He says he has plans to go back to school and get his diploma "very soon," but even that isn't soon enough. You and I both know this nigga ain't gon' make it, so instead of telling kids to stay in school, he should be telling himself. Don't act like y'all didn't see/hear that fuck shit he performed at the BET Awards last months. Not one person could have seen/heard that shit and thought "Yeah, he's got a shot." Nope, so it's only a matter of time before he's dropped from Young Money and is forced to blend back into civilization.
My advice: Go back and finish high school ASAP and see if you can enroll in college and have Birdman pay for it. You're welcome, Lil Twist.
(Side note: It's nice that he's hopeful he'll get a 2nd album, but is there any chance the 1st one ever gets released? Lil Wayne got his album pushed back several times and it's "his" label. Lil Twist doesn't stand a chance.)
July 17, 2011
Go Back To School Lil Twist!
July 14, 2011
The Greatest Commercial On TV!
No, not an Old Spice commercial and not a Dos Equis commercial, I'm talking bout this SoBe spot starring Kate Upton and her glorious boobs. I don't mind ignoring the god awful soundtrack to this ad one bit thanks to those titties. I'd have a staring contest with those titties any time. Oh, and don't even get me started on that fucking face! Damn, damn, damn.
Question: I know Amber Rose is super fine, but if Kanye really left Amber for Kate (which he didn't), looks wise would that be a downgrade, upgrade, or lateral move?
After much deliberation in my head, I'm gonna have to go with lateral move. Kate and Amber both have outrageously awesome tits, so that's a tie. Amber dominates Kate in the ass department, but Kate kills her facially, so that's why I went with lateral. Thoughts?
Somebody's Gonna Get Pregnant: Serena Williams At The ESPYs
I actually stopped watching the ESPYs after Adam Carolla's "Car Show" on Speed, but I wish I hadn't just to see Serena. Shit, shit, shit, gotdamn!
Thursday Billboard Update - 7/14/11
Nothing poppin' over on the Hot 100, LMFAO is still #1 and there are no new entries in the top 10.
The Billboard 200 1-10
first week debuts in bold
1. Beyonce - 4 (1-1)
2. Adele - 21 (2-2)
3. Selena Gomez & The Scene - When The Sun Goes Down (4-3)
4. Jason Aldean - My Kinda Party (6-4)
5. Bad Meets Evil - Hell: The Sequel (9-5)
6. Jackie Evancho - Dream With Me (8-6)
7. Jill Scott - The Light Of The Sun (5-7)
8. Lady Gaga - Born This Way (12-8)
9. Big Sean - Finally Famous (3-9)
10. Lloyd - King Of Hearts (10)
The Billboard Hot 100 1-10
first time top 10's in bold
1. LMFAO - Party Rock Anthem (1-1)
2. Pitbull - Give Me Everything (2-2)
3. Adele - Rolling In The Deep (3-3)
4. Katy Perry - Last Friday Night (4-4)
5. Nicki Minaj - Super Bass (5-5)
6. Lady Gaga - The Edge Of Glory (6-6)
7. Lil Wayne - How To Love (8-7)
8. OneRepublic - Good Life (9-8)
9. Hot Chelle Rae - Tonight Tonight (10-9)
10. Katy Perry - E.T. (7-10)
- Lupe Fiasco and Trey Songz's increasingly annoying record Out Of My Head jumps 12 spots 69-57.
- Trey Songz's Unusual slide up 9 spaces 77-68.
- Frank Ocean's Novacane debuts at #82.
- J. Cole's Work Out debuts at #85.
The Other Casey Anthony
Damn, how unfortunate. No, not that this man's name is Casey Anthony (though that clearly sucks too), but that there are people dumb enough to think Killer Casey Anthony is a 40-something year-old black dude from Philly. It's truly sad to know there are hundreds, if not thousands, of people who actually thought they were making contact with Killer Casey. And besides the fact that she's clearly in a cell block and and not in cyberspace, I just don't get why one would think checking her Facebook would be a top priorities for her these days. Like she's chillin' at home saying "Hmm, everyone in the United States hates me... Oh well, let's see what's poppin' on Facebook." It sad to know people in our society are this fucking stupid. Makes me sad for my daughter.
