Ding Dong The CYST Is Dead

That's right, its over, the Cowboys Yankee Stadium Theory is dead. It passed away at approximately 4pm yesterday in Minneapolis, Minnesota after being shot 6 times due to lack of protection. I know, very sad.

Okay, let me stop lol.

Now of course I'm mad disappointed about my team losing, but it definitely doesn't feel like the end of the world this time around. I don't know if its because we finally got our playoff win, or because there are people all over (and especially in Haiti) dealing with REAL problems, but it just doesn't seem that bad this year. That's a beautiful thing. I mean, I'm more pissed about the Vikings running up the score at the end than about losing the game itself.

(Side note: I should probably feel a lot worse considering our 2010 season is most likely gonna be a wash. Did you see our schedule?? We play the Saints, Titans, Bears, Jags, and Lions at home, and the Colts, Packers, Vikings, Cardinals, and Texans away. Oh, and then there's the matter of the other 3 NFC East teams with play twice each. That's some tough shit. I ain't saying we're going 0-16, but the playoffs definitely aren't guaranteed with that on the schedule on the horizon.)

Now, I'd like to take this time out to thank all the millions (and millions) of ESPN, FoxSports, CBS Sports, and all other so-called "analysts" and media members who jumped all over the Cowboys' bandwagon. I knew you'd be our downfall. Thanks.

Okay, okay, I guess this is the point where I'm supposed to place the blame on somebody actually on the team for the loss. I've heard a lot of blame put on Tony Romo, some blame put on Shaun Suisham, I even heard somebody blame Jerry Jones oddly enough. (Actually, it wasn't just "some person," it was Ryan Clark of the Pittsburgh Steelers on First Take this morning.)

Me, I'm not gonna place the blame on any one person, it was a team loss. If a gun was put to my head, I'd blame the offensive line, but it wasn't their fault Flozell Adams got hurt. That was the biggest problem right there though. Bottom line, we had trouble with protection when Flo was playing, but it was a free-for-all once he left the game early in the 2nd quarter. In the one quarter and less than 3 minutes Flo played, we gained 141 yards. We only gained 107 more the rest of the game. Its hard to get things going when your quarterback is on his butt majority of the game. In fact, I knew the game was over at half time because of this, but again, its no one's fault Flo got hurt, shit just happens.

Anyway, the good thing about this loss is that football fans can finally see that penalties themselves really don't matter, its when they occur that happens. Last week against the Eagles we had 14 penalties for 112 yards and won by 20, yesterday we had 2 for 10 and lost by 31 (or actually by 17 because that's what it was when we threw in the towel and the Vikings decided to run the score up).

In closing, I guess there's always next year... or uh, maybe 2011. I won't be as interested in football the rest of the way, but I do hope the Saints beat the brakes off the Vikings next Sunday. Those guys are fuckers and they need their ass whipped for trying to embarrass my 'Boys by running up the score. Lets go Saints!

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The CYST Lives On

The last time we spoke CYST the Yankees had just won the World Series, and the Cowboys were a few days away from their first meeting with the Eagles. One day removed from the 'Boys beating the Birds for the a third time, the last time we talked CYST seems like forever ago.

Anyway, I'd like to take this time to call out ESPN real quick. That's right "Worldwide Leader In Sports," I'm talking to you. I was sitting around watching playoff football, minding my own when friend of the website Markeyea pointing out that ESPN.com totally jacked my theory for their recap of the Cowboys-Eagles game. Don't believe me?? Take a look for yourself, its a chart towards the bottom.

Damning, I know.

Ain't that some shit though?? I'm just an ordinary ass independent writer, why take my idea?? I'm hurt! I'm offended! And yes, by hurt and offended I do mean in need of somebody in the stats and research department to cut me a fuckin' check. I'm serious, I want my got damn money. I don't know if I have to speak to Russell Baxter, somebody at the Elias Sports Bureau, or even the fine folks over at Disney, all I know is that I want my money.

