Open Letter To Chasity Storm

Dear Chasity Storm,

On behalf of all men, I would like to thank you for your dedication to sucking dick. It's women like yourself that truly make a man's life worth living. Sadly, I've never seen/felt your skills put to use, but I'm sure the inside of your mouth is what wet dreams are made of. Your sons must be proud.


But I'm not writing you to talk about sucking dick, I'm writing you about your unfortunate decision to make a song about it. I'm all for hoes being hoes, and I'm definitely an advocate for dick sucking, but when that crosses over into Hip-Hop, I must speak out about it.

I'm sorry I have to say this, but you are a terrible, terrible, terrible rapper. Possibly one of the worst I've ever heard, and that's saying a lot. It's mind blowing to me how a mouth that gives so much joy is also capable of giving so much pain. You know that old saying "you have a face for radio"? Well you have a rap voice for the hearing impaired. Listening to you rap is like listening to diarrhea hit toilet water, which is ironic since your lyrics are shitty as well. I rather listen to prison rape than another one of your songs.

Chasity, I'm begging you, don't undo all the good you've done with your mouth by trying to be a rapper. Give it up now before someone not deaf gets seriously hurt.

Sincerely Yours, Hip-Hop Czar