Random News Shit: Super Weekend Headlines Edition

1) Sanders, Faulk, & Sharpe Headline Hall Of Fame Class
Rightfully so, if only for Prime landing that fine ass Pilar. Bagging her his worth a HoF spot alone. Damn, she's fine!

2) Vick Wins Comeback Player Of The Year
Good, gotta give my man Vick something since his offensive line practically single-handedly eliminated him from the MVP race.

3) Santana Moss To Be A Free Agent
Similarly to Nnamdi Asomugha, Moss' contract will be void soon, and the 31 year-old will become a free agent. Honestly, I don't give a shit where he lands, I'm just happy he won't be in Washington because he used to kill us all the time.

4) Cops Stop Phil Simms From Attacking Desmond Howard
Can I put money on this fight in Vegas? I like Desmond Howard to win, and I like him to win big!

Seriously though, what the hell is wrong with Phil Simms? This fool is trying to go from CBS to CB4. He better sit his old white ass down somewhere before he throws out his back or some shit.

5) "Never Miss A Super Bowl Club" Guy To Miss The Super Bowl
Robert Cook from Visa's "Never Miss A Super Bowl Club" ads has been in the hospital since Thursday, and will indeed miss Super Bowl XLV. And what makes matters worse is that Cook is a Packers fan. Yep, so not only will he miss a Super Bowl, but he'll miss one that his own team is in. I'd say that's worse. Oh well, there's always the "Never Miss A Super Bowl Except That Time My Team Played In It Club." Besides, he could've died and missed a Super Bowl that way, so Cook should consider himself lucky. He'll feel a lot better about missing this game after his team loses tonight.

Speaking of the "Never Miss A Super Bowl Club," what's with that one guy Larry Jacobson? Can he see, or what? You know the guy I'm talking about too, but in case you want to play dumb, check him out here.

Yeah, him. Is the nigga blind or not? Personally, I think he is blind and his kids takes his tickets every year and drop him off somewhere so he thinks he's actually there. I mean, no need to waste perfectly good Super Bowl tickets on a dude who can't even see the game, right? Right!

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Random News Shit: Hip-Hop Headlines Edition

1) Wale Signs To Maybach Music Group
Looks like Wale is pulling a LeBron and taking his talents to South Beach to be on Rick Ross' Maybach Music Group. (Damn, that joke is fucked out now. I'm putting the world on notice right now, let that be the last time anybody does a "taking his talents to South Beach" joke. Thank you.) Good for Wale, looks like he's gonna get to drop that second album after all.

2) Big Boi 6 Tracks Deep Into New Album
When I first heard this I got excited... then I remembered how long it took for Sir Lucious Left Foot to come out and I got depressed. Welp hopefully we get this new one by 2013.

(Side note: What the hell is Andre doing??)

3) Funkmaster Flex Arrested & Released
That chick's story sounds kinda fishy, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to do a parody of this infamous Funk Flex video of him talking about R. Kelly. I'm seriously considering it. Seriously.

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Random News Shit: NBA Headlines Edition

1) Three Team Deal For Carmelo Discussed
The 3-teamer that would land Melo in New York is the Knicks sending Anthony Randolph and Eddy Curry to Minnesota, Minnesota sending Corey Brewer and a first-round pick to Denver, and Denver receiving Wilson Chandler from New York. Whatever, can we just finally get this nigga traded? I am so tired of hearing about this shit. It's the odds on favorite for Lamest Sports Story of 2011 and we're only 1 month and a few days in.

2) Cavs Drop 24th Straight Game; Make History
With their loss to the Blazers last night, the Cavaliers broke the NBA record for consecutive losses in a single season, breaking the 97-98 Nuggets record of 23. Next up on the schedule: the Dallas Mavericks.

I'm not gonna lie, I do feel kinda bad for the Cavs, but I still have no sympathy for the city of Cleveland or its fans. Either way, the Cavs falling like a rock are more reason LeBron should win MVP again than anything he's doing on the court right now.

3) LeBron & Randolph Win Player Of The Month For January
LeBron averaged 30.6 points, 8.4 rebounds, 7.4 assists, and 1.75 steals per game last month, and Zach Randolph averaged 22.4 points and 14.2 rebounds per game. Randolph also lead the Grizzlies to 11 wins in January and set a franchise record with a career-high 14 consecutive double-doubles.

This is LeBron James' 2nd Player of The Month award this season, but for some reason there's 2 or 3 guys who get mentioned before him in the MVP race. Not sure how that works, but okay.