You know what?? I don't even need any money, but come on ESPN, give me something! Don't just rape me and leave, have a heart. Hell, I'd even settle for a trip to L.A. to watch Bill Simmons beat Cousin Sal with that foot long Subway sub. Something. Anything!


But I digress.

Okay, lets go ahead and update the CYST. First off, Dallas won the division. The Yankees won the AL East, the Cowboys won the NFC East.

Second, like the Yankees, the Cowboys destroyed their first round opponent. The Yanks dismantled and swept the Twins, the 'Boys annihilated the Eagles.

Finally, both clubs had their best offensive player, and chronically bad playoff performer, come up big. In the first round Alex Rodriguez had a .455 batting average, 6 RBIs, and 2 homeruns. Last night Tony Romo went 23 of 35 for 244 yards, 2 touchdowns, and a 104.9 passer rating.

The CYST is alive

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The Yankees Win...The Cowboys The Super Bowl!

As you all know, the New York Yankees are celebrating their 27th World Series championship after beating the Philadelphia Phillies in game 6 last night. Well they shouldn't be the only team celebrating right now. That's right, due to the power of the Cowboys/Yankees Stadium Theory, the Dallas Cowboys should also be popping some bubbly at practice today because they have all but wrapped up Super Bowl XLIV.

Something would have to go disastrously wrong for my Dallas Cowboys to not fulfill their destiny. It was written! ...By me. Either way, Tony Romo's arm would have to fall off, or Miles Austin would have to break his hand missing his next TD-celebratory goal post dunk, or Michael Irvin would have to overdose on coke. Wait, he's not on the team anymore, stratch that last one lol.

You get the point, something would have to go waaaay wrong for the Cowboys to not hold the Lombradi trophy in Miami the night of February 7th. The CYST hasn't been wrong yet.

Now to go back to the World Series for a second, why the FUCK can't Hideki Matsui speak English still?? The nigga wins MVP and has to have a translator to speak to the interviewer. This nigga been living in New York and playing with the Yankees since 2003! You're telling me he hasn't picked up on the language yet?? C'mon son!

This just let you know how much of a hack sport baseball really is. The fact that you could have a player on a team contribute without being able to communicate with him is beyond me. And I don't care if he is just the DH, he's still contributing to a team without a coach being able to speak to him. That's just weird, even a kicker in football needs to be able to communicate with others.

Whatever.

This just emphasis the pointlessness of having managers/coaches in baseball. Really, what difference do they make?? Do I really need coaches at first and third base to tell me when to run when I've been playing the game since I was 6?? And seriously, what would be the difference between Derek Jeter or Jorge Posada coming to the mound to replace a pitcher and Joe Girardi?? I'll tell you what: Nothing! Baseball managers/coaches are useless hacks stealing money from their respective organizations. Period. They don't coach in practice, they don't coach in games, they are just unnecessary paychecks taking up a team uniform.

Related:
One More Win & The Cowboys Win The Super Bowl!
The Powers Of The CYST Again Prove Too Strong
The Video Board Wins! The CYST Is Born!!
NFL Winners & Losers: Week 2
Yankees Open New Stadium With A Loss

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One More Win & The Cowboys Win The Super Bowl!

One more win by the New York Yankees that is. I'm still tracking the CYST and the Yankees could win tonight's game 5 and the 2009 World Series which would mean the Dallas Cowboys win the Super Bowl. I'm excited!

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The Powers Of The CYST Again Prove Too Strong

I had an awful day picking games today, thank goodness one of them was already decided for me beforehand. That game was Giants at Cowboys (let the record show that I did correctly pick this game back on April 17th) and once again the CYST (Cowboys/Yankee Stadium Theory) held its own.

Now, I know there are a lot of 35 year-old-plus white guys, still seething about Tom Brady's stink job earlier (because seriously, who loves Tom Brady more than over 35 white men??), who are now looking for their favorite person to blame for all the football world's ills (aka Terrell Owens) to let some steam off and blame for the Cowboys loss. This I know (mainly because while 35 years-plus white guys love Tom Brady, they absolutely HATE T.O.). BUT unfortunately for them, T.O. is no longer in town, but guess what is?? That's right, the CYST!

