Lakers Hire Phil Jackson Mike D'Antoni

I would say I'm stunned, but I think enough people have said that enough since the news broke the Lakers said fuck Phil Jackson and went with Mike D'Antoni as their next head coach. This should be interesting, but I'm not sure the Lakers have the personnel to run his offense. Either way, I'm sure OKC is as excited about the Lakers hiring D'Antoni over Jackson as the Lakers were when they traded James Harden to the Rockets. This is the most retarded arm's race ever.

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Random News Shit: SportsCenter Edition

1) Serena Wins 4th Wimbledon, 13th Grand Slam
No shocker here as Serena beats Russian Vera Zvonareva in straight sets 6-3,6-2. This 13th Grand Slam breaks Serena's tie with Billie Jean King, and moves her up to 6th place all-time. The all-time Grand Slam leader, Margaret Court, has 24.

2) Brock Lesnar Retains UFC Title
Man, I thought Brock was done after that first round, but he fought back and got the win by submission. That was simply amazing! This is no breaking news, but Lesnar is one tough S.O.B.

3) Phil Jackson Will Return To Lakers
Phil Jackson and Doc Rivers both clearly flunked out of the "Brett Favre School of Delayed Decisions." I mean, who do they think they are informing their teams on what they plan to do in a timely manner?? It's sickening! lol.

4) Dirk, Mavs Agree On 4-Year, $80 Million Deal
Dirk could've got much more had he decided to take one of the max contracts he probably could've gotten from one of the teams with crazy cap space. Instead, he takes $80 million to stay with Mark Cuban and the Dallas Mavericks. I guess he's more interested in loyalty than winning. At age 32, it's hard to see Dirk as the best player on a championship team.

5) Paul Pierce Stays With Celtics For 4-Years, $61 Million
Well that's a fair number. I doubt Pierce ever had any intention on leaving Boston, so I'm glad that got this deal done quickly.

6) Kobayashi May Not Compete In Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Contest
The former champ from Japan still has no contract in place, and it's looking more and more likely he won't compete in the annual 4th of July contest. This smells like a Mayweather/Pacquiao
situation to me and Kobayashi is scared to go head-to-head with Joey Chestnut. Oh well, we shall soon see.

7) Rudy Gay Gets 5-Years, $80 Million To Stay In Memphis
I don't know why, but that the just seems like too much for Rudy Gay. Nothing against Rudy, but $16 million a year for him?? Just seems odd.

Aight, let's go over some of the lesser free agents who've signed deals:

Steve Blake Joins Lakers for 4-Year, $16M deal
That is a very fair deal. Looks like we may have seen the last of Derek Fisher in a Lakers uniform.

Wolves Sign Darko Milicic to 4-Year, $20M deal
And it's deals like this that let's you know Minnesota won't be shit for years and years to come. Well it sure is a good thing they didn't get that GM job to an inexperienced guy like Bill Simmons, David Kahn is doing a much better job.

Suns, Hakim Warrick Agree to 4-Year, $18M deal
This is the deal that makes it look unlikely Amare will return to Phoenix

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Random News Shit: NBA Free Agency Edition Pt. III

1) Hedo To The Blazers Raptors
The busy 2009 offseason continues with Hedo Turkoglu jetting on the Magic for the Blazers and then jetting on the Blazers for the Raptors all in the same day. Remarkable! On that video above Ric Bucher says it wasn't about the money, but its HAAAARD to believe a player would give up a chance to play with a conference championship team AND a playoff contender to play for a 33 win team with a disgrutled superstar who is going to leave after next season just because the city is nicer. It was about the money, and that's fine.

Anyway, the deal with Toronto is 5-years, $53 million. Maybe Drake is just making is cool to be in or around Toronto lol.

2) Phil Jackson Will Return To The Bench Next Season
Phil couldn't turn down the opportunity to coach this team that's gonna take the floor for the Lakers next season. I ain't mad at him.

3) Iverson Interested In The Grizzlies??
Like Bucher said, who says they're interested in playing for the Grizzlies?? It CAN'T be this bad for Iverson out there. It just can't be!

4) Avery Johnson May Be Piston's Top Pick
Awww, does this mean we won't be able to hear his voice on ESPN breaking game anymore?? Well that sucks balls, because hearing Avery speak is the best part about some of those Friday night games lol. I'm glad to see Avery get another coaching look though, but I'm not sure if this is the best situation to go into. Maybe its just me, but I know I wouldn't wanna coach this team.

5) Marbury Doesn't Foresee Return To Boston
I don't think the C's really want him back either though. Hell, they might need him if they keep pissing off Rondo and acting like he's on the block.

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Adam Morrison Defeats JJ Redick To Win Kobe His 4th Ring!

Take that Duke! Not only did your "one that got away" just win his 4th ring, but Adam Morrison trumps JJ Redick once again lol.

In all seriousness though, as you all know by now the Lakers opted to stay in Orlando and celebrate on the Magics' homecourt instead of throwing the game to do it in L.A. Tuesday. This makes me sad because now the NBA season is officially over and now all I have to hold me over until football season is fuckin' baseball. Baseball is cool as a secondary sport, but its not a main course. Not for me at least.

Now, besides this being Kobe's 4th ring (and opportunity to sing "Shaq, tell me how my ass taste" in the shower), its Lakers' head coach Phil Jackson's 10th! That's right, 10th! Nobody, in major American sports history has more rings than the Zen Master now. Is it time to crown him the greatest coach of all-time yet?? I mean of course he had the help of 4 of the greatest players to ever play the game (M.J., Shaq, Kobe, and Pippen), but its still a helluva accomplishment. Not to mention he's been in the Finals 6 of the 8 years he's coached in the 2000s (remember he left with Shaq after 2004 for a couple seasons).

As for Orlando, man, way to lay down. I mean they weren't as bad as the Lakers in game 5 in Boston last year, but they really weren't much better, despite what the final score says. Everybody mailed it in tonight. I'm not mad though because that led to two of my favorite Bill Simmons "tweets" of all-time: "Did Dwight Howard use Fed Ex or UPS to mail in tonight's performance? And why didn't he cover himself in bubble wrap?" and "Does Chris Wallace get to spray champagne in the Lakers locker room tonight?" (Chris Wallace of course being the GM of the Grizzlies who traded Pau to the Lakers for his less talented brother Marc and a hill of beans).

Anyway, congrats to the Lakers and fuck 'em all at the same damn time. You brought the offseason in too soon and for that you all can kiss ass.

I'll leave you with this team photo of the Lakers after the win. Its a remarkable because Sasha Vujacic actually came back from the grave to pose in it. Did you know he scored the same amount of points as Adam Morrison did?? Not a good look.

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Phil Jackson's Sexual Postgame Comments LOL

I dunno if you heard, but the other day my boy Phil Jackson was doing a post game interview when he had this to say about the Lakers lost to the Spurs:

"We call this a 'Brokeback Mountain' game, because there's so much penetration and kickouts,"

LMAO!!! Yo, I can't be the only one who thinks that's hilarious! I mean obviously on TV shows and shit they can't laugh at it, but that's some funny ass shit! You can hear what they had to say on 1st & 10 today if you want but them niggas frontin'! lol.

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