Anyway, the real travesty in this all is that the black Casey Anthony went all George Forman on us and named 2 of his sons after himself. The harassment doesn't seem all that bad when you look at it that way. Sucks for those boys though, I mean, who gets to be called Junior? Oh Lord, I just thought about something: What if he had them by 2 different women and they're both Casey Anthony Jr. and have never met? If that is the case, then all of the inconvenience he's experiencing is well deserved.
2) Woman Chops Off Her Husband's Dick
And not only did she just his dick off, but she also threw the remains in the garbage disposal. Ladies, there has got to be a better way of telling your man he's wack in bed. This shit was totally uncalled for!
On a serious note though, let this be a lesson to all men: If you see your soon-to-be ex-wife buying rope, sleeping pills and she suddenly decides to cook you dinner, she's about to cut your dick off. It's just science. (Side note: Who knows why he thought it'd be a good idea to eat a dinner prepared by his soon-to-be ex-wife.)
This is a very sad story (especially for the guys who were assigned to fish penis particles out of the garbage disposal), but look on the bright side: The crazy bitch seems to be Asian, so if he was too, his missing penis shouldn't be too noticeable when he starts dating again. You're welcome for the clarity, sir.
3) 5 Year-Old Facing Murder Charges
What is there even to think when you read a headline like the one above? This is obviously a seed spawned directly from Satan's cock, but how do you charge a kindergartener with murder? What could the punishment possibly be?
Besides, if Killer Casey Anthony can beat a murder wrap for killing her own child, I don't see why real life Regan MacNeil can't for killing someone else's.
Welp, at the end of the day, the only thing we know for sure is that since the 5 year-old is black, so she will undoubtedly be charged as an adult.
4) Pharmacist Sentenced To Life For Killing Robber
I know everyone is busy being outraged at Killer Casey soon being free, but what about the justice for this guy? This man is a hero and he got life...and he's not even black (yes, I'm aware his name is Jerome, but I assure you, he's white)!
If you ask me, he did the world a huge favor by taking that punk out before he went on to do more damage in the world. One would-be robber dead equals one less person robbed or killed by he and his gun-wielding partner. Where is the outrage at the decision for Jerome? Truly sad shit.
Is This The Same Brianna That Used To Be With Trina?
You read the title already, but is this the same Brianna? If so, gotdamn! Homegirl has really grown the hell up. She's easily the finest Brianna in these streets since Kyla Pratt's character on "One On One" (when she was grown though, not from when the show first started). I remember when Trina used to have her on 99 Jamz and pretty much wherever she went, so if this is her, it's nice to see her branch out on her own. Also, anytime you can put titties on display like that you just gained a fan in Fiyah. (It doesn't hurts than she looks and spits like a young Jacki-O either.)
I wonder if she'd do a video with me and Andy? Or maybe one with Young Real Nigga? I'll get back to y'all on that.
July 13, 2011
Tony + Candice: The Movie??
What is this? Is this real? Did "Tony + Candice" really get married back on May 28th, or is this the trailer for a new rom com? It does say "coming soon" at the end. Maybe I need to rewatch it to make sure there were no Kate Hudson sightings.
Now I'm not knocking Tony and Candice for having the wedding all girls and gay men dream of, but hopefully this is as far as it goes. Wedding videos are for you and your family, not for the world. Please, I'm begging you (on the day after Michael Irvin did this to us) PLEASE, don't let this go any further, Tony.
This lockout is the gotdamn devil!
Did Lil B Just Spit The Worse Verse Of 2011??
Hey Hip-Hop, a can of suck ass has just been opened up on you!
Now don't get me wrong, Lil Wayne didn't exactly set the world on fire with his verse either (though it did get considerably better towards the end), but Lil B may have laid down the wackest verse of the year. The bar can't be lowered any further, the bar is on the damn ground right now just chillin' (or at least I don't think it can go any lowered but we still have 5 and a half months left for Lil B or Soulja Boy to make the bar penetrate the Earth's surface).