Lets go ahead and take a look at a few of the similarities between the Yankees and Cowboys that make the CYST what it is:

• Both teams built new billion dollar stadiums for their 2009 seasons.
• Both teams lost the finale in their old stadium.
• Both teams missed the playoffs in 2008.
• Both teams built their stadiums with major flows.
• Both teams won their first exhibition game in their new stadiums.
• Both teams lost the first official game in their new stadiums.

The New York Yankees are basically writing the Dallas Cowboys' season due to the powers of the CYST! I pray that the CYST stays strong and eventually leads the Cowboys to the top of the league. I just hope the Yankees don't get knocked out in the first round of the MLB playoffs for the Cowboys' sake (fingers crossed). Mark my word though, if the Yankees win the World Series, the Cowboys WILL win the Super Bowl. I'm not gonna say anything, just watch.

(Side note: Why wasn't I informed we traded Tony Romo for Jake Delhomme during the week leading up to this game? Oh, we didn't? That was really Tony Romo out there tonight?? Really???)

Related:
The Video Board Wins! The CYST Is Born!!
NFL Winners & Losers: Week 2
Yankees Open New Stadium With A Loss

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NFL Winners & Losers: Week 2

1) Giants (1-0) @ Cowboys (1-0)
I think its about that time ladies and gentlemen. Oh don't try to act like you don't know what I'm talking about... oh, you really don't know what I'm talking about?? Okay, well I'll tell you: I'm talking about the CYST baby, the CYST!

For all the newcomer, the CYST is the Cowboys/Yankee Stadium Theory and it says this game was decided months ago when the Yankees lost their inaugural game at their new stadium back in April. Yes, on that faithful spring day the Cleveland Indians marched into the new Yankee Stadium and spanked upon the rear-ends of the Bronx Bombers. Little did they know they had just sealed the fate for a NFL match-up that would occur some 5 months later.

Yes, I know, deep.

Now, of course I'd love to make a case for my Cowboys winning this game (and believe me, I easily could), but I believe in the CYST so I'm saying Giants winners, Cowboys losers.

2) Patriots (1-0) @ Jets (1-0)
Mark Sanchez and the Jets sure did shock the shit out of me with how impressive they were against the Texans last week. Though I don't like Thomas Jones (for obvious reason aka he crushed my girl) he tore up the Texans defense for 107 yards and 2 touchdowns.

The Jets defense was even more so impressive than the offense. Not only did they hold Steve Slaton to 17 yards rushing, but they also held All-Pro WR Andre Johnson to 34 with just 4 catches.

The Pats on the other hand struggled against the lowly Bills before being given the game by Leodis McKelvin in the last 2 minutes. Under normal circumstances this game would have upset special written all over it.

That was until Kerry Rhodes didn't to open his mouth. This genius said he intends to embarrass the Patriots. You may remember back in 2007 after narrowly escaping a loss to Baltimore, the Pats were trash talked by former Steelers' safety Anthony Smith. Now I'm not saying Kerry Rhodes will be playing for the Rams in 2 years like Smith, but what I am saying is that the Pats don't take kindly to these things and will now take it out on the Jets. Patriots winners, Jets losers.

3) Saints (1-0) @ Eagles (1-0)
Why hasn't Donovan McNabb been ruled out of this game yet?? His rib is not just cracked, its broken all the way through. There is NO way he plays in this game.

McNabb not playing isn't the worst part though, Kevin Kolb playing is. Some people think Kolb will get yanked at halftime and Jeff Garcia will finish out the game, but I don't know if I'm ready to subscribe to that. I think Kolb will play the entire game, but I don't think he'll be able to move this Eagles' offense down the field and probably end up tiring out his defense who will already have their hands full trying to contain Drew Brees and the Saints' offense. Saints winners, Eagles losers.

4) Ravens (1-0) @ Chargers (1-0)
LaDainian Tomlinson has already been ruled out for this game. It probably wouldn't matter though seeing the Ravens haven't allowed a 100-yard rushing game since 2006 and L.T. barely cracked 50 on the Raiders Monday.

