The Winners & Losers Of Super Bowl XLVI

As I continue to sit here and sulk over the fact the Giants wouldn't have even made the playoffs if my Cowboys could've just held a 12 point lead with 5:41 left to play in the 4th quarter in Week 14, y'all enjoy the winners and losers of Super Bowl XLVI.

Winners: Walter Payton's daughter; the National Anthem; bedazzle microphones; odd first scoring plays; Elton John's platform shoes in that lame Pepsi commercial; Henry Hynoski prop bets; 12 men on the field penalties to negate turnovers; Victor Cruz; Salsa dancing; naked M&Ms; Twinkies; cat murder; cat murder cover ups; overweight dogs; JPP's hands; JPP's father; Steve Weatherford's punting; The Avengers; Adriana Lima from the Teleflora commercial; Braxton P. Hartnabrig; G.I. Joe; The Rock; Jay-Z quotes; Danny Woodhead; the gays; Metta World Peace; Ochocino; Aaron Hernandez; making it rain; momentum shifts; hits by Patrick Chung; mangy mutts doing slave labor; Mario Manningham; Eli Manning; Adam Carolla's betting losing streak; Tiquan Underwood (aka the Fresh Prince); the New York Giants.

Losers: Kelly Clarkson's bangs; Audi's vampire commercial; Tom Brady's first pass; over excitement about being the last men on Earth and living in a world with no women; prohibition; turning board games into movies (Battleship); H&M's David Beckham commercial (Who the fuck thought this was a good idea for a game being watched by mostly men?); my eye sight; Travis Beckum's ACL; Wes Welker's mustache; Swizz Beatz's check from that NFL.com fantasy commercial; the halftime show; M.I.A.'s middle finger (thanks for ensuring us 10 more years of old fogeys performing the halftime show, idiot); any hope for a Nicki Minaj wardrobe malfunction; Cee-Lo's neck; James Harrison (you know he was at home pissed watching all those hard hits go uncalled); Tom Brady throwing deep; anyone who would drink out of a bottle that mangy mutt in the Bug Light commercial had in its mouth; Samsung thinking anybody wants a cell phone you need a pen to operate in 2012; Ahmad Bradshaw's ability to stop; Patriots receivers; Birdman; Bill Belichick; the New England Patriots.

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Random News Shit: NFL Headlines

1) 2012 Pro Bowl Rosters Announced

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Phil Rivers and Eli Manning made the Pro Bowl? What the fuck? Okay, you can talk me into Eli (even though both Matt Stafford and Tony Romo are having better seasons than him), but Phil Rivers? I know the AFC are lacking many other options, but come the fuck on! The guy who single handedly wrecked my fantasy team is going to the Pro Bowl? I'm just in utter disbelief right now.

2) Jay Cutler & Matt Forte Head To IR
Not sure exactly what the Bears were waiting for with this decision, they had to know they weren't making the playoffs after Caleb Hanie's first start.

3) 49ers Release Braylon Edwards

Sad. Sad. Sad.

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Random News Shit: NFL Headlines Edition

1) Braylon Edwards Allegedly Punches LeBron's Pint-Sized Friend Outside Night Club
Yes, you read correct, I said "LeBron's pint-sized friend." This guy we're talking about is 5'7", 135! Braylon is 6'3", 215! He should feel ashamed of himself for beating up this little dude. I mean it was probably already hard for lil man to prove he was grown and get into the club, then Braylon's ol' non-catching ass wanna punch him out. I'm assuming he was salty over not catching any passes Sunday, but you still can't do this. Hold up, he caught 0 passes and his team lost Sunday, what in the hell was he at the club anyway?? This nigga is brave, if I played for a team as sorry as the Browns, I'd probably stay my ass home. Not because I'd be scared, but because I'd be too embarrassed. Maybe that's just me.

2) Michael Crabtree Flies To San Fran To Re-Open Negotiations
Better late than never I guess, but Crabtree (neither crab, nor tree lol) was still getting TERRIBLE advice from the people around him. I still don' get the logic, you were picked 10th, you can't get 5th pick money because you weren't the 5th pick, you were 10th. Its simple. I guess they were banking on the 49ers needing his services to be a good team, but with them getting off to a 3-1 start, that couldn't be any further from the truth.

I hope he does good, but I could easily see him falling into the Mike Williams/Charles Rodgers/Peter Warrick WR Bust Hall Of Fame.

