explode for 21 catches and 200 yards, you would've told me the Colts would suffer their first loss of the season. But they didn't. That says a lot about the Colts.

DeMarcus Ware Carted Off With Neck Sprain
Ware seems to be just fine now and may play Saturday night so this is whatever now.

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Random News Shit: SportsCenter Edition

1) Chiefs Release RB Larry Johnson
Who didn't see this coming?? I thought they'd wait until the offseason, but I'm not shocked they did it this early. I mean, its not like their gonna need him to continue their potential 1-win season.

Now, lets talk about possibly destinations. Larry turns 30 on the 19th and we all know that's a dreadful age for running backs, but you know age doesn't turn off?? Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots! Is there any chance the Pats don't end up getting him some how?? I'm actually surprised they were able to swing a straight up trade for a 7th round draft pick seeing Scott Pioli is the GM in KC. Its the least he could've done after the Pats gift wrapped Matt Cassel and Mike Vrabel as parting gifts.

Whatever, either way, I wouldn't be surprised if LJ was suiting up for the Pats in 2010-11.

(Side note: I wonder when was the last time he spoke to Jay-Z??)

2) Iverson Takes Leave From Grizzlies, May Retire
This may be one of the saddest story in the NBA in the past couple of years. Why can't he just swallow his pride and come off the bench for a contender?? What in the fuck was he doing in Memphis anyway?? Future Hall Of Famers without rings should be gravitating to situations they can reach the promise land in, not just sitautions you can start in.

Okay, lets just say he was a starter for Memphis. Now what?? You're still on a terrible team in a terrible NBA city. You're only going to win about 20 games and you further tarnish your legacy. I don't get it. I hope he doesn't retire and ends signs on to a team like Cleveland or Orlando so he can at least contend, but who knows??

3) LeGarrette Blount Reinstated
Good, he shouldn't have been suspended for longer than a game in the first place. Congrats to the young man.

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Random News Shit: SportsCenter Edition

1) Roy Williams Throws Romo & Austin Under The Bus
Here we go again! Damn I hate Roy Williams! Not only does he suck and not produce, but now he's dissing people. Its okay if T.O. does it because he's gonna put up numbers, but Roy is terrible. I don't think is a coincidence that all of a sudden the offense started clicking right when he got hurt and Miles Austin got more opportunity.

Hey Roy, Romo isn't throwing the ball correctly to everyone else, you're just the only one not in the right place when the ball arrives. Either that, or you drop the ball. Either way you suck and I really wish they'd put you at your rightful spot as the 4th or 5th WR.

2) NOW Wants Tom Cable Suspended Now!
And of course by "NOW" I'm referring to the National Organization for Women. So yeah, they want Tom Cable suspended because he admitted to hitting one of his bitches back in the day.

Now, I'm no employee of the moral police, but isn't coaching the Raiders punishment enough?? Seriously, I'll take staying home and receiving checks over watching JaMarcus Russell and his Buffie The Body hips overthrowing his WRs by 8 feet ANY day of the week! NOW should want something bad to happen to him, not something that would rival a vacation to Jamaica. Tom Cable is getting his punishment as we speak.

3) Dez Bryant Loses Final Suspension Appeal
I've said it before, and I'll say it again, FUCK THE NCAA! Fuck 'em long and fuck 'em hard. Fuck 'em in the ear. Fuck 'em with a sand paper condom on. Fuck 'em with one of those fake dicks from those Freaks Of Cock pornos. Just fuck 'em! Dez, go to the NFL, work your way into the starting line-up, and when you play in a Sunday night on NBC during the starters introduction where everyone says their name and college, say "Dez Bryant, University of FUCK 'EM!"

I rest my case lol.

4) Celts' Glen Davis Wants To Play in the NFL After NBA Career
He has the size, but he's crazy if he thinks he's gonna make it in the NFL at like 36 or 37. Plus, you get paid more in the NBA so sit your big cry baby ass down and worry about not fighting old team mates and injuring yourself.

5) Joe Girardi Stops To Help Motorist After World Series
Okay I wanna know how fine this lady was that he stopped and darted across traffic to help her out. Its well documented that dudes are more willing to help attractive women. Y'all know what I'm talking about. Let it had been an overweight ugly broad, she'd probably be on the side of the road still. The police and ambulance probably would've kept driving too lol.

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OSU's Dez Bryant Ruled Ineligible By NCAA For Lying

"Lying about what??" You may be wondering right now. You're not gonna believe this, but the NCAA ruled Dez Bryant ineligible for lying about visiting Deion Sanders at his home. That's right, he lied about visiting Deion Sanders at his home. He didn't get into a fight at a club, he didn't rob anybody, he didn't cheat on his SATs, he's not a man, he's not 40 (shouts to Mike Gundy lol), he visited Deion Sanders. That's it. And he can't play football for the rest of the year because of it.

This is such bullshit its not even funny! The NCAA is a fuckin' joke! They don't care about these kids, all they wanna do is make money off of them and pass down bullshit rulings like this and its sickening. I don't know if they realize it, but they aren't judges, lawyers, or federal agents and Bryant was neither on trial nor under oath. Was Bryant lying wrong?? Yes. Was it so wrong that he can't play football anymore this year?? Fuck no!

This is why I don't watch college football or play college football video games now. I shake my head at the bitch ass cowards at the NCAA. Fuck 'em.

(Side note: Check out Jason Whitlock's NFL Truths column where he basically says Deion Sanders is a worse mentor than Master P was a sports agent.)

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LeGarrette Blount Could Be Reinstated By Oregon

You remember this guy, he punched that fat white kid from Boise State in the face after the first game of the season, almost went all Artest on the fans, and got suspended by his school for the rest of the season. Well his coach Chip Kelly is thinking about reinstating him after he's impressed on his apology program aka his "I'm Sorry" Tour (basically he just goes around and pretends like he wouldn't punch out that kid again in hope of being viewed as an acceptable nigga once more). Kelly will update his status later today (Friday for the slow), but its said that if he does come back it won't be anytime before Oregon's bye week on the 17th.

Whatever, I hope he can come back and get another chance. Dude just had a jit and those potential NFL checks are how the kid is gonna eat. Good luck.

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Related:
Oregon Suspends LeGarrette Blount For The Rest Of The Season
Oregon's LeGarrette Blount Cleans This White Dude's Clock!

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Tim Tebow: Hurt & Hospitalized

Wow, how crazy is it to see Tebow laying on his back?? I mean I could see just about any other QB in the world in that position, but Tebow?? Just seems weird. I bet he wishes he was in the NFL getting paid to take these kinda hits.

Anyway, the culprit in this situation is Taylor Wyndham. He's the one who hit Tebow and drove the back of his head into Marcus Gilbert's knee. He knows he's going to hell now, right?? Oh okay, just checking lol.

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