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Why???: Trent Williams' $150K Gorilla Chain

If you're not familiar with Trent Williams, he was a stand out offensive lineman at Oklahoma and the 4th overall pick in the NFL draft last season. Anyway, with the NFL lockout on the horizon, here's what Trent decided to spend his money on. Awesome.

My first thought when I saw this was "Damn, that chain is ugly as fuck." My 2nd thought was "They should've never gave you niggas money!" My 3rd and final thought was about Sam Bradford. Yes, #1 pick in the 2010 Draft, highest paid player from the 2010 Draft, offensive rookie of the year, and former teammate of Williams' at Oklahoma, Sam Bradford. I thought back to the interview NBC ran right before the Week 17 Rams-Seahawks game. In that interview Al Michaels asked Bradford what was his biggest purchase since becoming a multi-millionaire. His answer: a ping-pong table. Not a car, not a mansion, not a $150,000 gorilla chain, a ping-pong table.

Of course since that interview aired Bradford could've gone out and bought a bunch of junk he doesn't need (or had a briefcase of cocaine brought to his home and went on 36 hour drug bender with pornstars), but something tells me he didn't. And it's not a black or white thing, it's a mentality thing. Bradford's mentality isn't to blow through his cash buying all the things he's ever dreamed of. Yes, Bradford probably comes from a more well off family than Williams does, and doesn't have the burden of family members coming out of the woodwork asking for seed money for record labels and down payments on cars, but that even more reason Williams shouldn't blow money so unwisely.

Think about it, if you're some kin to Williams, and you saw he bought $150,000 worth of depreciating junk, wouldn't you feel more comfortable asking him for money? Spending that much money on something as useless as a diamond encrusted gorilla chain screams "I got money and I'm ready to give it away" to greedy, opportunistic family members. Buying a ping-pong table screams "I'm not interested in giving away my money."

Now, I'm not saying Trent Williams is a bad kid, hell for all I know he could own a portion of the company who made his chain. All I'm saying is that in a world of uncertainties and in a league that's unpromised (lockout pending, no guaranteed contracts), Williams is doing himself an injustice by buying this chain.

...Oh, and also that that chain is ugly as fuck.

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Random News Shit: SportsCenter Edition

1) Wrong Righted: Stern Picks Love To Replace Yao In All-Star Game
This might be the best decision David Stern has made since...uhhh, since...well, maybe ever.

Oh well, good. Now I don't have to keep my fingers crossed that Mark Cuban would forced Dirk to opt out of the game. However, this doesn't forgive the fact that the 32 coaches in the NBA got it wrong by taking Blake Griffin and Tim Duncan over Love, but it's a nice place to start.

2) Sam Bradford Wins Offensive ROY Award
Rightfully so. I think Dez Bryant would've had a good shot if Romo didn't get hurt, and he didn't ultimately end up getting hurt, but there was really no other choice for this one but Bradford.

3) Ndamukong Suh Wins Defensive ROY Award
It would've been a travesty even surpassing Kevin Love's All-Star snub if Ndamukong (aka Chaos N. Suh) didn't win DROY.

4) Gilbert Arenas Served Court Papers At Halftime
No wonder Gilbert Arenas was a virtual no show in that Heat-Magic game Thursday night, the man was served with child support and custody papers as he left the court at halftime. Apparently his BM isn't satisfied with the $20,000 a month she's getting, and want it increased to $100,000. These bitches are crazy!

I guess this is what Gilbert gets for fucking this lousy bitch, but if you and a child can't survive off $20,000 a month, you're basic as fuck. Oh well, you can't blame her, she's just playing the oldest game in the book.

5) Albert Haynesworth Accused In Road Rage Incident
If it's true that Albert punched dude and that's what finally gets him released from the Redskins I bet he's gonna be pissed! No, not because he got released, but because he didn't think to do this sooner.

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Yes Man

Damn, it took them long enough to put this joint out. This was the same day as that Billy Blue video shoot back in June when they also did this skit.

Oh well, I laughed so it don't really matter. I can't wait until we get the next skit from that day 6 or 7 months from now.

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NBA All-Star Reserves Announced; Kevin Love Snubbed

I'm too outraged that the 32 coaches in the NBA thought Kevin Love's 21.4 points per game, 15.5 rebounds per game, 47% from the field, 44% from three, and 87% from the free throw line weren't good enough to be on the All-Star team.