3) Eli Manning Diagnosed With Plantar Fasciitis
He's said to be day-to-day, but if I was advising him, I'd tell him to sit Sunday's game out. You're just playing the Raiders and you don't wanna aggravate it and make it worse when you have to go to New Orleans the next week. I'm sure the Giants don't need Eli to beat the Raiders the way JaMarcus Russell is playing.

4) Donovan McNabb Back To Practice
Looks like McNabb is gonna be back this Sunday to play the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Good for him.

5) Matthew Stafford Day-To-Day With Knee Injury
I guess it was one of those things that looks worse than it actually is because I thought dude was gonna be out for an extended period of time.

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Giants Give Eli 6-Yr, $97.5M Extension

Good for Eli. Of that $97.5 million, they say $35 million is guaranteed. And although I'd take it in a heartbeat with my broke ass, I wonder if Eli feels any kinda way about getting less guaranteed money than Matthew Stafford who has nothing absolutely nothing in the league. The NFL really needs a rookie pay scale bad being it makes no sense that a Super Bowl winning quarterback is getting less on than a unproven rookie for the Detroit Lions.

SOURCE

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Top 10 Ultimate Building Blocks In The NFC East

ESPN.com's NFC East blogger Matt Mosley recently made up his list of top 10 building blocks from the division and this is what he came up with:

1) Eli Manning, NYG
2) DeMarcus Ware, DAL
3) Albert Haynesworth, WAS
4) Asante Samuel, PHI
5) Jason Peters, PHI
6) Jason Witten, DAL
7) Justin Tuck, NYG
8) Brandon Jacobs, NYG
9) Brian Orakpo, WAS
10) Brian Westbrook, PHI

Eli Manning is the most valuable person in the NFC East?? Really?? Last time I checked he wasn't even the best QB, let alone best player overall. Here's a real list composed by yours truly:

1) DeMarcus Ware, DAL
This is a no-brainer, need I remind you he had 20 sacks and 6 forced fumbles last year?? There's no question who I'm taking with my 1st pick.

2) Albert Haynesworth, WAS
Haynesworth already takes up a bunch of space in the middle, but with teams doubling Ware, he should be even more of a beast than ever before.

3) Donovan McNabb, PHI
Eli was human without Plax last year. Meanwhile, Donovan has been playing with mediocre receivers for years and still put up numbers. Plus, he won't fold in crunch time like Romo.

4) Osi Umenyiora, NYG
With Ware, Haynesworth, and Osi out there, I might not even need anymore offensive players. What are teams gonna do?? You can't double team them all so at least one of them is gonna kill you every play.

5) Jason Witten, DAL
Great blocker and pass catcher, Donovan could do wonders with Witten out there with him.

6) Asante Samuel, PHI
Asante gets picks even when QBs have time to throw so just imagine what he'd do with Ware, Haynesworth, and Osi putting the pressure on. He might catch 20 INTs. Plus, it doesn't hurt that he's from the 954.

7) Marion Barber, DAL
This was tough because the NFC East has such good RBs with Brandon Jacobs, Clinton Portis, and Brian Westbrook. I'd take Barber over all of them though because he runs tough, isn't easily taken down, is a beast in the 4th quarter, and isn't as injury prone as Portis and Westbrook. If he doesn't hurt his toe last year on Thanksgiving, he rushes for at least 1,200 yards.

8) Terence Newman, DAL
Newman is a game changer when he's on the field so he and Asante in my secondary equals WR lockdown.

9) DeSean Jackson, PHI
With Plax and T.O. both banished from the NFC East, Jackson is now the best receiver in the conference. Plus, not only does he stretch the field, but he gets me great field position on all those 3-and-out punts my incredible defense would force.

10) Jason Peters, PHI
This is gonna be a huge year for Peters, I can feel it. I have no idea why the Bills traded him. Oh well, he'll do wonders giving McNabb more time.

And there you have it. Nobody is fuckin' with this team and certainly not one led by Eli Manning.

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So Much For The Giants Being "Better Without Plax"

All week I've been hearing about how much better the Giants are gonna be without the 6'5" fool, Plaxico Burress, but I guess the Giants haven't got that memo because they currently trail the Eagles 17-7 in the 4th quarter.

Now, the game isn't over yet, but so far Eli has only completed 5 passes for 37 yards! And the only reason they have 7 is because of a block field was ran back for a TD by Dockery before halftime.

Welp hopefully they perform like this next week when we meet them at Texas stadium lol.

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