Though the Ravens did allow the Chiefs to hang with them for most of the game, they were able to show who was the superior team in the end (even though they needed a record-high 501 yards of offense to do it). The Bolts struggling to compete against a team whose QB completed only 12 of 30 passes, leaves me with little confidence in their ability. I don't think this is gonna be a good day for the Chargers. Ravens winners, Chargers losers.

5) Colts (1-0) @ Dolphins (0-1)
There's no other way to put it, the Dolphins looked bad in week 1 against the Falcons. They turned the ball over 4 times in a game that wasn't as close as the 19-7 final score suggests.

I have no reason to believe the Colts will burn many calories taking this one away from the Fins and getting them off to a 0-2 start like in 2008. Colts winners, Dolphins losers.

6) Steelers (1-0) @ Bears (0-1)
Rough start to 2009 for the Bears, not only did Jay Cutler throw 4 picks in the 23-15 loss to the Packers, but they also lost defensive leader Brian Urlacher to a season-ending wrist injury (yeah, I know it sounds like something you get at the Masturbaters Olympics).

The Steelers will also be missing a defensive leader in Troy Polamalu who will miss a few games with a knee sprain.

While Polamalu is more of an impact player on his team than Urlacher at this point, I don't see the Bears standing much of a chance. Jay Cutler just doesn't have enough weapons. Steelers winners, Bears losers.

7) Seahawks (1-0) @ 49ers (1-0)
The NFC West was absolutely dreadful last season which is why the Cardinals won by default. That doesn't seem to be the case after the one week of 2009 football. The jury is still out though.

The Seahawks will find it a little tougher to light up the scoreboard on the 49ers than it was against the Rams. I like the 'Hawks this season, but I think the Niners will carry their "we'll win despite Crabtree's dumbass" spirit into this game. 49ers winners, Seahawks losers.

8) Cardinals (0-1) @ Jaguars (0-1)
This one is easy to pick. A banged up Anquan Boldin and Steve Breaston equals increased coverage on Larry Fitzgerald and an 0-2 start for the Super Bowl loser. Jaguars winners, Cardinals losers (its a damn shame Jacksonville probably won't be able to see the game).

9) Texans (0-1) @ Titans (0-1)
I don't know if it was the Jets defense or if Matt Schaub is still hurt, but the Texans looked bad last weekend. I know everyone had them being the big surprised this season and possibly getting to the playoffs, but there's no way the Titans go 0-2. Not to mention Jeff Fisher has been game planning for this since last Friday. Titans winners, Texans losers.

10) Panthers (0-1) @ Falcons (1-0)
The Dolphins barely turn the ball over, but that didn't stop the Falcons from forcing them into 4. Carolina is a turnover machine with Jake Delhomme at the helm. I'm gonna set the over/under on Delhomme turnovers at 3.5 (though I'm hoping he keeps it in check this week because I want him to still be the starter when my Cowboys get to see him in Week 3). Falcons winners, Panthers losers.

11) Bengals (0-1) @ Packers (1-0)
Ocho Cinco says he's gonna do a Lambeau Leap if he scores in this game. I don't know he'll even have the chance considering they could only manage to put up 7 on the Broncos' raggedy defense. Packers winners, Bengals losers.

12) Buccaneers (0-1) @ Bills (0-1)
Two words, one name: Cadillac Williams. Plus, the Bills never seem to do well after heartbreaking defeats. Bucs winners, Bills losers.

13) Vikings (1-0) @ Lions (0-1)
Quick question: Did the Vikings really need Brett Favre for last weeks game?? I mean really, Tarvaris Jackson or Sage Rosenfels couldn't give you those 110 yards Favre did?? Adrian Peterson is the offense either way. I don't know, maybe its something I can't see.

Anyway, I can't completely sleep on the Lions because even though they did get crushed by Drew Brees in the end, they were actually hanging around in that game for awhile. Not to mention that out of the 16 losses suffered by the Lions in 2008, they actually got the closest to beating the Vikings the 2 times they faced. It may be close, but I think the Vikes pull it out in the end. Vikings winners, Lions losers.