Well, here's who did make the All-Star teams: On the East there's Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce, Rajon Rondo, Ray Allen, Joe Johnson, Al Horford, and Chris Bosh. Out West there's Russell Westbrook, Dirk Nowitzki, Pau Gasol, Deron Williams, Manu Ginobili, Blake Griffin, and Tim Duncan.

Seriously though, Tim Duncan?? Like Chris Webber said last week, this isn't a lifetime achievement award, it's the All-Star game. If we're gonna throw Tim Duncan on the squad, why not put Steve Nash on over Russell Westbrook or Deron Williams?

But even if you're gonna give Timmy a lifetime achievement award, why is Blake Griffin on the team over Kevin Love?? Don't get me wrong, Blake is having a wonderful rookie season, but if he couldn't dunk, would he still make this team over Love? I don't think so. Again, I don't want to take anything away from Blake, I actually think both he and Love should've made the team, but if it came down to the 2, you've got to take Big Love.

Hopefully David Stern will do the right thing and choose Love to replace Yao Ming on the team, but Yahoo! Sports' Adrian Wojnarowski was told Steve Nash is a "strong favorite" for that spot. I guess we'll have to wait and see.

Kevin Love wasn't the only snub though, here's a list of some of the bigger snubs: LaMarcus Aldridge (21.3 ppg, 9 rpg), Monta Ellis (25.1 ppg, 5.6 apg, 2.3 spg), Eric Gordon (24.1 ppg, 4.5 apg), Kevin Martin (23.1 ppg, 41% from 3), Zach Randolph (20 ppg, 13.2 rpg), Lamar Odom (15.4 ppg, 9.6 rpg, 57% from the field), Raymond Felton (17.1 ppg, 8.9 apg), Andrea Bargnani (20.9 ppg, 5.5 apg), and Luis Scola (19.3 ppg, 8.5 rpg).

SOURCE

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Truth: Ladies, The Sexual Double Standards Protect You!

Amazing, amazing, amazing stuff. I couldn't have said it better myself. James Hannah, you sir are a Man Of Respect. Welcome to the club.

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Vybz Kartel Discusses Vybz Kartel Bleaching Vybz Kartel's Skin

Has anybody every referred to themselves in third person without being in a comedy sketch, TV show, or movie more than Vybz Kartel did in this interview with Hot 97? I'm trying to think, but I'm drawing a blank.

Whatever, Vybz Kartel is crazy for bleaching Vybz Kartel's skin like that. Vybz Kartel definitely got Vybz Kartel nominated for Lame Of The Year at the 2011 L.A.M.E. Awards with this shit. Vybz Kartel also got Vybz Kartel on my top 10 list of people/things I'd be terrified to wake up to. Congratulations Vybz Kartel.

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Scared Straight With Kenan Thompson

You can front on Kenan if you want, but this shit was hilarious!

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Hypnosis & Break Dancing, It's What Wrestling Is All About

Sign these guys up now, WWE! That was the most entertaining wrestling clip I've seen since The Rock was doing it.

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Lil Wayne - Green & Yellow

As most of us Hip-Hop and sports fans know, Lil Wayne is a Packers fan, and what did Weezy do to support his team? No, not get a piece cheese tatted on his face (sorry Gucci Mane), he made a remix to Wiz Khalifa's Black & Yellow. Something tells me the Packers won't be playing this though. Check it out:

Lil Wayne - Green & Yellow

I hate to do it, but I'm seriously considering adding his this song to the reason Green Bay is gonna lose, that's how lame it is. It started off bad enough with "Yeah, you know what it is, I'm a cheesehead, y'all niggas cheese whiz" in the hook, but then Wayne went on to spit such fuckery as "I'm up in this bitch with more blood than a blood vessel" and "Yeah, no love for 'em boy...breaking hearts. We gon' toast these niggas...Pop-Tarts." How could a fight song laced with such corniness help Green Bay's cause? I say it can't. Then add on the fact that the official artwork contains no trace of green or yellow, and you're practically putting a 7th Lombardi trophy on Pittsburgh's mantle.

If only Wayne knew the Packers were gonna be in the Super Bowl back when he was in prison, he could've wrote something worthwhile. Oh well.

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Obama Lookalike Used In Hong Kong KFC Commercial

I know some of my black brothers and sisters are gonna somehow find this commercial racist, but fuck that, I laughed. Hell, I'm laughing right now just thinking about it.

Besides, look on the bright side, at least it wasn't an ad for fried chicken or a new watermelon-based side dish or drink.

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