Random News Shit: NFL Free Agency Edition Pt. 3

1) Peyton Manning Officially Signs With Broncos

I don't know, man, this picture just looks all wrong. Couple that with everyone in the Broncos' locker room now shitting on Tim Tebow and I'm ready to move "bad karma" up to the #1 reason this won't work out. I should trademark the phrase "The Curse Of Tebow" now.

Anyway, Peyton's deal is for 5 years and worth $96 million. Does anyone actually think Peyton has 5 years left in the NFL?

2) Jaguars, Dolphins, Packers, Jets All Eyeing Tebow

What?! I totally can't believe there's a market for a quarterback who took a 1-4 team to the playoffs and won a playoff game.

The more I hear everyone say the Jaguars should get Tim Tebow, the more I'm positive there's no way the Jags will get Tim Tebow. If the Broncos are interested in trying to reverse some of the bad karma they've gained, asking Tebow where he'd like to go would probably help.

3) Hines Ward Retires
Damn, I guess he really was serious about not wanting to play for anybody but the Steelers.

The Steelers might be in for a little bad karma themselves because they definitely did Hines dirty. There's no loyalty in this sports shit, which is why I say go get the money if you have the opportunity and fuck everybody who talks about players should want to win championships blah, blah, blah.

4) Alex Smith Re-Signs With 49ers

Alex knows damn well his ass wasn't going anywhere. Try to put together back-to-back competent seasons before you try your luck in the free agent market.

5) Eagles Land DeMeco Ryans From Texans For 4th Round Pick
FUCK!

6) Dolphins Sign David Garrard

What do you do when you get shunned by a legendary old QB who missed the 2011 season due to injury? Well if you're the Dolphins, you sign an average old QB who missed the 2011 season due to injury...and the fact nobody wanted him. Awesome.

7) Dolphins Fans Protest At Training Facility

You mean to tell me fans weren't excited about getting rejected by everyone from Peyton Manning to Matt Flynn and the eventual David Garrard signing?? That I just can't believe.

8) Jaguars Sign Aaron Ross
He's never really done much damage to the Cowboys, but I guess this is a positive move for my Boys.

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Random News Shit: Post-Week 6 NFL Headlines

1) Jim Harbaugh & Schwartz Will NOT Be Fined

(I know you liked what I did above combined the Jims. Real nigga shit right there.)

Hey, I didn't know Bill Simmons coached the Detroit Lions (and had a tempter)! I guess the whole Grantland thing was just a cover up.

Anyway, I hate to call these guys idiots because they have the 49ers and Lions 5-1, but both Jim and Bill were in the wrong here. If I was forced to take sides at dickpoint (sorry, "at gunshot" is too cliche and I'd personally be far more afraid to be money shot), I'd say Simmons was more wrong because he didn't have to go after Harbaugh after the slap on the back. Yeah, it was kind of hard, but it's not that serious.

As far as neither guy being fined goes, I guess I understand why the NFL wouldn't fine either of them. I'm sure they're saving their paper so they can dole out more retarded fines to it's players.

2) Rams Acquire Brandon Lloyd For Scraps
All Denver was asking for was a 6th round pick for their best player? Why in the hell did it take so long for a Brandon Lloyd trade to happen? Someone should've taken them up on that offer Thursday when they first announced he was on the block. Oh well, at least the Pats didn't get him.

3) Sam Bradford Has A High Ankle Sprain
Thank goodness, it's about time my Cowboys got an easy game. Not to say we couldn't beat the Rams easily if Bradford was playing, but I much rather this.

4) Felix Jones Also Has A High Ankle Sprain

Well this sure sucks dick. Good thing we have the Bradford-less Rams coming to town this week.

5) David Garrard To Have Back Surgery
Well what the hell was he waiting for? It's been a month and a half since he loss his job and now he's gonna have back surgery? What the fuck has he been doing these past 6 weeks that he couldn't have had the surgery as soon as he got cut? Niggas, boy I tell ya.

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Jaguars Cut David Garrard

Man, what goes around comes around like a muthafucka, don't it? You might remember back in 2007, the Jaguars released Byron Leftwich and named Garrard the starter, well today Garrard did his best Leftwich impression to make way for either Luke McCown or Blaine Gabbert.

Not sure why they didn't just do this Saturday when NFL teams had to trim rosters down to 53, but whatever, that's the Jags for you. It's a shame the Jags still haven't thought to cut Jack Del Rio.

SOURCE

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