The gay community should be embarrassed and ashamed.
WTF Is Going On With Shawty Lo's Facial Hair?
Yeah, yeah, pause, no homo and all that good stuff, but just look at it, it looks like he drew it on with a Sharpie. That nigga probably got a beard stencil at home in his bathroom right now. Shawty Lo's beard looks like he was planking on a freshly painted bench that hadn't finished drying. Shit looks like it'll melt off his face if it gets too hot. I bet 50 can't get him to go do interviews if it's raining outside because that guyliner beard will come off faster than D4L's career.
Aight that's enough, but seriously Lo, stop playing and go wash that damn Homey D. Clown make-up off your face. You're literally too old for that shit.
Here's the interview in its entirety if you're interested in hearing about the ridiculous $10 million deal 50 gave Lo that will never make him any money.
Is it just me or does 50 Cent say "actual" a lot? I didn't just recognize this, but it was on full display in this interview. Okay, that is all.
Watch The Throne Tracklisting Revealed
1. No Church in The Wild (Feat. Frank Ocean)
2. Lift Off (Feat. Beyoncé)
3. Niggas in Paris
4. Otis (Feat. Otis Redding)
5. Gotta Have It
6. New Day
7. Prime Time
8. Who Gon Stop Me
9. Murder to Excellence
10. Welcome to The Jungle
11. Sweet Baby Jesus (Feat. Frank Ocean)
12. Why I Love You (Feat. Mr Hudson)
Bonus
13. Illest Motherfucker Alive
14. H*A*M
15. That’s My Bitch
16. The Joy (Feat. Curtis Mayfield)
Not sure why there's 4 bonus tracks, why not just say they're a part of the album since we've only heard 2 of them? Or at least put the 2 we haven't heard on the main tracklist and leave H*A*M and The Joy for bonus tracks. I don't know, maybe that just makes too much sense? Oh well, it really doesn't matter at the end of the day.
Now the only thing left to be determined is the release date and the real name of track #12 (Billboard.com says it's called Why I Love You, but RapRadar.com says it's called Love You So).
Raekwon Gives His Top 5 Karate Movies
I'm aware I have a weird sense of humor, but I can't be the only one who finds the passion and animation with which Raekwon talks about karate flicks comical (especially when he was talking about "Ninja Scroll"). I just can't be. I refuse to believe it more than Lil B refuses to believe "I'm Gay" wasn't just an album title for him.
July 12, 2011
Wanna Movie Date Me?
Due to the recent departure of my former regular movie date, I am now accepting applications for a new one. Applicants must have a vagina, live in South Florida, be presentable in public, have a sense of humor, have a vagina, bathe regularly, not be annoying, not think they’re funnier than me, be willing to watch whatever movie I want to see, and have a vagina.
If an applicant chooses to carry on a prior relationship, they must forgo any and all urges to tell me stories about it, unless said relationship is with another woman. In that case, sharing is strongly encouraged.
The pay for this position ranges from "Whatever 2 adult movie tickets cost" to "Whatever 3 adult movies tickets cost if you want to bring your girlfriend."
If interested, contact me via Facebook, Twitter, or by whatever contact information you have of mine.
Why???: Michael Irvin Gets Moist For Out Magazine
Now I'm all for gay rights and equality and blah blah blah, but seriously, what the fuck? Being on the cover of Out magazine is fine, doing an interview with Out magazine is fine, but this picture is just unacceptable. Shit, you might as well had posed for a gay porno magazine as sensitive as this cover is.
I get it Mike, your brother was gay, but how is posing like every male Lady Gaga fan's fantasy on Out magazine going to help the cause? If anything, it distracts from the point because it brings your own sexuality into question. I mean, how am I not supposed to wonder what you were doing for coke back before you were getting those NFL checks?? Couldn't you just wear a nice little suit and call it a day? There are actual gay men on the cover of this magazine that look less gay than you, Mike.
I'm just so lost and confused right now. I'm gonna need more time to recover from this than Shaq with a toe injury. I'm still holding out hope that this picture was Photoshopped, but I'm aware how slim those chances are.