14) Raiders (0-1) @ Chiefs (0-1)
Its funny how the scheduling works in the NFL. The 2 teams these 2 teams played Week 1 are playing each other in Week 2.

Anyway, both of these losers from last year showed signs last weekend. Who showed more signs though?? I'm going to have to go with the Chiefs solely because I have no faith in JaMarcus Russell. I watched him play Monday and if he was worth a damn, they Raiders would've blew the Chargers out in that game. Chiefs winners, Raiders losers.

15) Rams (0-1) @ Redskins (0-1)
I'm not gonna burn too many calories talking about this game, it should be a great opportunity for Jason Campbell to bounce back. Redskins winners, Rams losers.

16) Browns (0-1) @ Broncos (1-0)
I'm not gonna lie, I fuckin' hate the Broncos. I don't hate them as much as I hate the Patriots, but still I hate them. Pure luck is the only reason they got a win last weekend, there's no other way to explain it. I don't think they'll be as lucky this week. Browns winners, Broncos losers.

Record Last Week: 13-3 (.813)
Overall Record: 21-11 (.656)
So Far This Week: 8-8 (.500)

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The Video Board Wins! The CYST Is Born!!

Welp Jerry said he wasn't moving the 60 yard video screen and now it looks like the NFL won't make him as Roger Goodell has opted to just change a few rules for the 2009 season. Basically if a punter hits it, its a do-over and the play is challengeable.

This is probably the right decision for right now anyway. The Cowboys shouldn't be faulted and made foot the bill for raising the video board when it was built under the NFL's guideline and also approved by the league. I'm guessing the NFL didn't want to pay for it to be done either so 2009 will pretty much be a trial run to see if something actually needs to be done for 2010.

Here's my thing though, if you aren't trying to hit it you won't. If you're actively trying to hit it like the Titans' punters were in warm-ups and in the 4th quarter last week then its a problem. Now with the do-over rule punter will be forced to do it the right way so they don't tire out they're special teams unit by doing it over and over again.

On a sidenote, the "New York Yankees theory" (which I'm officially renaming the "Cowboys/Yankees Stadium Theory" or the CYST) is alive and well! Not only did both clubs lose their respective legendary stadium finales AND miss the playoffs in their 2008 seasons AND win their first exhibition games in their new place, but both of their new billion dollar stadiums were each built with a major flaw. The Cowboys have the "we built our video board too low and punters are gonna keep hitting it throughout the season" problem and the Yankees have the "we built our new stadium into a wind tunnel that turns routine outs into homeruns" problem. Two problems that are garnering a lot of media attention. Two problems that could've been avoided with a little more research. Two problems that are gonna have to wait until the offseason to be fixed. Two problems that could potentially work to each team's advantage. Oh yeah, its the CYST baby, and its on!

Now that the CYST campaign is under way I might even print up some "Do You Believe In CYSTs?" and "I InCYST Its Real" shirts with pin-strips and stars. By golly, I think I might be onto something!)

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Yankees Open New Stadium With A Loss

Yeah the Yankees lost to the Indians in their first game in their new stadium seems like a minor thing, but in actuality it effects so much more. Back when the Dallas Cowboys got destroy 44-6 by Philly in the season finale, I spent about a week just being depressed. During that time I wrote about 5 or 6 theories to explain/justify our season going awry and one of them was the "New York Yankees theory." This theory basically says the Cowboys and Yankees were so closely linked last year (both moving out of legendary stadiums for huge new billion dollars stadiums, both missing the playoffs, etc.) that when the Yanks lost the last game in Yankee Stadium, it was all but promised that the Cowboys would lose their last game at Texas Stadium.

I say all that to say this: Now that the Yankees have lost their inaugural game in the new Yankee Stadium, I'm 100% positive the Cowboys will lose theirs against the Giants September 20th. Book it. The Cowboys are gonna lose that game and they are gonna lose it badly. Remember where you heard it first, the Cowboys WILL lose their home openers against the Giants at the new Texas Stadium.

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